Encore
by Maibe Josie
Summary: Sequel to Numb: Final Chapter, loose ends tied up, cliff hangers, and screaming out for a sequel [updated 08.14.06] Rating upped for language and adult themes.
1. Everyone makes mistakes

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Degrassi, just the plot and any originals that you may come across**

**Encore**

_And I know you're not asleep_

_I can feel you moving over there_

_You've been playing with the seams_

_In your worn out underwear_

_And my lips are raw as hell_

_From biting on 'em just to stay awake _

_But its not like I'm gonna need 'em, _

_Cause you won't be around_

_To see them bleed and break _**-Marvelous 3** / Cigarette Lighter Love Song

**_Didn't someone once mutter something about breaking up being hard to do? Yeah, well taking a break is harder…_**

Ellie looked up from her cafeteria tray and her eyes drifted across the lunch room. There was Sean, her empty seat filled by Amy closing in the space, cozying herself next to him, trying to play the part of his arm candy. Ellie rolled her eyes. About a week after the awkward dinner at the Cameron home Ellie's seat in the cafeteria changed. She returned to her seat between Marco and Ashley, trying to keep her heart intact while staying friends with Sean. It was easier just to put some extra distance between them. But the sight in front of her was making her ill, even though Ellie **knew** that Sean had no attraction towards Amy, at least not that she knew of.

"So Mark was going to take me to _Chez Dominique_ last night, but they lost our reservations, so he took me to the McDonald's down the street and ordered everything in French, trying to make up for it" Ashley gushed, trying to regain Ellie's attention. But Ellie was unfocused, and out of her element of being a good friend, "and then Sean showed up with Amy…and they were totally making out…" Ellie's head spun and flushed red, scowling at Ashley for her last remark. Ashley sighed and looked at the redhead with sympathy, "sorry Els, but you were in another dimension."

Ellie nodded, "it's okay, I really don't care…"

Marco rolled his eyes, "Sure you don't Ellie, that's why your eyes have been burning into the back of his head…you haven't even touched Shelia's meatloaf…" he said poking his fork at the lump of mysterious meat, "can you even call this meat?"

"I'm not hungry anyway…I think Shelia's turned me into a vegetarian." Ellie pushed her tray away, and folded her arms on the table and placing her forehead on her folded arms.

"Ellie, hon, it's just a break, you'll be back sucking face before the month is over," Paige said in between bites of her salad.

Ellie sat up, "thanks Paige, because all I wanted was to suck face with him…"

"you mean the dog has other tricks?"

"you should know how easy they are to train…you've got one on a leash…" Ellie retorted, offended by Paige's comment about her and comparing Sean to a dog … '_what am I supposed to call him?_' she asked herself, Sean?...that boy?...that dog?

Paige scowled at comment about Spinner. Who was completely clueless to the fact that the insult was directed at him, "at least he's still around…?" Paige said rolling her eyes.

"Way to be sensitive Paige" Jimmy said looking comfortingly at Ellie.

"Well it's true," she said as she rested her purse on her lap, "besides, I dunno why you're being so mopey, you were going to do the same thing Ellie, he just beat you to the punch."

"It wasn't an easy decision on my end Paige; I was only doing what's best…" Ellie was getting frustrated and stood up, grabbing her bag, "I'm gunna go to the library, I'll see you guys in MI"

Ellie stalked out of the cafeteria, making her way to the library. Everyone at the table turned to glare at Paige, "nice one…you made the vampire upset…" Spinner muttered. Paige glared at him softly.

"Well maybe she shouldn't be so easily offended by what I say…" Paige said applying lip gloss to her lips.

"Maybe you should learn to be more sensitive towards other people's feelings" Hazel said, after remaining quiet through most of the lunch period. The table remained quiet after that, all giving Paige disappointed glances; Paige felt herself turning red under the glare of everyone's gaze.

"Fine…I'll go apologize or something…" she said standing up, clutching her purse and walking towards the library.

Ellie sat in the library, a pile of books open in front of her, as she would jot down notes on the subjects she was reading. Paige walked into the library unnoticed, and picked up the book Ellie was looking at, "Personality Disorders and Coping…?" Paige asked. Ellie looked up at the blonde girl and glared, while taking the book back fiercely.

"I'm doing research for a short segment for Caitlin's new project in the making…" Ellie explained.

"Didn't your Co-Op end like…two weeks ago?" Paige asked confused.

"Yea, but Caitlin gave me a part-time job, helping out at the studio whenever I'm free," she answered, as she regained focus on jotting down notes.

"That's cool Nash, totally just putting yourself in the spot light, aren't you?" Paige answered, her voice laced with jealousy.

"Not just me, Paige, there are others, I'm just trying to educate people more…" Ellie said, hoping that the other girl would get the hint and just leave.

"Look Ellie, I'm sorry about what happened in the caf…" Paige said sitting down at the table, directly across from Ellie.

"Forget it Paige…"

"No really, Ellie, I was insensitive and it was wrong of me to point out the fact that you and Sean just aren't the couple Spinner and I are…" Paige said, continuing with what she was saying, not really noticing that she was making the situation worse.

"You know Paige, I think someone should give you lessons on how to apologize to someone…"

"What do you mean, that's what I'm doing Ellie…"

" I know Paige, but you're doing a bad job of it" Ellie said closing the book and placing it on top of her notebook before sliding them both into her bags, "thank you for trying Paige, really" she said sarcastically, as she rolled her eyes and walked out of the library. Paige sat in the library alone for a moment, taken aghast by Ellie's behavior, "ungrateful bitch," she muttered under her breath.

* * *

Sean pulled his arm away from Amy's grasp, "wow, have you been working out?" Amy asked. Sean rolled his eyes. Alex and Jay watched on amused, but felt the need to rescue Sean from Amy's sexually transmitted diseased clutches.

"bad Amy, bad, sit…" Jay said, talking to her like a dog.

Amy looked over at Jay and gave him the nastiest glare she could fathom.

Jay caught sight of the glare, "whoa Amy…I didn't know you could spread syphilis through such a loving gaze."

"Shut up Jay" Amy said fiercely, while Alex tried to stifle a laugh.

"Oh leave her go Jay…it's just Amy, Sean can handle her just fine."

"I think anyone can handle her just fine, all you need is a dog collar and a leash"

The table erupted into laughter at Jay's joke, everyone except for Amy, who just glared and turned back to her lunch.

"So man, what are we doing tonight?" Sean asked.

"Well it is Wednesday, don't you have like a meeting or something?" Alex asked.

"oh yea…"Sean said, slowly remembering about his Al-Anon meeting at the rec-center.

"So how is that goin' man?" Jay asked.

"You know, we just … sit around and talk about our feelings…it's _let's sit around and talk about how our parents drinking hurt us_…" Sean said rolling his eyes.

"Oh you love it…" Jay said, " You get to be Mr. Sensitive…I bet it gets you all the ladies"

"It's not a dating service, Jay…"Sean answered.

"That's what you think…" Jay said smirking.

Amy turned her focus back to the conversation, "who gave you the stupid idea to go to those things, anyways?" Amy asked, "bet it was Princess Vamp."

Sean turned angrily towards Amy, "actually…it was **MY** idea…"

Amy felt a rash of embarrassment rush across her face and she quickly shut her mouth, but not before grumbling obscenities under her breath.

"So…what are you doing this weekend?" Jay asked, " you comin' to the ravine with me and Lexxi?" as he threw his arm around Alex who grinned and bit his shoulder.

Sean thought for a moment, "who all is going to be there?"

"Me…Lexxi…the Montreal Crew…"

" I'll see what I can do…" Sean answered, "I think I'm going with Tracker to visit my parents…I think it's their anniversary or something.

Jay nodded, "cool…sounds like fun…"

Sean rolled his eyes, "not really, but they are my parents, whether they suck or not."

* * *

Ellie laid across her bed, staring at her geometry homework, wondering what she had done wrong, because all her answers just didn't make sense. She was slowly failing again. She had every intention of calling Sean for help, but she really wasn't intent on seeing him at the moment. She was swamped with work tonight, geometry homework, she had to finish up her literature paper on _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead!_ And it's connection with _Hamlet_. She had a biology project due the next week and everything was piling up. She felt useless down at the station because she was barely there to do work, she was always working on her school assignments.

Stress was building up, and Ellie was desperately trying to find outlets for how to handle it all. And nothing was working. She felt completely helpless as she started all of a sudden breaking down over her school work. Ellie lost it and climbed over to the edge of her bed and dangled herself over it, her hands fumbling around until they fell upon the familiar feel of her wooden box. With shaking hands she slid the box out from under the bed and pulled it with her as she sat up on her bed. She pulled back the lid carefully and her eyes stumbled upon the sheen of the multiple sharp objects in the box. And then they fell upon one that made her lip twitch with excitement. It was a small metal box cutter.

Now Ellie didn't have any intention of actually cutting. She just closed her eyes and just grazed the blade across the inside of her forearm, shivering as the cold metal touched her skin. The forbidden feel of doing what she had told herself not to, drew her in, like a drug. She touched the edge of the blade to her skin…

"ELEANOR!" her mother shrieked just outside her door, causing her to jump slightly, and the blade ran hard and deep against her forearm. She looked down, her heart beating quickly as she realized she had cut herself. "Eleanor!" her mother continued to call out. Ellie was panicking, she looked down at her arm, she'd cut so deep and clean that she wasn't even bleeding, at least not yet. She was scared out of her mind, "Eleanor, can you come here for a moment?" Judy asked.

The door opened, and Ellie was crying out of fright. The blood had begun to pour out of her arm, and it was rushing out like a rising river, spilling over the banks, leaking onto her geometry homework, and the comforter of her bed. "Eleanor?" her mother asked, the sight of her daughter struggling frantically to stop the blood from flowing causing her to sober up, and causing her to completely forget why she had come upstairs to speak to Ellie in the first place. "Eleanor! What are you doing…" Judy slowly made her way over to her daughter, and for some reason she was more angry than she was worried.

"Mom…it won't stop…" Ellie said between tears.

"Well that's what happens when you cut yourself, Eleanor" Judy answered unsympathetic. Some part of her that was sober had told her that she should help her daughter, but she just couldn't see how she could help her after she hurt herself. Ellie should be punished. "Get up Ellie…" She said simply, and suddenly remembered why she'd come to fetch her daughter, " you need to wash the dishes."

Ellie looked at her mother with a confused look drawn across her face, "Mom, I'm bleeding…"

"Don't look to me for sympathy Ellie, it's your turn to wash the dishes tonight."

"Fine, I'll walk myself to the hospital," she said standing up as she applied pressure to the cut, blood still pouring out of her arm, and dripping onto the floor.

"You're getting blood on the floor Ellie, clean it up before it stains…"

"Mom, you're insane…" she answered, wishing for possibly the millionth time in her life that she had a sober mother. Ellie pushed past her mom and made her way into the hall. Judy Nash grabbed her daughter just as she reached the top of the stairs.

"Eleanor, you get back there and clean up your mess, damnit Ellie, you got blood everywhere, why do you have to be so stupid and melodramatic?"

"Get your hand off me mother" Ellie said simply.

"Eleanor…" Judy said shaking her daughter fiercely with her arms, "listen to me, I'm your mother."

"Yea…and a bad one at that, I wish I were never born!" Ellie said, and with those words Judy stopped shaking and pulled away fiercely, causing Ellie to lose her balance and tumble down the stairs. Tears fell from Judy's eyes as she watched her only daughter appear at the bottom of the stair crumpled into a ball, bleeding. Her hands flew to cover her mouth in fright, before she tripped down the hall to her bedroom, her fingers stumbling to find the cordless phone. And did possibly the best thing she's ever done sober or drunk for her daughter.

"Hello…My daughter…My Ellie…she's…bleeding..." she said to the emergency operator in between sobs, "she cut herself…and she…fell…" Judy continued to cry openly on the phone, "she's not moving…"

* * *

**A/N: So I started on the sequel, the title is a reference to the Jay Z Linkin Park collaborations, I find that they compliment each other much like Sean and Ellie compliment each other. You may hate me for this story, You may love me. There will be a lot more drama going on in this one than the last. A lot more angst, and a couple of pairings that I may be strangled for even thinking off, but I'm large and in charge so it back and enjoy the ride. I have chapter two already written, it's just a matter of _are you going to take the first chapter well_? and are you willing embrace the angst?**

**I hope you all enjoy, I think I actually proofread this one as well...**

**Read/Review (give me some good crit here, I'm not a noob, I can handle it) **

**incase you are all feeling that the end of the chapter moved a bit weird (speed wise) I completely agree, but I had to get it done, and even I feel like it turned out a bit odd, I'm not sure if I really like it...so please let me know?**


	2. I adore Amy's STD's

**Encore**

_All that ill do, comes back to you_

_So I'll just think about you 'til there's nothing in my head_

_All I can do, is try not to screw this up again_

_And just be friends I'd rather be dead_

**Marvelous 3** / Cigarette Lighter Love Song

Sean casually scratched his arm as he made his way down the dimly lit street, Al-Anon meetings just weren't his thing, but he was doing this for more than just himself. He was doing this to be the best person he could be, to be the best person for Ellie. He felt out of place at the meetings, he felt like everyone else there had it worse than him. The walk to the rec-center gave him some time to think.

As he turned down Ellie's street he noticed an ambulance parked outside, lights flashing. His heart began racing as he worried about whether it was Ellie or her mother hurt. The usual small crowd was gathered around. No one was ever sure what attracted people to the scenes of accidents. Was it purely the fascination of something like an accident unfolding before their eyes? Was it the destruction of the humanity crumpled before them, making them feel lucky to be alive and more superior? Or was it just pure morbid fascination? Sean found himself pushing through the small crowd in time to see Ellie strapped to a gurney, being loaded into the glowing ambulance. His heart shattered, and instinctively he looked around in the growing crowd for Judy Nash.

"Mrs. Nash!" Sean called out and finally found the distraught woman sitting on the steps outside her home. Her dark hair a disheveled mess, and her eyes red from crying; as Sean neared closer he noticed the pungent smell of alcohol drifting off her, "Mrs. Nash…what happened, is Ellie okay?"

Sean was standing in front of the middle aged woman, looking down as she could barely speak between sobs. '_Should I comfort her?_' he asked himself. She hadn't even noticed his presence, even when he spoke to her. He knelt down in front of her and placed a hand on her knee and she looked straight into his eyes. A mix of fury and sadness compelled her eyes as she threw her arms around his neck, clinging onto the boy like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh, Shane!" she cried out, "my poor Eleanor"

"I'm Sean, Mrs. Nash, **Sean**" he said emphasizing his name "…what happened to Ellie?" he asked, trying to get her to focus.

"She was bleeding…dishes…I asked her to do the dishes…_I wish I were never born_ she shouted at me…and then she fell…"

"Did she cut herself?" Sean asked as he guided Judy's hands back from around his neck.

"Stupid melodramatic teenagers…why do you do such silly things?" Judy said, rambling on in a drunken banter, "all I wanted was for her to do the dishes, and she starts yelling at me…"

At that moment a paramedic walked up to the pair, "Ellie is going to be fine, she lost a bit of blood, she'll need stitches…she may have fractured her wrist, we'll have to take X-rays, we have her stabilized and we'll be transporting her to Oakland General…do you want to come with us in the ambulance or are you okay to drive?"

"I'll drive her…thanks" Sean interrupted, easing Judy to her feet.

The paramedic nodded and returned to the ambulance.

Sean turned to Judy, "where are your keys?"

Judy looked into the house weakly, "on the hook just inside the door," she answered. She started stumbling towards the car as Sean rushed inside to grab the keys that hung inside the house. He closed and locked the door and let Judy into the car before slipping into the driver's seat and putting the key in the ignition and following quickly behind the ambulance.

Oakland General was ironically quiet on a weekday. Sean sat next to Judy Nash who was slowly beginning to sober up as the pastel colors and white of the hospital walls awakened her senses. Sean stood slowly, "I'm gunna go grab some coffee and call my brother, are you going to be okay, do you want anything?" Judy shook her head, and then rubbed her temples as Sean walked off towards the coffee machine. Sean reached into his pocket and pulled out a few quarters and dropped them into the machine and got two cups of coffee, one with cream and sugar, another completely black (to sober up Mrs. Nash).

He rested the two cups of coffee on top of the payphone and dialed a collect call number and upon listening to the recorded voice stated his name as "ItsSeanEllieisinthehospitalidrovehermombehomelater" and then listened as Tracker turned down the charges for the call and quickly said, "I'll be there in five."

Sean grabbed his two cups and returned to his ex-girlfriend's mother and handed her the cup of coffee, black. As they continued to sit, a doctor walked into the waiting room and looked at his clipboard and then up at Mrs. Nash. "I'm Dr. Cress …Ellie is fine, we stitched up the laceration on left forearm and repaired her fractured wrist, I have a few questions about your daughter, if you'd like to join me in her room…"

Judy Nash stood and Sean followed suit, the doctor stopped him "sorry, sir, family only." Sean immediately sat down, disgruntled.

Judy Nash sat down in a chair beside Ellie's hospital bed, "the cut on Ellie's arm…was it self-inflicted?"

Judy shifted in her seat, "yes."

"I see... do you know how long she's been doing this?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Do you think she was attempting suicide…?"

Judy was getting upset, "I don't know!" she cried out, followed by sobbing.

Silence.

"Mrs. Nash, I noticed while stitching up Ellie's arm, that she has several deep scars traveling up her arms, some old, some new, and several on her legs. I'm admitting her into Lake View Hospital for two months, or longer, depending on how she responds to treatments at the facility."

Judy began crying, but nodded in understanding.

"I suggest... going home and getting some rest, perhaps come back tomorrow to take Ellie home and help her pack."

Judy again nodded.

* * *

"How is she?" Tracker asked as he walked into the waiting room to find his brother leaning back in the chair, his head resting against the wall, eyes shut. Sean opened his eyes and glared at his brother, while sitting up straight. 

"She cut her arm deep enough to need stitches and broke her wrist…" Sean answered.

Tracker sighed and sat in the empty chair next to Sean, "where's her mom?"

"In her room with some doctor…wouldn't let me in, not family"

Tracker threw an arm around his brother's shoulders and pulled him close, hugging him, into a respectable sideways man-hug. Mrs. Nash emerged from the room, her eyes red and puffy, but now completely sober.

"How is she?" Sean asked jumping to his feet.

"She's fine, Sean…she'll…she's…going to Lake View for a few months…" Judy began to sob again silently.

"Can I see her?"

"She's sleeping Sean…go home, rest, you have school in the morning, thank you for driving me." Judy held her hand out and Sean dropped her car keys into her hand and shooed him away.

Tracker rose from the chair and led his brother out, "she'll be fine bro, and she's a strong girl…"

Sean fought against his brother's leading arms, "I wanna see her before I go" he argued, and turned back to Judy, "please, just let me see her?" he begged.

Judy softened but still denied him a moment to see Ellie, even as she slept, "go home Sean, you've done enough."

"What does that mean?" he argued viciously.

"You broke up with my daughter, Sean, she was doing well, she stopped cutting…then you go and break her heart…"

"I didn't break up with her! We're on a break!" his shouting was starting to grab the attention of hospital security, "and it shows what you know, she was still cutting before we took a break, what kind of mother are you! You were too drunk to drive yourself to the hospital!"

"Sean, that's enough," Tracker said, trying to lead his brother away.

"No, it's not!" Sean said turning to Judy again, "You're always drunk, that's why Ellie's always at my place, and you wonder why she cuts? Maybe you should ask her? She'll tell you it's because you're always drinking, she spends every free moment taking care of you, making sure you're fed and taken care of, she's your daughter! You're supposed to be taking care of her, not the other way around, what do you know about her!"

Tracker grabbed Sean tightly and began dragging him to the entrance.

"I'm her mother Sean, I know more than you!" Judy argued back.

"Bullshit!" Sean cried out, tears starting to sting his eyes out of frustration, "where the hell have you been! Where were you when she was crying? When she was bleeding? You're always drunk! I'm surprised you even care enough to be here!"

"Go home! Go home you disgusting piece of trash!" Judy shouted.

Tracker pulled his angry brother tighter into his arms, until he started crying so hard it was tougher for him to fight back. Tracker carried his brother through the hospital doors and out to his motorcycle waiting for him. Tracker strapped a helmet on Sean's head and climbed onto the bike, Sean easing himself on behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as the breezed home.

The bike came to a stop outside the Cameron home and Sean immediately walked inside, angrily throwing his brother's helmet across the room, denting the hardwood floor. He fell on his bed, and smashed his face into the pillow. The exhausted boy was asleep within a few moments, his shoes still on his feet, and still in his clothes.

* * *

Marco and Ashley sat in Ellie's room as she picked out clothes to pack for her stay at Lake View Hospital. She casually tossed jeans and sweat pants across the room at Marco who sat on her bed, playing with a small cloth doll that slightly resembled Ellie. A pair of black jeans hit Marco square in the face, and he gave an offended look, "excuse me, Miss Nash, do I look like your maid?" 

Ellie laughed and walked over to her bed and began to help him as he folded her jeans and handed them to Ashley who put them neatly in her suitcase. Ellie walked over to her closet and held up a variety of t-shirts and hoodies and tossed them to her bed, "do you think they match my cast?" Ellie asked showing off her black cast that adorned her right wrist. Ashley frowned but responded cheerfully.

"Everything goes with black you know that Ellie…" she answered.

"Except navy blue…then you look like a bruise" Marco added.

Ellie laughed and walked to her bathroom to collect her toothbrush, toothpaste, and her hair brush and other toiletries. She grabbed her razor without even thinking and put them in a vinyl drawstring back and tossed it on the bed next to Marco. Marco casually opened the bag and pulled out the small pink razor and looked up at Ellie disappointedly, "I don't think they'll let you take this, El?" he said, holding on to it.

"I wasn't even thinking," she said frowning, "sorry I'm just not a hairy legs and pits kinda girl Marco."

Ashley smiled, "I actually thought about that Ellie, and I picked this up for you on the way over," and tossed her a small bottle of hair removal cream, Ellie caught it and smiled.

"Thanks Ash, good to know you're thinking of my well being" she said laughing. Ellie tossed a few extra items in her suitcase and sat down on her bed, in between Marco and Ashley. "You guys promise you'll be here when I get back?" Ellie asked.

"Of course Ellie, why would we go anywhere?" Marco asked.

"Because I'm crazy…People are going to talk about me why I'm away…about why I am away."

Ashley frowned, "if anyone says anything, they'll have to answer to me and the rest of your friends." Ashley through a comforting arm around her friend and hugged her tight.

"Thanks Ash…" Ellie answered, "Be good to Mark while I'm gone."

Ashley smiled, "Oh I will."

Ellie laughed, "make sure the school dmails me my assignments so I don't fall behind," she said turning to Marco. Marco nodded; he had discussed the situation with Mr. Raditch and Mr. Simpson and decided that with Ellie being a good student, with little disciplinary problems (except her Saturday detention) he made it possible for her to keep up with her classes via the school website. Her teachers would dmail her assignments and she would work on them and send them back; she'd be able to continue school when she returned in the fall, in the same year as her peers. Ellie attempted to lift her suitcase off the bed, but found it hard with the cast on her wrist. Marco jumped up.

"I got it Els" he said carrying her suitcase for her.

The trio walked out of Ellie's bedroom; Ellie grabbing her book bag on the way out and shutting her door. Mrs. Nash was waiting sober out by the car as the three walked out of the house, closing and locking the door behind them. Marco dropped the suitcase in the trunk of the car and slammed it shut. Ellie was enveloped in a hug between Marco and Ashley as Mrs. Nash became impatient. "Let's go Ellie…I don't have all day."

Ellie rolled her eyes and hugged Ashley, "keep an eye on Sean for me, I know he was at the hospital, I could hear him arguing with my mom, she blamed him…it wasn't him, make sure he knows that." Ashley nodded.

Ellie turned to Marco, "you, too…keep an eye out for him, please?" Marco smiled and kissed her cheek gently.

"Of course…_mi amore_"

Ellie smiled and climbed into the passenger seat of the car, "I'll see you when I get back," she said as the car pulled away. She watched in the review mirror as her two best friends stood on the sidewalk watching as she drove off. She looked over to her mother, who stared blankly at the road ahead of them.

For the first time since the break, Ellie spoke to her mom about Sean. "He's right you know."

Judy turned to her daughter, a scowl across her face, "who Ellie?"

"You know who I'm talking about Mom, Sean…and he's right"

"Right about what Ellie?"

"I didn't cut because of him…"

Judy Nash tried to keep her eyes on the road, and remain calm.

"…I cut because I wanted to."

"Eleanor, I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Mom…I'm going to Lake View **because I cut myself**, Sean had nothing to do with it, you shouldn't blame him for something I did."

"Please Eleanor! I'm trying to drive" Judy shouted, her eyes on the road ahead of them.

Ellie rolled her eyes and leaned back, crossing her arms, the seat belt digging into her chest. '_If Dad were here…_' Ellie couldn't finish that thought, because things wouldn't have gotten this bad if someone else were around to take care of her mother. '_I'm her daughter, I shouldn't be cleaning up after her, or making sure she doesn't drink, she's an adult…this is ridiculous_' Ellie watched as the scenery blew past her. The small Toronto town turned into Toronto Suburbia in a breeze and the car pulled up to a sterile looking building. It looked harmless enough, like a country plantation; large oversized white house, with blue shutters; beautiful landscape surrounding it; harmless. '_Completely harmless'_ she thought as the car stopped and she stepped out, slamming the car door shut.

Two middle-aged women dressed in casual uniforms came out energetically from the front door. "Hullo, you must be Eleanor Nash" one said sweetly. Ellie smiled politely and looked over the woman quickly; short and a bit on the heavy side, blonde hair in a pony tail.

"It's Ellie actually…" Ellie answered shaking the woman's hand with her cast covered arm.

The woman smiled, "I'm Penny Johnson, a nurse on the second and third floor."

"I'm Dr. Marie Mohavi," the other answered, Ellie smiled and shook her hand, she had very tan skin with her long dark hair pulled back into a loose clip, "Welcome to Lake View."

Penny grabbed Ellie's suitcase from the trunk of the car while Ellie reached for her book bag. Penny looked at Ellie and then politely explained that her things would be checked for any harmful materials, and that she would also be searched. Ellie complied, knowing there wasn't much she could do. There was one thing Ellie was grateful for, the simple fact that Judy Nash didn't stay very long; just long enough to sign some paper work and hug her daughter good bye. Ellie's belongings were taken to her room, while Ellie was led to an examination room where she under went a physical inspection, after which she sat in Dr. Mohavi's office.

Dr. Mohavi's office was dark and warm, mostly decorated with wooden furniture. Books littered the shelves and Ellie noticed her degrees hanging, framed, on the red, warmly painted walls.

"Hi, Ellie…" she said sitting down at the oversized, cluttered desk. Ellie smiled politely. It was starting to hurt her face. Dr. Mohavi pulled a file folder from a pile and opened it, and then smiled at Ellie, "Well, good news Ellie, we didn't find anything we needed to take away…"

"And the bad news?"

"Rules…Welcome to Lake View, once again Ellie; you're here because you have a problem, a problem that's fixable. We have a few simple rules that you must follow. As long as you follow these rules, you will keep your privileges such as computer access, television viewing privileges, phone calls and free roam of the facility. If you break these rules, you lose your privileges."

Ellie smiled and nodded.

Dr. Mohavi continued, "We like to refrain from any harsh or derogatory language, that also means try to stay away from discussing anything triggering that may upset someone else…We allow you to listen to music, but be aware that some lyrics may trigger other patients and if we'd like it if you'd be conscious of this and use good judgment…You must show up for your group meetings and one-on-one meetings with counselors, if you skip one meeting, we let is slide, depending on circumstances surrounding your absence, the second time you begin to lose privileges…We don't allow any weapons or drugs kept in the rooms, if any are found, you immediately lose all privileges and are placed in a solitary room for a day or more, depending…any medications are given to the infirmary upon arrival and will be administered at meals or any time during the day…if you require an inhaler with you at all times, you may have it, provided you don't abuse it or allow others to use it…those are the basics Ellie…"

Ellie nodded, "so is that it?"

Dr.Mohavi nodded, "now…I'd like to speak to you about your stay…"

"Dr. Cress said I was admitted for two months"

"Yes, your minimum stay will be two months, if staff feels you aren't ready to go, and then we may keep you longer, as long as you comply."

"So I can go if I want after the two months, but if you think I should stay…"

"If we think you should stay, we'd hope that you'd think so as well, otherwise we can't keep you here, unless you are found to be a danger to yourself or others…"

Ellie nodded.

"According to your file…I know why you're here…but I don't think people can be put down on paper, why don't you tell me why you're here Ellie…"

"Because I had an accident and cut myself…"

"Your trip to the hospital was an accident?"

"Yes…"

Silence.

"I cut myself…I used to cut…and I had stopped, I recently started again and the other night was an accident."

Dr. Mohavi nodded, "is that all Ellie?"

"What else would there be?" Ellie asked confused.

"A few of the nurses, and Dr. Cress voiced a concern about your weight."

"I know I'm thin, but I have a high metabolism, I don't try to starve myself, and sometimes I'm just not hungry."

Dr. Mohavi smiled," Okay…Well I have a schedule for you," she said handing Ellie a sheet of paper, " Penny is right across the hall at the reception desk, she'll take you to your room, we have dinner at six in the evening, breakfast at eight, lunch at one, I'll see you during our one-on-one's Ellie…"

Ellie stood up and slowly walked out of the office and across the hall to find Penny standing behind the reception desk. The bubbly blonde led Ellie up to the second floor, "You're sharing a room with Verity Russo, quiet girl…you two will get along nice," she said brightly. They stopped outside a purple door with the number **215** painted in gold letters upon it. "Here we are…room two, fifteen, you're stuff is already inside, your mother left your bedding."

Ellie opened the door and easily found her belongings. She unpacked, made her bed, and curled up, falling asleep while listening to _Sean's mix tape_.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so thanks for the review guys, I kinda got out of the habit of answering reviews because it took up so much time, but there are a few I'll address...while I'm here: I think I realized why it's all moving so quickly. I'm trying to establish the major plot focus for the rest of the story, what happens in the first 3 chapters is really what sets the the ball rolling for the rest of the story. So please stick with me until that gets settled. I already had this chapter written, I had just kept writing until I ran out of words. Please don't expect all the chapters to come this quickly, if you knew how long it took me to write Numb, then you know that you have to have patience with me...**

**loving-rat-in-red:** oh i know how the grammar nazi's can be, no worries, I try my best to proofread it as best I can before I post it, I tried to fix all the mistakes, (not just for you but for myself), the capitalization wasn't much of an issue as it would have been ifI had not capitalized Ellie's name or something of importance like words at the beginning of the sentence, it was just dialogue...I didn't think it was going to kill anyone :-P

**Daimeera**: there will be no angsty poetry that I know of...I don't even know if I can write angsty poetry...

**britneyh8r**: I'm assuming you just didn't sign in (same with JustAnotherDream) but that's not the case, the netnannies should be up my ass about anything right now, there's just mild language and innunedos, nothing that Shrek didn't touch on >- I'm not going to really touch on what's gunna go on down at the ravine, I know you read Numb, so I know you read the one chapter where it was just Alex/Jay and Sean/Ellie just fooling around wasted. We all know what goes on there, it's more of just a giant middle school makeout party with oral sex on the side...:-P, Like I said, there shouldn't be too much of a problem with my rating right now because it's not much different from the show, right now...when things get more serious, I'll change it to be safe...but thanks for looking out :-P

**Like I said, I'm really just trying to get the establishing 3 chapters up, because ya'll know how I am with throwing lyrics in randomly that fit the chapters, right now that's not my focus, I really am quickly getting the plot up. Also on a side note, I've prolly been to only one or two hospitals (atleast the type Ellie is in) for visits, and this is more of a "dream hospital setting" it really is a great facility dedicated to helping them get better. The staff is very hands on at this place and not there just because it's a job, they really do care...so like I said, I have no experiance really on the inside, but I guess I'm likely to imagine :-P**


	3. nine to nine

**Encore**

_And I drove outta east __Atlanta_

_With a headache the size of my car_

_And I called to say I was okay, anyway_

_Cause I know how you are_

_You know I'm like a movie without a ending_

_You know I got nowhere to go_

_And it makes me wanna throw up_

_To see you wanna give up more than you'll ever know_

**Marvelous 3** / Cigarette Lighter Love Song

_…I heard she tried to kill her mom and then herself and they sent her to another country to do experiments on her brain…_

_…well I heard she **really** was a vampire and killed her dad and they locked her up…_

_…she cut herself and painted the walls of her room with her blood…_

_…no, her mom tried to kill her and now she's in the witness protection program…_

_…she killed herself…_

_…I heard that she tried to kill herself because Sean and her broke up..._

_…I heard she was kidnapped by drug dealers and taken to LA…_

_…Heather Sinclair said that she heard Sean got Ellie pregnant and she moved to B.C. to have an abortion, and got caught up in the Mafia and was killed and it all got covered up…_

"Enough!" Ashley shouted as she heard whispers about Ellie.

The hallways immediately got quiet. It was bad enough when whispers were being muttered about Ashley's life, but lies were now being spread about her best friend, "Ellie is away on a much needed vacation, she's not dead, she's not a vampire, she didn't kill anyone, she didn't try to kill herself, she wasn't kidnapped, and she sure as hell isn't pregnant!" Ashley was turning beat red with fury, "keep your pathetic rumors to yourselves!"

Ashley rounded the corner on her way to her locker and immediately heard more whispers floating as she disappeared from view. She spun the combination on her locker and leaned in to the metal enclosure and wanted to scream. She looked at the pictures lining the inside of her locker and smiled, Ellie would be home in two months, and everything would be back to normal.

"Ash…have you heard everything they're saying?" Marco asked out of breath as he rushed up to her locker.

"Yea…and nothing I say will change their minds." Ashley answered as she slammed her locker shut.

Terri walked up next to Ashley and Marco, "are you guys talking about all the nasty things they are saying about Ellie?"

Ashley nodded.

Terri sighed, "Why are teenagers so nasty?" she asked innocently.

Ashley laughed, "We'll never know why some of us doing things like that." Ashley thought back over the many _teenage drama_ _incidents _she'd be apart of, it was more of a question of _what_ rather than who or why. Such as _what had been the situation that occurred for those actions to be taken_? More or less, everything had been done in self defense, and in the case of their first year at DCS it had been an influence of character. But growing up changes things for some people. And in Ashley's case, she learned what true character was through her dramatic actions over the years, and she was going to use that to her advantage while protecting Ellie's good nature during her absence.

"So when is she coming back?" Jimmy asked as they walked into their homeroom.

"Her mom said that she's there for two months indefinitely, and if they think she's stable enough she can come home" Ashley answered, "why?" wondering about Jimmy's sudden interest in her best friend.

"Ellie's one of us, ya know?" Jimmy answered, "gotta look out for our crew."

Ashley held back a chuckle, "that's sweet Jimmy," and hugged him, immediately losing all cool as she fell into his arms. Trying to be strong for Ellie was over whelming, Ashley didn't know how Ellie made it through the days when everyone knew she was '**the cutter**' and whispers floated through the hall. Jimmy, stunned at first, ran his arms up and down Ashley's back, comforting her as only her oldest friend and first love could. Jimmy could feel her hot tears as they fell on his gray Nike t-shirt.

"She'll be okay" he said as he gently rubbed her back.

Ashley smiled and pulled away, her fingers immediately rubbing away the smudged eyeliner and mascara, and laughed, "I must look like a raccoon," she said, "does it look okay?"

Jimmy laughed, "beautiful Ash, as always."

Ashley blushed and took a seat behind Terri, and next to an empty chair, only to groan as the empty chair was filled with Craig's form. "As if the day couldn't get any worse…" she muttered to herself.

"Nice too see you two Ash…"

* * *

"You must be Ellie…"

Ellie opened her eyes, and they looked up to the owner of the soft quiet voice. Ellie's eyes took in the form of her roommate.

**_Long black hair…purple hi-lights_**

**_Blue eyes_**

**_Pale_**

**_Short_**

**_Hoodie_**

**_Sweatshirt_**

**_Thin…very thin…_**

**_Pretty face…a pretty girl…_**

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No…Verity right?" Ellie said sitting up, sliding her headphones down to dangle around her neck.

"Verity Tate Russo, at your service," she said flopping down on the bed on the other side of the room. Verity watched as Ellie pulled her knees up to her chest, as she became uncomfortable with her new surroundings. "So, Ellie, right?" Ellie nodded, "how long are you here for?" Verity asked.

"Two months…or longer…"

"so what are you…Anorexic? Bulimic?" Verity wondered aloud as she looked Ellie over, "Sorry I'm being rude, aren't I?" she shook her head, "stupid me…"

"cutting, actually…" Ellie answered looking at her bed sheet.

"Wow! You're so thin…I'm jealous…I could never stay that thin…"

Ellie looked at the girl confused, "you're thinner than I am…"

"I could never look as good as you…"

"so…what are you here for…?"

"I'm anorexic…been here for six months already…they think I'm severely depressed as well…"

"how long have you been…I mean…if you don't mind me asking…?"

" hmm…about eight years" Verity answered as she pulled out a composition book, " since I was about twelve or thirteen," she laughed, " perfectionist mother…_thin is in…Verity, honey you could stand to lose a few pounds_" she said mocking her mother's voice.

"so you're…" Ellie said trying to do the math in her head.

"twenty-one next month" Verity answered as she scribbled some words down in the composition book.

The room got quiet until Verity's eyes peered over the edge of the notebook, "how old are you Ellie?"

"Sixteen "

"You got a boyfriend?" Verity asked, Ellie hung her head, "guess that's a no…so what happen? He cheat on you? Left you cause they think you're crazy?" Verity wondered aloud, and then thought for a moment as Ellie remained silent, "I'm being rude again, I'm sorry, I tend to do that a lot, so you like, really liked him…?"

Ellie nodded.

"He cute?"

Ellie reached into her back pack and pulled out a journal type sketch book and flipped through the pages until she stumbled upon a picture of her and Sean sleep on the couch. Tracker had come home late from work to find the two sleeping on the couch, and couldn't help but take a picture. She held her arm out expecting Verity to walk over and take it. Verity looked over, "you have legs girl, and I'm not going to bite…" Ellie sighed; slightly laughing to herself she crawled off the bed and made her way across the small but spacious room. Verity took the picture from Ellie as she sat down on the bed. Verity laughed, "cute…what's with the eyebrows though?"

Ellie laughed, "I love the eyebrows" she said sweetly, while pretending to be offended.

Verity laughed as she handed the picture back, "so, what happened?"

"we're **taking a break**…" Ellie answered.

"his idea or yours?"

"both?"

Verity snorted.

"what?" Ellie asked, confused by her snort of laughter and disbelief.

"nothing, it's just…" Verity closed the notebook and sat it in her lap, "Ellie, you're in a mental hospital for two months, what do you think is going to happen when you get out of here? Do you really think he's going to wait for you?" Ellie was silent, "I don't intend to sound mean but I'm speaking truthfully…guys don't wait around for girls like us…"

"But…"

"he loves you?" she asked," Ellie…" she said, and then changed her mind about what she was going to say, " never mind…if he loves you like you believe he does, then by all means, don't lose hope."

Ellie smiled, "thanks…I don't plan to…"

Verity looked over at the digital clock on the desk, "dinner in twenty, you wanna walk down to the mess hall with me? I'll introduce you to some of the other crazy people" she said with a smile.

"Sounds good," Ellie answered, "mind if a change? I feel a bit overdressed"

Verity looked over Ellie's outfit, a cute black skirt with gray striped stockings, her classic clunky boots, layered t-shirts and a light black blazer emblazed with pins. Verity laughed, "not so much, but yea…dressing comfortable is always a good idea."

Ellie blushed and walked over to the dresser she had previously unpacked her clothes into and pulled out a pair of loose black jeans and a tank top. There was no point in hiding scars in a place where everyone had their own deep scarring battle wounds. Verity pulled off her sweatshirt and pulled on a small black t-shirt and slipped on a pair of sandals while throwing her long hair up in a ponytail. Ellie slipped her feet into a pair of her low top converse and shook her red hair loose. "Ready?" Verity asked.

"mmhmmm" Ellie answered.

"What's with the cast?" Verity asked as she led Ellie down the hall and down the stairs towards the mess hall while pointing the black cast.

"Got into a fight with my mom…she let go…I lost balance and fell down the stairs"

Verity made a cringing face, "ouch…" Verity led Ellie through the common room, "oh, this is the common room, row of computer's over there" she said pointing out things of interest, "you need a pass to use them, and you get fifteen to thirty minutes use." Ellie nodded, "and this is…the gang" Verity showed her off in front of a group of teenagers sitting in front of the television set on the comfy leather couches. Ellie blushed.

"Guys, this is Ellie…" Verity said, throwing an arm around the red head, "Ellie…meet…"

"Leslie…I like prescription meds" a tall lanky blonde girl interrupted, "a lot" as she lay across the couch her head in the lap of

"Jane...nose candy is my best friend" she answered messing up her short black hair. Leslie's legs were draped across a short mousy haired boy

"Max, cutter" he answered simply.

"Jerzy" added a buff looking boy on the edge of the couch, his short dark hair cut short, "heroin, anger problems…"

The last person to speak was a tall very thin boy sitting in an oversized chair with a notebook, he looked up, his dirty blonde hair falling into his face, and over his black thick framed square glasses. He wore arm bands over his arms as he smudge charcoal lines in his book with his shaky fingers. He closed the notebook gently, and set it aside, standing up and gently grabbing Ellie's cast. Ellie looked him oddly, and he kissed her hand, "Orion Hunter James…milady"

Verity rolled her eyes, "leave her alone Orion, she's in love."

Orion smirked, "well can I escort milady to dinner?"

The group on the couch burst into laughter.

Ellie flushed bright red, "I think I can handle it on my own…" she said pulling her hand away from his gentle grasp.

"smooth Adonis" Jane said in her husky voice.

Orion nodded, "of course" and bowed, backing away slowly.

* * *

Friday Afternoon in the ravine. Parties started early and ran late, and Ellie being gone was no different for the Montreal Crew's routine.

"She okay?" Jay asked, not completely sober.

Sean shrugged as his best friend went to hand him a shot of tequila. Sean pushed it away, "Did you forget the point of going to AA meetings?"

Jay laughed, "didn't' know you were taking it so seriously."

"Well I am" Sean answered.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked.

"I'm fine…"

" Cause man, your girl's in a crazy house…I dunno if I'd be fine with that."

" I'm fine Jay…and she's not my girl…"

" regardless of her position in your life, you still love her" Jay answered.

Sean laughed, "you getting all deep on me man?"

"I'm drunk, man, back away, I think I'm gunna start spouting sonnets…"

Sean laughed so hard tears were bursting from his eyes, "I didn't even know you knew what a sonnet was!"

"Man…" Jay leaned in on Sean, "I ain't stupid…I'se just pretendin'…" Sean struggled to drag Jay over to Alex's side, where Jay fell to his knees, "what light through yonder window breaks…it is the east…and Alex…is the sun," he said laughing and grabbing Alex's hips and pulling her close, sloppily kissing her stomach. " will thee do me the honoreth of suckin' my cocketh?"

Alex pushed him away and laughed, "not now hot stuff."

"I'll see ya'll later, I'm goin' with my brother to Wasaga…parents anniversary and all" Sean muttered messing up Jay's hat and kissing Alex on the cheek goodbye.

"Have Fun!" Alex called out.

Sean faked a smile, " yea, I'll see you guys on Monday"

* * *

**A/N: Sort of happy with this chapter, not sure why, but I am...I think I've pretty much established the story at this point. In the future I think each chapter will pretty much just be surrounding either Ellie or Sean, not both at the same time. I'm really liking how my mental hospital is turning out, I wish a hosptial like that really existed. I'm liking the reviews guys, thanks a lot, really. I'm glad some of you liked the title of the last chapter...it was just something I thought was funny, and was laughing about the night I posted it...Just cause Amy is just...so funny! Anyways, I don't think the chapter titles will really tell much about the chapter's themselves...**

**I'll get back into posting song lyrics within the chapters soon, cause I know how much some of ya'll like them...**

**And this one goes out to Arthur ( as always)**

**And to my Sheriff Sampson (who finished a tale of his on fictionpress)**


	4. bring on the court jester

**Encore**

_All that I'll do, comes back to you_

_So I'll just think about you til there's nothing in my head_

_All I can do, is try not to screw this up again_

_And just be friends I'd rather be dead_

_-_**Marvelous 3 /** Cigarette Lighter Love Song

Sean strained to tug the tie away from his neck. He wasn't sure if it was just him or if the spring weather was suddenly turning into summer. The uncomfortable sweating made him fidget in the hard wooden chair.

**Dinner with his parents…their anniversary**. He wished Tracker had given him a better reason than just…

_"Sean…it's their twentieth wedding anniversary, we can atleast give them the respect…"_

_"respect Tracker? They can't go a few hours without needing a bottle of wine or beer, what respect could they possibly deserve from me?" Sean asked, turning red from anger._

_Tracker sighed, "Sean I know they haven't been the best parents…but as far as I know, they're our only parents."_

_"Laying it on a bit thick aren't we Tracker?" _

_Tracker laughed as he felt the guilt wash over him for conning his brother into spending the weekend with their **lovely **parents._

It was a simple fact, for anyone that knew the Cameron family, the adults were more like irresponsible children than adults. Hope Simon had given birth to Tracker when she was still in highschool, marrying Lionel Cameron two years after graduation. Tracker grew up around several fights between his parents, and they had been separated for almost two years when they got back together and conceived Sean. Sean was meant to be Hope's miracle child, to keep the family together, hence Sean's middle name being Hope. Yes, it was a bit unique for a boy to have such a feminine middle name, but it was more of a wish, than a name.

Sean's birth had been that miracle, Lionel and Hope were back together, unfortunately a constant supply of Canada's finest brew in the fridge was the constant denominator. Drinking had been what kept the couple together, but tore the family apart.

"why are we doing this again?" Sean whispered to Tracker as they waited in the cigarette fumed, alcohol perfumed living room. Waiting on their mother and father to change for dinner, a dinner that neither of the children wanted to attend.

"because they're our parents Sean…."

"myea, that's a good reason" Sean answered annoyed, as he folded his arms across his old, white dress shirt.

Hope Cameron entered the living room, stuffing a small flask into her purse. Dressed in a dark, navy blue dress she spun around in a circle, "How do I look boys?" she asked, as she stumbled in light drunken stupor. Tracker stood up and gave his mother his arm.

"beautiful" he said kissing her cheek.

Hope blushed and released herself from Tracker's helpful arm and walked over to Sean, "and how's my baby?"

"the same way I was when you abandoned me in Toronto," Sean answered gruffly, and not fazed by his mother's sweet attitude.

Lionel Cameron walked into the living room, buttoning the cuffs of his long-sleeved dress shirt. The years had done a number on the once tall and muscular man. He was not slim and weak, the only thing he'd be able to lift these days was not the small child that Sean had been, but only a twelve ounce can of beer. "Are we all ready?" he asked. Sean stood up and gruffly complied as the all left the small trailer home and piled into the old family station wagon.

Dinner went… "well I think…" Tracker said as they drove the long way home Sunday night.

Sean frowned.

Tracker looked over at his little brother, '_or maybe not'_ Tracker could tell his brother was not happy, and could he blame him? Hope and Lionel Cameron did not make this weekend easy on either one of their children. If they weren't disappointed in Sean's grades they were disappointed with Tracker's new job. Tracker had even managed to point out that Sean was getting a full letter grade higher in English than he was only a semester before. It just wasn't good enough.

And as the waiter brought out more bottles of wine to the table the conversation didn't get much better…

"_Tracker sent me your report card, Sean" Hope said. Sean's eyes brightened, hoping they would take notice to the progress he had made after Ellie began helping him in some of his subjects. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, as he dared to listen to his mother speak. "I'm disappointed Sean, how can you almost be failing English?" she said. _

_"you speak the damn language, boy, and you're failing it's course, yet getting a perfect grade in auto shop? I don't understand son" Lionel added. _

_"well regardless I'm still doing well" Sean argued, now leaning back in the wooden chair. _

_"what do you expect to do if you can't speak the language?" Hope retorted. _

_Sean bit his lip. He didn't want to make it any worse. But as he held back the insults, they continued to spout songs of disappointment. _

_"How can you do this son? Being such a disgrace on our anniversary? Lionel added to the cake. _

_Sean was furious, and slammed his hand down on the table, "at least I'll graduate" he said angrily, yet in a level tone as not to arise a scene in the restaurant. _

_Lionel turned beat red, and arose to take the back of his hand across Sean's face for his disrespect. Sean clenched his eyes shut, expecting a smack across his cheek, but it never came. He peeked an eye open and noticed that Tracker was holding back his father's arm and whispering into his ear. Lionel sat back down._

_Dinner was awkward and silent after that. _

"I'm sorry about this weekend, Sean" Tracker said, "maybe I shouldn't have made you go."

"No, I'm glad I went" Sean answered as he played with the seatbelt. Tracker looked at his little brother warily. "Now I know what to avoid being when I'm an adult."

Tracker smiled weakly, " I know what you mean."

"I never want to be like them."  
" I know, Sean."

Sean weakly fell into bed the moment they reached their house. After spending the weekend on the couch in Wasaga, his tiny bed seemed to be like a luxury to him. As much as he regretted the weekend, he regretted the fact that he had to wakeup and go to school the next morning even more.

* * *

Sean stumbled into class just before the bell rang the next day. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept well. In fact ever since Ellie left he'd been out of sync. Nothing worked right with Sean. The only stable things in his life, at this moment, were Tracker, Jay, and Alex. He would count Amy, but he didn't want her constant attention. He found himself needing to shove her off of him more than usual since Ellie had left. 

Teachers noticed Sean's sudden lack of energy, but blew it off, thinking it was just Monday blues. The only person to really notice had been Ms. Suave. "You okay Sean?" she asked as he fell on the ratty couch in her office, "I never get students in here this early.

Sean looked up, "I spent the weekend in Wasaga Beach with my brother…it was my parents anniversary."

"And how did that go?" she asked, moving to the chair in front of the couch. Sean looked at the woman and gave her a look. A look that shouted, '_are you serious?_' He didn't need to say anything to convey his unhappiness. "So that bad huh?"

"I shouldn't have gone…but…"

"But?"

"I'm glad I went…"

"and why is that?" she asked.

"Because now I am more serious about wanting to not be like them."

Ms. Suave smiled, "that's good Sean."

"Yo…I'm exhausted, do you think I could like nap my way through MI?" he asked.

Ms. Suave laughed, " I don't think so, why don't you go to MI and if you're still feeling like this later, you can come back and talk, maybe I'll let it slip if you fall asleep." She smiled and winked as Sean stood up and left her office.

"I can come back?" he asked, popping his head back in.

"Anytime Sean…" she answered, "Just make sure I have an open schedule first, or make an appointment to see me.

* * *

Sean stumbled into Mr. Simpson's class a few moments late and slipped him a note. It was the last class he had before lunch today, and the fact that he only had to endure an hour sitting in between Emma and Toby was do-able. He could handle that. He attempted to pay attention but found a distraction in his messenger… 

_Ellie was online…_He didn't know she was allowed online. None the less he denied it as a fluke and sent her a message.

**whocares: **_hi_

**NoLabels: **how r u?

**whocares: **_dinner with the rents in wasaga_

**NoLabels: **how was it?

Sean thought about the best way to describe the experience that basically resulted in a further rift between him and his parents. Dare he tell her about how they treated him? Being apart from Ellie just proved his parents right, he wasn't the son they wanted him to be, and he was stupid. For some odd reason however, when he was with Ellie, he wasn't stupid. Ellie never made him feel stupid.

**whocares: **_meh__…_

**NoLabels: **that bad?

**whocares: **_would rather have spent my time AA_

**NoLabels:**ouch…

And then a moment of silence, he half expected Ellie to continue the conversation, and then suddenly another message from the same person disrupted his thoughts.

**NoLabels: **hi

Had he not just said 'hi' to her? Either two things had occurred, (1) Ellie lost an internet connection or (2)…

**whocares: **_I take it I'm not talking 2 Ellie NE more_

**NoLabels: **nope…this is her roommate, Verity

**whocares: **_where did Ellie go?_

**NoLabels: **bathroom

**whocares: **_cool…_

Sean began to think nervously; did Verity know about him? And then his question was answered.

**NoLabels: **so UR the infamous Sean

**whocares: **_the 1 and only_

**NoLabels: **so…like, do you love Ellie or something?

Sean's heart began to race. Of course he loved her. He hadn't broken up for her. _God why is everyone making such a big deal out of this? We didn't break up, we're on a break…_Is there a difference? Of course there was a difference, but no one acknowledged it. The truth of the matter was…

**whocares: **_I love her, yea…_

**whocares: **_we're just on a break_

**whocares: **_I have my own issues 2 work out 2_

**NoLabels: **cool….we'll we R goin' 2 lunch now ttyl

**(NoLabels has just signed off)**

Sean stared at the computer screen. She had signed off, well, Verity had signed off, and she had gone without saying goodbye. Was he supposed to feel hurt? Because if he wasn't, he sure did feel it, and it wasn't fun. It wasn't fun at all. He needed to get out tonight.

Class ended and Sean ran into Jay in the hall, "hey man, what are you doin' tonight?" he asked as they caught up with Towerz outside his last class.

Jay shrugged, "I dunno man…prolly headin' to the Ravine, why you wanna come?"

Sean leaned against the lockers as Jay spun his combination lock, " I'm thinking about it, I just talked to Ellie,…"

"talked to Vampy?" Jay asked as he pulled open the locker.

"Yea…" Sean said, not happy with Ellie's nickname, " she seems to be doin' good," he continued unsure of himself, "I need a break…"

"I didn't know we were dating" Jay said, adjusting his hat in the mirror Alex had put in his locker.

Towerz laughed, "I think he meant he needs to have some fun."

Jay and Sean turned to Towerz with a look of complete disbelief.

"Dude, why don't we just call you Silent Bob," Jay said closing his locker.

Sean laughed, and couldn't stop. His eyes began to water and finally started to slow it down as he noticed Jay and Towerz standing at him.

"Dude?"

Sean looked at Jay, "man, _Jay_…_Silent Bob_…?" Sean waved his hand, and pushed passed them, walking towards auto shop, "ravine tonight?" Sean called back behind him.

"Yea, man…meet me at my place." Jay called as he made a pit stop to Alex's locker.

* * *

For a Friday night the Ravine, "it's kinda slow" Sean mentioned as he opened his bottle of water, taking a sip. Jay threw an arm around his should and raised his can of beer. And waving his arm around. 

"man, it's only like…seven…" Jay argued, "the cool people don't show up until…at least nine."

"Then why are **we** here?"

"Cause we're the trendsetters, bro…we bring the party…with out us…the geeks would have no one to look up to…I mean…" Jay pointed threw the small crowd of people, "even Cause Girl showed up."

Sean looked in the direction Jay was pointing and say Emma with Manny; both looking extremely attractive in their tight jeans, Manny in her trademark low cut top, and Emma with a light cardigan over top of hers. Sean rolled his eyes, "just what I need, ex-girlfriend on a night I need air…"Sean breathed. And then groaned as he noticed Emma's eyes catch him watching; she started to walk over. "Great…just my luck…"

"Man, what's with you and the chicks?" Jay asked, " I mean…is it the eyebrows?" Sean pushed his laughing buddy away, "I'll be right over there stud…" and pointed towards the cooler.

Sean took another sip of water and screwed the top back on the bottle. He struggled not to spit out the water all over the blonde in front of him as he heard the words…

"Hi Sean."

Sean swallowed, "Emma…"

"I heard about Ellie…"

" I don't wanna talk about Ellie tonight, I'm trying to just relax a bit…"

" so you go to a party to get drunk?" Emma asked, not impressed.

Sean shoved the water bottle in her face, "yea…I'm drunk."

"Don't think you're special and the only person who put liquor in a water bottle"

"or the only person to actually drink water out of a water bottle" Sean said angrily, walking away.

Emma grabbed his arm, "Sean…I'm sorry."

Sean turned around to face her, and breathed through his teeth.

" I mean…are you okay?" she asked.

"Am I okay?" Sean asked, his face flushing red with anger, "Oh, yea I'm fine…just fuckin' fine."

"are you sure?"

"YES!" he shouted, and Emma stumbled backwards, then he took a moment to breathe and apologize, "I'm sorry…look, things are tense right now…"

"wanna talk about it?"

"Emma, look, you can't fix everything…that's all you ever did when we were together, try and fix me." Sean was crushing the water bottle in his hand, causing it to crinkle loudly, " I'm not broken…I'm not some little toy, or a project…I'm Sean."

"I know---"

"No! No, Emma, you don't know…" he said trying to walk away.

"Sean listen, I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?" he asked stopping, his back still turned to her.

"For being the nasty ex-girlfriend."

Sean turned around, "I'm sorry, for all the problems I've caused…" Sean walked over to a picnic table, one next to the stereo, and sat down on the bench, leaned back listening to the radio. Emma took a seat next to him on the bench as he nodded his head to the music. And Sean started to laugh as he paid close attention to the lyrics…

_Shit's Fucked Up  
That's the way it goes  
One minute's kicking ass  
Then the next one really blows  
So at the moment when you think  
That everything really sucks  
Reality goes and tells you  
That your shit's fucked up  
Control yourself! Control your mind!  
Or else this world's gonna leave your ass behind_

_SHIT'S FUCKED UP! UH HUH!  
SHIT'S FUCKED UP! WHAT!  
SHIT'S FUCKED UP! OH YEAH!  
SHIT'S...FUCKED...UP_

_But you're never getting down  
No matter how many hits you take  
Gonna kick it live no matter  
How many mistakes you make  
Holding in perspective  
What's good and what's bad  
There's no sense in getting angry  
There's no sense in getting mad  
Control yourself! Control your mind!  
Or else this world's gonna leave your ass behind_

_SHIT'S FUCKED UP! UH HUH!  
SHIT'S FUCKED UP! WHAT!  
SHIT'S FUCKED UP! OH YEAH!  
SHIT'S...FUCKED...UP_

_When will I live? When will I die?  
And how will I keep control of my mind?  
This world that we live in  
Has got its ups and downs  
But I keep on moving' on  
And I never hit the...ground_

"Shit's fucked up…" he muttered under his breath as the song finished.

"but you keep moving on" Emma added, feeling completely sappy as she toyed with the lyrics as Sean had just done. Sean looked over at Emma and laughed harder.

"thanks…" Sean said.

"you're welcome" Emma responded smiling.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, it's taken so long to get this chapter up, as you could prolly tell, it was mostly a Sean based chapter with it spreading to what's going on with him. Next chapter is almost finished (I was writing both at once) it's going to be Ellie based, and spread a bit to what's going on at LVH and at Degrassi with people Ellie associates with (apart from Sean)...**

**thanks to those of you sticking with me...hopefully you'll still like me when things get more settled in...the way I'm planning things out, it might turn out to be a trilogy, but I'm not promising anything...**

**I hope ya'll enjoyed the lyrics, took me a while to find something good, went through my entire play list, phew...took me a while...**

**_SFU_ aka _Shit's Fucked Up_ byKicked in the Head **

**R/R, tell me what you really think of this chapter...and what you think'll be happening, I'm curious to see where I'm leading you all...and as much as I love the "loved the chapter, keep it up" type of reviews, it really doesn't help me much it trying to figure out what will keep you all interested. **


	5. Ofcourseas you wish

**_Encore_**

_Everything's supposed to have a happy ending_

_But the record keeps keeps skipping_

_And the needle keeps bending_

_Like the road I'm driving to the bridge that has no end_

_I wanna take back everything that I've broken,_

_But the bridges behind me are burnin' and smokin',_

_I__guess this is the end_

**Marvelous 3** / Cigarette Lighter Love Song

Ellie had been at Lake View for nearly a week, things were as good as could be expected except for the simple fact Orion seemed to have a crush on our favorite red-head. She grabbed a computer pass from the reception desk and walked into the common room, grabbing a computer and signing onto the DCS homepage to check her Dmail and get her homework.

**To: NoLabels**

**From: MrSimpson**

**Subject: New Assignment**

**Ellie-**

**Class isn't the same without you're smile, we can't wait to have you back next semester, hope you're doing well. I received your HTML assignment, great job. You were off on a bit of the encoding, but nothing major. I have a few assignments for you that are due next week. **

**-Build a business complete with designs for business cards / flyers / webpage**

**-create animated graphics for your webpage**

**-5 entries in your locker journal**

**next week I'll be finishing up your study guide sheet for midterms**

**faxing your midterm to ****LV**** in two weeks**

**hope to be grading an 'A' on your exam**

**-Simpson**

Ellie smiled and made a mental note to start her assignments as soon as she could and saved the Dmail, moving on to acquire her English and Biology before checking her DMails from her friends.

**To: NoLables**

**From: PicturePerfect**

**Subject: Hey Grl**

**Elllllllllie!**

**Grl I miss U! **

**Mark and I went 2 the movies last nite.**

**AmAzInG kIsSeR!**

**That Orion guy sounds a bit stalkerish, is he at least cute?**

**Ah! **

**GTG**

**xoxox**

**Ash**

**To: NoLabels**

**From: Baddaboom**

**Subject: Hey Gorgeous **

**Mi amore**

**I miss you so much Ellie. Come home soon. Your roommate sounds very nice, she better be taking good care of you, OR ELSE! Dylan and I are fab, thanks for asking. You're not missing much. I know you don't want to hear it, but yes, people have been talking, but no worries mi amore, Ash told them off. It's just people that are ignorant and actually believe that drabble that Heather Sinclaire spouts from her cold sore ridden mouth. **

**I was over at Craig's for band practice yesterday, (note to self: NEVER LET SPINNER HAVE SPRAY CHEESE IN AN ENCLOSED SPACE) and Ms. Ryan was over for dinner with Joey, and she asked how you were doing, and when you'd be ready to work again when you came home! Girl, you have that woman wrapped around your pretty little finger, she loves you !**

**Off to dinner with Dyl, ttyl…**

**Ciao**

**Marco 3**

**To: NoLabels**

**From: badChicken**

**Subject: Hi **

**Ellie-**

**I kno U + I have never been close… but we miss U**

**Get that pretty red hed of urs back here soon!**

**WBS**

**-Jimmy**

**To: NoLabels**

**From: Lexxi**

**Subject: my neck is wide open**

**Come back Vamp! 3 **

Ellie smiled and replied happily until she got an instant message.

**whocares: **_hi…_

**NoLabels: **how r u?

**whocares: **_dinner w/ the rents in wasaga_

**NoLabels: **how was it?  
**whocares: **_meh…_

**NoLables: **that bad?

**whocares: **_would have rather spent my time AA_

**NoLabels: **ouch…

Ellie starred at the screen and awaited an answer. Then again she wasn't too sure if she really wanted to talk to Sean right now. "Who ya talkin' to?" Verity asked sneaking up behind the redhead, grabbing the back of the chair and leaning forward to see the screen. Ellie rolled the chair to the side and gave Verity a clear view of the computer monitor. "Oh…it's _him_ I take it…" She sat down on Ellie's lap, "may I?" she asked motioning to use the keyboard.

"Be my guest."

And Verity began typing…

**NoLabels: **hi

**whocares:** _I take it I'm not talking 2 Ellie NE more_

**NoLabels**: nope…this is her roommate, Verity

**whocares: **_where did Ellie go?_

**NoLabels:** bathroom

**whocares**: _cool_…

**NoLabels**: so, UR the infamous Sean

**whocares:** _the 1 and only_

**NoLabels: **so…like, do you love Ellie or something?

"Ouch! Bitch…" Verity muttered as Ellie punched her, Verity laughed.

**NoLabels: **cuz like…she's told me some stuff…

**whocares**: _I love her, yea…_

**whocares: **_we're just on a break_

**whocares: **_I have my own issues 2 work out 2_

**NoLabels**: cool….we'll we R goin' 2 lunch now ttyl

**(NoLabels has just signed off)**

Verity slipped off of Ellie's lap. "Do you think he's sincere about it?" she asked. Ellie shrugged. "Well let's go, time to eat and get fat," she said slightly not amused by the fact she it still seemed like she was being forced to eat. She grabbed Ellie's hand and pulled her to her feet, and they walked off to the mess hall.

"You have your solo with Mohavi today right?" Verity asked.

"Yea, and then I have group with Bronsen before dinner for two hours," Ellie answered.

Verity nodded, "cool…well you're lucky, my first month here I had Callahan, and it sucked, a lot."

Ellie smiled, "Yea, Mohavi's cool." As Ellie returned her computer pass to the reception desk one of the nurses stopped her.

"Miss Nash, you have a phone call."

Ellie responded with a confused look, and then turned to Verity, "I got it, save me a seat." Ellie took the outreached receiver from the nurse and put it to her ear.

"Hey Ellie-bear" a strained voice said over the phone.

"Daddy?" Ellie said, slowly feeling her body becoming excited and soothed as she heard her father's voice over the phone, "what's going on, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm just worried about you Ellie-bear."

"I'm fine Daddy, perfect little soldier," she answered.

Greg Nash chuckled on the other end, "your mother called to tell me what happened."

Ellie twisted the phone chord around her finger, "what did she tell you?"

Greg breathed heavily over the phone, " she told me you tried to kill yourself."

"do good little soldiers give up?"

"No…"

"I didn't try to kill myself, Daddy, I hadn't even met to do what I did, Mom scared me and I slipped…and while I tried to clean up Mom was yelling at me…"

"what do you expect honey, you scared her."

"no, Daddy, she was drunk, … I …" Ellie could feel her eyes watering as she strained to remember that night, " she was arguing with me and I swore she was about to hit me…"

"Ellie…"

"Daddy listen, she grabbed my arm and I told her not to touch me…and when she pulled away I fell down the stairs…"

"Ellie, I love you, no matter what." Greg said.

" I know Daddy, … look, I'm feeling well right now, I'm happy, I'm keeping up with my school work, and everything is fine, I'll see you when you get home in August."

Greg sighed, "okay Ellie…give your mother a call, make sure…make sure she's okay."

Ellie nodded, "kay Daddy, I'll call her later…I gotta go, I'm late for lunch."

" I love you my Ellie-bear."

"I love you too Daddy."

Ellie handed the receiver back to the nurse and then slowly made her way to the mess hall. She walked through the lunch line and grabbed a tray, piling it with food before slipping into her seat between Orion and Verity. Ellie didn't say much of anything, just observed, she noticed that Verity was eating very slowly, it had been very hard for Verity to really eat, she would count her bites, she'd eat very slowly; she would eat; not because she wanted to, but because she was being forced to. Ellie ate with her head down. Compared to Verity, she felt like a pig. She'd never thought about her weight before, then again, the thought about her figure never crossed her mind.

Ellie looked up for a moment, just in time to notice that Orion had suddenly turned his head away. _He was watching her_. Ellie blushed, she'd learned about Orion a lot this week. He was in a few of her group meetings, it turns out he'd been cutting himself for a few years. Unlike most of the other people that felt addicted to the taboo way to cope with issues, he found it to be a spiritual event, it looked at it like the blood letting of the middle ages, or the grief-coping of some native tribes across the world. From what she learned about him, it seemed like he felt he'd done nothing at all terrible. He was a very thin boy, and barely ate. He had this surrounding aura that reminded her of Tracker Cameron's heart. He made her miss Sean. He made her heart ache.

"Eleanor…" Orion began. Ellie looked over, "would you be so kind as to join me for an afternoon sitting session in the sunroom?"

Ellie laughed, "sure Orion…" she answered, figuring she'd be able to work on her English assignment.

* * *

Ashley was sitting in her Media Immersion class when a small window flashed on her screen 

**one new DMAIL**

Clicking on her Dmail box she opened a new message…

**To: pictureperfect**

**From: NoLabels**

**Subject: Re: Hey Grl**

**Miss U 2 Ash!**

**Glad U + Mark are doing so well**

**Orion is a bit of a looker, but we know who my 3 is with**

**GTG!**

**Will write more next time **

**Xoxo**

**El**

Ashley smiled. The third line of the message broke Ashley's heart. She couldn't bear to tell Ellie that Amy was moving in on Sean. She wasn't sure if Sean was reciprocating feelings or if it was one-sided with Amy trying to get her hands back on Degrassi's resident good bad guy. It was almost tempting to tell Ellie to give Orion a chance. Maybe this new guy would be a good thing for Ellie, someone who understands her mannerisms better than Sean. Sure pair had a lot in common with alcoholic parents, but that's about where the line was drawn, or so Ashley felt. She never fully understood the companionship that Sean and Ellie had. The trust, the understanding that was there; to Ashley, they had very little in common, but to someone like Tracker or Marco, who were less preoccupied with themselves, they saw the spark. The spark that only seemed to glow brighter as time inched one while they were apart.

Ashley look up as an instant message screen popped up on the monitor.

**AMarkAMission: **hey babe

**PicturePerfect:** _hey hon, sup?_

**AMarkAMission:** headin' 2 work, saw U online…

**AMarkAMission**: U busy 2nite?

**PicturePerfect: **_homework_

**AMarkAMission:** wanna meet up the library?

**AMarkAMission: **I could help U study…

**AMarkAMission:** I have to do some research anyways

**AMarkAMission:** if U want…

**PicturePerfect: **_sounds good_

**PicturePerfect: **_what time?_

**AMarkAMission:** I get off work 7:30, so maybe around 8?

**PicturePerfect: **_kay I'll see U then, get 2 work!_

**AMarkAMission:** haha, ttyl xoxoxo

**PicturePerfect: **:-

**AMarkAMission: **:-

**(AMarkAMission has just signed off)**

Ashley smiled. She had no clue how she could possibly have such an amazing life right now. She just hoped that somewhere inside her she wouldn't mess it up. Whenever something good seemed to be going on, her world came tumbling down around her.

Marco was sitting next to Paige and Hazel as they shopped online during Mr. Simpson's lecture on creating animated graphics. He struggled to pay attention but found himself being dragged onto the Gucci website to look for a new shirt with matching jeans.

**one new DMAIL**

Marco minimized the website and opened his Dmail inbox.

**To: BaddaBoom**

**From: NoLabels**

**Subject: Re: Hey Gorgeous**

**Marco!**

**Thank you for looking out for my rep while I'm gone. I miss you 2! **

**I really don't know where to start with all stuff going on here, I wish I could tell you something interesting, but there's nothing more than healing going on, I guess…**

**I met a few cool people, I've already told you about Verity, but I guess I haven't really told you about Orion. I'm telling you this, and not Ashley, because I know how she gets sometimes. But he's really cool. We get along real well. And he's very cute. But I miss Sean so much. I really don't know what to do. **

**I mean Sean and I are on a break and all, so does that leave me free to get to know other guys?**

**Urgh I'm so confused….**

**Send me some gossip**

**xoxox**

**Ciao**

**Els**

Marco smiled. She was slowly moving on, and this was very good. '_Or was it?_' he asked himself silently. He saw the way Ellie and Sean got along, and he knew there was something more there. '_Ellie and I are soul mates_' Marco thought, '_but is it possible that Ellie and Sean could be soul mates as well?_' Marco attempted to shake the confusion from his head.

He looked over at Alex who was opening up the inbox to her Dmail folder.

**To: Lexxi**

**From: NoLabels**

**Subject: Re: my neck is wide open**

**Cute Alex, really**

**bb when I can **

**we can have a sleepover**

**and we'll braid each other's hair**

**xoxo**

**vampy**

Alex laughed.

Ellie and her sarcastic humor; if there was one thing that Ellie made good was making dark and negative things more dark and negative with her sarcasm. And it made Alex laugh, but it also saddened her. She didn't understand how Ellie could or would come to the conclusion that her life was so bad. Sure her parents had issues; her dad was a million miles away getting shot at, and her mother was probably passed out drunk on a couch, but Ellie was stronger than that. Alex thought about her home life; how she'd spent many a night listening to her mother cry. If there was one thing that Alex hated more, it was step-fathers. That was another thing Alex was jealous of, Ellie had a father. A real one.

It was her mother's sobs and tears that made Alex toughen up and build a wall around herself. It was very rare that you ever saw Alex let down her guard. Alex always thought her and Ellie were more alike than each other led on. The only difference was Alex chose to hurt other people as opposed to hurting herself.

Amy and Alex, they were best friends. But at times Ellie and Alex connected on a more advanced level…

_"way to go Vampy" Alex muttered as she sat down in the hospital chair beside Ellie's bed. Ellie opened her eyes. _

_"anyone know you're here bitch?" Ellie asked as she pushed herself into a seated position. _

_"and let on that I'm friends with the school freak?" Alex laughed, "my mom is down the hall…" she said, her voice changing. _

_"step-dad again?" Ellie asked, concerned_

_Alex nodded, "who brought you? Amy? Jay?" _

_"I road in the ambulance this time." _

_An awkward silence took over. _

_"so, what happened?" _

_"fell…" _

_Alex laughed, "yea…sure…you pining over Seany boy?" _

_Ellie snorted in disbelief, " I may cut myself over stupid things, but I refuse to cut myself because a boy broke up with me…" And Ellie thought back to the time she cut herself because of the fight her and Sean had had. She rationalized in her own head that it was because she'd upset him, and lost a friend, or at least thought she had as opposed to because they broke up. _

_"yea…sure…" _

_"and your other arm?" Alex asked._

_"fought with my mom…" _

_Alex rolled her eyes, "nice Nash…"_

_"thanks bitch…" Ellie responded, "You really should be with your mom you know…" _

_" I know, but I've been with her for a few hours, I needed a change of scenery." _

_Ellie smiled, "so you decided to visit the resident vampire?" _

_Alex laughed, "who else would I visit?" _

If Ellie didn't joke back, Alex would feel terrible about calling Ellie the names she did. Alex was an outcast; her, Jay, Sean, Amy, and Towerz were all outcasts, and Ellie was one of a different color, so to speak. And if Alex was loyal to anything, it was to **_her kind._** Alex smiled as she wrote back.

**To: NoLabels**

**From: Lexxi**

**Subject: Re:Re: my neck is wide open**

**Vampy, I found some lyrics U might like**

_Verse One  
I didn't tell anyone about what I seen or heard that day, mums the word still  
I'm scared to plant ideas into your head while your rebellious side is fertile  
Hurdles are getting knocked down  
I'm running a losing race  
Your legs aren't the only ones marked up How many dreams have you chased?  
If I could have said this to your face maybe you wouldn't have to write like I do,  
Except I use paper instead of my body now; it's something you might want to try too  
From haikus to horror stories, it's something in our blood that we share,  
Something in our blood that appears on the surface of our skin when we bring it there  
My facial expression said I didn't care  
Hate and aggression must've made an impression on the little kid who stared,  
Sitting on stairs when I would bother to bring my skates  
My feeble attempt at being a strong, big brotherdoing father figure 8's  
Ripping my cape on the ground that it dragged on  
Tripping on fate and hearing the sounds of a sad song  
Listen, it's great sharing time now that dad's gone,  
But what's with the choice of words?  
Or the body parts that you decided to tag them on?  
I'm a bagabond who moved to modern day Babylon and then back again  
With minimal contact and you know I can't ask your mom what's happening  
You've got such beautiful gifts What are you doing ruining the packaging?  
How ironiccome to thinkI probably put this ink on my back for him  
I want you to laugh and sing more,  
But you dropped anchor in a place  
where dreams go to die and you're keeping your ass indoors  
I'm asking for you to stick it outand see things through  
You're asking for me to zip my mouth and keep it just between me and you_

_Chorus  
If I could have been there from the beginning if I could be there right now  
if I could promise to be there when you need me, would it raise an eyebrow?  
How would your body be different if I still dropped by for visits?  
Is it my place to put a smile on your face?  
Could I erase your body language telling you its all been said before?  
Or change the words you wrote, exchanging your scars for my metaphors?  
I'd add them to my collection while smiling  
Next time you want to paint with razor blades and need a canvas use my skin_

_Verse Two  
You're hiding your sins well, but I see the hell that your limbs speak  
Tongue in cheek Lying awake in bed while other kids sleep  
The strength of evil begins to keep your grins weak  
No matter the length of the needle  
marking up one's body is so much more than skin deep  
Feel the pin prick The grim reep what they sew and you're trained to say that you're fine  
Your thresh hold for pain is greater than mine  
So I'm waiting in the lines that you give mepatiently,  
While you get cut in the lines that THEY make YOU wait inin ways that they can't see  
If there's a vacancy as far as room in your life goes,  
say it to me Don't do it with a knife under your clothes  
Because the anguish of hidden skinis letting my ghosts be shown  
Plus the language its written in hits especially close to home  
I'm most alone when I'm out of touch with the people who feel this type of pain  
You might just aim for a day that its rainingto strike a vein to take my name in  
Changing your uniform and altering your mind set  
Has your pointer finger decided if it was a fault of his or mine yet?I bet  
I know the dialect It's nowhere I haven't been before  
With skin that's sore Battle scars that rise from our inner war  
Are decorative medals of honor that our father decided to pass through inheritance  
And it is repetitive when the kids head in the direction of evidence  
proving the pain and hurt is relative_

_All this pain and hurt is relative_

_(repeat chorus)_

_Fade to black_

**I know it's not punk rawk or anything like that…I kidnapped the lyrics from some site**

**Some dude…um…Sage Francis I think…songs called something like, inherited scars**

**I know U may not think of us as close or anything**

**But U know I care **

**Stay out of trouble**

**And come back to us….cause as much as I love my best friend**

**She isn't fun to pick on. **

**Fuck off,**

**Lexxii**

Alex felt accomplished with herself. And leaned back in her chair, looking up as Mr. Simpson rambled on about how to do whatever the assignment was.

* * *

Ellie tapped her pencil against the table. Writer's Block, what a bitch. 

"Hello milady…" Orion said bowing before Ellie as she set in the common room, working on her homework. Ellie looked up and blushed. She was well aware of Orion's crush on her, and the fact that he constantly reminded Ellie of Sean and Tracker just made her homesick. She didn't need to be homesick, so she felt herself coming to the conclusion that she should push him away.

"Stuck in another century, Orion?" she asked, setting her pencil down. Orion furrowed his eyebrows in a confused manner.

"Sorry, I thought all the ladies like the chivalry thing…" he said sitting down across from her.

Ellie laughed for a moment, "some…not all, it would be easier if you were just yourself"

Orion chuckled deeply and fixed his thick framed glasses, " as you wish…so what are you working on?" he asked pulling out his infamous notebook. He listened as Ellie explained her English homework to the boy with dusty blonde hair as he scribbled and drew in his notebook.

"What are you drawing?" Ellie suddenly interrupted.

"You…" Ellie's eyes flew open and she quickly reached across the table for the notebook, but Orion quickly thwarted her seizing arm and pulled it against his chest. He held out his hand and tic and tacked his finger back and forth, "tsk tsk Missy…it's not finished."

Ellie blushed furiously, she felt her face burning, "I didn't give you permission to draw me…"

"fine" he said ripping a page from the book and slipping it face down across the table. Ellie snatched it up and looked at it and started laughing. It was obviously NOT the drawing he had been working on, but a stick figure. "Are you making fun of my artwork?" he asked hurt, as he continued to sketch Ellie.

"Why are you drawing me?" she asked.

"Because you have the most expressive eyes, … your face is incredibly boring but when it does something you're eyes are the most animated part," he said smirking, and finally ripping out the page to reveal a beautiful portrait of Ellie as she had worked on her English assignment, her hair strewn in her face, a hand tucking fly-aways behind her ear, and he was right, her eyes stood out, they seemed to just stare at the artist, laughing playfully.

"thanks" she said tucking it away into her binder safely, "thanks a lot." Her heart was starting to be frantically, she didn't like this feeling one bit, not one bit at all.

* * *

**A/N: told ya'll I had Ellie's chapter ready to go...Next Chapter will prolly be another Ellie focus with all the attention on her and her meeting with Dr.Mohavi (who I've affectionally dubbed Dr.Mo) and possibly a focus in on the other's at LVH...**

**after that another Sean Chapter / focusing in on Jay trying to cheer up his best friend, and him and Emma slowly becoming friends again, or something more? Possibly something going on with Amy trying to get in his pants (ofcourse), and a Sean/Ashley friendship for the first time since she made out with him at that party back at the end of grade 8**

**hope ya'll enjoyed the lyrics Alex found for Ellie, _Inherited Scars_ by Sage Francis **

**R/R if you wish...**


	6. i hate the spring

**_Encore_**

"How are you today Ellie?" Dr. Mohavi asked. Ellie shifted in the large oversized chair uncomfortably. She'd barely been comfortable talking to Ms. Sauve and now she was sitting in the unusually cluttered office of a new psychologist that Ellie wasn't sure if she could trust. Ellie pressed her lips together tightly and her eyes floated around the room nervously. "Ellie, do you trust me?" Ellie's eyes darted towards the sound of Dr. Mohavi's voice.

"Not really" Ellie answered pulling her legs up onto the chair and began to pick at the fraying denim at the bottom of her black worn jeans.

"who do you trust?"

"Sean…Ashley, Marco, Verity?"

"you seem unsure about the last few, who's Sean?"

Ellie rested her arms across her knees and placed her chin upon her stacked arms, her gazed directly focused on Dr. Mohavi. Her long hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was dressed very casually, her doctor's coat hanging loosely on the back of her chair. _'Can I trust her?_' Ellie wondered to herself, "Sean's my boy…**ex** boyfriend."

"Yet you still trust him?"

"Of course" Ellie answered as if the response were obvious, "why wouldn't I?"

" I'm not sure, but it's good to have someone you can trust." Dr. Mohavi watched as Ellie drew her attention back to her frayed pant legs, "do you think you can trust me?"

Ellie shrugged.

"Ellie, Ms. Sauve, your school counselor, what would you talk to her about?"

"Stuff…we didn't really talk much." Ellie answered, " she said I was doing better, **I was** **doing better**." Dr. Mohavi watched as Ellie seemed to become bitter at the thought of why she was here, and slowly jotted down a few notes on a blank notepad as Ellie began to ramble angrily. " I wasn't even going to cut that night…everyone thinks it was because Sean and I broke up, even my mother. She's wrong, she's wrong about almost everything, she can't even stay sober," Ellie looked up, "do you know she was drunk that night?"

Dr. Mohavi shook her head, " I had no idea Ellie."

"No one does, I was just…holding it, ya know? For comfort, just letting it touch my forearm was enough comfort for me and then she burst in and scared me…and I… I didn't mean to, it was an accident, and she looked at me like it was all my fault." Ellie sat up straight, lowering her legs to the floor and throwing her arms around violently for a moment, "she didn't even help me, I got up to help myself and she yelled at me for getting blood on the floor and then we got into a fight and I lost my balance and fell down the stairs." Tears were starting to leak from Ellie's eyes.

"Everyone slips up Ellie, it's okay."

"It's not okay,…" Ellie sniffled and wiped her eyes, "everything's just messed up again, it always gets messed up every time he leaves."

"every time who leaves?"

"Daddy…Mom will be okay for the first few days and then she goes on a drinking binge, until about a week before my father is scheduled to come home, then she sobers up, it's disgusting."

"She's an adult Ellie, she's entitled to drink…"

"Is she entitled to drink until she passes out in the living room, or until she fills her stomach with nothing but hard liquor forcing her to spend the night on the bathroom floor?"

"everyone makes their own choices Ellie."

"I know, just like I made the choice to pick up after my mother, or make sure she doesn't die from alcohol poisoning every night, I'm the one that made the choice to make sure the bills got paid…and I'm the one who couldn't handle it so I decided to cut myself."

"Ellie, look at me," Ellie raised her gaze, " you're right, you shouldn't have had to be the adult in your family, you're still a child, and you had every right to find a way to cope with everything that was going on, I'm here to help you find another way to do so, without hurting yourself Ellie, but you have to talk, you have to trust me."

Ellie wiped her eyes, " I don't know who to trust anymore…I'm supposed to trust my family, but my father isn't around, and my mother is to drunk to pay attention. Sean was the only one who I could trust, he's the only one who saw beyond the scars and the cutting, he saw me and he trust me."

" Let's change the subject, why don't you tell me how you and Sean got together," Dr. Mohavi asked.

Ellie's lips curved into a slight smile as she remembered the day Sean and her met, and began to describe the day her and Sean had officially met in the hall, and what happened later that night...

_Dinner at the Cameron home seemed to be more like dinner than anything Ellie experienced at home while her father was away. She laughed and had real dinnertime conversation. She felt so relaxed it surprised Sean when she, unbeknown to herself, subconsciously rolled up her sleeves as the temperate climate in the room got to her fatigued body. Sean's eyes widened as he followed Tracker's gaze to her arm, and suddenly Ellie was the only one lost in the moment._

_ " El..." Sean muttered and motioned for her to roll down her sleeve. Ellie furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at her arm and panicked, she quickly tried to tug her sleeves down but Tracker had already noticed, and gently stopped her hand._

_ " not trying to escape?" Tracker asked. Ellie dropped her head onto the table and pushed back tears. " Stay tight..." he muttered and walked over to a cabinet and came back with a bottle of peroxide and some cotton balls. " You shouldn't let the cuts go uncleaned..." he said as she dabbed peroxide on the cotton balls and ran them over her arm gently. Ellie jumped a little as the peroxide stung her skin. Sean watched as her eyes brimmed with tears she held back from the twangs of pain. " They could get infected." Ellie opened her mouth to speak. " When was the last time you cut?" Tracker asked._

_ " ...last Friday..." Ellie whimpered as he got up to grab something else._

_ " and you didn't clean these up?" Tracker asked angrily, " They are still open..."_

_ " That's partially my fault" Sean muttered. Tracker spun his head to glare at Sean._

_ " what do you mean it's partially your fault"_

_ " ...I fell..." Ellie muttered, " and Sean helped me up and grabbed my arm a bit too tight..."_

_ " and they opened up?" Tracker asked as he sat back down with some vitamin E and began to rub it gently over her cuts. Ellie nodded. " Well no duh...look Ellie, I know all too well how addicting this is, but it's dangerous, especially when you don't take care of the cuts."_

_ " I'm trying to stop"_

_ " I'm sure you are..." Tracker muttered._

_ " She is Track...she was just coming from seeing the counselor when I bumped into her." _

_ Tracker turned and looked at Ellie. He smiled slightly. " you'll pull through."_

_ Ellie nodded and pulled her arm slowly away from Tracker and tugged her sleeves down, and pulled on her jacket. " I-I-I better be going...it's getting late."_

_ Tracker nodded._

_ " I'll walk you home" Sean volunteered, " you shouldn't be walking around after dark, alone"_

_ Ellie nodded and Sean led her out of the kitchen and out the door. As they rounded the end of Sean's block Ellie turned to him and looked furious, "that was why you brought me there?" she asked angrily._

_ Sean looked at her, " I brought you over because you didn't seem like you wanted to be at home."_

_ Ellie breathed a sigh angrily, she was fuming. " I can't believe...he..." she groaned in frustration as she walked towards her house._

_ " all I have to say is ... he's better than Ms. Sauve" he muttered, smirking in the darkness of the streets._

_ Ellie turned around and laughed, " he definitely understands better."_

"Him and his brother sound like a lovely pair, you should be glad to have friends like that," Dr. Mohavi mentioned and quickly glanced at the clock, "Ellie, I'm sorry to cut your first session at a progressive moment, but I have another appointment coming in, so I'll see you…" Dr. Mohavi, flipped through the date book on her desk top, " next Tuesday right before dinner." Ellie nodded in agreement, "and don't forget you have group tomorrow."

Ellie stood up and nodded goodbye before heading back to the commons room and falling on the couch between Orion and Jerzy. She gently rubbed Jerzy's buzzed cut fuzz and got him to smirk in amusement.

" I gotta stop cutting my hair like that," Jerzy said shaking his head, "you girls just love doing that." Ellie laughed as she watching him run his hands over his own fuzzy hair self consciously. Jerzy turned to Ellie who pouted her lips.

"you know you love it," she said wiggling her nose.

"you're too sweet to be in here with all us," Jerzy said standing up and heading off to grab a computer pass from the reception desk, messing up her hair in the process. Ellie grinned and turned to Orion as he sat writing in a notebook.

"What are you writing?" she asked, trying to get a peek at the notebook. Orion looked over at Ellie, slowly closing the notebook with one finger still holding the page he'd been writing. He sideswiped his dirty blonde hair and thinks for a moment before reopening the notebook and passing it to Ellie. He watched with nervous eyes as Ellie's slowly read over his sloppy hand writing.

**_ I hate the spring. The teasing moment right before summer as winter slowly thaws out. She left us in May. It was only so fitting that we buried her in the month that shared her name. We buried her in her favorite green dress, and a silk green scarf wrapped around her head. Her lips were so red it was like the most perfect shade of crimson was painted across her plump lips. And from those plump lips she would breathe no more, and those lips would never find themselves pressed against my forehead. No one wore black that day. She forbade it. As she lay on her deathbed, she whispered that request, "there will be no black cloud surrounding my grave." She wanted a rainbow; she wanted to travel to heaven on a rainbow. " And I want dandelions…I love dandelions." _**

**_ I hate the spring. It brings dandelions to the unkempt lawn. I hate the spring. _**

**_ I hate the spring. But for the sake of fourteen years of memories I pick a bouquet of dandelions and place them next to her name. I shed no tears, for she forbade it, instead I laugh for her. It was what she wanted, she used to sing me to sleep and whisper fairy tales in my years and tickle me, telling me that my laughter signified the birth of a pixie. But after that spring, I could barely bring myself to laugh for even one pixie. But I can cry enough to drown a dozen. I hate the spring, but it brings the rain that hides my tears._**

**_ I hate the spring. I hate the spring because it took her away. I hate that spring. _**

Ellie passed the notebook back. "You're mom?" she asked. Orion shook his head. Ellie stared confused.

"My grandmother, she raised me." Orion explained, "my mother was never around, my grandmother always said my mother was a spirit who couldn't be tamed, not even by motherhood." Orion smiled. Ellie smiled back but remained silent, she didn't know what to say, "she had breast cancer." Orion said, breaking the silence.

"Oh" was Ellie could manage, " my mother's parents died before I was born, and my Nanner and Pappy live in Nova Scotia, we moved around a lot, I still don't know them very well."

"That's a shame." Orion said changing his position on the couch, resting his back up against the arm rest, drawing his knees up to add as an easel for his notebook as he began to ink a sketch of Ellie's face.

"Are you drawing me again?" she asked trying to tuck her head into her shirt.

"O' course milady," he said looking up and then back down at the notebook.

"Why?" Ellie asked, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Because you're a masterpiece."

Ellie blushed furiously, and then smiled as Orion looked up and smirked as he noticed her grinning like an idiot, her heart beating again, in a fashion that scared her, and made her forget who Sean was for a moment in time.

* * *

**A/N: Eck, I'm sorry guys, it's been a very long time. You'll have to forgive me. I'm trying really hard to write as often as I can but if only you could see my schedule. It's extremely hectic and I was lucky to get a few moments to write something up for you guys. I know it's short, even with the flashback to Numb it's not as long as I hoped i could write, atleast on Ellie's part. As soon as I post this, I plan on getting to work on a Sean chapter, and maybe an other parties chapter. **

** Please forgive me for the lack up updates I promise I'll make it up somehow. Also, I'd regret to inform you that I can no longer post the lyrics in the chapters because of the fact that I don't have the right to do so, considering the lyrics aren't mine and all, I emailed the site and asked about citing the lyrics, and I can't even do that. So I guess if I use music in future chapters I can mention the name and artist and you can look up the lyrics on your own if you wish. I can't really do much else. **

** Keep an eye out for the next chapter, it might be up tonight as well or possibly tomorrow, depending on how my schedule works out.  
**


	7. Sean's New Friend

**_Encore_**

"So I can get that angle by adding the other two and subtracting from 180?" Emma asked tapping the pencil against the paper strewn with numbers and strange figures meant to resemble triangles.

Sean nodded, "told you it wasn't that hard."

"When did you get good at geometry?"

"When did stop hating me?"

Emma blushed; since Ellie left she noticed that Sean seemed more withdrawn than ever. He was quiet and focused on school, and barely talked to anyone, even Jay and the gang. She was lucky she was able to steal him for a few moments everyday to help her with her geometry homework. Sean took a long sip of water from his water bottle, and toyed with a rubber band around his wrist. She watched as he twirled it around his wrist, becoming lost in its motion. Looking over she noticed that he'd lost weight. He seemed thinner, like he hadn't been eating that much, with all the water he'd be consuming nothing really stayed in his system.

"You okay?" she asked.

Sean snapped out of his daydream with the rubber band and smiled, "yea I'm fine."

"What's with the rubber band?" Emma asked as she closed up her notebook.

"Ellie used to wear them…"

"You miss her?"

"I guess, but I don't think she misses me."

Emma stared at Sean, "why do you think that?" Sure, some part of her was still mad about the lap top incident, but she noticed the transformation he seemed to evolve through when it came to being with Ellie. Emma had heard about the break, it seemed to spread around Degrassi like wildfire, some said they'd broken up because Sean beat her, or that Sean proposed to Ellie and she turned him down saying that she'd been having an affair with his brother. And Sean kept his head up and ignored them, saying the same thing to anyone who asked, "_We're on a break, to figure ourselves out_" And then in a matter of a few days she was ripped straight from him and sent away. She couldn't help but feel heartbroken for him, because he refused to show it.

"She seems like she's having more fun with her new crazy friends"

"Well for the first time maybe she's surrounded by people who understand her, and don't think she's **_crazy_**" Emma responded.

"I understood her."

"sometimes people need more than one person to support them Sean," Emma stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder, "I'm going to the Dot later with Manny, JT, and Toby if you want to come, maybe get your mind off things, because something is obviously bugging you."

Sean fumed inside, "nothing is bugging me," he said trying to keep his cool.

"Whatever, the offer still stands," and with her final words Emma walked out of the library and towards her locker.

"Hanging out with Cause Girl now are we?" Jay asked stepping out from behind a book shelf.

Sean laughed and packed up his books, "helping her with her homework."

"She asked you out, dude, she's got the hots for you again."

Sean rolled his eyes, "Emma and I are not getting back together." The statement itself seemed to sound right to Sean, but Jay knew better, he almost wished the two would hook back up and get it over with; there was no point in watching Sean mope around because he missed Ellie. Sean needed a female companion to release his sensitive side upon, and Amy; Jay gagged at the thought, Amy definitely was not the person to help him get out of this disgusting self pity of a rut. It was getting to the point where Jay was about to unleash his disgusted side upon Amy and tell her to back off.

"So are you going to meet her at the Dot?" Jay asked as they walked out of the library.

"Meet who at the Dot?" Amy asked slinking up behind them and locking arms with Sean, who instinctively pulled away from her grasp.

"Do you take stalking classes?" Jay asked annoyed.

Amy rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Sean, "meet who at the Dot?"

"Emma…"

"Why would you meet that little Eco-Slut?"

"…to help her with her geometry homework? And don't call her that, she hasn't gone down on enough guys to be considered even a regular slut like you Am…" Sean answered.

Amy sneered, "Whatever."

"Look, I'll catch you guys later; I'm meeting up with Track at the bike shop to get parts for Lucille."

"So he's finally named her then?" Jay asked.

Sean laughed, "Yea, I still think he coulda came up with something better than…_Lucille_."

"Catch ya later, man" Jay said initiating a ridiculous handshake that just about no one could imitate, beside the two boys.

-X-

"You gunna help me with Lucille?" Tracker asked walking into the small house and watched as his little brother collapsed on the couch effortlessly and turned on the television. "Yo! Little brother…"

Sean looked up, "huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to help me with Lucille," Tracker asked his eyes bearing concern for the change his little brother had gone through since the night at the hospital.

"Nah, I think you can handle it."

Tracker walked over to the television set and turned it off and stood in front of the screen, and waited for his little brother to react.

"Dude…"

"Get up, go out, I'm sick you sitting on your ass." Tracker was verbally pushing his little brother out the door.

Sean breathed in slowly, and pushed himself off the couch and stalked out the door. Tracker didn't like forcing his brother to do something he obviously didn't' want to do, but sometimes it was needed. He hated watching Sean waste away slowly on the couch, suffering from an all too obvious broken heart. Whether Ellie was coming back or not, Sean had to move on. The way he sat around barely moving, barely eating was starting to take toll on his usually buff and well taken care of body. Sean's clothes had become more loose and baggy than before, and it was beyond the stage of being fashionable. Tracker walked to the window and watched as Sean shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and angrily kicked the metal trashcan at the corner. Tracker walked outside and took to caring for his precious Lucille.

Sean kicked everything he could without getting arrested for destruction of private or public property. He felt out of control when it came to his anger as of lately. Out of breath from being so angry with everyone and just about everything he sat down on a bench along Main Street. His arms draped across the back of the bench. He closed his eyes. He heard an all too familiar giggle, "_Ellie?" _

_Sean looked to his right and noticed Ellie nestled under his arm. She poked at his stomach and gently pecked his cheek. Sean smiled. _

_"Are we hanging out with Jay and Alex tonight?" she asked. _

_"Probably, maybe down at the Ravine, or at the movies, Alex got us free tickets." _

_Ellie smiled, "good, I missed spending time with you." Ellie hugged him close and Sean smiled. _

_"Hey Els?" Sean asked. _

_Ellie looked up, "yea?" _

_"Does this mean the breaks over?" _

_"Sean…"_

"Sean…hey, you in there?" JT asked poking the ex-wrestler in the shoulder. Sean opened his eyes. "Emma didn't think you were coming, actually none of us did," JT said. Sean looked around; he was sitting on a bench outside the Dot. He mentally cursed himself for deciding to sit down outside the Dot.

"Yea well...I had nothing better to do." Sean answered and followed JT inside. The small ground of high school students had taken over a booth in the back corner.

"Look who I found outside," JT announced. Emma looked up surprised to see her ex-boyfriend standing in front of her.

"I thought you weren't coming" Emma mentioned.

Sean shrugged and slipped into the booth.

"So I was in Kwan's class today and Spinner had to have farted like forty times, I'm starting to think he should quit Downtown Sasquatch and join up with me and do a touring act,…"JT rambled.

"what are you gunna call it? Losers Squared?" Sean muttered.

Emma elbowed him in the stomach, "rude much…?"

"Actually I was thinking of calling it JT and human nuclear bomb?"

"that's stupid JT" Manny said.

"I'm sorry ladies, I'm losing my comedic touch, I'm sorry."

"You were never funny to begin with…" Sean muttered.

"Look man, I'm sorry you're all mopey cause your girlfriend lost her marbles…"

"man, don't talk about Ellie like she's some crazy freak" Sean reached across the table and grabbed JT's collar.

"Sean let him go." Emma fought, pulling Sean back across the table.

"JT that wasn't cool, " Manny argued on Sean's behalf.

"No, but it had to be said," he retorted and turned to Sean, "you've been a pain in the ass to be around, you don't talk to anyone, even your own _so-called_ friends, you barely eat, it looks like you barely sleep, and I'm surprised you even show up at school, something isn't right with you Sean, and you need to get yourself fixed."

Sean sat silent. He looked livid, but inside it finally all sunk in, he realized that the moment JT took the time to tell him everything that others were afraid to say he was falling apart. The only one who hadn't said anything was Toby. And it was to him, that Sean turned. Both wrestlers at one time, and both part of a Saturday detention that neither mentioned had created a deep seeded bond. One look at Toby and then at Emma and Sean stood up, "I've got to go."

With that Sean walked out of the Dot, having not spent more than a few minutes with his class mates. Emma stood to leave, but was stopped by Toby.

"Let me talk to him" Toby asked, and pushed his way politely out of the booth, leaving a confused Emma, Manny, and JT behind.

-X-

Toby followed Sean down the block around a few corners, with every step he thought about calling out to the obviously depressed young man, but opted against it. It was just outside of DCS that he found Sean sitting silently on a picnic bench. Toby took a seat next to him, and muttered a "hey."

Sean looked up and over, "what are you doing here Tobes?"

" checking up on you?"

"I don't need checking up on" Sean answered and stared at his dirty fingernails.

"just like I didn't need checking up on when I was taking laxatives to lose weight?"

"that's different man, you could have killed yourself."

Toby shook his head, "this isn't different." Sean looked over at the be speckled boy and blinked a few times before realizing that his eyes were starting to hurt from the tears he refused to let fall. Toby continued, "whether you'd like to see what this is doing to you or not, people have noticed. You aren't yourself Sean, you're lost. I can see it, they can see it, and the only one who can't see it is you."

"Toby you don't get it."

"What don't I get?" Toby answered, "You think it's easy being me? All I've got going for me has been my brains and my friends." Sean rubbed his temples as his head sunk between his legs, opting to not give Toby his full attention, "You have plenty of people looking out for you, and you're choosing not to help yourself."

" I don't need help."

"Sean…look at yourself, You must have lost fifteen pounds in the last two weeks. You barely even talk to Jay, no one sees you outside of school, this isn't healthy."

"I know!" Sean shouted, snapping his head up. " It was only supposed to be a break, I didn't mean for her to go and do that…"

" No one did, but you're not responsible for her Sean…she's getting help, and moving on, it's time for you to do the same."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

Toby shrugged, not completely sure of how Sean could accomplish such a task. "You could start by coming back to the Dot with me and laughing at JT's jokes because they aren't funny."

Sean stared at Toby as if he were crazy, and then slid off the picnic table and dusted off his jeans. "Might as well, I have nothing better to do, all my homework's done."

" you did you're homework?" Toby asked, surprised. Sean punch Toby in the arm. Toby cringed and rubbed his arm gently trying to get rid of the stinging pain, " that hurt you know."

" Suck it up Isaacs," Sean responded and threw a friendly arm around the younger boy.

-X-

"A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, 'What would you like, sir?' and he looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, 'A quickie.' Then the waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, 'What would you like, sir?' Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, 'A quickie, please.' This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding 'SMACK!' and storms away. A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'." JT finished his joke triumphantly, and waited for laughter.

**Nothing**.

"Come on guys, quickie…quiche?" JT said begging for at least a chuckle, "It's a classic."

"Yea, classically terrible," Sean said laughing, and at his comment the table erupted in laughter. JT looked disappointed.

"I think it's about time I headed home," JT mentioned, "thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all week," and bowed as he slipped out of the booth and paid his tab at the register before leaving. Manny followed suit as did Toby. Finally it was down to Emma and Sean.

"It's getting dark, and I promised my mom I'd be home around dinner time to baby-sit Jack," Emma said getting up and walking over to the register.

"I'll walk you." Sean offered, " you shouldn't be walking alone after dark anyways."

"Always the gentleman, huh, Cameron?" Emma said handing the cashier her receipt and cash.

"You know me…" Sean said as Emma waited for her change.

Emma blushed and walked out the door as Sean held it open for her. The walk was completely silent for both parties. It'd been a very long time since Sean had walked Emma to her front door, and it had been a long time since Sean had even thought about walking her home. Emma stopped in front of her house and smiled, "thanks" she said softly.

"Don't mention it." Sean answered, feeling quite good with himself.

Emma smiled, " I'll see you tomorrow Sean."

"Bye"

Sean watched Emma walk into her house and didn't move until he knew she was safe. He started off towards his home and for the first time since Ellie went away, he smiled, a real smile.

* * *

**A/N: Meh, not really sure what I think about this chapter. I just wanted to get something up for you guys because I've been a real asshole with the updating. But believe me if I had the time, I'd write. I just haven't had any time. You should see how marked up my calendar is for this week, not to mention the disgusting amounts of stress I'm under. I really tried to establish a Sean/Toby friendship, because we know they all bonded that Saturday, but you never really see much of Toby and Sean afterwards. So I figured I'd give it ago. We get a bit of Tracker in there, and slight SEmma going on, I'm not sure if they'll really hook up or not, just like I'm not sure if Orion/Ellie is going anywhere...but we never know, we do need some conflict. **

** If ya'll have any ideas of what I can do for my Mark/Ash spin-off, which I hope to get going on soon. I have an idea, but I dunno if I should follow through with it, it's kinda hush hush right now. **

** And to britneyh8r about Chapter 4, sorry about the grammar mistakes, I was in a rush to get it up. And the Silent Bob reference was just a joke about how Towerz never talks, period, and then I realized he hangs out with Jay, so I was like...laughing to myself. I dunno. Hope this chapter is up to your standards...if not, let me know and how I can fix future ones...  
**


	8. not again

**_Encore_**

Ellie was sitting on her bed diligently working on her class assignments and struggling with her math assignment when Verity walked into the room. Ellie had noticed that over the past few days Verity had gained weight and was starting to fill out her curves. Ellie knew Verity hated it. Verity wanted to keep her little boy figure; no hips, tiny breasts. The other girl fell on her bed and groaned, "I want to throw up." Ellie looked up from her homework. "They urged us each to eat one chocolate from a box today in group…"

"And that's a bad thing? It's chocolate," Ellie argued, " god forbid it had been boiled cabbage."

Verity laughed, "it was coconut."

"Aw, poor baby" Ellie said laughing.

"I happen to hate coconut," Verity answered, matter-of-factly. Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes before returning to her assignment. Ellie groaned and fell back against her pillows. Verity walked over and took a peek at Ellie's assignment, "Not a fan of numbers?"

"Sean usually helps me with my number hatred." Ellie sat up and scooted back, pressing her back against the headboard. Verity climbed onto the bed, sitting Indian style. She turned the notebook around to examine Ellie's mathematic skills. Or lack there of.

"Orion's good at numbers."

Ellie stared at Verity as if she were crazy, "What do you mean by that?" Ellie asked, catching on to Verity's game.

Verity tossed her long hair behind her, and wiggled her eye brows, "You know…You and Orion."

Ellie choked on her breath, "What do you mean, me and Orion?"

Verity bobbled her head, "we're not stupid Ellie, everyone's noticed, Orion's got a little crush on you, and I think you like him, too."

Ellie's heart sped up and she struggled to release a strained laugh, "not happening."

"Do you really expect that ex of yours to stick around when you get out of here?" Verity asked, she unfolded her legs and sat on her knees, "He says he loves you, _you _say he loves you, but he hasn't come to visit out of the how many days and almost weeks you've been here." Ellie opened her mouth to interrupt, " No, buts, you know it, and I know it, you can't keep waiting around for someone, and you're on a break El, you're free to see other people."

Ellie was dumbfounded. She didn't know what to think, instead she grabbed her books and pencil and left the room.

Finding herself alone, he curled her feet underneath her as she collapsed in a chair in the furthest reaches of the common room. It happened to be at that moment that Orion walked in with Jane and Leslie into the room. Noticing this she quickly tried to make herself invisible. She went un-noticed for as long as she wanted to be, it was when a tough equation made her groan that the small group noticed her.

"Hey Ellie" Leslie called out sweetly, "did see you over there, you gunna come join us?"

Ellie's face scrunched up into a look that screamed: _I don't want to but I guess I will_. She sprawled out on the floor at the feet of Jane, Leslie, and Orion and continued on with her war with numbers. "How can you do homework, Ellie, this is your vacation from the real world." Ellie looked up at Jane and frowned.

" I'm trying to keep it so that I'll be in the same grade as all my friends next year," Ellie explained, a nasty annoyed tone in her voice.

"sorry I asked," Jane responded, obviously annoyed with Ellie's attitude. Ellie signed, ther"e really was no need for her attitude, and it only upset her a bit more to know she upset someone else. She wasn't here to make people dislike her.

"What's got you all grumpy milady?" Orion asked.

Leslie and Jane both rolled their eyes. Sure they both liked Ellie, but she was a baby here, a newbie, and she was already messing things up just a little bit. Maybe it was just a tinge of jealous that had the girls so worked up, after all, before Ellie came Orion was their pet, now Ellie had him completely wrapped around her finger, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

"Ouch, what is that calc?" Orion asked.

" just some advanced geometry and algebra." Ellie answered, trying to focus. She didn't want Orion's help, it would just create problems, and she didn't need anymore problems.

" I could---"

" No thanks, I'd really like to do this on my own." Ellie answered.

Orion looked hurt, but quickly pushed his attention back to Leslie and Jane, "would you ladies like to accompany me to the snack machine?" Leslie and Jane smiled and each grasped on to Orion's scrawny arms and walked out of the common room.

Ellie sighed in relief.

"Why the sigh of relief Nash?"

Ellie looked up, in another corner of the room she finally noticed Max sitting in the farthest reaches of the room. "Excuse me?" she asked. Max laughed to himself and stood up, walking over to the empty couch and lying across it.

" Just wondering why you feel so relieved" Max asked.

" Because I need to work on my homework?" Ellie said, questioning her own response.

" Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with Orion?"

Ellie fell silent and took a moment to form a response, " why would it have anything to do with Orion? I have a boyfriend."

Max chuckled, " and I'm sure the boyfriend would love to see how you look at Orion, or even the way you act around him."

"what is that supposed to mean?" Ellie asked as she started to become annoyed with the way Max seemed to be creepily watching her and Orion's every move.

" I just mean, that you two have chemistry, why not experiment with it?"

" I'm not about to set myself up for something tragic to happen"

"Who says something tragic will happen?"

" You're creeping me out, you know that Max?" Ellie stated, trying to turn back to her homework. Max just laughed. Ellie looked up at him again.

" I'm sorry, Ellie, I'm just an observer, I notice things."

" you notice too much sometimes," Ellie said simply, " you're boarding on nosey."

" sorry, I didn't mean to but my nose in," Max answered, "it's just that, I room with Orion and he's never been interested in a girl…"

" What about Leslie and…"

" Jane?"

" No interest in them, most of the time he's usually interested in …"

" who?"

" it's not a matter of who, more of a matter of … guys?" Max tried to explain. Orion was in fact bi-sexual and was usually attracted to guys, " I don't even know why I'm telling you this…" he stopped as he noticed Ellie's face fall, he hadn't continued to mention that Orion was also interested in girls before Ellie nearly burst into tears of frustration.

" I knew he was too good to be true…I will not go through that again." She said with a mix of anger and sadness as she closed her notebook quickly. She stood up to leave when Max grabbed her arm and pulled her onto the couch.

" What are you talking about Ellie?"

" you're telling me he's gay right?" Ellie asked, "this is just like Marco, I'm surprised Sean didn't turn out to be gay, especially with all the time he spent around Jay…" Ellie continued to ramble.

" he's not gay."

Ellie stopped rambling and looked at Max, " but you sad…"

" I said he's **_usually_** interested in guys…he's bisexual Ellie, he likes chicks, and he **really** likes you."

Ellie flushed beet red, " I'm sorry," Ellie looked down at her notebook. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear she looked over at Max, "it's just that…when you said he was interested in guys I though…"

" I know what you thought…"

" What did I think?" Ellie asked, " you have no idea what it was like for me to be interested in my best friend only to have him turn out gay…I was his girlfriend for months before he even came out to anyone other than me"

" no but I know what it's like to be interested in my best friend and have him turn out straight."

Ellie looked at Max softly, she felt terrible for jumping to conclusions about him, " I'm sorry Max."

"Don't be, I'm very much taken…and very much in love."

"But…"

" it's not someone here" Max answered, knowing what she was hinting at, " he's back home, he writes me everyday."

Ellie smiled, " wondered who you were getting letters from."

Max blushed, "so about Or---"

" No…"

"What?"

" It doesn't feel right, I feel like I'm doing Sean wrong…"

" I don't understand…no one's told me much about this Sean guy, but from what I can tell he seems like a thug."

Ellie laughed, "definitely seems that way doesn't it?" I can assure you that he's really not as bad as you think."

"he's already as bad as I think, any self respecting boyfriend who cared even the smallest bit about his girlfriend would be here every weekend, or everyday, or even once."

" Sean doesn't need to prove to me anything."

"Why not?"

Ellie closed her eyes, and explained to Max about the moment she knew she could trust Sean…

_" I__ saw you talking to Sean today…what was that about" Ashley asked as she opened a can of soda. Craig's attention perked up at the mention of Sean's name and the tone in which Ashley had said his name. _

_" Why__ do you make it sound like such a bad thing Ash?" Craig asked._

_Ashley turned to Craig and began to ramble on about how Sean's been hanging out with the wrong crowd lately and he's becoming such a bad kid. All Ellie could do is watch Craig and Ashley banter back and forth about what Sean was like. All she knew was that Sean seemed to understand her, and trusted her word unlike the people she thought were her friends. She knew deep down Ashley didn't believe her about the cut being an accident. Ellie looked over at Marco who was gazing off dreamily at Dylan. She no longer even acknowledged Ashley's question and picked up her tray, dumping it in the garbage and leaving the cafeteria. Ashley, Craig, and Marco hadn't even noticed her absence. Then again, the only two people that noticed had been Paige and Sean. _

_Then again, the only one who followed had been Sean._

_Ellie found the only quiet place in the school. It also happened to be the most empty at the time. The Library. Ellie slid down her back to the section on Ancient Greeks. Ellie pulled back her long sleeves and looked down at her scabbed and scared arms and just scratched at the old wounds. Digging deeper with her nails she brought new blood to the surface of her pale skin. It was a release for the moment. In a few moments her arm would be inflamed in pain, but it didn't matter for the masochist. Pain was good. Pain brought the pleasurable release; it wiped away every ounce of stress, everything worth crying over. She leaned her back against the bookshelves and just felt a wash of relief span over her body, and then, a blue bandana fell into her lap._

_"Hi Sean" Ellie muttered without even needing to look up._

_"Hi Ellie" Sean said squatting down in front of the redhead. He pulled his bandana from her lap and wrapped it gently over her re-opened cuts to stop the bleeding, "You okay?" he asked. _

_"Now I am," she said looking down at her arm, and at the small specks of blood gathered under her fingernails._

_"Wanna get out of here?" he asked. _

Ellie looked up at Max who just sat dumbfounded, " he made you skip class, that's why you love him so much?" he asked.

Ellie laughed, " we ended up going back to his place and he cleaned up my arm," Ellie blushed, " I don't know if you've ever had someone clean your cuts or even touch your scars, Max, but it was a very intimate moment for me."

Max smiled, " I know what you mean."

"So you understand why I say that he doesn't have to prove anything to me."

" I understand, but I also understand that you're on a break with him, he may still love you and you may still love him, but to me that shouts ' _I wanna see what else is out there ' _do you know what I'm saying?" Max answered.

Ellie nodded, " but it's not as easy as everyone else is making it out to be."

-X-

"Eat something will you?" Emma asked as she watched Sean stare at his veggie burger and twirled his fries until they were soggy with ketchup.

" Not hungry."

" You starting to scare me with all this Sean."

Sean looked up at Emma and smiled, he hadn't meant to scare her. They were currently sitting at the Dot, enjoying an absolutely boring afternoon. Sean knew for sure that he didn't want to see anyone else, at least for the moment, and Emma was the closest thing to a friend he had apart from Jay, who was constantly trying to hook him up with someone or even a something like Amy. He much preferred the company of his ex-girlfriend to his well meant best friend.

" Have you thought about visiting her?" Emma asked as she slurped down a strawberry milkshake.

Sean shook his head, " I don't know if she'd even want to see me."

" Why wouldn't she?"

" I don't know, I feel like I put her there."

" Sean we all make our own decisions, you didn't make her do anything." Sean dropped his french fry and stared at his plate. Emma reached across the table and pushed his plate closer to him, " Eat something…you're starting to look like you have an eating disorder."

" I don't have an eating disorder, I'm just not hungry." Sean was just depressed. **Depressed**. He never thought he'd end up there. Being depressed was for people who… He didn't want to finish that thought. Instead he picked up the french fry and slowly ate it, and then began work on his burger.

" I think you should go…" Emma said, " when I found out about my dad…I was shocked, and the first time I visited with him alone it was scary, if you want…I'll go with you."

" Thanks…but I don't know if I even want to go, Emma."

There was silence before Emma spoke again, " do you love her?"

Sean almost choked on his veggie burger, " can we not talk about that?"

" why not? It's an easy question, do you love her?" Sean remained silent, Emma continued, "why is it so hard for you to answer?"

"Maybe because my ex-girlfriend is asking me the question," Sean answered.

" Well think of me as a friend," Emma continued, " do you love her?"

"You know you're not just a friend Emma."

"answer the question Sean"

"YES!" Sean shout out in aggravation, " I love her."

Emma smirked, "was that so hard?"

Sean rolled his eyes, " what was the point to that Emma."

"Your reason to go visit her," Emma said, returning the straw of her milkshake to her lips.

" how is that a reason?"

" you love her, are you honestly going to tell me that you're going to let her stay in there with out her knowing that."

" she already knows."

" then prove it to her."

" I don't need to prove anything to Ellie," Sean argued. Emma sighed. "Why do you want me to visit her so bad?"

"Because you've been a depressing person to be around, and I'm sure wouldn't want to see you like this, I figure if you see her, you'll cheer up a bit."

This time it was Sean's turn to sigh, he opened his mouth to respond, but somewhere he knew Emma was right. He needed, cross that out, he **wanted** to see Ellie. He wanted to see Ellie more than life itself and would give anything to hold her tightly. He could only hope that she wanted to see him. " What if she doesn't want to see me?"

" What wouldn't she?"

" What if she met someone?"

"Sean relax, do you want to go or not?" Emma asked.

" I want to go."

" Then we work from there, now eat" she ordered pointing to his half eaten veggie burger.

-X-

Ellie was sitting in her room alone. Verity had a private meeting with Dr. Bronsen and wouldn't be back for an hour. It was a little after lunch when she looked up to see Orion standing in her doorway, " I hear you talked to Max."

Ellie blushed slightly, remembering the conversation she'd had with Max earlier in the week, the conversation about how Orion felt towards her, and how she was very reluctant to start anything because of Sean. " And where did you hear that?"

" Max"

Ellie laughed, " Yea, me and him spoke."

" About me?" Ellie nodded a response, " Can I come in or do I have to stand her the whole time?" he asked, " I promise I'm not a vampire, I won't bite."

Ellie laughed, " yea, come in." she said shifting her books on her bed and staking them neatly on the floor, making room for Orion to sit on her bed.

" Look Ellie, I really like you, _a lot_," Orion started, " I know we've only really known each other a few weeks, but…"

" Orion, really, you're an amazing guy but…"

" is this because of what Max told you?" Orion asked, " because I'm into guys too?"

Ellie laughed, " not at all,…look, Orion, really you're amazing, and I feel a connection, a very strong one, it's just that…"

" that boy back home, Sean right?"

Ellie nodded, " we're on a break, but I can't bare to see anyone else."

" are you scared you might move on?"

Ellie narrowed her eyes, " what do you mean?"

" I mean, you seem like you're scared to move on, like if you fall in love with someone else and he doesn't he'll be left alone, or that you'll wait for him forever, even if he finds someone else."

Ellie didn't know how to respond, yes she was scared. Sean was just about the best thing to ever happen to her, the second person she'd ever loved (after Marco), and was that something she wanted to lose? " I … I don't know what to say to that Orion."

" Well at least hang out with me a little bit, I'm leaving in two weeks." Ellie's jaw dropped, she'd completely forgotten that Orion was leaving Lake View in about two weeks. She didn't know how to respond. She wasn't sure how things would be without him. " You forgot, it's okay…we can't all be in here with you unfortunately."

Ellie smiled, " oh it'd be such a tragedy to be without me."

" it would be," Orion answered. Ellie's smiled brightened. " What are you working on?" he asked pointing to the stack of books, " that's not your normal homework, that's for sure."

" extra personal work," she explained, " I had an internship with a television station working with Caitlin Ryan, and she and I started developing a news show for kids, where they report the news in a manner that children and teenagers would understand."

" So what's all that?" he asked.

Ellie grabbed the stack of books and notebooks and opened them all. She showed Orion the stage design sketches with the news desk, all her notes on different issues in the world, and ways to portray them. It was impressive, "Wanna help me get all this in my binder?" she asked. Orion quickly jumped to the challenge.

-X-

Sean sat in the back seat with Emma nervously. Jay and Alex had taken up the task of driving the pair up to Lake View to see Ellie, it wasn't just Sean who wanted to see her, Alex was interested as well, and Jay, though he didn't want to admit it, was hoping to see the redhead looking better. The car stopped and everyone got out, and as Sean took one look at the facility he attempted to dive back in the car. Emma grabbed his hand and reassured him that everything would be fine. The four walked in, and stopped at the reception desk. One of the reception nurses perked up at their arrival. "Welcome to Lake View, how can I help you?" she asked.

" I'm Sean Cameron, I called earlier about visiting Ellie Nash," Sean said nervously, his hands nervously fidgeting in his hoodie kangaroo pocket.

"Hmm…" the nurse muttered as she looked through papers on the desk, " when did you call?"

" the other day I believe," Sean answered and started giving Emma, Jay, and Alex nervous looks.

" Andi must of not written me a note," the nurse looked up, " I'm sorry, we just weren't expecting you—"

" Well I guess I can come back another time." He turned to leave.

" No that's alright, Ellie has nothing else going on today, she's finished for the day, I think some visitors would make her very happy." Sean suddenly became nervous as the desk paged another nurse to take them to Ellie's room. " She should be in her room, she hasn't signed out a computer pass and she doesn't look to be in the common room." Sean attempted to smile at the nurse.

" Thanks"

A slim young man appeared at the reception desk, introduced himself as Jack and began leading them to Ellie's room, all the more while becoming nervous. He wasn't sure if it was because of the people that were there, or just the thought of seeing Ellie again. And then Sean heard Ellie's laugh, and he smiled. Jack knocked on the open door's frame and announced to Ellie that she had visitor's. Ellie cocked her head in confusion and then Sean stepped into the open door frame.

" Sean!" Ellie shouted surprised.

And then Sean looked over at Orion, "was this a bad time?" he asked.

* * *

**A/N: Didn't expect to be posting again soon, but I had made notes early on about what I wanted to do with this and decided that this would be a good time, if any, to do the visit, or atleast the beginning. I would like to comment on the unhelpful reviews that simply state " Sean and Elle back together" or some nonsense like that, or the ones bashing the SEmma. I can assure you that I don't have plans of Sean and Emma getting together. The SEmma I was referring to was very minor, and it was just that end moment of Sean's chapter. Sean and Emma are JUST friends, later on Sean may question his feelings, but you'll just have to trust me, I told you all in the first chapter, that you may love or hate me with this, but you have to trust me with what I'm doing...besides this is my story, you do not have to read it if you don't want, but I highly suggest you keep reading if you want to find out what happens. **

**britneyh8r: **I'm sorry you feel that everyone who stops eating has an eating disorder. I tried to establish in this chapter that he's merely depressed. When you're depressed you can either overeat or undereat, and Sean is merely doing the latter. Ellie isn't the only one in that relationship that was struggling. Sean has a lot on his mind right now as well, his sort of ex-girlfriend is in a mental hosptial, he's got Amy up his ass, and just struggling to keep himself clean. Ofcourse there's going to be stress and possibly depression. Have you noticed, I'm not following the show. In this story, Manny and Ash just stay away from each other, and the only "bashing" that happened in AWH was Ellie just calling Manny a boyfriend thief, that's actually the only thing Ellie said to Manny. Head between legs? yes, his legs were bunched up so to speak, imagine this, sitting on a picnic table, leaning forward, head between legs, rest your hands over your neck as if you feel sick...that's what Sean was doing...

**J.E.A.R.K.Potter:** would you trust me? people these days don't know how to trust a writer when it comes to her own work. I have it all planned out, it's just not written yet...I promise in the end you and everyone else will be happy.

**Arthur!** get my mom to mail me some cous cous, especially the kind that smell like your deli...(only mentioning that because I know you're secretly reading this)


	9. Tearin' Up My Heart

**_Encore_**

Sean stood in a stunned state as Ellie leaped off the bed, and threw herself at Sean, wrapping her arms tight around his broad torso. The smile on her face slowly faltered as she realized Sean wasn't hugging her back. She pulled back and noticed the tension in his eyes as he gazed at Orion sitting on her bed. Ellie grabbed Sean's hand and drug him over to Orion and smiled as she introduced them, " Sean this is Orion James, Orion this is…"

"the Sean we've all heard so much about" Orion finished and stuck his hand out to shake. Sean attempted to smile, but wasn't sure if it was safe to. '_When will it be safe to smile about my sorta ex-girlfriend sorta not, sitting in a room with another guy?_' he asked himself.

Ellie peaked around the door, "who brought you? Did Tracker come?" she asked excitedly.

Sean shook his head.

"Sorry to disappoint Vampy," Jay said stepping into the room. Ellie rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. Jay gently pulled off his hat and held it to his chest as he looked around her room, " Love what you've done with the place, is this where you and your roommate trade vampire secrets?"

Alex walked into the room and punched him hard as she heard another voice respond to him with, " unfortunately not, we just have pillow fights in dirty lingerie."

Alex turned to see Verity walk into the room, looking worn and beat.

"Verity, this is well…everyone" Ellie said, her body raked with adrenaline to the point where her excitement had her shaking.

" Hi everyone…" Verity answered and curled up on her bed.

Ellie frowned, slightly worried about everyone and decided it might be best to take the crowd out of the small room. Ellie gave them a small tour that ended in the common room where she finally noticed Emma quietly following in the back. She raised her eyebrows cursing herself for not noticing. " Hi Emma."

Emma finally looked up, awkwardly smiling. How else was she supposed to smile, here she was face to face with the person that her ex-boyfriend and first love was no in love with, in a mental rehabilitation center of all places. " Hi" she answered uneasily.

"Thanks for coming" Ellie answered, "Wow, I really didn't expect visitors, my mom doesn't even visit."

Everyone fell into an awkward silence, sitting frozen in their seat, unsure of what to say to her last remark. Sean just sat nervously watching Ellie, it was obvious to anyone in the room that Sean wanted to get Ellie away to talk, but the only person who took the action to allow it was Orion, "How about I take some of you guys and introduce you to some of the others around here, they're pretty cool, none of them bite…except Jerzy," he laughed, " but not hard." Orion smirked and ushered the others to the dorms and left Ellie and Sean alone in the common room.

"So…" Sean began, unsure of what to say.

" thanks for coming Sean, it means a lot." Ellie nervously shuffled her feet against the floor.

" I'm sorry"

Ellie stopped fidgeting and looked up, a pained expression on her face, " why are you sorry?"

Sean sighed, " I obviously came at a bad time, you looked pretty cozy with your friend."

Ellie felt her heart stop, " look Sean, just because we're on a break doesn't mean I jumped at the chance to get with a random guy that showered me with attention, we're just friends." Sean held back a snort and rolled his eyes, which Ellie chose to ignore. Ellie looked Sean over quietly. He'd lost weight, and the bags under his eyes were a sign that he hadn't been sleeping well. "Are you okay, Sean?"

Sean tried to laugh, "not really, but what can I do…" he said shrugging and standing up, "I don't even know what coming here was supposed to accomplish."

Ellie reached up and grabbed Sean's hand, "then why did you come?" she asked as he looked back down at her.

Sean stared intently at the red-head trying to take all the thoughts swirling in his head as to why he was there, " I came to see you." It was the simplest and the most straightforward answer he could give her. Ellie sighed.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you Ellie" Sean said sitting down taking her hands, " I miss you coming over and helping me with my homework, I miss you helping Tracker cook dinner because he sometimes forgets I don't eat beef, I miss seeing you in school, I just miss you." His eyes burned, he didn't cry, instead his eyes burned. " Come home, Ellie."

"it's not that easy Sean…I can't just come home." Sean felt his blood boil, _is it that boy? Is that why she's staying? Are there others? Does she hate me?_ Thoughts flooded his head and he wasn't sure what to think. " I am here until they say I can go." Ellie struggled to explain, " Do you think it's so easy for me being here?" Ellie argued. She was beginning to get frustrated with explaining herself to him, " I'm away from you, Marco, Ashley, everyone and there's nothing I can do about except deal with it."

" So you're basically just tell me to suck it up and forget about you?"

" No, Sean, I'm telling you that you need to go back home and pick up where we left off, like I'm just on some vacation or something. Hang out with your friends, go to class, just be normal…"

"It's not easy going back to the way things were, Ellie I'm lost" Sean said slowly getting angry with himself and the situation, "I don't eat, I don't sleep, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm confused."

Ellie pressed her lips together and breathed in slowly. She was unsure of how to answer him. Sometimes she felt the same way and even in the event of that situation, she didn't know how to handle herself, let alone give advice on how to help someone else. "Maybe you should see Ms. Sauve."

"I have been."

Ellie seemed almost surprised by his answer, "well that's a start."

Sean smiled, "Tracker got promoted…and took up more hours, we might be moving into a better apartment."

Ellie shrieked in delight with the news, " I'm so happy for you guys, you deserve it, he deserves it." Ellie missed Tracker just as much, if not more than Sean. It wasn't as if Ellie were interested in Tracker for her to miss him more, but Tracker was her confidante. He was there no matter what, and he understood her more than anyone else seemed to in the small Toronto town. He was the older brother she wish she had. "Why didn't Tracker come?" she asked, thinking about it aloud.

" He actually doesn't even know I'm here…" Sean answered, " I really just wanted to see you on my own…"

" and you brought Alex, Jay, and Emma?"

" Well Jay was my ride…so Alex coming was a given and Emma…"

" Emma what?"

" Emma was the one that convinced me to come," Sean answered, finding his answer just as pathetic as Ellie felt it was. It hurt her to know that Sean had to be convinced to come visit her.

"Why did you need to be convinced?"

" Because I assumed that it'd be like one of those terrible places, and I didn't want to see you miserable. Emma convinced me that if anything would help you get better, and to make me less depressed, it was visiting you."

Ellie smiled.

"You're everything to me Ellie…"

Ellie blushed, "I love you Sean," she said smiling and shaking her head lightly, "what ever happened to us."

"Nothing did Ellie…we just had to focus on other things before we could focus on being together."

Ellie smiled faintly, " was it a right decision on our part?"

"sometimes I don't know" he answered, "but I don't regret it, I didn't know how I could help you, if I couldn't even help myself."

Ellie nodded.

"I haven't had a drink in a few weeks."

Ellie smiled, "I'm proud of you."

"Proud of who?"

Ellie turned around and saw Orion standing there with Alex, Jay, Emma, Jerzy, and Max. Ellie smiled, "of Sean." She said beaming as Sean blushed. The group sat down and discussed what Ellie was missing as the school year was closing out. And as they were leaving Ellie stopped Sean and pulled him into a hug. " Don't hesitate to come back."

Sean smiled faintly and hugged her tight, "don't hate me if don't come back…I don't want to be here unless it's to bring you home."

Ellie smiled understandingly and returned to her room to find Verity in the same place she had left her. "Hey Ver…you okay?" Ellie walked over and sat on the end of Verity bed and gently rubbed the girl's back. Verity rolled over her eyes red from crying.

"I can't do this anymore Ellie." Ellie stayed silent, unsure of what to say to comfort her roommate, " I'm huge, I can't handle eating, I hate it, I can't handle the sessions, I can't handle living…" Verity curled up tighter on her bed and Ellie pulled her head into her lap and gently stroked the girl's hair.

" Do you want me to get Dr. Mo or Bronsen?" Ellie asked.

Verity shook her head, "they'll just make me talk…and I don't know what to say, I don't know what's wrong Ellie, I just want to disappear…maybe if I make myself thin enough I'll fade away…"

Ellie respected her roommate's decision and continued to comfort her until dinner.

-X-

Dinner was unusually quiet. Verity just sat in front of her tray and swirled her food around neglecting to eat. Jerzy watched her. He learned to watch people very carefully. He noticed her eyes, the red puffiness that surrounded them. Her eyes looked bloodshot and raw from salty tears and vigorous rubbing. He noticed the way she stared at her food. She was trying not to eat again, and it scared him. He watched as she spooned a small mouthful of mashed potatoes into her mouth and consumed them with a look of disgust on her face. She hated being forced to eat.

Nurses walked by to make sure those that should be eating, were eating. Verity ate her forced amounts of her serving she was required to eat and pushed her tray away and rested her head on the table. Jerzy leaned over to Ellie and nudged her, "She okay?"

Ellie bit her lip and weakly shrugged, "I'm not sure, she doesn't want to talk to Dr.Mo or Bronsen, doesn't want to go to group, I don't think she cares of she loses her privileges either."

Jerzy frowned, " do you mind if I stop by your room tonight to talk to her?"

Ellie shook her head, "if you think it'll help, be my guest…"

Jerzy nodded and turned back to his dinner, casually looking up to watch Verity, who looked like she would burst into tears at any moment.

Ellie relaxed as the limelight was drawn away from her and Jerzy placed it on Verity for a short moment in time. It was very rare that visitors graced Lake View's halls. It was probably the negative connotation that people got because of why patients were there in the first place. When four people show up to see one person everyone's dying to know who cares enough to visit one person and who the lucky person was.

"Heard Ellie got some visitors today" Jane muttered sweetly, the way she nervously twitched her fingers you could tell she was dying for a cigarette.

Ellie blushed, " just some friends from school."

" I heard one of them was your ex boyfriend who brought his ex-ex girlfriend" Leslie said, hoping to get a juicy answer.

" Yea, Sean brought Emma…cause **they are friends**…" Ellie answered.

" Oh…" Leslie responded unimpressed and disappointed.

" So how was it seeing Sean?" Max asked.

" It was…good" Ellie answered stirring her food around, " we talked and stuff"

" And stuff?" Leslie asked intrigued.

" Just about possibly getting back together when I'm out of here" Ellie said beaming. Jane and Leslie seemed delighted for her. Max looked over at Orion who sat uncomfortably through the conversation. It was obvious that Orion felt he had a strong connection to Ellie and that the talk of Ellie being with someone else tore him up, little by little inside. But what was the point? After all he was leaving in a few days and Ellie? She was staying. Max could read it in Orion's eyes, "_People like us don't belong together_" It almost broke Max's heart to see one of his friend's in such a state of emotional heartbreak. It was at that moment that Max decided that he would risk one person's potential happiness to make someone else happy…**hooking up Ellie and Orion** was going to be tough thing to do, but if it could possible make two people happy, which he felt it would, at least for a small moment in time, then so be it.

**-X-**

" You okay?" Jerzy asked, walking Verity back to her room. The two had never been close, but it never crossed anyone's mind not to notice or care when things were obviously not going well for each other. Lake View Hospital seemed to bring the strangest of people together to care. You were lucky if you got sent there, not many people put forth such an effort to care about each other's well being, let alone the doctors caring enough about their patients the way they do. Inside Lake View's walls you were no different from the anorexic girl down the hall, You were an equal, and it was easy to bond with someone of similar equality to you, and it was easy to care.

Verity laid on her bed, and looked over at Jerzy and faintly smiled, "as good as I can get."

Jerzy rolled his eyes, "You've been here almost as long as I have, you were in here during my first few months of withdrawl, you were here when I came back, you know me…**_I know you_**."

Verity sat up and made room for Jerzy to sit, " You know me?" she asked, " they please tell me what's wrong, because I sure as hell don't know anything."

Jerzy frowned and sat on the bed next to her and threw a comforting arm around her shoulders and gently rubbed her arm.

" I just want to lose weight until there is nothing left of me…I'm not anorexic because I want to lose weight, I'm anorexic because I want to die, Jerzy."

Jerzy stared at her, he wasn't sure what to say, she never said things like this in group. Without even thinking he pulled her close and tight and just held her as she burst into tears. Her voice became muffled as she cried into Jerzy's chest, explaining how her anorexia became her very slow suicide, and how she truly hated being forced to live.

Ellie peered into the room, and saw the two in a tight hug, not wanting to intercede on the two she slowly turned to make her way to the common room when the floor creaked and Verity's head popped up and Ellie melted as she noticed Verity's blood shot, swollen red eyes. "Ellie," Verity croaked, saying nothing else the tearstained girl pulled away from Jerzy and held out her arms. Ellie rushed into the room took Verity into her arms, and helped her new friend to soothe her troubled roommate and friend.

" How about a 'Purge Party'" Ellie suggested. Verity perked up, her eyes showing utter confusion as Jerzy frowned, " Let's purge all this negative energy out of your system, we'll all do it."

Jerzy smiled, " nice idea…"

Verity was at a lack for words and smiled warmly as her friends tried to cheer her up. But deep inside she wasn't sure if anything could save her now. " Sure," she agreed, " how about tomorrow night."

Ellie went to sleep that feeling good with herself. Tomorrow night they'd take care of what ever was bugging Verity to the point of her tears falling down her cheeks.

**-X­-**

Ellie tapped her pencil as she sat at the computer d-mailing her assignments to her teachers and downloading a mix of songs to burn for the _Purge Party_ that night. She looked over the play list she'd created and laughed to herself. There was so much cheesy pop music it made her roll her eyes. She blended enough music together on a few CD's to keep everyone happy. Pressing the eject button on the computer she took the last mix CD and put it with the others before logging off the computer. She threw her school bag over her shoulder and slipped the CD's inside before returning her pass to the reception desk.

" How's the music?" Orion asked walking beside Ellie as she made her way to the kitchen to see if she could convince the cooks to spare some party food.

"Cheesy, happy, and too nauseating for my taste, but it should brighten everyone's mood."

Orion laughed, " sounds too perfect." Ellie blushed." So…"

" So?..." Ellie asked, waiting for Orion to finish his sentence.

" Well how did your time with Sean go last night…?"

"Oh…it went well," Ellie answered, "just tying up our loose ends."

Orion nodded.

**Silence**. There was always some awkward silence in the worst place and at the worst time.

"What can I help you with dears?"

Ellie and Orion looked over at the cafeteria cook who'd just interrupted the awkward silence. Ellie pulled a notebook from her pocket and went over the list of food items that she hoped she could get.

**-X-**

Verity stood in the corner of her and Ellie's room, snacking on a carrot stick. She missed eating at dinner, well not really missed dinner. She _ate_, spooning the food into her mouth she would pretend to chew and then hid the small portions under her tongue and fake swallow before spitting her food into a napkin while the nurses were preoccupied with other patients. '_This will be the only thing I eat tonight_' she thought to herself. She looked around the room everyone seemed to be having fun. Ellie had really pulled this all together quickly and successfully.

She tried to stifle a laugh as she looked across the room and found Jerzy, Leslie, and Jane dancing to some terrible pop song. Verity laughed harder as she realized she actually owned the CD from where it came from.

"Feeling good?" Ellie asked.

Verity turned to her friend and smiled, "a bit, thanks" she said hugging Ellie tightly.

Suddenly the music turned off and someone shrieked, "KARAOKE!" Ellie and Verity both groaned but knew there was nothing they could do to get people to stop singing terrible pop hits from decades before to the present.

"It's tearin' up my heart…when I'm with you"

Ellie and Verity turned to look at each other before laughing as they recognized Jerzy's voice.

"But when we are apart I feel it too, and no matter what I do I feel the paaain, with or with out you."

The two girls pushed themselves to the front of the crowd and found Jerzy fronting the band with Max, Orion, and two other boys that Ellie had met but not recognized. They couldn't help but laugh, as the music continued.

Max burst to the front-man spot and started singing, "Baby I don't understand…" he said he walked over to Verity and pulled her into a hug, while singing into a mic, "Just why we can't be lovers, things are getting' out of hand." Max pulled off an awesome dance move before belting out the last line of the verse, " Tryin' too much but baby we can win!"

Orion moved to the front and sang while looking directly into Ellie's eyes, "Let it go…if you want me girl let me know." He dropped to his knees, looking up at Ellie who was starting to flush red, "I am down on my knees, I can't take it anymore!" he quickly jumped to his feet and joined in with the other boys who had somehow choreographed dance moves to go along with the obviously pre-planned karaoke attack.

"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you!" Jerzy sang out.

"But when we are apart I feel it too" Max belted.

" And no matter what I do I feel the pain" Orion belted out before everyone joined in with the last line of the chorus," with our without you."

When the song ended it was exposed that they were both laughing so hard that they were crying. The girls enveloped Max, Orion, and Jerzy into a massive hug and suddenly they heard Leslie's voice through the speakers, "So, what am I not supposed to have an opinion?" Ellie smirked.

"Should I keep quiet just because I'm a woman?" Jane sang out.

Verity couldn't help it, from the crowd she sang out the third line of the verse, " Call me a bitch 'cause I speak what's on my mind"

Ellie stepped back and watched as Verity moved through the crowd over to where Leslie and Jane were singing, "Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled." Leslie and Jane smiled as Verity stood in front of them and beckoned her to come join them.

Leslie sang through the first verse alone and Jane and Verity backed her up on the chorus, "This if for my girls all around the world…Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth. Thinkin' all woman should be seen not heard. So what do we do girls—Shout louder! Lettin 'em know we're gonna stand our ground so lift your hands high and wave 'em proud take a deep breath and say it loud never can, never will can't hold us down!"

Ellie stood beside Jerzy and Max and in front of Orion who had placed his hands on his shoulders as they watched the girls belt out the lyrics to the song. They were taken aback when they heard Jane's voice spill out the lines usually voiced by Lil' Kim. "Didn't know Jane could rap" Orion stated.

"Didn't know Jane knew the lyrics," Jerzy laughed.

By the end of the night it seemed the _Purge Party_ had worked out. In the midst of the cheesy pop music and the snacks people actually felt comfortable enough to spill what's been wrong. Verity as well had even admitted that she felt a bit relieved, but inside she was still a mess. She wasn't sure if anything could help her.

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry it's been so long. I apologize. But I have been very busy, I don't get the summers off from school. I'm always in class, and when I'm not, I'm catching up with sleep. I try my hardest to write a little bit every chance I get. So please bare with me as I make it through this story. Also, the lyrics that the boys were singing was NSYNC's _Tearin' Up My Heart_ and the girls sang Christina Aguilera's _Can't Hold Us Down_.

Thanks to all of you who have been sticking with me while I've been slacking in the update department. I truly do apologize for not keeping up as well as I've hoped...


	10. Rumors

**Encore**

Sean was sitting in the cafeteria enjoying what was supposed to be Shelia's ToFu surprise, the beef alternative to the day's greasy hamburger helper when Ashley and Marco walked up to his table, angry scowls across their faces. " You went to see Ellie?" Ashley asked, placing her hands on her hips angrily.

Sean looked up from his lunch tray, "yea, she's doing good…" he answered and turned back to his meal, trying to focus on making it through the day.

"And you didn't ask us to come?" Marco asked hurt. Sean looked up. He knew Ashley and Marco were Ashley's two best friends, and he probably should have asked them to come and not Alex, Emma, or Jay. What was done was done.

"There wasn't enough room in the car," Jay said sitting down.

"You took him?" Ashley asked, she looked surprised as she pointed to Jay, "Ellie's my best friend, and you took _him_."

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's impolite to point."

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's wrong to steal…"

"ouch Kerwin, that stung…why don't you go beat up Manning or something"

Ash laughed dangerously, " nice one, do you want a black eye too?"

Marco held Ashley back as Jay threatened her social life. "It's not worth it Ash, we didn't come over here to start a fight…"

" We just want to know why you'd take _them_ instead of us Sean, and why you didn't even tell us you were going to visit her," Ashley said, slowly regaining her composure and returning her gaze to Sean.

" Because I was driving," Jay interrupted, "and Alex wanted to see Ellie, and Sean brought _Cause-Girl_ for whatever reason, There just wasn't enough room in my civic for a social princess and a fag."

" I don't smoke," Ashley said simply, while silently standing up for Marco.

" I was referring to the homo next to you Kerwin."

" You know what Jay…"

"What?"

"Can you both chill out!" Sean shouted. He looked over at Ashley and marco, "Look I'm sorry I didn't ask you two to come, it was a last minute decision, I called the day before to get visiting hours, Jay had a car, with limited space, and if you wanted to visit her you would have done so already."

Ashley opened her mouth to speak, but looked at Marco, was it true? Were they two preoccupied in themselves to actually make the move to go visit her best friend. Deep inside Ashley wasn't sure what to expect when visiting Lake View. Sure she heard it was a nice place, but all the stories about what goes on in rehab clinics and mental hospitals scared her more than needles. Marco returned an equal look to Ashley. He felt like a failure as a friend. Had he been too focused on Dylan and his relationship? Had he been to focused on how to tell his parents that their little boy was a _fag_ to care about seeing his best friend? His soul mate? Silently, the two walked away from the table.

"Why do you do that man?" Sean asked.

" Do what?" Jay asked smirking.

" Pick fights with everyone…it's stupid."

"Hey man, she started it…" Jay laughed, " it's fun, I can't help it…people like that are so easy to get to."

"Ash isn't that bad…"

" Oh yea, I remember your little fling with her…"

Sean rolled his eyes, " and would you quit harassing Marco…so what, he's gay, get over it."

"What's under your skin man?" Jay asked. He noticed his friend had been a bit more withdrawn since he'd been to visit Ellie. "Was it that dude? Did she break up with you or something?"

"Jay we'd already been on a break, she can do whatever she wants."

"So she's seeing that other dude?"

"No!"

"Then what's…"

"Nothing man…she just…"

"Just what?"

"She told me to move on or like…just pretend I'm on vacation or something, to have fun?"

" I like her" Jay said smirking, " I know just how we can have fun…"

" I'm not drinking tonight Jay"

" I'm not talking about that," he answered, " a couple of my friend from B.C. are in town…"

" And…?" Sean asked not quite understanding.

" just come over tonight, Towerz and Alex will be there…"

Sean narrowed his eyes, Towerz, Alex, and Amy? Would she be there too? If it was one thing he didn't need right now it was her. Ever since he and Ellie went on break she'd been all over him, at the parties at the ravine. He hoped that he'd be able to ditch her at school, but it was impossible. She was everywhere.

" Hey Sean…" a seductive voice said.

He silently groaned to himself, " hey Amy"

**-X-**

Emma watched from across the cafeteria as Amy slithered into the space next to Sean. She felt the sudden urge to walk over and slide into the space on the other side of him. Sean had told her about Amy's advances, and quite frankly it sickened her. Not just because Amy was the first person attached to Sean's lips after their break up, but because Amy was just using Sean. She had no respect or any regard for his emotions and what he was going through with Ellie being where she was.

She watched as Sean shifted uncomfortably as Amy snaked an arm around Sean trying to seduce him into a conversation. And that was the last straw. Finding the do-gooder strength that was always there inside her she made her way across the lunch room and stopped just behind Sean and caught the gaze of Jay, "hey _Cause-Girl_ find someone else to save today?"

Sean turned around.

"Actually, I need to speak to Sean…" Emma stated simply.

"Sean's busy right now," Amy responded, her grip tightening on Sean.

" I'll be there in a minute Em," Sean answered for himself and struggled to escape from Amy.

Sean walked out into the hall and met up with Emma, " you looked like you needed rescuing," she said sitting down on a bench in the hallway.

"Thanks" he answered rubbing the back of his neck as he sat down next to her.

"You feelin' better?" she asked.

Sean shrugged.

"Well, what did you and Ellie talk about?" she asked, "Sorry if I'm butting in…"

"No, it's fine, she just wants me to move on for a little bit, pretend like she's not gone."

"So then do that…"

"It's not that easy Em," Sean tried to say.

" Well why don't we do something this weekend then, like old times," she said, and then realizing that it sounded like she was trying to get Sean out on a date she changed her mind, "we'll hang out with Jay and everyone…"

Sean thought for a moment, if it were just him and her with Jay and Alex and everyone it would feel like old times, only it would be him and Emma, instead of him and Ellie. It felt strange but familiar, he could only hope that their past wouldn't interrupt his relationship with Ellie. Closing his eyes he answered, " Jay's having a get together tonight at his place," he said inviting her along, " some of his buds from B.C. are coming in…" He wasn't sure if Emma understood what some of Jay's friends from B.C. meant, but he'd hoped he could get some decent company either way. It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with Jay and Towerz, in fact they'd grown up over the past few months. Jay had even grown to respect Ellie.

Emma smiled and politely accepted his offer. Sean smiled and they walked back into the cafeteria. Sean returned to his seat. "What did _Cause-Girl_ want?" Jay asked.

" Just needed some _help_," he answered motioning his eyes towards Amy, and Jay nodded understandingly.

" So I take she's coming tonight?" Jay asked, slightly annoyed, the less time around Emma Nelson was better for him, ever since she had his car searched, she wasn't on his favorite persons list.

Sean nodded, " I hope you don't mind" he said.

" Nah, is she gunna smoke?" Jay asked.

Sean shrugged, he really didn't know Emma well enough anymore to answer the question. They'd only recently become friends again, and it was still on rocky terms.

**-X-**

Ashley sat in the back booth at the Dot and pushed her mess hair out of her face as she opened up the black and white composition book and began writing. Between school and dates with Mark, she felt she'd be slacking in the creative writing department.

Marco slid in across from her, "_giorno__ buono_ Ash."

Ashley looked up and smiled, " hey Marco."

" I was thinking about visiting Ellie this weekend, you in?"

Ashley closed her notebook, smiling, she nodded. She looked over at the door as it jangled, announcing someone had walked in. Mark walked over to the booth and kissed his girlfriend on the cheek affectionately. " Hey Marco"

" Hey Mark…so I'll call you tomorrow Ash, and figure out how we're going to get there?"

Ashley nodded as her friend left the small diner. Mark slid in the booth next to Ashley and rested his chin on her shoulder.

" So…" he said sweetly, " where're you going?"

" to visit Ellie, she's up at Lake View," Ashley answered kissing his nose sweetly then smiling he smirked at her kiss.

" Give her my best" he said sitting up straight.

" you can come too if you want…" she said signaling for a waitress or waiter, whichever she could get to notice her.

" I'd love to Ash, but I have a doctor's appointment at Brooksdale Hospital Saturday and again on Sunday."

Ashley expression changed to a look of worry, " is everything okay?"

" how about we talk about it later" he suggested kissing her cheek and ordering a water when the waitress finally showed up.

**-X-**

Sean sat on a picnic bench, the luminescent glow of the flames dancing flashed across his face. He leaned back, watching as Jay took a hit from his bowl and passed it and a lighter to Alex, who nonchalantly put the flame to the herb in the bowl and took a hit. It was a game of passing, and at that point the bowl was on it's third or fourth lap through the group, no one was exactly sure. Sean had given up after his first hit and just leaned back watching the stars through the trees. It was a peaceful moment, until Amy sauntered up beside him and gently placed a hand on his knee and began to rub it, her hand working its way up his thigh. "Hey Sean," she purred.

Sean pulled his head up and looked down at Amy's hand and then up at her eyes, " hi, did your hand get lost Amy?"

"No, it's right where it wants to be," she answered, twisting her body to prepare to climb on top of him. She was like an animal, a predator ready to pounce.

" Hi Sean!" Emma said walking over.

Amy in turn groaned, having been interrupted, "what are _you_ doing here…?"

" Sean invited me," Emma answered, "you don't mind if I talk to him in private do you, it's really important."

Amy glared, "whatever."

Sean watched as Amy threw them both angry glances and stalked over to the mess of people getting high and ripped the bowl and lighter from some random boy and took a long hit. He laughed to himself as he turned to Emma, " so what's so important…"

" Nothing much, just I heard Amy's a slut."

Sean snorted, and continued to laugh, "oh really?"

Emma giggled and sat down next to Sean, " so is this all you guys do down here?" she asked, " get wasted and high?"

" no sometimes people wander off into the van…"

" what's in the van?"

" nothing really, terribly shag carpeting...?"

Emma laughed, " I wanna see," she said grabbing Sean's hand and leading him over to the currently empty, run-down van.

" Emma I don't think…"

" oh shut up for once, you've gone all self-righteous on me, you're supposed to be the bad boy."

Sean glared and gave in as Emma dragged him into the van, Amy watching the entire time. An evil glint sparkled in her eye as she thought about all the good that could come out of the prude princess coming out of the van.

**-X-**

_" I__ heard Emma Nelson was in the van…with Sean Cameron…" _

_" Isn't__ he still with Ellie?"_

_" I__ heard they were …doing it." _

_" I__ heard she's pregnant now, like mother like daughter." _

_" I__ wonder if Sean's girlfriend knows…" _

_" Doesn't__ Emma have a boyfriend?" _

_"I heard she does that every weekend and gets paid for it." _

_" I__ heard…" _

Emma walked down that halls…"rumors," she told herself, "they're just rumors, no one will believe them."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys. I was hoping to get more done with this chapter, but I figured I'd post a chapter for you guys on my birthday as a sorta birthday present and ya'll and myself. And on a side note, incase anyone is wondering, no I don't smoke weed...I just know plenty of people that do, and as far as I know there are different laws in Canada than there are in the U.S. Also, nothing happened in the van...Emma and Sean just talked...but Amy saw that as an advantage because it's usually a "what goes on in the van, stays in the van" issue, she just started rumors that Emma and Sean went into the van. (that was to clear up any confusion anyone might get because a lot of people need to have complete explainations of what goes on...) 

**this chapter was just to incorporate what's going on in the non-Lake View world**, I'm back to alternating on that...

A few other notes to answer some people's reviews and questions:

Torontosmall town? never been, wouldn't know, but I live in a small down that's part of a city...That's usually how it is. I believe I worded it _the small Toronto town_...I was just referring it to the fact that they live in a smaller burrow/town that part of Toronto, sorry for the confusion.

Sean and the vegetarian issue. I don't remember Sean ever really stating that he was a vegetarian, he just said he didn't eat beef because he'd watch cows being slaughtered while spending the summer with his Aunt and Uncle. Thus, I only said that he doesn't eat beef...I'm not sure if he's eaten anything of the sort since then, but how are we to honestly know that the "meat" they ate weren't vegetarian substitutes. In Emma's case, I have no defense for her when she's ordering Chinese food in one episode that clearly has meat in it...


	11. believe what you want

**Encore**

Manny rushed up to Emma, who stood at her locker. She was well aware of the stares and whispers that floated through the halls of the school about her and Sean. If she had known the rumors that would surface after her and Sean went into the van she would never have gone in there. Granted all they did was talk, add to that a bit of laughing, but that was it. Stupid perverted assholes and their pigheaded rationale," she said in frustration as she slammed her locker door shut and spun around to lean against it.

"Em…is it true?" Manny asked, "of course it's not, you would have told me,"

"No Manny it's not true,…we didn't do anything, I don't know why people are talking about me and Sean, like talking in a van is something scandalous."

"I hate rumors…"

"I do, too, but what am I supposed to do about it?"

Manny shrugged and they turned to walk to class when Emma was blindsided by a blonde girl. Amy had Emma pinned to the locker. Emma tried to push back but Amy clearly had the upper hand. Manny watched on as her friend was pinned against the row of lockers by the school slut. She looked around, not sure if she should find a teacher or to let Emma handle the situation on her own.

"Listen PETA Princess…Sean is mine, **back off**." Emma couldn't do anything but laugh before Amy slammed her into the locker and released her. "What's so funny?"

Emma regained her composure, "just the fact that you think Sean's yours…or that I have any interest in trying to get him." Emma spun on her heels and walked with Manny down the hall, leaving a bewildered and angry Amy alone in the hall as the bell rang.

"What was that about?" Manny asked.

Emma laughed, " I don't know, but I think I found out who started the rumors," she said looking back at Amy.

Manny rolled her eyes, "pa-thet-**ick!**...I mean did you see what she was wearing?"

Emma laughed, "I think you've been hanging around Paige to much."

**-X-**

" I didn't think you had the guts, Cameron…" Jay said slapping him on the back. Sean looked behind him and rolled his eyes.

"You do know those are just rumors, right?" Sean answered, as he grabbed a wrench and got to work on rebuilding the carburetor.

" yea, but rumors always start out with a bit of truth…I watched you two go into the van, and you were in there awhile…so what _were_ you doing?"

_"Eww, you were right about the shag carpeting," Emma said as she crawled into the van. Sean laughed._

_"I'd watch where you sit, there's no guessing what could be floating around in here."_

_Emma's face twisted into a face of disgust and silently shuddered as she thought about what Sean meant, "And we're in here because." _

_"Hey, don't blame this on me, you're the one who wanted to see the inside of the van." _

_"Don't pin this blame on me Cameron!" Emma said gently pushing him. Losing her balance she fell on top of Sean. _

_"Hello there," he said smirking. _

_Emma lifted herself off of Sean and leaned back, as Sean laughed, "oh quit laughing." _

_"so how's Chris?" Sean asked._

"We were talking…" Sean said.

"About?" Jay asked intrigued, nudging his friend in the side.

"About her and Chris? Me and Ellie, just stuff…"

_"We're good, sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him…" Emma said as she picked at her fingernails, _

_"Why would you think that?" Sean asked, "you're a strong and intelligent, beautiful young woman, any guy would be lucky to have you…" And Sean began to blush at his comment. _

_"You really mean that?" she asked.Sean nodded, and immediately knew the question that would follow, "why did we break up?" _

_Sean sighed, " I was stupid Em, you were a great girl, and I messed up," with that answer Emma felt hopeful, and her heart fluttered like it used to, but then he continued, "but I wouldn't change what happened for anything in the world, when you and I broke up I got myself in a lot of trouble, I got Saturday detention…where I met Ellie, and honestly Em, she does something for me that sometimes I don't think you ever could have done." _

_Emma smiled. That flicker of hope disappeared but Emma remained faithful to her friendship. "I don't think I'd change it either…you breaking my heart gave someone else a chance to mend it." _

_Sean frowned, " I didn't…you know I didn't mean to break your heart."_

_" I know…but you live…you learn." _

_They smiled, "I like this." Sean said, "you and me, and this friend thing, I like this…" _

_Emma smiled brighter, "I like this, too." _

"Yo, Cameron!"

Sean and Jay spun around to see Chris Sharpe standing in the doorway to the auto shop class room. "Looks like someone believes the rumors," Jay said standing tall behind his friend. Mr. Ehl wheeled over to the doorway.

"Can I help you son? You're disrupting my class," Mr. Ehl said as she wheeled in front of Chris.

"I got Mr. Ehl," Sean said, wiping his greasy hands clean on a rag, "I'll only be a little bit."

"All right Sean, but any longer than fifteen minutes and I'm docking your grade," Mr. Ehl said turning to help another student.

Sean walked into the hallway, "what do you want Chris?"

" Do you enjoy messing with people's lives?" Chris asked.

" If you're upset about the rumors, let me clear things up for you, Emma and I are just friends, nothing more, nothing less, what you think you heard about us, and the van, is completely untrue, so please take your jealous attitude and shove it." Sean immediately regretted the attitude he gave the other boy, but he had an image to up hold. It was that typical bad boy image that he had to hold up when he got into that fight with Jimmy the two years prior. Sean sighed, "look, I didn't mean for it to come out like that, it's just that the rumors are bugging me too, man, I mean someone could easily take what happened the wrong way and tell Ellie and I don't want my chances messed up when she comes home."

Chris's angry glare softened, "so what did happen?"

" why don't you ask Emma?"

"Because I want to hear it from you"

"Nothing happened, we talked, about Ellie, about you…just talked." Chris sighed."Look, man," Sean said, "you can believe me or not…you can ask Em, and choose to believe her or not, but I gotta go back to class."

Sean turned and walked back into the classroom. "Everything okay,man?" Jay asked twirling a screwdriver between his fingers. Sean rolled his eyes and nodded as he walked over to the carburetor he was working on.

**-X-**

Manny looked over at Emma as they sat in the cafeteria, "Do you think I should talk to him?" she asked, while looking back across the cafeteria at Craig who was gently pulling his acoustic guitar from it's case.

"Talk to who?" Emma asked, but slowly realized _who_ Manny had meant when she saw her gazing across the crowded lunch room. "I dunno, it's up to you Manny."

Manny twitched her face uncomfortably, "I mean…we had something…and I dunno…EMMA!"

Emma was staring off into space, "uh, sorry Manny, if you think you should talk to him, do it."

Manny smiled, "fine I'll do it…" she said standing up and sitting back down, "what do I say?"

Emma rolled her eyes, "I dunno Manny, maybe something like, _Hi Craig I think it's been a few weeks since you and I hooked up in your garage and Ashley broke up with you cause you were cheating on her, wanna go out to a movie?_"

Manny frowned, "Emma!"

Emma laughed, "How about…_Hi Craig, how've you been?_" Emma crumpled up her brown paper bag, "really Manny, you had enough nerve to go after him while he had a girlfriend, what's so hard about it now?"

Manny shrugged, "so should I talk to him?"

"It's up to you Manny, I can't do everything for you"

"So I'm talking to him?"

Emma laughed, "you obviously want to Manny, so go do it…" Emma nudged her friend who stood up again, tugging her tight camisole top down a bit and sauntered across the cafeteria, her tight rear-end swaying in her tight low-cut jeans.

Manny bit her lip nervously, "pull it together Santos…" Manny rolled her eyes and laughed at herself. No matter how many times she'd hooked up with Craig, and no matter how often she initiated the flirting there were always butterflies in her stomach. She was always nervous. Craig was leaning back, his chair tipped against the wall, and his feet propped up on the lunch table, his guitar in his lap, gently strumming with his fingers.

"Hi Craig"

Craig's feet slipped from the table and the chair rocked forward, he looked up to see Manny nervously twirling her hair. "Hey Manny," Craig answered, "what's up?" Craig mentally slapped himself in the forehead, for responding so casually.

" how've you been?" she asked, " I heard about you and Ash a few weeks ago…that incident at the Dot."

" I'm fine" Craig said gently touching his jaw as he thought about the punch Ashley swung at his face. "How about you?"

" Craig…" Manny said quickly jumping into the subject of _them_, " did you mean what you said, over the holidays, about me?"

Craig paused, and remained silent.

Manny waited patiently for an answer as she sat down.

"I…er…Manny?"

"Look, I know…we haven't talked in a while, but really, I'm just…I'm sorry about getting in between you and Ash, but I really like you Craig."

"I like you, too, Manny…"

"then…what's going on?" Manny asked. This situation was getting more than confusing. " I hate dancing around, unless we're actually dancing…" she was starting to ramble.

" Manny?"

Manny looked up into Craig's eyes.

" Yea?" Before Manny knew what was going on Craig had leaned across the table and had his lips pressed against hers, "so… that means what exactly?" she asked innocently.

"nothing, I was just trying to shut you up." Manny remained speechless, her jaw dropped slightly. Craig smirked, and kissed her forehead, " wanna come over and help me watch Angie tonight?"

Manny smiled brightly as Craig began to pack up his guitar and got ready for his next class.

**-X-**

"Whatcha looking at?" Chris asked sitting down next to Emma. Emma turned to him and smiled.

"Manny, I think her and Craig just hooked up." Chris smiled and nervously rapped his fingers on the table. "Go ahead and ask Chris"

Chris looked at her surprised, "ask what?"

"I may be blonde, but I'm not dumb, you want to know what happened down at the ravine over the weekend, with Sean, or don't tell me you haven't heard the rumors."

"No…it's just…"

"we talked" Emma answered simply.

" I know…Sean told me."

Emma turned to him surprised, "you talked to Sean?"

"Yea, Em…I believe it's just…rumors," he said.

"They're vicious, I know."

Chris closed his eyes and nodded, "it's just…I don't like being…"

"The center of attention, or having a girlfriend who's the butt of every rumor and joke that travels through the halls?" Emma was slowly starting to get agitated. She didn't know what Chris was getting at, but she was starting think he was hinting at breaking up, "Chris, what are you trying to say?"

" I … Em, I don't know if we should be together."

" Why?" she asked simply. But before Chris could answer Emma reached down and grabbed her bag, "better yet, save your breath, I don't want to know."

Emma walked out of the cafeteria, she really didn't want to know, but she had a feeling it had to do with the rumors. Whether he believed her or not it didn't matter, what mattered to her was that he couldn't handle the rumors, and maybe he wasn't everything she thought he was. _"Any guy would be lucky to have you_" She smiled as she remembered Sean's words. There will be other guys. There will always be other guys.

**-X-**

"You ready Ash?" Marco asked as he knocked on the frame of her bedroom door. Ashley literally fell out of her closet as she tugged at one of her hoodies hanging on a clothes hanger. She landed on the floor and Marco chuckled, " I guess not quite." He reached down and gave her hand, pulling her to her feet.

" almost, just have to grab something for Ellie and call Mark," Ashley said as she straightened her shirt, a vintage band t-shirt Ellie had given her for Christmas.

Marco smiled, "well hurry up, the bus leaves in" Marco checked his watch, "twenty minutes."

" You sure your mother doesn't mind that we're staying over at the Days Inn over there?" Ashley asked as she grabbed her stuffed duffle bag.

"I'm sure Ash, besides my Mom, she _knows_ and it's alright with her."

Ashley smiled, "I'm so glad my Mom agreed to this."

Marco chuckled, " I can only imagine how you told her, _Mom, can I stay over in a hotel with an extremely gorgeous Italian boy_?"

Ash rolled her eyes and grabbed some books she'd bought for Ellie and lead Marco out of her room. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Kate Kerwin stood waiting for her daughter, "call me when you get there, and the give Ellie a hug for me."

"I will mom," Ashley answered, hugging her mother, " thanks for letting us do this, I think Ellie will be happy to see her two best friends two days in a row."

Twenty minutes later Ashley had finished up a phone call with Mark and her and Marco boarded the charter bus for a hour long trip. They checked into the hotel, and grabbed a taxi over to Lake View Hospital.

They stood outside, Ashley tightly gripping Marco's arm, "I hate hospitals," she whispered, as they walked up to the front doors and toward the reception desk.

"Marco? Ash!" shrieked a surprised voice as they walked signed in with the nurse.

* * *

**A/N: **As usual, thanks for the reviews guys. I'm trying to keep up as much as possible with this, granted school is my main priority and this isn't that high on my list of things to accomplish during the day, but I do work on it bit by bit. I'm not going to abadon it. Believe me! Anyways, I'm happy with how it's turning out, and for those of you wondering about Mark and what's up with him?...just wait and see, it won't be a main focus in her, believe me, I'm working on putting together a spin off type story about Mark and Ash and most of it will be explained there. And regarding the Cranny-ness? before anyone asks, I'm a supporter of both Crash and Cranny, but I lean more for Crash, but believe me after that whole mess, Craig doesn't deserve either one. Ech, I'm going to ramble... 

To answer a few questions, _**when will Ellie get out?**_ Ellie is required to stay at LV for a minimum of two months, afterwhich she can check out unless she or the staff sees her fit to leave. _something_ may happen that could extend her stay...

And regarding the pot smoking laws, from what I've learned (from friends) is that it's legal to grow, but not to sell, or to carry a certain amount on you? I'm not sure how it works, I don't really need to know how it works, but my friends do love British Columbia for a reason.


	12. friendly friends

**Encore**

"What are you guys doing here?" Ellie asked, excited as hugged them so tight that she was sure their eyes would pop out of their heads. She smiled wide and took them by the hands and turned to the reception desk nurse, "Penny, can I show them around?"

The nurse smiled, "sure Ellie, let me give them visitor passes first." Penny slid two visitor badges over the counter of the desk and Marco and Ashley clipped them to their shirts. Ellie smiled wider as she dragged them down the hall.

The laid back feel, made Ashley feel a bit better about being in a hospital. It was something about hospitals and people being in pain that made her spine shiver; hospitals just weren't her favorite place to be. "I thought hospitals made you all nervy Ash?" Ellie asked as she noticed Ashley seemed a bit more relaxed.

"They do," Ashley answered, "but this doesn't seem like much of one."

"It's relaxed, I like it here…" Ellie admitted as she opened the door to her and Verity's room. " This is mine and Verity's room," she announced walking into the tidy room, apart from her books scattered across her bed and some clothes on the floor by her dresser, "sorry about the mess."

Marco smiled, "almost like home," he said laughing.

"Hi," perked a quiet voice from the other side of the room. Verity was on her bed with Jerzy and Jane. She smiled, but from what Ellie noticed he didn't seem like her heart was in it. "I'm Verity," she said, and pointed to "Jerzy and Jane." Ash and Marco smiled politely as Ellie tugged them from the room. She led them all over the building and ended finally back in her and Verity's room, which was now empty. The three sat down on her bed.

"How's everything back at old DCS?" Ellie asked smiling as she curled her legs underneath her.

"Geometry is brutal without you El," Marco confessed, nudging her with his shoulder and smiling.

"Believe me I know, Orion has to help me with my geometry since I don't Sean to help me." Ellie said exhaustedly on the topic of geometry.

" I never would have thought Sean was good with numbers" Ashley said.

" Sean's good with a lot of things," Ellie answered, "you just underestimate him, Ash." Ashley blushed with embarrassment, "speaking of Sean, how is he?"

"Sean's good," Ashley answered, "Emma's really been a good shoulder for him, lately."

Ellie bit her lip. Sean and Emma. Emma and Sean. It could have tied knots in her stomach, should have tied knots in her stomach, but thinking about it, and after seeing him and Emma during their visit she felt relieved that Sean had a friend he could rely on. Not that Jay wasn't a good friend, or that he couldn't rely on Alex or Towerz, but Emma was someone that knew Sean from the inside out. Suddenly Ellie felt a bit awkward about it.

"Els?" Ash asked, "you in there?"

Ellie turned back to Ash and smiled, "yea, so do you guys want to meet the whole gang before visiting hours end?" she asked.

Ellie slid off the bed and led Marco and Ashley down the hall to the common room where they found Verity and Jerzy talking in the corner intimately while Jane, Leslie, Max and Orion were spread across the couches in front of the television set. Ellie led Ashley and Marco in front of the television set and introduce them to the group, ending on "Orion" he said introducing himself to Ellie's guests.

"Nice to finally meet you" Ashley said.

"Nice to finally meet the two people other than Sean that milady talks about" Orion said goofily kissing Ashley's hand. Ashley blushed.

Ellie punched Orion gently in the arm, "she's got a boyfriend Orion," Ellie laughed.

"What about you?" Orion asked sweetly turning his attention to Marco, flirting playfully. Marco blushed, "I'm not single, and I don't think you're my type."

Ellie fell on the couch onto Max's lap and he hugged her waist and played with his fingerless gloves, "Orion, can you please stop flirting with my friends?" she asked. Orion sighed and silently agreed as he offered Marco and Ashley a seat.

"So that's him? Marco?" Max whispered into Ellie's ear. Ellie nodded, "he's cute," he whispered again smiling in her ear, "I can totally see why you were into him."

"Hey you two…stop whispering!" Marco shouted, laughing.

"So you two hail from where exactly?" Jane asked dryly.

"small town in Toronto" Ashley answered.

"anywhere near Riverdale?" Jane asked, "that's where I'm from."

"We're closer to St James Town than anything else," Ashley answered.

"true…so what's it like on the outside?" Leslie asked, "I've been dying to go to Eaton Centre, I'm dying for a shopping trip," she giggled.

Ellie shook her head. It was just like Leslie to be well…such a girl. Ellie turned her attention while everyone chatted towards Verity and Jerzy in the corner. The usually bubbly and talkative girl looked miserable. Ellie noticed the small things that stuck out like how her eyes had changed from a usual azure blue to a sallow grey, and the purple in her hair was beginning to fade, and despite how much she ate, Verity's body just wasn't gaining weight. She noticed how Verity would lean into Jerzy's broad chest and just rest herself there, between his arms as he tried to soothingly rub her back.

"ELLIE?"

Ellie spun her head around to face Ashley and Marco as she stood prepared to leave. Ellie smiled and slid off Max's lap before walking them back to the reception desk to return their visitor passes.

"Bye guys," she said, hugging them each tightly, "I'm glad you guys came."

"No problem mi amore" Marco said kissing her cheek, "you'll be out of here in no time, and I'm going to take you shopping," he said giggling.

"And you…" Ashley began, "are going to help me with a new project me and Mark are working on." Ellie looked at her friend strangely. "…Mark plays guitar, among various other instruments, but his vocals harmonize so amazingly with mine…"

"get to the point Ash…" Ellie said laughing.

" …we need a drummer, and I remember you mentioned once that you used to drum before you picked up bass and guitar…"

"Ash, I haven't drummed in like years," Ellie answered, her heart was beating quickly as she got excited about playing music, about being back with her friends.

"well you still have your kit right?"

Ellie thought for a moment, "yea…somewhere in the attic, Dad spend almost a grand on that kit, _always the best for my Elliebear_, he used to say, wouldn't let me part with it, I guess he knew I'd start again someday."

Ashley smiled, "well look, we'll talk about this when you get back, we'll make it a summer project."

Ellie smiled.

"you know with you, Ellie, and Mark you're going to put Downtown Sasquatch out of…" Marco had to think for a moment about what he was trying to say, "you're going to take our fans away."

Ellie laughed and hugged him, "you know they'll still come to see you, hot stuff." Ellie ruffled his hair and kissed him on the cheek.

"Bye guys" she said waving as her friends walked out the front doors.

-X-

Ellie walked back to the common room and curled up next to Orion on an empty couch. She sighed heavily, her heart worrying about her roommate, who had grown to be one of her closest friends at the moment. "Do you think Verity's okay?" she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. Orion looked down at her and pushed his glasses further up his nose and mussed up her red hair.

"I dunno, only she knows if she's okay," he answered. He paused for a moment, "_thine eyes I love, and they, as pitying me, knowing they heart torments me with_ …"

"…spouting shakespeare's words again Orion?" she asked.

"_disdain, have put on black and loving mourners be_" he smiled.

"sonnet one-thirty-two" Ellie answered.

"lovely milady"

A nurse walked into the common room, "lights out in fifteen." Ellie frowned and sat up straight and slid off the couch before offering a hand to Orion, who walked her to her room.

"_Looking with pretty ruth upon my pain. And truly not the morning sun of heaven better becomes the grey cheeks of the east_," he continued.

"_Nor that full star that ushers in the even doth half that glory to the sober west, as those two mourning eyes become they face_" she interrupted.

" _O, let it then as well beseem they heart to mourn for me, since mourning doth thee grace, and suit thy pity like in every part_."

"_Then will I swear beauty herself is black and all they foul that they complexion lack_," she finished. She smiled as they reached her door and she reached her arms up and around his neck and hugged him tight, "thank you for being my friend," she whispered in his ear. Her warm breath tickling as she moved her lips to peck his cheek. He suddenly turned his head and his lips met with hers. He kissed her. She kissed him back. Her arms slipped from around his neck and her feet flattened against the floor and he leaned down and forward, backing her into the wall. His palms slammed against the wall as kissed her harder.

Ellie's heart was racing, "_he's kissing me, he's kissing me…oh my…I'm kissing him_," she thought to herself, "_and I like it…do I like it_?" Ellie wasn't sure how she was feeling. She was kissing a boy, who wasn't Sean. Sean, whom she loved, Sean who was always there for her, Sean her current ex-boyfriend.

And then she moaned.

And she wasn't sure if she meant to do that or not.

Ellie broke away, "Orion?"

"Hm?" he asked, standing up straight, his eyes closed.

" I think it's lights out" she said, mentally smacking her forehead.

"Yea,…I'll…see you around milady," he said walking away, "g'night"

Ellie slowly eased herself into her room, "g'night," she said softly before closing her door and crawling to her dresser and pulling on a pair of gray sweats and a t-shirt and sliding into her bed in the dark.

"Ellie?" Verity sniffled in the dark.

"Yea Ver?" Ellie responded, rolling over in her bed towards the sound of her roommate's voice, "you okay?" she asked, as she picked up on the sound of sobbing.

"I…could you…would you come lay with me?" she said innocently, while wiping away tears that were brimming in her eyes.

Ellie climbed from her bed and walked over to Verity's bed, "Sure Ver," she said before crawling onto the bed next to the sobbing figure and gently stroking her long hair in an attempt to make her sobbing cease. As Ellie hugged and comforted her roommate she wished that Verity would get one night of sweet dreams and a good sleep this week.

-X-

"Hey Very…very gorgeous" Max said sweetly as he plopped down at the breakfast table next to Verity. Verity smiled weakly as she played with the soggy omelet on her plate. Jerzy slipped up behind Verity and rubbed shoulders with his one hand while setting his glass of orange juice down on the table in front of the empty seat next to her.

"Hey babe" he said sitting down, "you okay today?" he asked.

"I'm okay for the most part," Verity answered, "I'm gunna talk to Bronsen later."

"That's a girl," Jerzy said before taking a sip of his orange juice.

Verity smiled.

Across the table Orion and Ellie could barely look at each other. Both would occasionally toss a few glances at each other in between bites, but never when the other was watching. It was driving Max nuts to see it. He was sure something happened when Orion stumbled into the room seconds before one of the Nurses strolled by for light's out check-in. He didn't want them awkward with each other, he wanted them making out with each other. He giggled to himself as Ellie took her billionth glance in Orion's direction that morning. "I'm a genius," he said softly allowed to himself.

"What?" Leslie asked staring at him as she caught him talking to himself.

And then Ellie couldn't take it anymore, "Orion, can I talk to you…out in the hall?"

Orion blushed red, "um, okay, milady."

Ellie grabbed his hand and drug him into the hallway outside the cafeteria, "what happened last night…it can't happen again."

"what?" he asked confused.

" the kiss, whatever it was, I can't…we can't, Sean" Ellie was panicking. Her heart was going in two places at once, and suddenly she felt herself being pulled into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have."

Ellie started to cry from confusion, "I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have kissed back, I'm stupid, so stupid."

Orion pulled awa and tiled her chin up to look at him, "don't say that Ellie, you're not stupid. You're intelligent, beautiful, and Sean is a very lucky man to have your heart."

Ellie sniffled.

Orion bent down and kissed his nose.

Ellie sniffled again.

Orion stood up straight again and gazed into Ellie's eyes.

Ellie sniffled.

Orion bent down and gently pressed his lips to Ellie's.

Ellie kissed him.

Ellie wrapped her arms around his neck as he pushed forward and into the wall.

A different wall this time, and he kissed her.

Ellie kissed him hard.

Suddenly Ellie broke away, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be"

"We can't do this anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't love you like I love Sean."

Orion leaned against the wall, one hand supporting his weight. He sighed. Ellie slipped away from the wall. She walked back into the cafeteria as she watched Orion pinch the bridge of his nose. He spun around leaned his back against the wall, "stupid Orion…stupid."


	13. I cannot guess what we'll discover

**Encore**

Sean and Emma were sitting at the picnic bench outside of DCS waiting for the warning bell for homeroom to ring. "So Ash and Marco went to visit Ellie this weekend," he said as he sat, playing with a spark plug.

" And?" Emma asked.

" they said she's good, happy…" he answered, "I don't wanna talk about this, I don't know why I brought it up in the first place."

"how's AA going?" Emma asked, changing the subject.

"can we not talk about that either?" Sean asked.

"have you even been going?" Emma asked. She suddenly found herself reverting to her old girlfriend self, "you know you need to go to those meetings, Sean." Emma continued to rant and Sean tried to bury his head in his hoodie, away from her, away from the verbal abuse, her constant controlling.

"STOP!" he shouted, "would you just quit it Em? I know I need to go, but I just can't right now, okay?" Sean turned his attention to a tree across the street. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and groaned, "I just need to go at it slow, and your constant pushing is driving me crazy." All he could think about right now was how he wanted to fall in front of the television, with a beer and just drown away all the emotions he's had bottled up. "You're stressing me to the point where I need a beer." He immediately regretted saying that aloud.

"Excuse me?" Emma asked, "are you trying to tell me that I'm the reason you want to drink."

"No Em, I'm not saying that…can you just get off my back?"

" We always end up fighting, always." Sean was silent. And it was true. Every time they got back together, or every time they became friends again they fought. It was frustrating for both parties. Emma drove him nuts, and he was sure that Emma was suffering as well. Emma groaned, " I can't keep doing this Sean, this little dance we do, this friends and enemies shit we pull,…"

Sean started to laugh.

Emma jumped off the picnic table and threw her hands on her hips, " what's so funny?" she asked, trying to be angry at Sean as he laughed, "seriously Sean, us fighting is not funny, stop laughing!"

"you said shit!" he laughed, "Emma Nelson said shit, didn't know you had it in you Em," he said hopping off the picnic table. Emma stared at him. Sean stared back as he tossed his book bag over his shoulder and tucked the spark plug into his pocket. Emma laughed, and pushed him as she grabbed her back pack and walked with Sean to homeroom.

-X-

"So what was the crazy house like?" Paige asked as she reapplied a layer of lip gloss to her still glossy lips. Ashley walked out of the bathroom stall and washed her hands while looking at Paige.

"nothing special Paige, you didn't miss much" she answered.

"did Ellie tell you when she's coming back?" Terri asked as she leaned against the tiled walls of the ladies room.

" soon, hopefully," Ashley answered as Hazel handed her some paper towels.

"So…" Hazel began.

Ashley looked at her questionably, "so?"

" we hear you're dating a Uni boy" Hazel said, wanting to gossip.

" are you talking about Mark?" Ashley asked.

"So that's his name?" Terri asked.

Ashley groaned, "I'm pretty sure I told you guys about him before."

"Not enough hon, obviously," Paige said, "otherwise we wouldn't be asking for the dish." Paige dropped her lip gloss into her purse and made her way to the door. Terri and Hazel quickly followed suit as the door to the ladies room opened and Manny and Emma walked in. Ashley acknowledge Manny, but with a glare, and the room was still. The older girls pushed their way out of the rest room and headed to class.

"That was awkward" Manny said checking her hair in the mirror as Emma disappeared into one of the stalls.

"tell me about it." Emma's voice echoed.

"part of me thinks she's not really as mad at me as much as she is at Craig."

"Do you blame her?" Emma asked, "I mean he did play both of you and lied."

"But he chose me" Manny said as she fluffed her hair and made a kissing face at her reflection before she spun around to face the stall, and eased herself up so she was sitting on the sink counter.

"Hey Manny, do you have a tampon?" Emma asked from the stall.

"Yea, plenty actually, _Aunt Flow_ hasn't been by lately," Manny answered, digging through her purse, and found a tampon and slipped her hand under the stall until Emma grabbed what she needed. "Maybe it's because I've been sick lately, that happens sometimes right Em, it'll not come when you're sick and stuff."

Emma was quiet, for a moment, and then the sound of a toilet flushing resounded throughout the restroom before coming out of the stall. "What kind of sick?" Emma asked.

"I dunno," Manny answered, "I just can't keep anything down, I think it's that flu that's going around."

" Are you sure?" Emma asked.

"I mean what well could it be?" Manny asked as Emma washed her hands.

" a baby?"

Manny laughed, "but he used a condom." Then her face fell as she thought about it while handing Emma a paper towel, "atleast I think he did…"

" Manny…"

" He had to…I mean, he's the guy, it's his job right?" Manny said starting to worry.

" You remember what Dr. Sally said, both guys and girls need to take responsibility." Emma answered. Suddenly Manny's face turned a pale green and she dropped her purse to the ground before rushing into the open stall and emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl. Emma walked into the stall and gently rubbed her friend back as she threw up. "It'll be okay Manny," she reassured, "it'll be okay."

-X-

" _I cannot guess what we'll discover_," Craig sang as he began to strum his guitar, working on the Death Cab for Cutie cover of Soul Meets Body, when the door to the garage door opened, "_when we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels but I know…_"

"Hi" Manny said softly.

Craig looked up, "hey!" He patted the space on the couch next to him, "come listen, tell me if this sounds good,…_but I know our filthy hands can wash one another's and not one speck will remain…I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes, but if the silence…_" Craig looked up. Manny kept looking at her hands, as they kept writhing and wringing in her lap. "You okay?" he asked, setting his guitar in its stand.

"Um, Craig, I need to ask you something important."

"Okay?" Craig said shaking his head with a confused smile.

" do you remember…when…"

Craig looked at Manny, and at the moment, she looked so tiny, so innocent. Like the year before when she was sweet and innocent, just like Angie. He wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, " what was that?"

" when we…after Paige's surprise party…did you…use anything?"

"what are you talking about…"

"when we had sex!" Manny screamed in frustration, and then quickly slapped her hands across her mouth.

"You said you … I thought…I didn't have anything, I was under the impression you were on the pill, why?"

Manny's face turned a shade of green, "I'll be right back," she said and rushed out of the garage and into his house, straight into the bathroom. Craig followed her slowly into the house, trailing. He saw Angie skipping down the stairs in a tutu and waving a wand.

"Hey princess," Craig said, picking her up and spinning her around, "have you seen Manny?"

"Yea," Angie said patting Craig on the head with her wand, "she's in the bathroom, I think she's sick Craig."

"what do you mean Ang?"

" she sounded like you did when you were all grossy and sick last week…" Angie answered imitating the sound of someone throwing up, "should we make her some soup Craigy? I bet I can make her better with my magic!" she said excitedly as she skipped to the kitchen. Craig looked up the stairs.

"No I don't think your magic can help, Ang, but maybe soup is a good idea."

Angie turned back to face Craig and smiled as she drug a chair across the kitchen floor and to one of the cabinets. "Craig!" she whined, "I can't reach."

"Coming Princess…" he said walking into the kitchen and grabbing a can of soup and handing to his sister. He turned to the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs, and saw Manny looking like she'd been crying. She wiped her mouth, and slowly trudged down the stairs.

"Manny, I'm making you soup, I'm gunna make you feel better!" Angie called from the kitchen.

Manny smiled, "thanks Angie," she said quietly.

Craig turned to Angie, "don't make a mess squirt." Angie just smiled as Craig walked into the living room and sat down with Manny on the couch. "You okay?" he asked. Manny looked like she was going to burst into tears.

"I dunno…"

"Do you think you're…"

"I think so" Manny answered, "I dunno, I haven't taken a test or anything…Craig I'm scared."

-X-

Ashley was sitting in the public library, eyes closed, her headphones in place over her ears and she was casually running her fingers along the table littered with her books and notes as if she were playing the piano. Mark crept up behind her and slid the headphones gently off her ears, "hey gorgeous," he whispered. Ashley smiled and opened her eyes as he slipped into the empty seat next to her, "whatchya listening to?" he asked, dropping his stack of books on the table.

"some Chopin and a bitch of Beethoven," she answered, "getting back to my ivory fingered roots."

"lovely…so how was Ellie, and your trip with Marco?" he asked.

" Ellie looks good, looks like she's getting better,…how are you, you never told me about why you were going to be at the hospital" Ash said, changing the subject.

Mark paled, "I'm having some…problems…with my heart," he said.

Ashley narrowed her eyes, "what do you mean?"

" Nothing you need to worry about Ash, I promise, I've had this problem since I was an infant."

" I have a right to worry Mark, you're my boyfriend."

"VSD Ash, Ventricular Septal Defect" he said simply, "I have a hole in my heart, they thought I'd be fine, and the hole wouldn't get any larger, but…"

"it did?"

"Yea…and the constant strain at home with my parents isn't making things easier on my heart." He mentioned.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked. Her head was swimming with thoughts. For the first time in her life she was deeply in love with someone and now there was a chance that he could be taken away from her in the blink of an eye. She wasn't sure if she could handle the stress that came along with the thoughts of losing Mark.

"I should be fine, they want me to go in for surgery sometime this year to work on either making the hole smaller and as non-existant as possible…until then they keep pumping me with pills," He opened his notebook. He paused to look up at Ashley who obviously looked distressed. "I'm gunna be fine Ash."

Ashley looked up at him and smiled, "you better be mister, otherwise who else will be lead guitar and vocals in the MASH Experience?"

Mark laughed, "is that what we're calling it now?"

"what's wrong with that," Ashley asked pouting, "I mean, dual meaning, MASH as in our names mashed together, and MASH as in that stupid game the grade sevens play all the time, you know…"

"mansion, apartment, shack, house…?" Mark finished for her.

Ashley smiled, "exactly."

"Heh, I like it" Mark said leaning over and kissing her gently on the cheek.

* * *

**A/N: **Again, please ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes that my spell check may have missed, I'm really pushing this out for you guys, because I feel like I've been a disappointment making ya'll wait so long for chapters. But as I said before, very busy! 

p.s. last chapter, if you didn't notice that it was Sonnet 139 by Shakespear (I believe it was 139 correct me if I'm wrong)

p.p.s. Also, lyrics used in this chapter, and song by Craig were as stated: Death Cab for Cutie 's _Soul Meets Body_


	14. Padiddle

**Encore**

Ellie pulled the comforter over her head, trying to ignore the sunlight shining through her window. She wanted badly to be lazy today, and ignore the fact that she had group later that night. The past few days had been stressful for her. She was ignoring Orion in a desperate attempt to save her heart from breaking. She wanted Orion to be Sean, but Orion didn't deserve to be treated like that. To be loved in a second best manner. To be loved while she was thinking of someone else. Ellie peeled back a small portion of the comforter to look at the clock that sat on the bedside table. It was eight, she was late for breakfast. She sat up quickly in bed and the blood rushed from her head, making her sway dizzily for a moment before she looked over at Verity's bed.

Ellie cocked her head to the side, Verity was usually up before her. Verity was usually up and dressed by six, and usually woke her up around seven. Something was wrong. It was ironically quiet. Ellie slipped from the bed, and walked slowly over to Verity's bed. Rubbing her arms, in an attempt to warm them Ellie raised her foot and poked at the body under the covers, "Ver?" Ellie asked, "you up? We're late for breakfast…"

Nothing.

Not a movement.

Not a sound.

"Verity?" Ellie squeaked, nervously. Ellie bent over the bed and pulled back the cover and gasped as she saw Verity's wide open blood-shot eyes, puffy raw from crying. Her skin was a sallow blue, and she most definitely wasn't breathing. "Verity?" Ellie's eyes were watering from instinct and she just broke down as she gently touched her face, "Verity wake up" she cried, shaking the body, "WAKE UP!" she screamed, as sobs escaped from her throat.

"El? Ver?" Jerzy asked as he knocked on the door, "El? What's going on?" Jerzy opened the door and saw Ellie violently trying to shake Verity awake.

"Wake up Verity…wake up, we're late…"

"Ellie." Jerzy grabbed her and pulled her back, and spun her around to face him, " go get nurse Pen" he said. Ellie opened her mouth to protest, but Jerzy stayed calm and gently smoothed her hair and cupped her face, "go get nurse Penny" he asked again. Ellie bit her lip and nodded and rushed out the door.

Jerzy walked over and sat on the bed and sobbed as his body shook. He reached up to her neck and silently loosened the belt she'd tightened around her neck in the middle of the night. He wouldn't cry. He gently closed her eyes and held her hands. This is what she wanted, this is what made Verity happy, Verity strived for this, a suicide. It was why she starved herself. Why she struggled to breathe everyday against her will. Why she struggled to be among the living when she didn't with to live. Why her smiles always seemed so fake.

Ellie trailed behind Nurse Penny as she rushed into the room, followed by Dr. Bronsen. They led Jerzy aside and returned to Verity's bedside, only to confirm twenty minutes later that she was dead. "Have Marie call her parents, and call General to come pick up her body," Bronsen said sadly. He turned to Ellie, "you okay?" Ellie shrugged. He turned to Jerzy, "take her to the cafeteria get her something to eat," he concluded. "Ellie, I'm switching out your group today for a private session with Mohavi." Ellie nodded.

"Come on El," Jerzy said, wrapping an arm around her and leading her out of the room.

" I need to go to the bathroom," Ellie said quietly and pushing herself into the community bathroom at the end of the hall. She fell into a stall and threw up in the toilet, before leaning over the sink and splashing her face with water. She looked at her reflection, bags under her eyes and her face pale stared back at her. A knock at the door interrupted her staring contest.

"El, you okay?"

Ellie turned to Jerzy and shook her head, her eyes threatening to burst into tears.

"Come here" he said and opened his arms for her to fall into. He held her tight and smoothed her long red hair and kissed her forehead, "don't be sad for her, it's what she wanted." Ellie sniffled, silently agreeing with what he was saying. "Hungry?" he asked. Ellie nodded and they walked down to the now empty cafeteria.

-X-

Marie Mohavi paced her office. She just had to inform the parents of one of her patients that their child had committed suicide. No one saw it coming. No one, and it was taking the hospital by storm. Verity Russo was dead, and everyone was in mourning.

_"How does something like that happen at a facility like that?" Ramona Russo asked angrily over the phone, trying to fight back tears, "You were supposed to be protecting her from hurting herself, and you let her die." _

_" I can assure you that this was a tragedy, we weren't aware of her suicidal thoughts or plans, this wasn't something that could have easily been prevented." Marie tried to argue over the phone._

_"Bullshit Mohavi, that's fuckin' bullshit, my baby girl is dead because you can't tell one suicidal teen from another, rest assured there will be a law suit." _

_"Ms Russo, that's completely unneeded, there was no way to prevent this, by suing this facility you're going to cause problems for other patients here, we'll lose funding and possibly the facility itself." _

_"tough luck, doctor, you should have thought about that before you let my daughter strangle herself with a belt." _

_"Ms Rus—"_

_The line was dead. Marie looked at the phone and angrily hung up the phone._

Rich parents who toss their kids aside like their recyclable trash made her sick. The Russo's dumped their daughter at Lake View expecting a miracle and a perfect daughter. Money wasn't everything, and it certainly couldn't buy someone's happiness. Verity was proof of that. Marie fumbled through papers on her desk and got a call from Bronsen reminding her that Ellie was swapping her group meeting for a private one.

"Ellie," Marie breathed. The poor girl had found her roommate dead this morning. Ellie, the girl who was so close to being well enough to leave, may be staying longer if Verity's death is hitting her harder than the others. Ellie had already lived with her for almost a month.

A knock came to the door, "Dr. Mo?" Ellie asked, walking into the room, shuffling her feet in sandals and dressed in the same thing Jerzy found her in this morning, sweats and a t-shirt, the only difference being that she was now wearing a black hooded sweatshirt. Marie sighed, "Hello, Ellie" she said sweetly waving her hand to offer a sweat.

Ellie sat down.

"Do you want to talk about what happened this morning?" Marie asked.

" Not really, I…every time I close my eyes I just keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this was all just a dream. That in a few minutes Verity will be jumping on my bed to wake me up an hour before breakfast."

Marie sighed, "I think we all wish this were just a dream Ellie."

"Why would she do that…?" Ellie asked, "I mean, I know she talked about how she wished she were dead but…" Tears were falling from Ellie's eyes, " I didn't think…"

"No one did Ellie."

"How do you feel about this, how do you think you're affected?"

" I cant…I don't think I can sleep in there anymore" Ellie answered, wiping her eyes, "It still feels like she's there, her scent, her things, her pictures, everything's there, I'm scared."

"What are you scared of."

"I'm scared I'm going to find a way to hurt myself."

Marie stopped breathing. If one girl was able to kill herself would another be able to find a way to hurt herself? She let go of the breath she'd been holding, "You have a month left here Ellie, you haven't cut since you've been here, would you really risk it all because of Verity."

Ellie turned a shade of red Marie had never seen before, " she was my friend, my roommate, I have a right to mourn her death how I see fit!" Ellie shouted angrily.

Marie made a note on her legal pad about what Ellie had said, "I see, …but Ellie, do you think Verity would want you to do that?"

Ellie relaxed, and then shook her head.

"Then you shouldn't be scared,… I don't think you'll do it…" Marie said honestly, "empty threats won't help you leave here faster."

"It wasn't a threat Dr. Mo, I'm honestly scared that sometimes I have no control over anything I do or say."

" We all have control over something, have you been to the music room lately?" Marie asked.

Ellie shook her head, " I just haven't…felt the need…"

"We have a bunch of instruments there, bass guitars, violins, guitars, drums, trumpets…"

" so?"

"I heard that you're a musician"

" sometimes"

" what do you play Ellie?"

"bass, guitar, used to play the drums, I haven't really played anything since last summer though."

"why is that?" Marie asked, making another note.

" I dunno," Ellie answered as she shrugged, " I just haven't…felt like it I guess."

Marie nodded, "how about after this session I send you down there and you have a go on the drums or what ever tickles your fancy."

Ellie smiled politely.

"So," Marie continued, " here's what I'm thinking Ellie, I'm going to evaluate you this week…and maybe send you home early" Ellie's eyes widened as Marie looked over the rest of her notes and then set down here legal pad, "You've made a lot of progress since you first arrived, and I agree, it's too much stress you to be here, in that room, in this building, and it may just cause more damage than help…"

"So you're sending me home?" she asked.

Marie rocked her head back and forth, "hopefully, after all your doctors get together and we evaluate your health, you'll be cleared to go home," She paused for a moment, "you'll probably be required to attend group therapy sessions and a Lake View affiliated psychiatrist and or psychologist."

Ellie nodded.

Marie looked at her watch, "okay Ellie, times almost up, I'll let you go early, why don't you head down to the music room and let some of the pain out."

-X-

-**padidle**-

-**pat**-

-**pat**-

-**padidle**-

-**hit**-

-**hit**-

-**hat**-

Ellie brushed her red hair out of her face as she fiercely hit the double base pedal with her bare feet and crashed a drumstick down on the hi-hat and picked up an angry beat on a snare again. The sticks in her hands moving faster as her feet rocked faster on the double base pedal before clashing with a cymbal. She looked around the room. She'd been there for a good forty-five minutes beating on the drum kit. She gently rapped the sticks against her legs until they were raw when she heard a round of applause. She turned around and saw Max.

"Nice" he concluded before walking further into the room and picking up one of the bass guitars and plugging it into an amp.

" thanks" Ellie answered spinning around on the stool.

" how are you?" he asked, "Jerzy said you found her this morning."

"I'm okay," Ellie answered, " I guess, I mean…I dunno"

"that drumming didn't sound like you're okay"

" it's just a drum beat Max_amillion_."

Max rolled his eyes, "You and Orion seem distant lately."

"so?"

"so? Ellie…a few days ago you were always _together_ and smiling."

"Max, I adore you, I'm you're little fag hag, but seriously stop trying to push me and Orion together, he's just going to end up hurt!" Ellie said angrily.

" but…"

"No Max! I don't love him like I love Sean, he's just going to end up being a temporary replacement until I go home, or until he leaves, or until Sean and I get back together. I can handle that" she said throwing the drumsticks across the room, "so would you quit it?" and left the music room with a slam of the door.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, well look at that, I pushed through three chapter in a matter of literally hours (between yesterday and today) I've finally cleared through and finished the Verity suicide I've been planning since the beginning of this story. Verity was created for that purpose, to be a friend and to shake Ellie enough to either stay longer or go home, what happens, whether she stays or goes was also a bit in the gray area. But I'm sure I already know the answer to this, you'll just have to wait and see. I apologize, in the chapter twelve it was was sonnet number 132? regardless I wrote it in the chapter, in the dialogue, I'm just stupid today, should prolly be paying attention in my business accounting class hahaha! Anyways...ignore my grammar mistakes, I did spell check, but like I've said for the past few chapters, I wanted to get these up for you guys...

I hope you guys are happy with these last 3 chapters, because I worked my ass off on them,...


	15. sad eyes attraction

**Encore**

Ellie sat on her bed, staring across her room. There sat Verity's bed, empty, her things gone. That room that'd she'd lived in for almost a month and a half was just hers, only hers. There was no more Verity and Ellie. No more Ellie and Verity. No more us, we them, they're, their. It was just Ellie. Alone. Just as alone as the time's her mother drank herself into oblivion, making the house seem more empty than it was when no one was home. Just as alone as she felt the night her and Sean decided to take a break. Just as alone as she felt every time her father left to support their country. Only this wasn't abandonment, and Verity was never coming back.

This was the first human loss Ellie had been exposed to. She'd never met the grandparents her mother spoke highly of on some occasions. She'd never lost an aunt or uncle. She'd never lost a lover, a pet, a neighbor, or even an acquaintance. Ellie had lost who could be described as one of the best friends she had away from home. Ellie never got to say 'goodbye', in fact Ellie had barely even said 'hello.'

Jerzy looked into the room, at the empty side where Verity usually slept and then across the room to where Ellie sat, staring at the other side of the room. It broke his heart, not only to lose a friend, but to see someone who didn't know how to mourn the loss. He knocked gently on the door frame, "hey…" he said softly.

Ellie looked up, smiling gently as Jerzy walked into the room and sat down on the bed. Ellie leaned her head on Jerzy's shoulder, and stared at the bare walls, that Verity's pictures and pieces of her life once resided. "You okay?" he asked. Ellie lifted her head up and shifted herself back until her back was pressed against the cool plaster walls.

She shrugged, "I guess so."

"I didn't think she'd actually do it." Jerzy mentioned, "I mean, I knew she thought about, but I always figured she'd just…chicken out."

Ellie looked over at him, "you know it's not your fault right…there was nothing you could have done."

"but how do we know that, what if I told Dr. B or Mo? What then? There's a chance they could have kept a better eye on her."

"and if her mind was that made up, an extra eye wouldn't have mattered Jerz…she would have found a way if she was so determined."

Jerzy sighed, " I just feel like…I could have done something, talked to her more."

" there was no changing her mind, she was crying herself to sleep at night, she was in pain." Ellie concluded, "her parents make me sick," she took her focus away from the wall.

Jerzy turned to her, " what do you mean?"

"they didn't even come pick up her stuff, they sent like, her dad's secretary, and I hear her mom is suing Lake View"

" damnit…don't they realize this is one of the only decent facilities? I mean, they are so relaxed here, I feel willing to talk, to get better, they can't take this away from me, they'll send us all to the Riverdale center."

"what's the difference?" Ellie asked naively.

"bad doctors, bad staff, bad food, bad facilities in general El, I was lucky my mom had the money to send me here."

It was with that statement that Ellie knew she was lucky enough to have a mother who cared enough to send her to the best place, despite how much of a drunk she was. It didn't matter how much her mother would drink or yell; her mother loved her.

Ellie leaned her head on Jerzy's shoulder, who looked over and smiled, and mussed her hair up, "come on squirt…" sliding off the bed, he offered a hand to her and helped her to her feet, "time for dinner."

-X-

Ellie was sitting alone in her room, still no new roommate. Ellie wasn't sure if she'd even want another one. Max knocked on the door way and walked in, "Can we talk?" he asked. Ellie looked up from her homework and sighed, and set aside her binder and notebooks and made room on her bed for Max to sit down. "I'm sorry," he said simply, " I didn't know that my playing matchmaker upset you so much."

Ellie sighed, "it's alright."

"obviously it's not…I don't need a drumstick through my head El."

Ellie giggled, "I'm sorry about that Max, I just got upset…"

" Yea I got that much, look, I just thought you and Orion would be good for each other."

"we kissed" Ellie blurted out and then quickly covered her mouth.

"what?"

"twice…we kissed twice…"

"oh my…spill! Details girl!"

Ellie laughed, "nothing special…I just…Max, it just won't work, no matter how hard Orion tries, no matter how hard I try to forget about Sean, and no matter how hard you keep trying to play matchmaker, it's just not something that'll work out."

Max sighed, " okay, I suppose even the best matchmaker fails once in a while." Ellie laughed, "forgiven?" he asked.

Ellie nodded, "of course, how could I stay mad at you Maxamillion?"

Max smiled, "Orion is leaving in the morning, you ready for group," he remembered.

Ellie frowned, "I completely forgot about it." She'd also forgotten about the going-away party they had planned for the next group session. It wasn't going to be anything special, and with all the stress and going-ons since Verity had, Ellie gulped, since Verity killed herself. Ellie wanted to hate Verity so much for that, but she couldn't. "Yea, I'll be ready, what time is he leaving?"

"his grandfather is picking him up after dinner, wanted to give him a chance to have proper goodbyes I guess."

Ellie nodded, "I'm gunna go check my d-mail, I'll catch you later, Maxamillion" she said kissing him on the cheek and skipping off to snag a computer pass while they were still available.

-X-

**To: BaddaBoom**

**From: NOlabels **

**Subject: 911**

**Verity killed herself**

**I don't want to be here anymore**

**-Ellie**

It was so simple and to the point. Ellie didn't know what else to say. She could bare to write out how she'd been feeling, about how much she hated Verity for doing this, or at least how much she wanted to hate her…She didn't know who to talk to. Then she mentally smacked her forehead and began to type a new d-mail.

**To: MsSauve**

**From: NOlabels**

**Subject: 911**

**Ms. Sauve: **

**I honestly don't know who else to talk to. I could try and tell Marco or Ash, or even Sean and Tracker how I'm feeling, but right now I don't know how to let it out in a way that they could possibly understand. My roommate here at Lake View killed herself. Strangled herself with her belt in the middle of the night. I found her, eyes open staring at me the next morning. I didn't know what to do. I was just at a lose for words, and so angry. I wanted to shake her so hard that she'd wake up, but she never did. I want to hate her for being so selfish, I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but why did she have to be so stupid? I don't understand Ms Sauve, I don't…**

**I want to hate her for killing herself. I want to hate her so much it's killing me. It's like another person has left me. I want to hate her, just like I want to hate my father for ever assignment he agrees to. I want to hate my mother for every bottle she says she hasn't drank. I want to hate Sean for breaking up with me. I want to hate Marco for spending so much time with Dylan, I want to hate Ash for spending so much time with Craig and then pretending that her problems are worse than mine. Is that wrong of me?**

**Worst of all, I want to hate myself for not noticing that she was hurting. Every night when I'd comfort her while she was crying herself to sleep I ignored the signs. I didn't even know I was supposed to be looking for signs, I feel like I should have prevented it, prevented this all. **

**I can't bare to stay in this room, everyday I wake up thinking everything that happened was a dream. That Verity was just playing a joke and she'll be there when I wake up. Why do I feel so responsible? **

**Ellie Nash**

Ellie looked at what she'd just written and hesitantly hit the send button. She let her head drop and ran her fingers through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. She just wanted an answer. An answer as to why she was feeling the way she was. Ellie rested her head on the table and looked up when she heard the computer make a familiar sound and a message flashed across the screen:

**1 New Message**

Ellie sat up and rolled the cursor until she could click on the new message. She wasn't sure what to expect. After all, what could a school guidance counselor really say to make her feel any less responsible or any less upset?

**To: NOlabels**

**From: MsSauve**

**Subject: RE: 911**

**Ellie:**

**It's great to hear from you, though I wish it were under better circumstances. I'm sorry to hear about your roommate. I can honestly say I don't know what it feels like, but I'm sure you're in tremendously good hands. It's good that you're willing to communicate all that your feeling with someone, whether it's to me, or to one of your doctor's there at Lake View. I can tell you this though, what someone else does has nothing to do with you. I've told you that many times before. What someone else does is their decision, and theirs alone, you caring for her may have only prolonged her final decision to do what she did. I'm sure it's tough for you, but you shouldn't hate her for wanting to do what she did. That will only make it harder for you, instead celebrate her life and the times you shared together. Don't let bitterness intercede. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you know the d-mail address, and you know I'm always willing to talk to you. **

**Sonya Sauve**

Ellie smiled as she finished reading. It was just like Sauve to assure her that she's completely sane, in a suave fashion. She felt guilty for not keeping better contact over the past month. She smiled, and replied with a quick 'thanks Sauve, means a lot" and left it at that. Just as she was heading to the music room, for the third time that day (in between group sessions and private sessions) Marie Mohavi stopped her gently in the hall way and asked her into her office. Ellie sat down.

"What's up Dr. Mo?" she asked.

Marie sat down and looked through her notes, "we're discharging you at the end of the week."

Ellie looked at the young woman and smiled nervously, "end of the week?"

"Yes, I'm sure you've heard about the Russo's case against Lake View, we're discharging some patients to other facilities and some home, most seem rehabilitated enough to be with their families, and after the incident with Verity, we think it's better for you to be with your mother."

Ellie sat quietly for a moment, " I don't know what to say…"

"Well this is what's going to happen, you're mother is coming up Saturday evening, we're going to sign some legal work, and you're going to agree to a strict psychological regimen, we're going to recommend that you see your school counselor at least once a week, and you'll be referred to a Dr. Crescent…"

"man or woman?" Ellie asked.

"excuse me?" Marie asked.

"I feel more comfortable talking to a woman, I was just wondering is Dr. Crescent a …"

"woman," Marie said smiling, "Dr. Rhonda Crescent,…you'll be seeing her twice a week, and there's a teen group counseling session on Wednesdays at your local youth center, we'll be signing you up…"

"Dr.Mo?"

"Yes?"

"Is all this really necessary?" Ellie asked.

"We're discharging you early…if it were under other circumstances you'd only be required to only go to the group sessions and check in with either Cresecent or…"she flipped through her notes, "Sauve, you're school counselor."

Ellie nodded, "but I mean…"

"no buts, Ellie," Marie said smiling and lightly shaking her head, " when you reach what will be your two month mark, we'll see how you're doing and adjust you accordingly, it's not as tough as it sounds Ellie."

"what I mean is, I have a job…when am I going to have time to do all this?" she asked.

"I'm sure we can arrange things around for you."

Ellie smiled, "so is that it?" she asked, "am I free to go."

"yes Ellie, you're free to go."

-X-

Ellie sat in the music room and gently strummed a guitar and hummed along with no specific tune. Orion quietly entered the room and slid in at the piano and gently ran his fingers over the ivory keys before he gently playing a chord in key with one Ellie was playing on the guitar. Ellie spun her head around. "What are you doing here?"

"playing the piano?" Orion asked, he looked down at the keys and began to play softly, and then stopped, "you know I'm leaving tomorrow, right, milady?"

Ellie spun the chair around, "yea, I know." Orion looked away from her gaze and tickled the keys of the piano, he opened his mouth to speak but Ellie cut him off, "so where's home?"

"Elora…" his finger pressed down on middle C.

"that's out by Fergus, right?"

Orion looked up, "yea, why?"

"My Aunt lives in Fergus," she answered.

"that's nice" Orion answered and hit middle C again, "Ellie this is ridiculous, his fingers slammed down on the piano." Ellie stopped fiddling with the guitar and looked up at Orion with sad eyes. "We're attracted to each other, we like the same things, we understand each other…why do we keep doing this stupid dance? We keep dancing around on hot coals, pretending like this is something bad, but it's not!" he shouted, upset.

"I don't…"

"love me like you love Sean?" he asked angrily, "but you obviously do care enough about me to compare him to me and me to him."

Ellie's eyes were watering, "don't yell at me."

"I'm not yelling at you," Orion said standing up and walking over to her, "I care about you, a lot. I don't understand why we keep playing these stupid games."

"I'm not trying to play games Orion, I just want Sean."

"And what if he's moved on?"

"It's been almost two months Ellie, what if he's moved on to someone else…"

Ellie didn't answer, she didn't want to answer, "regardless of whether him and I are together he cares about me, and I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him at all."

Orion bent down in front of her and wiped her tears away before they could fall, and she turned her head into his hand, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I know…I just…I want to move on, but I don't think I can…"

"I'd like to help."

Ellie looked at him, and leaned forward, gently kissing his head, "I'd like that." Orion smiled, "but I don't want a relationship, can we be friends?"

Orion sighed heavily, "do you think we can handle being friends?"

Ellie smiled slightly, "I'd like to at least try."

"as you wish milady" he said gently kissing her hand, "as you wish."

* * *

**A/N: Verity's suicide has been planned since I began writing the sequel. It was either going to be more of a severe shocker on Ellie's part and she was going end up staying longer, but I missed writing her with Sean, and I've got other drama planned for her when she gets back...Orion and Ellie are going to remain good friends (who occasionally can't keep their hands off each other) and her and Sean will be struggling with their current friendship and wanting/yearning to be more. We'll see how the Ellie/Sean works out, believe me they'll be pulling each other in every which way and toying with their own and each other's emotions. There will be more interaction between them, I promise. There will still be interaction between Ellie and the LV crew, mostly through emails and such, and a few may be getting out and going home as well. **

** I'm glad you guys are liking it, but I'd appreciate it if you'd stop asking whether or not Sean and Ellie are getting back together, it's kind of redundant, and I'm not going to answer your question, it'll be answered as you read. **

**As to Ellie dealing with Verity's suicide...we'll see, part of Ellie knew it was going to happen, but as you can see, she's struggling to deal with it, and we'll really be needing the support of her friends. **

**Thanks for all the reviews! Off to work on bits and pieces of the next chapter (where in Sean finds out about Ellie coming home, and has a talk with Tracker)  
**


	16. surprise

**Encore**

Sean sat in Media Immersions and signed onto his d-mail account when he noticed he had a new message. He rolled his eyes and clicked the mouse cursor over the link and opened up his inbox.

**To: whocares  
From: NOlabels  
Subject: home is where the heart is**

**  
Sean  
I'm coming home   
Love,  
Ellie **

**p.s. I'm going to need you more than ever, Verity killed herself**

Sean stared at the screen for a good moment and then began to type a response.

**To: NOlabels  
From: whocares  
Subject: RE: home is where the heart is**

**El  
Always here when you need me  
Love,  
Sean**

And that was all he typed. Sean was never a man of many words, but the simplicity said it all. That he cared, and would be a shoulder and anything less or more than she needed and that he would always care. And then he suddenly was bombarded with an instant message. He looked around the room. Obviously wasn't someone in his class:

**BaddaBoom**: did El send you a message?

Sean stared at the screen and began t type.

**whocares**: yea, she told me what happened  
**BaddaBoom**: about Verity?  
**whocares**: no fa---

Sean paused and backspaced a few letters.

**whocares**: no Marco, she told me about the toothfairy  
**whocares**: yes she told me  
**whocares**: she's coming home  
**BaddaBoom**: when?  
**whocares**: iunno, she didn't tell me  
**BaddaBoom**: urgh…  
**whocares**: dude, i'm in Simpson's class, really should be paying attention

"That's right Mr Cameron."

Sean turned around and saw Mr.Simpson standing over him, he leaned down, "I'm glad Ellie's coming home, but please pay attention in my class," he whispered and stood back up and straight and continued with the lecture.

**whocares**: speak of the devil…  
**BaddaBoom**: sorry

Sean turned his attention back the front of the class where he found Mr. Simpson rambling on in his lecture. Sean struggled to stay awake, but the only thing that seemed to keep his eyes from closing was the screen in front of him.

**Iridehard**: hey babii

Sean sighed.

**whocares**: hi Amy  
**Iridehard**: wat r u doin' 2nite?  
**whocares**: I have plans  
**Iridehard**: w/ Jay n Lex?  
**whocares**: no  
**Iridehard**: oh…well do u wanna do sumthing this weekend?  
**whocares**: iunno  
**Iridehard**: u sure? I can think of tons of things I wanna do 2 ---

Sean closed out the box with a groan. Emma leaned over in her seat, "what was that about?" Emma asked. Sean looked over the blonde and sighed heavily.

"Amy…" he said unhappily.

Emma chuckled, "doesn't seem to take hints well does she?"

Sean laughed a bit, "I guess not," he said, "what are you doing this weekend?"

"probably babysitting Jack, but if I'm lucky I'm sure I can get out of it, why?"

" Ellie's coming home, I don't know when, but I'm thinking of throwing her a party at my place, I could use some.."

" help?" she asked.

Sean nodded, blushing a bit, "yea, Tracker will probably want to see her, too, so…"

"do you think she'll mind me being there?"

Sean shrugged, "she shouldn't, I mean, what would it matter, you're my friend and I'm inviting you." Emma smiled. Sean turned away and looked back at his computer screen.

**Iridehard**: u  
**Iridehard**: I wanna hook back up wit u  
**Iridehard**: sean I miss us  
**Iridehard**: sean?  
**Iridehard**: sean r u there?  
**Iridehard**: SEAN!  
**Iridehard**: w/e  
**Iridehard**: bye  
**Iridehard**: k back  
**Iridehard**: Sean?  
**Iridehard**: look, I wanna say sorry 4 all the shit lately  
**Iridehard**: I really care ab u  
**Iridehard**: I think we should get back 2gether  
**Iridehard**: Sean?  
**Iridehard**: w/e

Sean groaned, and slammed his head down on the table. Amy was driving him nuts. She was cool when they first started hanging out. Gave him all her attention, compared to Emma's coldness before they broke up it was great having someone who gave herself right to him. Emma was always prude and frigid. He remembered seeing Ashley and Craig the same way. But at least Emma would let him touch her. Amy? She would get frustrated if he DIDN'T and then slowly she began moving on to other guys, it wasn't like they were exclusive or anything. Actually they weren't much of anything at all. Amy was just in it for … Well it's Amy, she's always in it for the sex. Granted if you were ever sexually frustrated Amy was there to make it better.

Sean laughed to himself for a moment.

"Something funny you'd like to share with the class, Sean?" Mr.Simpson asked.

"No sir," Sean answered.

"Great, then would you like to explain the tag used when uploading a picture to a site using HTML?"

Sean rolled his eyes and walked up to the white board and wrote out the tag while explaining it to the class. This was obviously going to be a long day, and he couldn't wait to get home. He couldn't wait for Ellie to come home. He could only hope that she wanted to be with him when she did.

-X-

Tracker walked into the shack of a house he rented and threw his bag on the floor and loosened his tie. He hated the nine to five job. He hated wearing a tie. But it brought in the money, and it put food on the table, and it was stability that he and Sean both needed. He walked into the kitchen as he rolled up the sleeves to his elbows and washed his hands in the sink before opening the fridge and pulling out a Tupperware container and opened it. He took a whiff, immediately making a sour face before tossing it aside into the garbage. He walked over to the phone and dialed the number he knew by heart, "Hey, yea it's me Track…large, extra cheese, peppers, mushrooms, onions…yea, two liter bottle of coke, thanks man," and hung up before walking over to the couch and collapsing on top of his little brother.

"Hey, what where you put that fat ass of yours," Sean called out tiredly from beneath Tracker. Tracker laughed, and eased himself onto the other half of the couch and reached around between the seat cushions for the remote. Sean handed over the remote and immediately placed his head on the arm of the couch and closed his eyes as Tracker flipped on the television. "Ellie's coming home."

Tracker turned to his brother, wondering to himself if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He sighed for a moment and turned back to the television screen, "when?"

"this weekend, we're throwing a party…" he adjusted himself on the couch.

"does she know?" Tracker asked, "better yet, does her mother know?"

" I don't think her mother cares," Sean answered in a half-assed tone. Tracker rolled his eyes, though he didn't care much for the way Ellie's mother treated her, or treated herself, he had no room to judge, especially with parents like his and Sean's. "So what's for dinner?"

Sean sat up and stretched, kicking his legs out and resting them on the coffee table. Tracker rolled his eyes and laughed, "Josh's pizza, extra cheese, peppers, mushrooms, onions." Sean smirked as he tried hard to open his eyes, " no sausage or pepperoni?"

"Man I'm sorry about that, last time," Tracker apologized.

"It's okay man, you could have gotten chicken"

"You know when most people go vegetarian it's all meat," Tracker argued.

"Well last time I checked Aunt Fran and Uncle Tom only slaughter cows…"

Tracker rolled his eyes, "so you're sympathizing with just the steer, are we?"

Sean glared, "chickens are stupid anyways."

Tracker snorted and turned his attention back to the television, and watched as Caitlin Ryan's face danced across the screen, "_I'm reporting to you live outside the psychiatric wing of Oakland General Hospital. Part of the psychiatric rehabilitation program entitles Oakland to work in a symbiosis relationship with Lake View Hospital. But after an tragic incident at Lake View, Oakland General is starting to refer patients to Riverdale Psychiatric Hospital, and various other units across the city. This is causing a great over population within each of these facilities. Lake View isn't closed however, and is in the middle of undergoing a law suit after the tragic death of one of it's patients. Lake View is a highly revered facility that encourages patients to express themselves and gives patients a wide variety of freedoms. Lake View has had a high success rate but is also one of the most expensive mental rehab clinics in the area. The possibly closure of such a facility can affect those with mental health issues and the surrounding hospitals with similar relationships with psychiatric facilities. This has been Caitlin Ryan, signing off from Oakland General._" Tracker turned to his brother.

"Isn't that where Ellie's at?' he asked.

Sean nodded, "Verity, her roommate committed suicide, her doctor's want to send her home because of it…"

Tracker hung his head, "how is she?"

Sean adjusted his position on the couch, "she d-mailed me at school, she said she needs me more than ever."

"and what do you plan on doing?"

"anything I can…" Sean focused on the television, " I mean what else am I supposed to do?"

"there isn't anything else really," Tracker answered, "You know Ellie has to get over this on her own, but all the support she can get will make it easier for her."

" yea…I know"

Sean sat up straight as the door shook with the pounding of a knock.

"pizza's here," Tracker said standing up and digging around in his pockets for some cash to pay the delivery guy.

-X-

Ellie stood in the corner next to Jerzy. Orion's going away party seemed like such a drab with all the recent events going on. Granted Ellie was happy she was going home in a matter of a few days, but how could she enjoy a party when she should be at a wake. Jerzy wasn't in much better shape, the law suit was going through the courts in a matter of a few months, and with the lack of funding now being pushed into the hospital he was being moved to Riverdale Clinic. He wasn't happy. He sulked in the corner most of the evening, Ellie clinging to him like a life raft.

"Hi milady" Orion said, "mind if I steal thee away for a moment or so?"

Ellie looked at Jerzy who nodded, letting her know that he'd be fine in her absence. Ellie walked with Orion away from the party, that wasn't much of a party to begin with, towards the music room. "So…" Ellie said as she shuffled her feet, and swinging her arms towards the drum kit and picked up a pair of sticks.

"So…" Orion repeated stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Ellie began a slow beat with the bass pedal. It was low and soft, almost nervous, just like she was at that moment, not quite sure if she wanted to hear what Orion wanted to propose or not. She tapped one of the sticks against the snare and rapped a few times against the skin of the drum. "what…did you…want…?" Ellie said, as if using the beat she was creating to put rhythm into her speech.

" I'm leaving tomorrow, and you're going home soon after, and I was hoping…" Orion was getting distracted by the drum beat, "can you not play please?" he asked. Ellie shook her head. As retaliation Orion plugged in with a guitar and began playing chords. " What's going to happen to us?" he cried out over the sound of the guitar melting with the drum beat.

" I dunno," Ellie said sweetly as she picked up a pace, " I just…want to be… taken care of."

" I can do that," Orion said softly, and then belted out, "Please let me be the one to do that."

Ellie looked up, " I just want…You can't be the one…" and began humming the tune that Orion was playing on the guitar.

" Why can't I be the one?" he sang out.

"Because I can't love you" she sang back, it sounded horrible, Ellie knew she was never much of a singer, " I can't love you the way you want me to."

Orion strummed another chord, " can't you try?"

" why are you doing this?" she sang out, "why are you being…so selfish"

Orion nearly threw down the guitar and the room resounded the sound of feedback, "Selfish?" he asked angrily, " you think I'm doing this for myself?"

Ellie stopped playing, " you can't respect me enough to give up, you're going to hurt me more if you keep doing this."

"doing what?" he asked, "loving you? Being your friend, being there for you?"

" I don't want you to love me."

"Well too bad, " he said, "because I do, and I know you think you're going to get hurt, but you hurt me everytime you turn me down."

" I love Sean."

" and where the hell is he Ellie?" Orion said, raising his voice, " he came to visit you once, god, I'd be here everyday if you were my girl."

" you don't know him, you have no right to judge him like that"

"you keep saying that, we've danced around this subject too many times that it's going to explode to a point where one of us will be proven wrong."

Orion and Ellie were dangerously close when Ellie stood up and pushed Orion back. He stumbled, "I don't care if I end up being wrong, I know what I feel now, and I'm not in love with you."

"No but you have no problem kissing me."

Ellie turned away. Orion stepped up behind her and gently rubbed her arms, "this is a mistake, all of it."

"you're supposed to learn from mistakes, so you don't repeat them," Orion stated nuzzling her hair before spinning her around, "if this was a mistake it wouldn't keep happening."

Ellie bit her lip and swallowed as she looked up into his eyes, she reached up and gently pulled the dark rimmed glasses off his face before smashing her lips against his. Ellie mentally cursed herself. It was purely physical attraction and it **was** a mistake, no matter what Orion said. Ellie pulled away, " I hate myself," she said before walking out the door of the music room and back to the party.

Orion was left standing alone in the room, "but we make such beautiful music together, milady" he said to the empty room.

-X-

Ellie stood as far away from the group of people hugging Orion goodbye as she could. She was putting distance between the two of them, because knew it was just going to cause more problems than fix them. Max slunk up behind her and gently massaged her shoulders, his fingers pushing through the fingerless gloves he wore as they blended in with the black of her long sleeved shirt. "You okay?" he asked, Ellie turned her head, she glared, her eyes obviously a blend of puff and tears, a sign that'd she'd been crying.

"I hate him" Ellie said before burying her head in his shoulder, not crying, but not caring to look as Orion walked through the doors, his grandfather leading him out with a loving hand on his shoulder.

"You don't him," Max said, noticing how she was forcing herself not to watch has Orion walked through the doors.

"Right now I do." Ellie turned and began to walk towards her room. Just as she turned out of the lobby Orion came rushing back inside and raced towards the redhead. He grabbed her arm and spun her around, immediately pressing his lips to hers. She melted into him as the whoops and whistles of the their friends surrounded them. Tears stung her eyes as she pushed him away and slapped him across the face before trying to rush off, he grabbed her arm again and pulled her close, holding her tightly as he whispered in her ear, "call me when you get home, let me know you're okay," he said and slipped a thick envelop into her hand before kissing her on the cheek and walking back to the opening doors. Max rushed to her side as she turned towards her room once again, and began to silently wipe the tears from her eyes before they could fall. She sat down on her bed and leaned against Max who crawled onto the bed with her. She slowly opened the envelope, and out fell the sketches, out fell a letter, and out fell a page from his journal, a page he'd written about her…

_I met this girl today.  
She has red hair_

Ellie laughed as she read it.

_She wants to make movies  
And she is very neat and tidy  
She makes me like it here, she makes me want to get better._

Ellie smiled, she looked over the sketches and smiled, and then read the letter. She bit her lip and sided…

_Dear Ellie, _

_I'm sorry…I'm sorry for all the hell I've put you through these past few weeks. I'm sorry for caring about you, when you cared for someone else. I'm sorry for continuing to try when you gave up. I'm sorry in general for anything I may have done with out knowing I'd done anything wrong. You're amazing, I hope you know that; because I don't know anyone that would continue to study hard like you did, or continue to do projects for a job you're not at, all while trying to overcome your own inner demons that only you could possibly know about and understand. _

_I want to thank you for being my friend.  
I want to thank you for being beautiful enough to look at.  
I want to thank you for letting me draw you.  
I want to thank you for blushing.  
I want to thank you for being you.  
I want to thank you for not pushing me so far away that I couldn't come back to you.  
I want to thank you for giving me the time of day._

_  
I don't know anyone else like you, milady. You're one of a kind and someone I'll never forget. Don't hate me for caring about you. Please don't hate me for kissing you, and dear Ellie, please don't hate me for wanting you the way I do, because any man, woman, and child who doesn't, and says they couldn't and can't love you is a fool. _

_Please don't leave me behind…I know you'll never love me like you love Sean. I know that I pale in comparison to someone who already has/has had your heart. I am just a spec of dust in the wind, while Sean is a rose in your hand, who despite the thorns that make you bleed you hold on tighter. I'd give nothing more than to be the glove upon the hand that touches your cheek, but I'll have to settle for the hand your reach for when you need a kind word from a friend. Please call me when you arrive safely up on your doorstep milady, so that I know you're safe. I'll be your knight in shining armor from far away. _

_Always, _

_Orion_

Ellie was still biting her lip when she finished the letter, only this time she tasted blood as her lips parted, and she licked them. She'd bit her lip. She sucked gently until her lips stopped bleeding and sighed. "he's gone," she said simply. Max nodded as he smiled at the sketches that laid spread upon the bed.

Jerzy knocked on the door, "hey El-belle" he said walking in, "you okay?"

Ellie smiled, "I'm fine…I think I'm gunna start packing though…"

The boys smiled and each offered her a hand so that she could rise to stand on her bed. She jumped down and began to pull her things off the walls, and clothes from her dresser. If she wanted to, she could start counting down her departure in hours…thirty-six hours and she'd be in a car. Thirty-eight hours and she'd be home. Thirty-eight hours and twenty minutes she'd be with Sean.

-X-

"Okay, so everyone knows the plan?" Sean asked. He looked around his and Tracker's shack of an apartment. All familiar faces, though he wasn't completely happy with the guest list, he, Ashley, and Marco had compiled.

"_Jimmy wants to come," Ashley said making a list, "so that means Hazel too." _

_Sean groaned, though, him and Jimmy had gotten along fairly well since the Saturday detention they'd all spent together, but not enough that he could handle more than three hours of Saturday detention with the boy. "he cares about Ellie, too…"Ashley backlashed to his groan._

"_Dylan…"Marco piped up, "and Paige, which means Spinner is coming."_

"_well Jay's coming with Alex and Towerz."_

_Marco rolled his eyes, "homophobes…"_

_Sean rolled his eyes, "look, they're just as much friends with Ellie as you two are."_

"_Fine," Marco said._

"_So who do we have on the list?" Sean asked._

"_Us, Jimmy, Hazel, Paige, Spinner, Dylan, Jay, Alex, Towerz, Emma, Mark, Craig…" Ashley rambled off._

"_don't' forget Manny," Marco said, "they're back together…"_

"_Don't remind me," Ashley said._

"_Well don't worry, I'm sure Craig won't come near those golden fists of yours," Sean joked._

_Ashley laughed, "Manny," she said disdainfully," Tracker, anyone else?" _

"_Orion…"Marco said quietly._

"_who?" Ashley asked._

"_Orion, Ellie said he was leaving in a few days, that means he could be out in time for her party."_

"_I dunno how to reach him," Ashley said. _

"_I do…Max gave me his email, I can ask him." Marco answered._

_It was then that they noticed Sean's plain face and quietness at the idea of invited Orion to the party. "Are you okay with that Sean?" _

" _with what?" he responded._

" _look, Sean's not okay with it, let's just drop that…" Ashley said. _

" _No…no, it's fine, he can come if he wants." Sean said blandly. _

"_Hey guys, sorry I'm late." Emma said walking into the Dot and sliding into the booth._

_Everyone smiled, "I'm fine with it," Sean repeated. _

"_So what do I get to work on?" Emma asked. _

"_Well I've got music," Ash said as she slid the invitation list to Marco._

"_And I guess I'm handling sending out the e-vites to everyone," Marco answered._

"_I'm handling the decorations and making sure there's enough room." _

"_so…that leaves?...food?" Emma asked, " I mean if no one else wants it." _

"_yea, that's fine," Sean said, not really paying attention. His mind was stewing in the idea of seeing Orion again. At that point all he heard from everyone else was: "blah blah blah" _

"_hey Sean, what does Ellie like to eat?" Emma asked._

"_Huh?" his attention perked up at the sound of his name, "Ellie, she does eat right?" _

" _she likes guacamole dip, I can make it…but um, just go party food with everything Em, we'll grill up some burgers and barbeque some chicken or something…" _

" _should I get some veggie burgers and tofu dogs or something?" _

_Sean laughed, "sure, Em, but don't over do it, not everyone likes their vegetables as much as you." _

Sean's eyes looked around the room, in the corner stood Orion, looking distinctly out of place but found a niche with Ashley and Marco, who stood with Mark and Dylan. Paige, Spinner, Jimmy, and Hazel all congregated in the middle, Tracker was out front watching over the grilling food, while Emma, Manny, and Craig stood in the corner opposite that of where Ashley stood. Jay, Towerz, and Alex all lingered near Sean. "When I get back with Ellie...are we like yelling surprise? Or …what?" Sean asked.

"I …er…dunno, I mean what do you tell to someone who's just got out of a mental clinic?" Ashley asked.

"how about…SURPRISE?" Ellie shouted, walking through the door.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys. I've been working my ass off with school, and especially with trying to find the time to work on this. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'll try to get more up ASAP, I promise! Also, I'm trying move it along, but not too fast, I hope you guys don't mind... 


	17. more surprises

**Encore**

No one dared move. Instead of surprising Ellie, she'd surprised them, and now they were stunned, unsure of what to do. Orion was the first to move, and at that point he had one up on Sean. "Milady," he said bowing before her smirking, taking her hand. Ellie blushed from a rash of embarrassment, surprise, happiness, and anger.

"What are you doing here?" she asked taking his hand and pulling him up before wrapping him in a tight hug.

"I got an email from Marco, Max gave him my email, said you were getting a welcome home party, and thought you might want me here." He answered, and hugged her again," I missed you," he whispered.

"you haven't seen me in a day and a half," she answered, breathing in what smelled like the scent of home as it lingered in his hair.

"I know…" he said, pulling away.

In the far reaches of the room stood Sean, jealous? Yes…very, and it was Emma who picked up on this and gently grabbed his hand, "don't worry about it Sean, it's nothing." Sean looked over at her and smiled, thankfully, at the blonde. Ellie spun around the room, just taking in every face, faces, some she hadn't seen in a month and a half. Some faces she didn't expect to be there. And the first person for her to approach, apart from the man grilling outside, was that man's little brother, "Sean." Sean felt his heart sink a little as he noticed the tears forming in her eyes, and he immediately felt guilty, and a little bit terrible for even thinking that Orion was competition for him. She felt into his arms, and for that moment, it felt as though time regressed for both them.

And Ashley hit the stereo, taking the tension away from the center of the room. And instead of becoming emotional upon the hearing the lyrics to what could be dubbed as _their song_, Ellie smiled and held Sean tight, "I missed you," she said. Ellie pulled away and looked around the room, "looks like you've been busy."

"how did you get here?" he asked.

" mom picked me up, all happy and pepped to spend time with me, and after about an hour or so realized the bottle was more fun than her daughter." Ellie sighed, "so she's spending quality time with vodka, and none with Ellie." Ellie laughed slightly to herself.

"El…you know you can stay here if you want,"

Ellie smiled, "I'll be fine, I've made it this far right?" Ellie looked around and her eyes fell on Orion who was back to talking to Ashley and Marco, and being introduced to Dylan, "who invited Orion?"

"Marco…he thought you'd want him here…" Sean answered.

Ellie smiled, and then kissed his cheek, "jealousy doesn't suit you Sean."

Sean rolled his eyes, "not jealous, Ellie…"

" Sure you aren't…I'm gunna go mingle" she said sashaying her hips as she walked over to Ashley and Mark whilst Orion spoke with Marco and Dylan. "Hey!" Ellie said excitedly, "long time no see." Ashley smiled as she hugged her friend. And Mark smiled brightly as he too opened arms to hug her.

"Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you pushing Ash into me?' Mark said, chuckling.

Ellie shook her head laughing, "no, but I'm sure you appreciate it a lot." Ellie looked around the room again and crossed her arms in nervousness, "so who made up the guest list?" she asked.

" I did mi amore," Marco said sweetly as he kissed both cheeks, " how are you he asked genuinely.

"I'm fine…" Ellie said, looking at the other side of the room, " Paige? Hazel…Spinner, I mean Jimmy I can understand, he was the only one of the to even email me but …"

" they wanted to come," Marco answered, shrugging.

Ellie rolled her eyes and shrugged, " I guess…" and was suddenly blindsided as Alex threw herself into the redhead. They fell to the floor in a heap, laughing.

"can't hold yourself up vampy?" Jay said offering her and Alex both a hand.

" no, I just like getting down and dirty with your girl." Ellie said smartly. Jay spun his cap around backwards, and smirked.

"Can I watch?" he asked laughing to himself. Alex punched him hard in the arm. "Ow, Lexxi that hurt," he whined as he feigned being hurt.

"suck it up tuff guy."

Ellie looked over at Towerz and nodded, "always a man of many words aren't we?" she asked, Towerz smiled and nodded. Ellie smiled. "No Amy?"

"wasn't invited, personally, she's starting to get on my nerves as it is, if she's not hitting on Sean she's toying with Jay…" Alex answered, looking over at Jay suspiciously.

" Hey baby, come on, you know my pants and all that's in it belong to you," he answered pulling her into him, " heart included."

"sap…" Sean muttered under his breath as he slipped up behind Ellie, "you're brains included in that package?"

Everyone laughed.

Ellie looked over at Craig, Manny, and Emma, "interesting crowd over there," she said.

"We're all still friends right?" Sean asked, "besides, we couldn't help the Manny situation she's going out with Craig again, and Emma helped with the food."

Ellie faked a smile, " Emma helped?"

"she wanted to…she's been a good friend," Sean answered. Ellie nodded.

"How's it going Miss Nash?" Jimmy said walking up to her and nudging her with his elbow.

Ellie smiled, it was starting to hurt, "it's good,…thanks for the email," she said sweetly.

"No problem Nash, we were worried about you…" he said. And for a moment he saw that sparkle in her eyes that reminded him of what he liked about her not so long ago, that spark, and spunk. Ellie blushed. He wanted to protect her, and with the month left of school before summer break she'd need a wall against the slew of rumors that would erupt with her reappearance in the DCS hallways.

Ellie excused herself to go outside and speak with the older brother figure she'd been missing.

-X-

Ashley watched across the room nervously. She was still mad at Craig, disappointed in Manny, and just not wanting to be in the same room as the two together. Mark gently rubbed her shoulders, "Okay sweets?" he asked affectionately whispering in her ear. Ashley forced a smile and turned around.

"I'm fine," she answered.

"Good," he said, "because I have a surprise for you later."

Ashley glowed, "Oh really?" her eyes begging to know what it was.

"Mmhmm" he answered, kissing her gently.

"what is it?" she asked.

Mark laughed, "I can't tell you that," he argued, "then it wouldn't be a surprise."

Ashley sighed, "okay…are you still coming to dinner with my family tomorrow night?" she asked. Her parents were dying to meet this infamous "Mark" that Ashley had been seeing for a few months. She'd be hesitant to bring him over and meet the parents and Toby, not wanting what seemed like bad luck to rear it's head like it'd done with boyfriends past.

Mark nodded, "of course, wouldn't miss it."

Ashley smiled, "my mom's excited to meet you."

"I'm excited to meet your mom and congratulate her on her great reproductive skills."

Ashley punched him in the arm playfully, "don't you dare."

Mark laughed and wrapped his arms around her tightly, "I wouldn't, but I'm sure I'll compliment her beautiful daughter, do you know where I can find her?"

Ashley blushed, "I believe she's right here," she answered matter of factly.

"Oh really…?" he asked.

"Urgh, shut up Mark" she said laughing.

-X-

"Hey stranger," Tracker said as Ellie walked outside, letting the screen door shut behind her loudly. Ellie smiled as she sat on the stairs leading up the shack of a home, watching intently as Tracker flipped veggie burgers, and barbecued chicken. Ellie pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them close as she tucked her wild red hair behind her ears. Tracker set the spatula on the car and closed the grill's cover. He dusted off his hands and sat down next to Ellie, "you okay?"

Ellie looked over at him, "for the most part," she said relaxing and letting her legs revert back to their original position.

"Sean said your roommate…"

"Verity…she killed herself," Ellie answered sadly, before he had a chance to finish his sentence, "I found her that morning, I tried to wake her up, we were late for breakfast. And then Jerzy…" Ellie stopped for a moment and took a breath, "it doesn't matter now, it's all over and done with."

"Obviously it's not over and done with, it still bothers you…" Tracker said, but then changed the subject, "So, the blonde boy in there, I don't know him…"

"Dylan?" Ellie asked, "that's Marco's boyfriend."

"Not him, the other one, with the funny name…"

"Orion?" Ellie asked, " yea, you wouldn't know him, he and I we were at Lake View together," Ellie tried to shuffle around the topic, and Tracker noticed this.

"Why don't you go back inside Red, hang out with your friends, I'll be fine out here by myself."

Ellie smiled at the young man, as he pulled her to her feet and returned to the grill. Tracker watched as she shyly hugged him before turning to go inside, it was then that he noticed she was wearing short sleeves, and no arm warmers, her scars in full view. And it didn't even faze her that others could easily pick out her self inflictions. It was then that he smiled proudly, because she'd learned to except who she was and that her scars were not something to be ashamed of, nor revered, but to be ignored, or worn, just worn like any other article of clothing.

Ellie walked inside and her path to Sean was blocked. One way by Emma who was talking to him cheerfully, another by Orion, and the third way by Paige who stood in her way. "Hi," the blonde uttered.

" Hi Paige…" Ellie responded, trying to find an escape route.

" Look about what happened before you left…I'm sorry."

"Again? Paige, look you don't need to apologize to me." Ellie looked over at blonde who looked like a defeated puppy, she sighed, "apology accepted Paige, would you excuse me, I need to…" Ellie looked up and over the girl's shoulder, Sean was still occupied, "Orion…" Ellie said, and began walking over to the tall boy who stood lingering in the corner.

Orion swirled his plastic cup of soda and watched as the bubbles rose and carbonation escaped into the air. "Hey you," Ellie said bumping him with her hip. He looked up and smiled. "How are you?" she asked.

" good…you?"

"as well as can be expected," she answered.

" Wooo, PARTY!" a voice shrieked.

Everyone looked to the front door, " Amy, what are you doing here?" Sean asked.

" I heard there was a party," she slurred drunkenly, "and we know it's not a party unless I'm here." She began to sway her hips from side to side, despite the fact that the music didn't match the misery she was creating. Sean grabbed her arm roughly, and tried to lead her to the door when she pulled back violently, "I wanna stay!" she shrieked, "let go!"

Sean released his grasp on her arm and walked away angrily. Emma from the corner of the room walked over to the Amy and immediately found her place, right up in Amy's face. "You need to leave," Emma stated as calmly as she could. The music was turned off and the room went silent. Amy rolled her eyes as she attempted to stand straight.

"look PETA back off…"

"you're ruining the party, that you WEREN'T invited to."

"like it matters, it's just a party…" she looked around the room, and then her eyes fell on Ellie, and she laughed, "well well well," she said pushing her way past Emma and over to the redhead, "look who's back." Amy took a swig from the flask she carried her jacket.

"Hi Amy," Ellie said grabbing Orion's hand for support. Sean watched from across the room, Ellie looked scared, and he wasn't there to protect her. Instead of grabbing his hand, her hand was in the grasp of another.

"what are you doing here?" Amy asked, " I though you did the world a favor and killed yourself." Ellie squeezed Orion's hand tighter, Amy looked down and noticed this, Ellie squeezing so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She scoffed, "looks like I struck a nerve."

Ellie glared, and pulled her hand from Orion's, "yes, you're vexing me." Orion chuckled to himself as she used terms of his that rubbed off on her, leaving Amy obviously confused.

"speak so I can understand you Vampy," Amy argued, getting frustrated.

"Vous m'ennuyez. Vous dégoûtant le morceau de déchets." Ellie said simply, smirking as she spoke in the language of which Amy failed the class three times. Amy groaned, "do you prefer English?" Ellie asked. "I said, You annoy me. You disgusting piece of trash."

Amy's cheeks burned with both embarrassment and anger. " I hate you," Amy said drunkenly.

" good, because I'm not fond of you either," Ellie said, " do you think I didn't notice you trying to move in on Sean?"

" he doesn't care about you," Amy slurred, " he likes me more."

Ellie laughed, because for this moment she was never more confident, "no…he doesn't."

Amy groaned, "you think you're so much better than me," Amy took a step closer to her, "you're not better than me, look at you, you're disgusting, you cut yourself because why?" Amy sneered, and began to mimic Ellie in a whiney voice, "Oh look at me, pity ME, my daddy's in the army, my mommy drinks too much, and my life sucks." Amy changed to a more confident tone, "oh whoa is fuckin' me, how about I cry out for more attention like a spoiled little brat, I'm better than everyone else, and want people to pay attention to me, even though there are other people with more serious problems." It was then that Ellie noticed Amy was crying, as she reverted to mocking Ellie, "atleast my daddy comes home, atleast all my mom does is drink instead of doing lines of coke on the bathroom floor while my baby brother is crying,"

"Amy," Ellie reached out to comfort her but Amy flinched away.

"Don't fuckin' touch me you bitch," Amy sniffled, "You took him away, the only thing stable in my life, and you took him from me."

"no" Ellie said shaking her head, "you lost him."

"No! you took him from me, All he'd do is watch you, during lunch, he'd stare at you, when you were gone, he'd talk about you constantly,…your name gives me migraines, Ellie Ellie Ellie!"

Ellie flushed pink, and then red, " I didn't know…"

"No you didn't, because you're an attention seeking bitch…"

" Amy…"

Amy stared maliciously at the redhead and then spun on her heels before tripping and stumbling to the door where she fell out onto the gravel and threw up. Everyone was silent. Everyone was in shock, except Sean, who despite how annoyed by Amy's affections he was, or how much he despised how she treated herself, knew what she went through. How her father does nothing except send monthly child support, how her mother literally gave up being a mother, and Amy practically raises her baby brother, Josh. He'd be the supportive backbone, a good friend to her, but what she did to herself was something that he couldn't stand, and he distanced himself from her self destructive behavior and fed on his own. She had no respect for her body on a sexual level, constantly giving herself away to other guys when they were together, when they weren't, when ever she felt the need to be loved. He stared at the empty door frame as Alex stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "maybe you should talk to her" she said. Sean turned around.

"why can't you?" he asked, pleading, his eyes begging her not to make him.

"because she was half tolerable when she was with you," Alex answered, "and because you seem to get through to people."

Sean sighed and made his way to the door.

"We're all lucky to have a friend like that" Emma mentioned to Ellie as she stood behind her. Ellie turned around and silently agreed.

" I think he does a lot more, and means a lot more to people than he knows," Ellie said watching the door.

-X-

"Amy?" Sean asked as he walked down the stairs and squatted down next to the vomiting girl.

She looked up and wiped her mouth. And started to fall apart. She fell back and landed on her rear end and took off her sneaker and threw it at him. Sean ducked as the sneaker barely missed his head. Sean looked to Tracker for help, but he seemed to have gone inside with some of the grilled food. Sean walked over to wear the shoe had landed and picked it up. He walked to wear Amy sat in the gravel driveway looking defeated. Squatting down he handed her the sneaker she'd thrown and she greedily tore it from his hands and slipped it back on.

"Go away" she said, her voice racked with sobs.

"Amy, do you know why I don't want you around me?"

"because of **_her_**?" Amy spat.

"No, because you're a good person who's whoring herself around to anyone who's willing to take a ride." He said trying to sound as compassionate as he could while being as hard on her as he could.

Amy sniffled and wiped her nose. "what makes her any better than me Sean? She mutilates her body to feel good."

"and you practically give yours away," he said angrily, and then he sighed as he sat down on the gravel, "she tries to get better, she works hard and she doesn't give up, you brought yourself here Amy, you could have stopped abusing your body through sex at anytime, but you didn't…"

Amy started crying, " I don't want to be like this Sean,…"

"No one does, and no one wants to see you like this, not me, not Alex…no one."

"I can't help who I am."

"that's shit and you know it!" he shouted, "do you want to end up like your mother?" He stood up and stared down at her, he was furious "the woman who could give two shits about Josh and spends her free time trading sex for drugs?"

Amy looked up at him, wiping her eyes, "no" she answered softly.

"then stop walking down that road."

"then stop hating me!"

" I don't hate you Amy" he said laughing angrily, "I hate what you're doing to yourself,"

" I need help…"

"then get it," Sean said simply.

" I need help"

"no…"

Amy stood up shakily, "why the hell not, you help that bitch but you can't help me."

" I don't…" Sean swallowed, "help her, she helps herself and I'm just the backup."

"back me up then."

"that…I can do" he said offering her an arm to steady herself, "you can come inside, if you're going to behave."

Amy sighed, and taking Sean's arm she walked back inside and joined the party, lingering close to Alex and Jay.

-X-

"You okay," Orion asked as Ellie made her way back in his direction after throwing herself at the guacamole dip that Sean had made.

"Why is everyone asking me that?" she said in between bites.

" because we care about you?"

"I'm fine."

"great Milady," he said, "care to dance?" he asked.

"I think I'm gunna just stand here and watch."

"alas Lady Eleanor tis not a party unless thee give into dancing with thine self."

"cut the crap Orion…"

He laughed and Ellie gave into the smile and walked out with him into the living room between Paige and Spinner, Jimmy and Hazel, and various couples and danced to her heart's content, shaking her violent red hair until it whipped everyone else with it's fire.

Suddenly Mark dropped to the floor.

* * *

A/N: gave it a quick run through, shouldn't be any terrible mistakes. This took me a good few days to write, and push out while in class and inbetween working on assignments. I'm already working on the next part. It should be up before the holidays...(p.s. I keep forgetting Terri is around, for reading purposes she was out of town on a photoshoot, and will possibly be moving to support her career in plus size fashion)

Let me know how you think it's turning out, that's what reviews are for, let me know if there's anything you want to see, apart from Sean and Ellie getting back together


	18. broken hearts

**Encore **

"Someone call an ambulance!" Ashley shrieked. Ellie stopped immediately and rushed to Ashley's side, where Mark lay clawing at his chest on the floor of Sean's home.

"Is he alright?" Ellie asked.

"His heart" Ashley choked out, " I think it stopped"

"Ashley move," Dylan called out, and pushed Ashley aside and began compressions on his chest, "Marco!"

"Calling!" Marco's voice shouted from across the apartment.

Tracker rushed over to the scene, "is he gunna be okay?"

"the ambulance is on it's way!" Marco shouted.

Tracker noticed the crowd forming around, and ushered everyone into the kitchen. While they waited for the paramedics, Ellie gently eased a very scared and very upset Ashley to her feet and led her to the couch, in an attempt to get her to call Mark's parents and let them know he'll be at the hospital. Ellie looked over and watched as Dylan continued to keep Mark's heart beating. Ashley reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone and walked outside to call the Jansens.

Jimmy walked over to Ellie, "you think he'll be okay?"

Without even turning to look at Jimmy she responded with, "so long as Dylan can keep that up until the paramedics get here."

He sighed, he was worried about Ashley, she wasn't so good at handling bad things happening. She wasn't so good at handling much of anything that took less than a brain cell to comprehend. When her father told her he was gay, she was a wreck. The whole ecstasy incident left her a lonely wreck. When Craig cheated on her? There never a doubt in anyone's mind that she'd take that sitting down; it just wasn't very likely. Jimmy watched her through the window. She was his best friend for so long, and now here she was, having to deal with her current boyfriend in critical condition. Looking across the kitchen he noticed Craig clinging on to Manny like there was no tomorrow. Craig had missed out on his chance to be happy once before when he chose a guitar over breaking up with Ashley. It was selfish, and he knew it. Everyone knew it.

The whole party mood had disappeared…and everyone just stared as Dylan continued compressions, having cracked Mark's ribs only a few moments before causing Paige and Hazel to cringe. "Ashley!" Dylan called out, "where is she?" he asked looking around. Ashley rushed back into the room, tears streaming down her face, "what's wrong with him?" he asked simply for the first time.

"VSD, he has a hole in his heart…" Ashley said between sobs, "he was going into surgery for it in the next few months."

"Well he might be going in for it in the next hour.," Dylan answered before turning to Marco, who was still on the phone with the emergency medical technician. "Tell them he has VSD, and we need them here immediately."

Ashley started sobbing again and both Craig and Jimmy took the leap to try and comfort her. But she only let one in, the one that new her best. Craig was pushed away as she clung to Jimmy like a personal floatation device as she was struggling in an ocean of worry and potential defeat. Craig sulked back to Manny, the only person who made him feel needed as of lately. Hazel turned to Paige, "do you think I should be worried?" she asked as her eyes watched Jimmy as he comforted Ashley, who was sobbing on the floor.

Paige shrugged, " I wouldn't…"

Hazel watched as Ashley sobbed into Jimmy's shoulder after looking over at Mark, struggling to stay alive. She reached over to grab his hand, as he remained conscious while Dylan kept his heart beating, he squeezed weakly, and tried to talk but no words came out. He just stared at Ashley as though he'd disappointed her in some way.

-X-

Ashley paced the hospital waiting room. She was an impatient, emotional wreck. This wasn't how she expected to be spending the evening with her boyfriend at a party. This wasn't what she wanted to experience with him.

"How is he!" shouted Carson Jansen, Mark's mother, "how's my baby boy?"

Ashley turned to the dark haired woman and nearly burst into tears, "he..he…he collapsed ."

Carson gasped and covered her mouth quickly, "his heart, we should have…" turning around she faced her husband, François and glared angrily, "you!" she shouted in the hospital, "this is all your fault."

François rolled his eyes, " it was going to happen sooner or later Carson, there was never any avoiding this."

Ashley fell back into a chair as she watched Mark's parents fight, and finally burst into tears, which caught the Jansen's attention. "Would you two stop fighting!" she cried, "You should be trying to help him, not fighting over him."

Carson glared at Ashley, her dark eyes fierce with worry and anger, "don't you tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing, I'm his mother, you're just some…little…" Carson struggled to find the right words, "trollop that's taking my baby away from me." Ashley burst into tears, Carson had never been fond of Ashley, who was always around Mark, when he was studying, when he was working. François frowned at his wife and sat down beside Ashley and gently comforted her.

Ellie rushed through the hospital doors with Sean and Tracker, "Ashley, is he okay?" and quickly rushed to her friend's side. Quickly taking François's position as her momentary hero. For the first time since she caught Craig in the middle of an adulterous lie, Ashley had a breakdown. "It'll be okay Ash, he'll be fine."

Ellie sighed, she felt like she was catching herself in the middle of a lie she couldn't get herself out of. Ashley sniffled and nodded, "yea, he'll be fine."

Ashley looked up to see Carson and François speaking to a doctor. From a distance she noticed that the Carson's tense shoulders relaxed and François let out a held back sigh of relief. Ashley jumped to her feet and rushed to the couple, "he's stable, and awake, just a minor fibrillation of the heart, we've got his heart back on track, but the hole isn't making things much better, he's agreed to push the surgery forward," the doctor explained to the Jansen's. He looked at his clipboard, "he's asking to see Ashley?" he said questioning his own notes.

"That won't be necessary, we'll see him now," Carson said making her way to the room. But Ashley had caught all she needed to hear and made her way to Mark's room. The doctor shrugged and let the Jansen's go. Carson walked into her son's room to see Ashley sitting in a chair that she should be sitting in, stroking his messing dark hair. Mark smiled.

"I'm fine sweets," he said weakly.

Ashley smiled, "I know,… you worried me back there."

"I'm sorry," he croaked, trying to sit up, "we still on for dinner with your parents?"

Ashley smiled again, her lips pressed tightly together, and nodded.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible honey," Carson said walking farther into the room.

"Mom…"

"You can leave now Ashley," she said strictly as François watched from the doorway.

"Let her stay Carson, Mark asked for her not us," he said, defending Ashley.

Ashley looked at Carson and found her presence unwanted, "I think I'm going to leave Mark," she said standing and leaning over to gently kiss him on the lips, "I'll come by after school tomorrow." Mark smiled. And kissed her back.

"Bye Sweets"

When Ashley walked out of the room Mark turned to his mother, "I can't believe you did that."

" I can't believe you're still seeing that…that…**girl**"

"Carson…" François said walking into the room, " you're behavior is dis—"

"stay out of this François"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Mark screamed weakly, "you guys are enough to give anyone with a healthy heart a heart attack, I'm sick of it…and you wonder why I asked to see Ash first, because she doesn't put stress on my heart like you two, leave me and her alone." He reached for the nurse call button and watched as his parents were escorted out of the room.

-X-

Jimmy had arrived moments after Ashley had disappeared into Mark's room. He'd dropped Hazel, Paige, and Spinner off moments before and immediately made his way to the hospital to check on Ashley. He'd waited in the waiting room with Ellie, Sean, and Tracker, hoping he'd be able to help.

"She'll be alright, I think she was just very scared if anything." Ellie explained as he took a seat across from her and Sean, and next to Tracker. Jimmy nodded.

Jimmy looked up to see Ashley walking into the waiting room looking incredibly depressed and just on the verge of tears. Jimmy jumped to his feet and immediately engulfed Ashley into a hug, which she warmly accepted. "Need a ride home?" he asked.

Ashley lifted her head and nodded, "thanks" she muttered.

Ellie arrived next to Jimmy and gently reached out to her friend, "everything okay?"

Ashley nodded and wiped her eyes, "yea, I'm just gunna go home and sleep or something."

Ellie nodded and followed the pair out to the parking lot with Tracker and Sean.

Jimmy opened the front passenger side door and let Ashley climb in before walking over to the driver's side and sliding in, slipping the key into the ignition. He turned down the volume in his car and began the drive to the Kerwin-Iaasacs home. Jimmy would occasionally look over at Ashley, silently hoping she'd say something to break the uncomfortable silence. She looked more helpless sitting in his front seat than he'd seen her after every emotional tear she'd been through before. It was breaking his heart. Jimmy pulled up into her driveway and turned off the ignition, "you sure you'll be okay?" he asked.

Ashley wiped her eyes and nodded; "yea I'll be fine" she smiled.

Jimmy faintly smiled back and started his car up again the moment Ashley closed the car door. He watched as she shuffled her way up to the front door, and walked inside.

Jimmy drove home and the moment he got home he was faced with an answering machine scattered with messages. He pressed the play button.

"_Jimmy, it's Hazel, just wanted to talk to you, call me back." _

"_Jimmy it's me again, where are you? It's like … quarter after ten and you haven't called me back, I'm worried." _

"_It's ten of eleven…where are you?" _

"_Jim, it's your father, just wanted to call and let you know I'll be back next week, hold the fort down." _

"_Jimmy---"_

Jimmy pressed the delete button on answering machine and picked up the cordless phone and dialed Hazel's number. "Hello?" asked Hazel's very tired voice.

"Hey, it's me, just getting in."

"Where were you?"

"I went back to the hospital, to keep Ashley company."

"Oh…but she had Ellie and Sean there…"

"but, I wanted to be there for her," he said hoping Hazel would realize that he just wanted to be there for his friend, one of his oldest to be exact. It was just their history together that worried her, and he found that understandable.

"Oh…" Hazel said, "well I'll see you tomorrow, kisses"

"kisses" Jimmy said before hanging up the phone and tossed it across the couch before reaching for the remote control and falling asleep in the company of the glowing television screen.

-X-

Orion sat on Marco's couch after the eventful evening, Marco had opened his house after realizing that he hadn't really gotten to spend some time with Ellie and that his grandfather couldn't return until the next evening to pick him up. "Well,…" he muttered, "that was an interesting party."

Marco looked across his couch, his heart still racing from the evening's activities. Mark had almost died, could have, and the racing around trying to get a hold of the emergency medical team had adrenaline pumping through his veins, "definitely….I hope he's alright, Ash is going to be devastated tomorrow."

"Her and Ellie are good friends, right?" Orion asked, trying to grasp the situation. Marco nodded, "who were the other people exactly?"

"Well you met Sean once before, and I'm sure you met Alex, Jay and Emma." Marco said and waited for Orion to acknowledge that he understood. " Jay and Alex are together, friends with Sean, Emma and Sean _used_ to date." Marco imagined the party in his head, "Ash and I don't spend much time together, usually I'm with Paige, Spinner, Jimmy, and Hazel."

"Who were they?"

" the pretty people…" Marco said trying to explain them the best he could. Orion nodded. "Paige is the one who…"

"got Ellie into counseling"

"yea….how did you…"

"group sessions, Ellie told us…"

"Oh" Marco answered, "Well Spin and Paige date, Jimmy and Hazel date…Craig used to date Ash, cheated on her with Manny, the girl with him, but he's friends with us and Ellie so that's why he was here."

"One giant soap opera you've got here…"

Marco chuckled, "oh, I'm not done yet…You've met Dylan, Paige's brother and my boyfriend, and then there was Amy, who well, used to date Sean but she cheated on him."

"And the boy that collapsed, that's?"

"Mark, Ash's boyfriend, and then there's Tracker, Sean's brother."

"And that was the guy grilling outside?"

Marco nodded and Orion remembered meeting him when he arrived.

"_Hi, Tracker Cameron, Sean's brother." Tracker held out his hand and shook Orion's. Orion looked down and his eyes fell upon the young man's bare forearms littered with scars. _

"_Nice to meet you," he responded, smiling. That one simple gesture immediately made Orion feel less alone in a crowd of strangers. "I'm Orion." _

"_So how do you know Ellie?" he asked cleaning the grill._

"_Lake View, I left a few days before she got out." Orion answered, "we got pretty close." _

_Tracker nodded understandingly, "that's good, that girl needs a support team." Orion smiled. "She's a great girl, very misunderstood, but she's a lot less demanding on Sean than Emma was, kinda just respects his decisions even if they're wrong ones, they really lean on each other."_

_Orion felt a pang of guilt for continually trying to make Ellie his. He knew what it was like to have that type of person to lean on. His grandmother had been that person for him, someone to lean on when times got tough. Sean and Ellie were able to lean on each other and he felt terrible for trying to replace Sean as that person. _

"so are you sure you're okay with the couch?" Marco asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yea, the couch is great thanks," he said and just before Marco climbed the stairs to his room for the night a knock sounded at the door.

-X-

Tracker pulled up in font of Ellie's house, putting his truck in park. Ellie looked at him pleadingly, " do I have to go in?" she asked. She didn't want to be home. Not while her mother was drinking. Her mother drinking had been the sole reason she ended up at Lake View. Her mother made and broke promises like it was her job. It wasn't like Ellie didn't love her mother, in fact Ellie loved her mother very much. And Judy Nash loved her daughter, but sometimes not more than the bottle of alcohol she kept hidden under the couch. It was Greg Nash that was the cement to that family, when he was away, the family bond chipped and fell apart.

Tracker watched her as she shifted nervously in the passenger seat of his pick up. Tracker sighed, "you really should be at home with your mother," he reasoned.

"But she doesn't even care…I mean she was too drunk to notice I even left."

Tracker sighed again and shifted out of park and pulled away from the house. Part of him knew he was going to get verbally assaulted by Judy Nash the next day; that would be if he **was** lucky. Unlucky would be if Ellie's mother decided to start giving a damn about her child and her own addictions, meaning he'd probably have the Mounties on his doorstep. Ellie shifted back to a comfortable state in the passenger seat, leaning her head on Sean's shoulder as he sat in between his brother and ex-girlfriend.

Tracker pulled in front of the rundown place they called home and parked the truck before unlocking the front door, letting Ellie stumble in, leaning on Sean. The pair shuffled tiredly into Sean's room and curled up on the messy bed falling asleep.

Ellie curled up on her side snuggling into Sean, burrowing her face into his chest as he laid on his back. He wrapped an arm around her thin figure and held her protectively. Even in their subconscious they knew it felt right, the way their bodies seemed to fit, the way each other smelled seemed to smell like home to both of them. Tracker walked in the door way and smiled before pulling the door shut. Sean turned his head and nuzzled it into Ellie's red hair, and gently kissed her forehead; he was glad to have her back, back in his arms, no one else's. Sean opened his eyes and ran his fingers lightly over the contours of Ellie's face and finding his way blindly in the dark he found her nose and gently kissed it. Ellie smiled in her sleep and draped her arm across Sean's chest and he rolled onto his side, and cupping Ellie's face in his hands he gently kissed her lips. Ellie's hands drifted up to Sean's neck and she pulled herself closer to him and kissed him back. Sean closed his eyes and gave in, melting into her with every kiss and then Ellie opened her eyes. Sean pulled away, and noticed that Ellie seemed nervous in her wakened state. She bit her lip and suddenly with out warning rolled on top of Sean, straddling him she leaned down and kissed him passionately on the lips. Feverishly, she began kissing her way to his neck as his hand made his way softly up her thighs. She planted one long kiss on his lips before sitting up straight and staring into his eyes, "I missed you," she said, "I missed us, I missed everything."

Sean sat up and leaned his back against the wall as Ellie fell into his lap. Her red hair, mussed up and in her face. Sean kissed her forehead gently. " I missed you, too."

"But I don't know what to do" Ellie said.

Sean placed his finger under her chin and tilted it upward, "what do you mean…it's simple we can get back together."

"it's not that simple Sean"

"why?"

Ellie was silent.

"it's because of him, isn't it?" Sean asked, "that…guy the one that came for your party, the one who was in your room…"

Ellie closed her eyes as Sean started to raise his voice, "we didn't do anything, we just kissed."

"but it's enough to make you stumble over a decision to get back together."

"the entire time I was gone, I only wanted you" she said, her eyes watering, "but you weren't there, what was I supposed to do?" she asked, " I needed someone to be there for me, he wasn't you but he was good enough."

"good enough?"

Ellie was on the brink of tears when she crawled out of Sean's lap and headed towards the door, but Sean grabbed her wrist, "what do you mean he was good enough? Were you trying to replace me?"

Ellie shook her head, "let me go," she whimpered. Sean dropped her wrist and rolled over facing the wall. "Sean?" she asked as she inched closer to the bed, "Sean look at me."

" can you just…I need to be alone."

Ellie slumped her shoulders and shuffled out the door.

Tracker who'd been laying on the couch watching the television sat up as Ellie tried to let herself out. He sat up and quickly turned off the television before rushing over to stop Ellie, "hey Red, where're you going?"

Ellie pushed him away, " I'm going home…to Ash's, to Marco's I don't care, I don't want to be here, not with him." She said pointing at Sean's bedroom door. " He doesn't understand me anymore, he just doesn't get it."

Tracker grabbed his coat and his keys and ushered her out the door, "let's go, I'll take you home." Ellie climbed into the passenger seat of the truck and brought her feat up on the seat and held her legs close. "what happened Red," he asked as he turned the key in the ignition.  
" he…we…I…" Ellie groaned in frustration as she struggled to get the words out. " he wants us back together but I told him I don't know what I want."

"last time I checked isn't that what you wanted?"

"yes" Ellie said exasperated, "but other stuff came along while I was away, I met someone."

"that guy from the party?" he asked pulling out onto the street.

Ellie nodded, "he was my support while Sean and I were apart, he was my someone to lean on and I don't think I can just forget all that he's done for me."

Tracker nodded, "understandable."

Ellie sighed heavily, "he hates me."

"he doesn't hate you, he's just mad." Tracker stopped at the stop light and looked over at the girl, "where am I taking you?" he asked.

"take me to Marco's I think that's where Orion's staying."

Tracker agreed as Ellie gave him directions to the Italian's house, " come by tomorrow when you have yourself figured out, I'll talk to him."

Ellie smiled weakly and gave him a hug before getting out of the car and knocked on Marco's door. A very tired, and about to head to bed Marco answered the door, and ready to shoo the nightly visitor away when he noticed the vibrant head of red hair. "El?" he asked confused, she threw herself into his confused arms. Between the surprise of her being there and the sound of her upset mumbling into his shirt Marco wasn't sure what happened or what to do.

-X-

Orion sat up on the couch and adjusted his glasses as Ellie was led into the room. She fell back on the couch played with the hem of her shirt. "Ellie, what's wrong, why are you here?" Marco asked. "Is it Mark, is Ash, okay?"

Ellie's eyes widened and she quickly jumped to mend his conclusions of her upset silence, "No, Mark's okay, he's awake Jimmy took Ash home about an hour or so ago…"

"then what is …"

"it's Sean isn't it?" Marco suddenly got somewhat angry and punched her in the shoulder, "don't scare me like that!"

Ellie laughed, "ow" she feigned, "and yes it is Sean, he hates me."

"Sean doesn't hate you" Marco answered, rolling his eyes.

"no he really does," she responded before Orion butted his way into the conversation.

"you told him."

Marco and Ellie turned to the blonde.

"you told him about us and he got mad, jealous, what ever other chivalrous thing he could possibly do."

Ellie was stunned silent.

"That's it isn't it?" Orion said, " you told him and now he's upset because he doesn't want to share you?"

" I guess," Ellie finally answered, " I told him and he's just…he told me to leave, he wants to be alone."

Marco chuckled, "no mi amore, he wants you all to himself."

"why is he so mad then?"

"because you told him you couldn't make up your mind." Orion answered

"would you quit reading my mind!" Ellie shouted, but quickly quieted her voice as she was reminded she wasn't in her own home.

"I don't need to read your mind when it's written all over your face milady."

Marco laughed.

Ellie glared.

"What?" Marco shrugged, "it's true."

Ellie pouted and crossed her arms, "well can I stay the night anyways?" Ellie asked.

"of course, mi amore."

"Yea, I'll bring down another blanket and pillow and you can have my bed."

Ellie smiled and protested, "I'll just stay down here,"

" well no funny business missy," and then fiercely pointed a finger at Orion, "and you too"

Ellie rolled her eyes, "goodnight DAD," watching as Marco walked up the stairs. Orion felt guilty as he watched her on the couch. Ellie never wanted to pursue their relationship; in fact it was completely surprising to find that Ellie couldn't make a decision. She's always pushed him away for the sake of wanting Sean, and now she had him and she didn't know if she really wanted him. It was almost mind-boggling, now he had a chance, the moment he gave her up. "Would you quit looking at me?" Ellie asked blushing. Orion apologized. "I messed up, didn't I?" she asked.

"No you didn't."

Ellie scoffed and scooted over on the couch, " I messed up, I let myself believe I could only love Sean when I knew I was capable of being with someone else."

"Milady…I was the one in the wrong, you never should mess with true love."

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the long wait, but you have to understand the schedule I'm on, going to school literally 7 days a week and 8 hours everyday from 5-9. I try to get some writing in during breaks in class, and when ever I can, but I'm literally exhausted and when I get a chance to be with my sorta kinda guy, or to study, and hang out with friends I need that mental break to calm down. I literally spent a week trying to write this new chapter and believe me parts kept getting re-written over and over again. It was really hard for me to finally be decently happy with the direction it's going on. 

I'm gunna try and push this story to 25 chapters, like the last one, and I have few ideas in the making for a third one, making this a triology. I hoping to entitle it: Reprise. But we'll see how it goes the closer I get to chapter 25. Well I'm off to study, I have far too much homework to do this weekend.

Enjoy

MJ


	19. the only ugly thing about you

**Encore**

Ellie smiled weakly at Orion's sweet verbal gesture and curled up next to him on the couch. "I miss everyone" she confided to him, "everything was so much simpler there, I could love him and not second guess myself."

"I suppose that's my fault" Orion answered, "I'm sorry I pushed you into everything."

Ellie smiled, "don't worry about it, I think it was something we both needed, a little _randiness_ never hurt anyone."

Orion laughed and kissed her cheek while hugging her tightly. And suddenly he stopped, and staring into her eyes he pressed his lips to hers and she straddled herself in his lap, wrapping her hands around his neck. Part of her felt like she was doing Sean an injustice, but what was she doing wrong? Nothing, just giving in to primal desires. Her and Orion may have had an emotional connection, but nothing, not anywhere near as strong as hers and Sean's, but what they did have as a fierce and passionate lust for one-another. Ellie bit his lip and tugged on it gently as his ran his hands up her thighs and to her clothed breasts. And then Marco coughed from the stairs, a blanket and pillow in hand.

"You know I think if Papa del Rossi came down these stairs to you two, he'd have a heart attack," Marco chuckled, "you two were supposed to behave!" Ellie blushed heavily and rolled off of Orion's lap and sheepishly crawled to the end of the couch, "how about you take my bed Ellie." She opened her mouth to protest but thought it was best considering the position Marco had just caught her in.

"I guess you're right" she agreed and trudged her way up to Marco's bedroom and crawled into his bed.

"I don't know what I'm gunna do with you two," Marco said slumping down onto the love seat, opening the blanket and finding himself comfortable on the two cushion piece of furniture.

Orion laughed, "don't worry my liege you won't need to worry tomorrow."

"I better not." Marco answered, "I dunno how I'd explain that to my Pop, if it had been him instead of me coming down those stairs." Marco laughed to himself, " I can here it now, Marco, you're friends shouldn't be doing that on our couch…Marco, why aren't you doing that with pretty girls?"

"So….dish" Orion said laying back on the couch, his legs dangling over the edge.

"Dish about what?'

"Dylan, your boyfriend what's he like?" Orion asked.

"Well, Dyl's in grade 12, varsity hockey all the way."

"Oh, so he's a jock," Orion mentioned.

"A hottie with a body" Marco laughed.

"Who's a hottie?" asked an over exaggerated Italian voice.

"No one Pop" Marco answered quickly.

"Why are you sleeping down here?" Mario del Rossi asked.

" Ellie's up in my bed, sleeping."

"I like that Ellie, very pretty girl, how come she doesn't come over for dinner anymore Marco?"

"She's a busy girl Pop."

"You tell her when she wakes up that your MaMa's making frittatas and she stays for breakfast."

"I will Papa, g'night" Marco said trying not to laugh at his father.

"Goodnight Marco" and with that Mario headed up the stairs.

"That was a quick cover" Orion mentioned.

" Lots of practice," Marco said looking down.

"So you haven't told him?"

Marco shook his head, "do you mind if we talk about this another time, I'm beat."

Orion shook his head, "not at all."

Marco watched as Orion rolled onto his side and set his glasses on the coffee table before pulling the blanket up to his neck. He watched as Orion brushed some of his blonde hair out of his face and closed his eyes gently before his breathing slowed and Marco could tell his was asleep. It was then that Marco tiptoed up the stairs and into his room where Ellie was still not so obviously asleep. The light was on, peeking out from under the closed door. He opened it and crept inside quietly and watched as Ellie lay on his bed, her feet kicking in the air as she flipped through the photo book of the past year or so. "Hey," he said softly and Ellie raised her head, and smiled brightly.

"Do you remember this?" Ellie asked as she pushed the album across the bed and showed him the picture Craig had snapped of them while they rehearsed for their commercial for Media Immersions. They were colorful shots against the staged backdrop. Marco in his bollywood styled costume and Ellie with a feather boa around her neck. The photograph captured that one moment where Ellie kissed a stunned Marco.

He laughed, "Yea, that was a good day."

"Until later on when you told me you were gay," Ellie said rolling on to her back and making room for Marco to lay down, "that was heartbreaking."

"I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean to…"

"Hurt me? I know…at least I got a soul mate out of the deal though right?" she smiled brightly.

"Best friends, always El," he said kissing her cheek and staring at the ceiling, as he laid on his back, sighing heavily.

"Can't sleep?" Ellie asked, Marco shook his head in response, "what's on your mind?" she asked and rolled on to her side and rested on her elbows.

" I was thinking about what happened earlier with Mark and Ashley, I mean she's finally happy right? And then something like what happened tonight just brings it all crashing back to…like what if something happens with Dylan and me? I mean I met this pretty awesome guy and I'm happy…"

"Marco, even if something happens, you're an amazing catch and if Dylan does anything to let you get away he's stupid."

Marco smiled, "thanks for the reassurance," he answered, not totally happy with her response. He saw him and Dylan going far, but unfortunately he wasn't even mature enough to come out to his father. It was painstaking to say the least that the one thing he wanted to do, he couldn't. He felt like Dylan was disappointed in him because he couldn't tell his father he's gay.

"That's not all is it?" Ellie asked.

"I haven't told my Dad yet."

Ellie chewed on her bottom lip, "that's a tough one Marco, I can't help you with that…you can come out to nearly everyone in school, to your closest friends, but you can't tell your father…there's something wrong there Marco."

"I just don't want to him to hate me…I mean you've heard his jokes, I don't want to be the butt end of one of the jokes he tells, it's uncomfortable enough as it is."

Ellie sighed, " I can't do it for you, I've already done too much—"

"I'm not asking you to do it for me, to help cover up again, you're right, I've put you through enough trying to help me pretend I wasn't gay, but I can't keep hiding from myself like this."

"You're not hiding from yourself Marco, you're hiding yourself from your father."

Marco groaned, "Why can't this be easier?"

"Some things just aren't meant to come easily," she answered and thought of her own current situation where she stood between two young men in her life that she had two different types of relationships with. Her relationship with Sean was one she wanted above and beyond, they were a mixed basket together bring so many things to the table and complimenting each other's faults and merits. And then there was her relationship with Orion, the one that made her feel like she was the only girl in the world, Orion was the young man who raised chivalry from the dead, but they were too alike in their faults. And it was at that moment that Ellie truly made her decision.

-X-

"Morning honey," Kate Kerwin said, drawing the blinds in Ashley's once again bedroom turned tomb. Ashley peeked out from under her dark covers and frowned at the light, and immediately pulled the covers back down over her head and fell back on her pillows, "Get up Ash, I hate it when you shut yourself away in here."

"just go away."

"I'm not gunna just, 'go away' Ashley, I'm your mother, I'll be breathing down your neck about everything and there to love you until the day I fall over dead," and she tugged on the blanket covering her daughter, "Now get up,"

Ashley groaned, "I don't want to, I just want to stay here."

"No, you're going to get up, you did the same thing with the whole Craig issue, and I'm not going to let you cry yourself sick over this."

Ashley sat up, "you don't understand Mom!"

"What don't I understand Ashley? That your boyfriend is in the hospital, because I completely understand," she said, "but you can't let yourself wallow around in pity like this," Kate sat down on the edge of the bed, "this is his time to wallow, not yours."

Ashley sighed, "I don't know how else to deal with his."

Kate paused for a moment, "do you remember back at the end of grade eight when I came home with Jeff and you had thrown a party and taken ecstasy?"

Ashley flushed red with embarrassment, "yes."

"Do you want to go back to seeing Dr. Pearson?" Kate asked, "because goodness knows it wasn't about the drugs, it was about the stress you let yourself struggle with."

"I don't know."

"Everything got easier that year Ashley, you made new friends, you started writing more, you handled situations just a bit better."

"Maybe, I thought everything was fine…"

"I've been wanting you to go back since the Craig issue Ashley, I just thought you'd come to me first."

"Mom…"

"No Ashley, I'm sick of having to worry about what's wrong with you, you're either depressed or just making your way through life, you're rarely ever happy anymore."

"It's called being a teenager mother," Ashley answered tugging back her blanket angrily.

"Then grow up, because you're acting very childish," and with that final line Kate left her daughter's room with a slam of the door, and Ashley pulled her recovered blanket over her head and returned to her stronghold in her bed. She closed her eyes and the next time she opened them it was because Ellie was jumping up and down on her bed.

"get up Ash!" she shouted and began tugging off the blankets.

Ashley groaned and played tug of war for her covers, "El, can you just do me a favor and leave me alone"

"No" Ellie said as she stopped jumping, "you do this every time something bad happens in your life, you throw yourself a pity party, I'm sorry Ash but no one feels sorry for you, you aren't the one in the hospital, you're fine, Mark's going to be okay, so stop being so damn selfish"

Ashley pouted, "I'm not selfish."

"No, you're not, you're only selfish when small insignificant things happen in your life that you have no control over and it ruins the picture perfect life you're trying to create."

"And you're the girl who cuts herself because her Mom drinks, gosh, didn't you pay attention to Amy the other night? You're just as bad as me," Ashley argued, immediately feeling guilty for her choice of words.

"no…what I do is completely different, what I did was a private matter, no one was to know, but you…you parade around like your world has ended, you have everyone at your beck and call, even Jimmy…"

" Don't bring Jimmy into this"

"Well I'm going to, and you're going to listen to me," Ellie said, collapsing on her knees at the end of Ashley's bed. "Everyone knows you have a habit of making little things the most stressful happenings in your life, you can't cope, and Jimmy has been worried sick because he's seen you go through so many changes caused by the smallest thing in your life changing, and yea, Mark in the hospital is a pretty damn stressful thing, and Jimmy was the first to jump to your aide because he knew you'd react so badly." Ashley opened her mouth to protest but said nothing and let Ellie continue, "You've always had music Ash, that could have been your way to cope, but you just choose not to cope and it builds up and you drastically change, and every time you do that you lose a bit of who you are."

Ashley wanted to cry, because she knew deep down that Ellie was right. Every time she was confronted with something she changed herself like a chameleon to cope, instead of being herself, she became a different person that was able to cope. Ashley wasn't Ashley anymore, in fact no one could remember who Ashley really was. Ashley crawled out of bed and walked to her dresser where she pulled on a pair of fitted ripped jeans and a t-shirt, taking a quick look in the mirror she fixed her hair and touched up her make up, slipped on her shoes and turned to Ellie, "you ready to go?"

Ellie slipped off the bed, "so you're gunna come hang out with me and Orion?"

Ashley nodded, "I've spent enough time in the dungeon of solitude."

Ellie laughed, "you know, you should think about remodeling the room, making it a bit happier?"

Ashley smiled and rolled her eyes, "maybe that's a project for another day."

Kate looked up going over the bills and from her conversation with Orion, who joined her at the kitchen table while Ellie attempted to drag 'Elvira' from her room. She slid her reading glasses to the tip of her nose as she saw Ashley out of her room, with Ellie in tow, "well it's nice to see you out and about," she said, as Ashley opened the pantry door and pulled out a granola bar.

"We're going to the mall Mom," Ashley said as she grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

"good, there's some money in the envelope on the fridge," Kate said, "it's from your dad."

Ashley smiled and grabbed the envelope and threw it in her messenger bag and the trio headed out the door and walked to the bus stop.

-X-

"Ellie," Judy Nash called out as her daughter walked through the door after saying good bye to Orion and sending him back out on a bus to his grandfather's. "Eleanor, where have you been?" she inquired as she stumbled in a drunken stupor towards the door.

"Out Mom," Ellie answered, trying to head to her room.

"I didn't say you could go out."

"well it's not like you were sober enough to answer," Ellie said under her breath.

"what did you say?"

" I said, you did, you were just too busy to remember," Ellie answered, and then quickly muttered quickly to herself, "Yea busy getting smashed."

"Oh, well, go clean up your mess in the kitchen." And stumbled back to the couch with her bottle of vodka and another bottle of cranberry juice.

Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed and made her way over to the kitchen where she cleaned the kitchen, finishing just in time to tuck her mom in on the couch for the night. She kissed her mother on the forehead and pried the alcohol bottles from her hand and put them away before climbing the stairs to her bedroom. Ellie looked around her room, it was really the first time she was able to spend a moment in it and really take it in after being gone for almost two months. And then her eyes fell upon a picture of her and Sean and she knew that she couldn't get a night's sleep without fixing what her confused teenage mind messed up. She changed into a pair of jeans and a tank top and threw on black long sleeved shirt and threw her hair up loosely before sneaking out the front door. She didn't stop walking until she stopped in front of a familiar home. She knocked gently on the door, hoping someone, mainly Tracker were awake to answer the door, and he was. Red eyed and sporting a five o'clock shadow he opened the door yawning, "Heya Red…he's in his room," Ellie looked at Tracker expectantly waiting for him to say something that would make this situation go easier. "I dunno what to tell you Red, he's pretty torn up, but he should be better to talk to right now, cooled down a bit."

Ellie smiled weakly, "do you think he'd be up to seeing me?"

Tracker shrugged and played with the scruff on his face, "depends, are you bringing good or bad news?"

"well what determines good or bad news?" Ellie asked smirking.

"Be my guest," Tracker said stepping aside and letting her through.

Ellie walked up to the closed door and knocked gently before opening the door slowly to see Sean laying on his back, eyes closed and headphones on, headphones on loud. She crept across the hardwood floor and listened carefully as she noticed the music he was listening, in particular to the song. "_the only ugly thing about you is that you're not mine_" he sang out loud and Ellie stifled a chuckle before crawling onto the bed. The movement of the mattress caused Sean to turn off his CD player and slid off his headphones, "hey," he said tensely, "what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Tracker let me in…listen…"

"Let me guess, you chose him?" Sean threw his CD player across the room, "you're gunna live happily ever after, and you just wanted to let me know so I could move on."

Ellie opened her mouth, "no…"

Sean stopped in the middle of getting ready to ask her to leave, "what did you say?" he asked.

" I said NO, **I want you**" she said.

A smile grew across his face and he practically threw himself on top of Ellie, kissing her face all over. And then suddenly planted a sweet, sensual kiss on her lips, his hands cupping her face. And as their lips were pressed together he smiled. Tracker watched from the doorway and laughed to himself.

"Keep it PG you two," he said laughing as he closed the door, "at least while the door is open."

Sean and Ellie turned to look at the door as it closed and the moment they heard the click of the door being closed they returned to focusing on each other.

That night they started over, not quite from the beginning but with a fresh perspective on everything. Ellie explained what went on at Lake View while she was away from him, and he explained what he'd gone through being apart from her. Ellie never made it home, she spent the night curled up in Sean's arms, and her mother never noticed that she'd gone.

* * *

**A/N: **Well anyways, I got right to work with this chapter right after I posted the last one. Sean and Ellie are back together, but remember, this is a new beginning for them, and things will most certainly change for them, there are good and bad things in store for them and everyone else. Also, looked it up, I'm not sure if I ever remember seeing/hearing Mr.del Rossi's name mentioned in the credits. But to keep a bit of humor going on, the name we prefer to use for him is Mario, and if you don't get the joke, then I'm sorry, you need to watch Degrassi more and have a sense of humor. 

Also, Happy Birthday Arthur (1/14) I wish I could have been home for his annual birthday show

P.S. the lyric Sean is singing? it's from the Marvelous 3, the song _Beauitful  
_


	20. a complicated situation

**Encore**

"So everything went well?" Orion asked over the phone.

Ellie juggled the cordless phone from one ear to the other, "yea it went great."

"Wonderful milady" Orion said, clasping his hands excitedly together, nearly dropping the phone receiver as it was held tightly between his neck and shoulder.

Ellie giggled, "I think I definitely made the right decision."

"Maybe the right decision would have been not taking that break in the first place."

"No," Ellie answered, "I still think we needed that breather, to remind us why we needed each other."

"An astute observation." He said as he checked his email while on the phone with her.

"Any word from anyone at L-V?" she asked.

"Actually…" he paused. Ellie heard typing, and a click of the mouse; "I just got an email from Max."

"What does it say?"

"Well, go check your own email" Orion said laughing, "you might have one from Jerzy, too"

Ellie smiled, "I will," and looked at the clock, "geez I gotta go, I have to go to group." Ellie hung up the cordless phone and dropped it in it's cradle before grabbing her shoes and stuffing a notebook in a beat up book bag and a few pens and ran down the stairs, throwing her hair up in a wild bun as she bounced on each step. "I'm gunna be so late."

"Eleanor?" her mother croaked from the couch, "where are you going?"

"To my group therapy meeting mom," Ellie answered as her hand touched the doorknob.

"But you need to make dinner, what am I supposed to eat?" her mother whined trying to sit up on the couch.

"Why don't you order in?" Ellie asked as she opened the door, grabbing her keys off the hook, "I gotta go, I'm gunna be late."

"Eleanor, you can't leave me…I need you."

Ellie stopped in her tracks and turned to walk back into the house just in time to catch her mother struggling to make it to the door and slumping to her knees on the hardwood floor, her mother was begging like a lost child not to be left alone. And in a panic, Ellie rushed to the phone and dug around in the book bag until she found a number, in a messy handwriting it read: _Dr. Crescent _and a mess of numbers written underneath. Ellie quickly dialed the numbers. "Hullo?" Ellie asked.

"Middleburough Medical Center, how may I help you?" a receptionist asked.

" My name is Ellie Nash, I need to speak with Dr. Crescent regarding my appointment today."

"One moment please"

And with that statement Ellie was put on hold. Amidst the tacky elevator-esque music she managed to ease her mother back to the couch and replaced her alcohol with water. Ellie walked to the kitchen and found the easy-mac and quickly put some together, popping it in the microwave.

"Dr. Crescent speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hi, this is Ellie Nash, I'm supposed to be in your group therapy session today and I'm gunna be a bit late."

"Ellie?" the female voice asked the sound of someone flipping through papers made it's way through the phone line, "this is your first group meeting…"

" I know, something's come up at home, and I'll try and be there as soon as I can."

A crash resounded in the living room," Eleanor!"

"damnit," Ellie whispered to herself, "oh sorry, look, I gotta go, I'll be there as soon as I can," and with that she hung up the phone, leaving a bewildered Rhonda Crescent on the other end. Ellie scrambled to help her mother back onto the couch, just as the microwave began beeping. "Look Mom, I **have** to go to this meeting, I made you something to snack on until I get back, just sit here and watch TV or something I'll be back."

"I love you Eleanor."

Ellie smiled weakly at her mother as she walked to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of easy-mac. "Love you, too, Mom," she answered and walked to the door, finally releasing the breath she'd been holding. Her mother had gone from delusional drunk to now an almost childlike helpless being. It was nerve racking, and once again her father had left her to pick up the pieces and keep on trucking. Ellie walked to the bus stop and made her way to the group meeting at the Middleburough Medical Center.

"Sorry I'm late," Ellie said walking in to the room, a circle of chairs filled with strangers in the room.

"We'll talk about it later, Rhonda said, offering Ellie the empty seat next to her, Ellie took the seat. "Why don't you introduce yourself to everyone tell us why you're here."

"I'm Ellie" she stumbled, and she noticeably fidgeted in her seat. Who wouldn't? This was her first group therapy meeting with a bunch of strangers. "I'm coming here after being released from Lake View." And then a squeak was heard, Ellie looked up to see a fairly thick girl with messy brown hair. Ellie wasn't sure if she was even that big, it was the appearance of her baggy clothes, that gave the impression that she was, with lack of a better word: fat.

"Isn't that the place where that girl killed herself?" the girl asked.

"Mandy, please try and keep the mood positive." Rhonda asked hopefully.

"Actually yea," Ellie answered, "her name was Verity Russo, she was my roommate."

"is that the only reason why you're here ? or are you just an attention seeker who's mommy could afford to send her away for a few months to a good facility and had a freak out," attention turned to another speaker, this time a girl with extremely short hair and her nose pierced. Her black eye makeup and ruby red lips screamed _goth_ much more than Ashley Kerwin could handle. Her striped long sleeves laid draped across her chest and her feet fidgeted in their fishnet stockings and black combat boots. Ellie was almost furious at the girl for being so…Ellie had no nice adjectives to describe her, she was reminded almost of a darker version of Amy, and immediately she became scared.

"Callie, really, drop the attitude." Ellie turned to Dr. Crescent who seemed to be fairly laid back. For the first time she took a look at her group therapy leader who was dressed fairly casual in jeans and a nice lacy camisole and cardigan, and it was then that Ellie also noticed that for someone with the name Rhonda, she didn't resemble at all what she'd imagined. Instead of an older, unattractive woman, Ellie found herself sitting next to a pretty and young woman.

And somehow Ellie gathered the strength, "actually, I'd prefer to let my scars do the talking." Ellie opened her arms to show them her inner forearms and upper arms that were littered with some deep and some light scars. And with that Callie backed off.

"Well," Rhonda said trying to keep the meeting going, "why don't we all give a quick run through of our names and we'll get started with an update on how we're all doing, and then the discussion topic of the week, and then I want you to hand in your journals while you get together in your paired groups."

Ellie paid close attention as everyone spouted off their names, she now knew Mandy and Callie, and was introduced to Devona, Lilah, Cody, Lizzie, Jasper, Chris, and Kylie. She learned that she wasn't the only cutter in the group; her and Callie shared that. Mandy had an eating disorder, not anorexic or bulimic, she was a chronic over eater. Ellie learned that Devona was schizophrenic and was having trouble adjusting to her meds. Lilah was a recovering bulimic, Cody was just a pretty troubled kid whose parents did drugs and he was passed around from foster home to foster home. Chris had a lot of trouble growing up and needed a place to vent without being judged. Lizzie and Jasper are brother and sister and had severe mood swings a lot, they haven't really been diagnosed with anything more than having a borderline personality disorder. And Kylie was the youngest of the group at age twelve, she'd just beaten cancer and had a lung transplant, Kylie was here to help deal with some of the overwhelming issues she'd been dealing with since she walked out of the hospital.

Just the meeting of new people seemed to drain the life out of the redhead and before she knew it Rhonda was collecting journals, " I didn't know if you wanted me to write in it, or …" Ellie said as Rhonda stopped in front of her.

"What ever you got is just fine, Ellie." Rhonda answered and everyone paired off as she read through the journals. Ellie was left alone, it wasn't long before a very shy Kylie walked up to Ellie and smiled.

"Hi," Kylie said.

Ellie smiled back, "hi, you're Kylie right?"

Kylie nodded and adjusted the bandana on her head, "wanna be my partner?" she asked.

Ellie couldn't say no, "sure…what do we do?"

Kyle pulled out a stack of flashcards, and dragged a chair in front of Ellie, "I show you a flashcard and you're supposed to say the first thing that comes into your mind, it's just to relax and get used to talking to people." Kyle held up a yellow flashcard, "now just say the first thing that pops into your head."

"Purple," Ellie said. Kyle looked at her funny, "complimentary colors," Ellie explained.

Kyle smiled and adjusted herself in the seat, "next one," and held up a picture of a dog.

"Loyalty."

she held up a picture of a map.

"Away."

She held up a picture of a camel.

"Desert."

And then a picture of a soldier.

"Daddy," Ellie answered in frustration, " can we switch?"

Kylie shrugged, "why?"

"Because this exercise is upsetting me a little bit."

"That's because it's supposed to," Rhonda's voice said as the doctor stood behind her, "it's going to revoke a raw reaction." Ellie looked at the woman confused, "different pictures will make you think different things," but because you aren't giving yourself the time to think, it's a raw, untouched reaction, you didn't have a chance to mold it into something that someone may understand, but you do, all your responses melt together."

"I don't understand the point in this exercise," Ellie said honestly.

"You're opening up to Kylie using very few words, the cardholder is looking for details out of those words, it's a very crude connection to your psyche…Kylie, tell her what you've noticed."

Kyle looked at the older girl, "you've been thinking about your father a lot," she answered, "it's why you got upset isn't it?"

Ellie stared, and trying not to be impolite she answered, "yes."

"He's away at war, isn't he?"

Ellie nodded.

"Do you understand now Ellie?" Rhonda asked, "it's just refining your listening and awareness skills." Rhonda turned to the rest of the group, "All right guys, we're gunna wrap it up, everybody in the circle, I want to hear a goal for this week." Everyone returned to his or her seats in the circle, and Rhonda started everyone off, "I'm going to paint sometime this week."

"Smile more," Callie answered scowling.

"Not drink soda," Mandy answered.

"Lilah?" Rhonda asked looking at the tiny, rail thin girl.

"Go out to eat with my family and order dessert," Lilah answered trying to smile.

"Write more," Devona said simply.

"Go the whole week without getting a detention," Cody answered, smirking as he cross his arms.

Chris was next, "visit my mom at the prison."

"Practice my clarinet," Lizzie said as she twiddled her thumbs.

"Go to the gym to let out all the negative stuff," Jasper rattled off quickly.

"Write a letter to my grandma," Kylie answered, "she misses me."

Rhonda smiled, "Ellie what about you? What's your goal for the week?"

Ellie thought for a moment, "I…er…I think I'll pull my drum kit from the attic," she answered.

"That's great Ellie, I'll see you all on Thursday," Rhonda said, "Ellie can you stay for a moment?"

Ellie nodded, and when everyone left the room she helped Rhonda stack the folding chairs, "so, what did you need me for?" she asked.

"I just wanted to know why you were late," Rhonda said as she stacked the last chair, " I heard some things when you called me that concerned me."

Ellie became suddenly defensive, "I told you, something came up."

"I'm not stupid Ellie," Rhonda answered.

"Look Dr. Crescent, I appreciate your concern…"

"It's your mother, isn't it?"

"What's with you shrinks thinking it's about our mothers?"

"Actually, I just heard her while you were on the phone." Rhonda grabbed a chair and slid it to Ellie, "sit, please." Ellie sat reluctantly as Rhonda pulled out another chair and took a seat directly across from the redhead. She leaned forward, and placed all her weight on her arms as they draped across her legs. " I'm not deaf Ellie, would you please just tell me what's going on?"

"Why are you so quick to help me?" Ellie asked.

"Because Dr. Mohavi called me and expressed her interest that I get to know you."

Ellie frowned, "look can we talk about this when I have my session with you tomorrow?" Ellie asked, "because I'm really not comfortable enough with you right now to talk about this."

Rhonda nodded her head and straightened up in her seat, "that's sounds fine, so I'll see you tomorrow, on time please."

Ellie smiled meekly and adjusted her bag as she stacked the chair and left.

-X-

Ashley walked into the hospital and went straight to Mark's room, and instead of finding him in bed, she found him down the hall in the children's wing playing video games with some of the younger patients. Ashley chuckled and quickly covered her mouth to silence her laughter. Mark turned around at the sound of her laughing and smiled, and passed off the controller to one of the younger boys and slowly eased himself and up grabbed his IV and monitor and rolled it with him as he walked over to his girlfriend. He kissed her cheek and Ashley's smile from laughter faded, "you okay?" he asked.

"Hospitals…not fond of hospitals" Ashley answered, nervously looking around.

"Never fear, my dear, I'm your knight in shimmering pajamas,"

Ashley smiled and walked with him as he held her hand and led her back to his room. "So," she said taking a seat, "have you heard anything about the transplant?" Mark's face grimaced as he eased himself onto the hospital bed.

"Nah, can we not talk about that right now," he said uncomfortably.

Ashley nodded, "sure, so how many little kids did you beat in Mario Kart?" she asked.

Mark laughed, "they murdered me!" and his eyes lit up and as they fell upon her oversized purse and something sticking out. "What's that?" he pointed out excitedly, reaching for her purse. Ashley's eyes widened and pulled her purse away from him.

"Hey, that's supposed to be a surprise," she said, tucking a CD case deeper into her purse. Mark pouted and opened his puppy dog eyes wide. Ashley sighed and pulled out the CD and handed it to him.

"Ah, _30 Seconds to Mars_, thanks Sweets," he said pecking her on the cheek as he opened up the CD, "damn shrink wrap."

Ashley chuckled as he struggled to release the CD from it's clear, shrink wrapped prison. At that moment a doctor walked in, "Well hello Mr. Jansen," and looked at Ashley, "and friend."

"Hey Dr. E," Mark said focusing on getting at the CD.

"How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good,…" he said, "by any chance do you have a scalpel on you?"

"No…but do you mind putting that down so that I can speak to you?" Dr. Ellis asked, and then turned to Ashley, "would you mind stepping outside for a moment?" he asked her, but Mark stopped and insisted she stayed, "very well," he responded. He looked at his chart and then at Mark, "we got a donor for you, " he answered, "we're hoping to get you into surgery tomorrow morning." Mark pressed his lips together tightly and Ashley gently rubbed his arm, "do you understand?"

"Yea," Mark said nodding, "anything I should be worried about?"

"nothing unless your body rejects the heart, but it's a good chance that you'll be fine," Dr. Ellis answered, "well I'll let you and your guest go for now,…but I'll be back later to check on you, remember no food before surgery, and only drink water."

Mark nodded, " see ya Dr. E."

"So you're really going into surgery tomorrow?" Ash asked excitedly.

"I guess," Mark said readjusting himself on the bed, "please can we just not talk about this right now…"

"why?"

"because it's stressing me out, it's got me worried, I don't like going under the knife," he answered.

Ashley frowned, "o'kay" she answered and eased out of the chair.

"it's just…I spent a lot of my time growing up in and out of the hospital, I've seen people come in and not come out, I don't want to be one of those people, and now…it's more of an **I have to** situation right now or I just won't make it to see my birthday." He was rambling nervously, " I wanna have a birthday party," he said to himself, "I'm thinking ninja turtles theme." He laughed to himself before looking over at Ashley, who was crying. "Geezus Sweets, why are you crying, don't do that." He reached and pulled her onto the hospital bed with him. "Stop that." Ashley sniffled. She didn't say anything and closed her eyes as she turned her face into his chest. "Hey Sweets, it's okay, I'll be fine, remember…"

"knight in shimmering pajamas," she mumbled into his t-shirt.

"that's right" he said rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"why are you sorry?" he asked.

"because I don't want to upset you, I just…I don't know how to handle all this."

Mark laughed, "well neither do I." Ashley tilted herself upwards, and smiled as she watched him laugh, "all better?" he asked. Ashley sniffled, and nodded her head. "Good," he said, "now wipe your mouth, you're drooling on me." Ashley laughed, and shook her head, rolling her eyes as she cuddled up next to him. "Let's see, daytime tv…" he said flipping the switch on the remote control for the television in his room, "are you feeling _Passions_ or _One Life to Live_…maybe I can get _Neighbors_ on here or something."

Ashley didn't answer for a moment, "are you serious?" she asked.

"Dead…now choose or I'll choose for the both of us…" Ashley remained indecisive, "fine, _One Life to Live_ it is."

-X-

Craig sat outside the bathroom on the hardwood floor. His back pressed against the wall as he wanted for the door to open, and for Manny to let him know one thing: _was he going to be a father_? Craig banged his head against the door as he thought to himself. "Could I even be a father?" he asked himself aloud. The door slowly opened and Manny crept out, her eyes just about ready to burst into tears. "I'm gunna be a dad?" Craig asked excitedly. Manny let the tears flow, and they fell hard, running rivers down her already red and tear-stained face. Manny felt helpless and out of control as she watched Craig practically leap out of his pants with joy. He was babbling to himself, "I'm gunna be a dad…gotta get a job…hey Manny, what should we name the baby? Do you think it's gunna be a boy or a girl?"

Manny's face just dropped, "Craig…CRAIG!"

Craig stopped babbling to himself, "what?" he asked calmly.

"I … I don't want to have the baby."

"Why?" Craig asked, "I'll take care of you," he promised.

"Craig, I'm fourteen, I'm not ready for this, I don't want this baby," she expressed, " I won't have this baby."

Craig looked devastated, "you can't…you're not actually thinking about it…" Manny remained silent. " No!" he screamed, "you can't…please Manny…please, think about it." Manny closed her eyes, and tears continued to run down her cheeks. "please just sleep on it, I promise, I'll take care of you."

"I'm gunna go home and talk to my mom." Manny zipped up her jacket and walked home.

When she reached her apartment she quietly crept inside, as her mother was cooking dinner, "Manuella, is that you?"

"Yea, it's me…" she said wiping her eyes on the sleeves of her jacket.

"Dinner's almost ready, can you set the table?" her mother asked from the kitchen, "your father will be home soon."

"Mama, I'm pregnant," Manny blurted out. She heard her mother drop the wooden spoon she was using and the silence grew.  
"Manuella…"

"Please Mama, don't lecture me, please." Manny couldn't hear what her mother was saying, she sounded like…"Mama, are you praying?"

"Manuella," her mother had her hands pressed tightly against her forehead rubbing her temples as she walked into the dining room, "I need to sit." Manny watched as her mother sat down at the dining room table. Manny pulled out a chair and sat down.

"I can't do this on my own." Manny thought about her words, "I won't do this on my own."

"What are you saying Manuella, you're going to kill the baby?"

"I can't do this…I won't, I'm too young…" Manny said, " I don't think I could handle this mind, body, or soul."

Her mother nodded, "are you sure about this, I mean absolutely sure Manuella?"  
Manny nodded, "please Mama, I need you," she said crying again and reaching out for her mother, who took her in her arms and held her tightly.

"You're still my little girl," she said, "we'll take care of this," and she pulled away and dried her eyes, "we can't tell your father."

Manny's eyes widened as she thought about how strict her father is. "No," Manny agreed, "we can't."

Her mother stood, "Manuella, help me set the table please." And Manny set the table before her father came home, just in time for dinner to be placed on the table, but Manny wasn't in the mood to eat.

-X-

Ellie stood outside DCS, taking a deep breath as Sean crept up behind her and grabbed her around the waist, "hey," he said kissing her gently, "you ready?" Ellie looked at him and back at the school's entrance, and then back at Sean. She nodded and taking his hand she walked back into the school. She could only imagine the rumors that would spread. She'd already begun hearing the whispers as she walked the halls to meet with Mr. Raditch.

"_Do you really think she was pregnant, I mean look at her…" _

"_I heard she got Sean back by saying she was pregnant, and you know how noble he is…"_

"_I heard she's practically living with him and his brother"_

"_Yea, and having sex with both of them…"_

"_Ewwwww…."_

Rumors followed by giggling, never a good sign. Ellie took a deep breath as she sat outside Raditch's office. He came waltzing up to his office and took a gander at Sean Cameron and Ellie Nash waiting to see him. He'd only expected to be seeing one student, in fact, "Mr. Cameron, I think Ms Nash is perfectly capable of seeing me without your help." Sean frowned and kissed Ellie on the cheek before heading off to homeroom. "Ellie?" Mr. Raditch said, opening the door to his office and encouraging Ellie to enter. She took a seat. "So, first off I'd like to say, it's good to have you back, and next,…I've talked to all your teachers and in the time that you were gone you continued to keep up with your assignments just as we agreed and they're more than welcome to have you back." He thumbed through the stack of papers on his desk, "here's your schedule, you know you're way around, and if you want to see Sauve, you're more than welcome to…have a great time back."

Ellie politely smiled and the moment her back was to the principal she rolled her eyes and headed to homeroom. As she turned the corner to go down the main hall way she felt an arm wrap around her waist, "hulllo vampy, looking good," Jay said flirtatiously.

Ellie laughed, "back off freak show."

"Vampy I'm hurt…utterly pained."

"Well I'm not…where's Sean?" she asked looking around.

"Talking to Elh…something about an expo or whatever…" Jay said walking down the hall, occasionally checking locks to see if anyone didn't spin their lock after locking their locker, looking for an open one. "Ah ha!" he said finding one.

"Jay what are you doing?"

"Just having a look around, you got a problem with that…?" he asked.

"No, but you're going to get yourself in trouble…"

"Well this person shouldn't have left their locker unlocked and for the taking," he said looking inside, "meh nothing good anyways, it's a girls' locker." He slammed the locker shut and spun the lock.

"Where's Alex?" she asked.

"In homeroom, actually being a student…dunno what's wrong with her…."

Ellie laughed, "well I need to get to homeroom," she answered.

"You're gunna leave me?" he whined.

"I'll see you at lunch Jay, we can catch up, and toss each other insults like old times."

"And joke about Amy's STD's?" he begged. Ellie frowned, after the incident at the party for her homecoming, she just wasn't into hating on Amy much anymore. The girl's been through a lot. "Oh don't give me that look Vamp…"

"What looks Jay?" Ellie asked defensively.

"That, _I don't wanna make fun of Amy because her life sucks_ look" he answered.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "homeroom, I'm going."

Ellie walked into homeroom and received a surprised look from Ms. Kwan, "Ellie, so nice to have you back, I just got done correcting some of your work, I'll give it you after lunch." Ellie blushed as the attention of the room fell onto her. She found her usual seat next to Ashley. Looking around the room, she noticed familiar faces and her cold defensive stare towards everyone else in the room softened when her gaze fell on Alex, who seemed to be staring off into space. Smirking Ashley scribbled a note onto a piece of paper, crumpled it up and tossed it across the room, hitting Alex on the head. Alex's head popped up immediately and she looked around furiously for the person she needed to retaliate on. Upon opening the crumpled paper she read the note.

_**Bitch.**_

Alex smirked and pulled out her pen. Scribbled a response and tossed it back to Ellie.

_**whore. **_

Ellie laughed as she read the note and looked over at Alex, "glad to have you back Vamp," she shouted across the room. Ellie smiled and turned her attention to Ashley who seemed a bit overwhelmed as she waited for the classes to start for the day. Ellie cocked her head to the side and poked Ashley with her index finger.

"Ash…" the redhead asked.

Ashley turned, "hey El ready to learn?" she drawled.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "you know it," she said sarcastically. Ashley smiled, weakly. "You okay?" Ellie asked.

" Yea, I'm fine."

"You sure…how's Mark?"

" Going in for surgery this morning…going after school to visit him again," she said doodling I her notebook.

" Again? You've voluntarily gone into a hospital more than once!" Ellie exclaimed, surprised. Ashley glared. "Sorry," Ellie apologized as she caught a glance of what Ashley was doodling. It was a bunch of hearts, '_go figure_' she thought to herself. "Do you want me to go with you?" Ellie asked.

"Nah, I think I can handle it okay."

-X-

Craig waited outside Manny's homeroom, waiting to hopefully talk to her about her decision. He knew it was the wrong time to do be doing it, but he was fairly impatient. Part of him knew he couldn't handle being a teenage father, but he wanted to be a father nonetheless, and he felt as though it were now or never. When he didn't see Manny emerge from the room he got worried and grabbed her closest friend, "Emma…where's Manny?"

Emma looked at him, half feeling sorry, partially worried, and all around just scared of how he was going to take the news she was about to tell him, because "she didn't tell you?" she asked him.

"tell me what?" Craig responded, though he felt like he already knew the answer. And then the sudden realization dawned across his face," please don't tell me…"

Emma's face softened and she gently rubbed his arm, " I'm sorry Craig, her mother is taking her to the clinic today."

" Why didn't you stop her?" he asked angrily, "I mean…I would have thought…"

" I did Craig, but it's her choice, her body, not a good decision, but maybe a good enough one for her," Emma answered, as she backed across the hall into the lockers, a sudden fright from the boy she danced with at Joey and Julia's wedding.

" Damnit!" he shouted as he walked over to a locker and punched it, denting it in and breaking the skin on his hand. "Why!" he asked himself aloud as he kicked a locker door, right next to Emma, causing her to cringe, "Why did she do that to me…it's not fair," he grabbed Emma's shoulders and shook her violently before punching the locker behind her and falling, his back against the lockers as he slid to the floor, crying. "Why?" he kept asking himself, " I Promised I'd take care of her…" he looked up at Emma, " I told her I'd take care of them…both of them," he said reiterating the promise he'd made the night before to his young girlfriend. Emma didn't know what to say instead she sat down next to him and rubbed his arm gently as she tried to contain her own frightened shaking to counter his violent upset shock.

Craig felt as though part of him were being taken and torn from the world at the exact moment that he was having a fit, an episode in the hallway. He sobbed heavily into his hands, "doesn't she know her decision affects me too?" As Craig sat sob ridden in the halls of DCS, Manny sat with her mother at the local women's clinic handing in the last of her forms. Majority of her felt that this decision was the right one. It was the right one for both her and Craig, having this baby was not something a fourteen-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old boy should be dealing with. It would have been too much stress on the both of them. And it was this decision that concluded that Manny would be okay with the abortion, but perhaps, Craig may not.

* * *

**A/N: **Anyways, I've been working on this chapter none stop, a lot went on, a lot happened. It feels kind of rushed but I suppose there isnt' much I can do about it now. I'm happy with it, so to speak. I look it over, there shouldn't be too many mistakes. I've decided to take a different spin on the Manny abortion situation. I'm getting closer to finishing up this one and I'm already preparing for the third story, making it a triology (I'm thinking of naming the third installment, _Reprise_). Be prepared for Amy in the next chapter, hopefully. 

Let me know what you guys thought with this chapter, I don't know if I'm okay with how it turned out. But we'll see...


	21. lasts, firsts, currents

**Encore**

Manny sat nervously on Emma's bed as she listened to her friend recount Craig's actions in the hallway. She felt terrible, and Emma noticed the change in her friend's mood, "you okay?" she asked. Manny shrugged. Emma spun around in the rolling computer chair and scooted across her room, "you're not having regrets are you?" she asked as she rolled next to the bed.

"No…I'm just…I know I made the right decision for myself and for the baby, but I didn't think he'd react that way."

"He was just upset Manny, I'm sure he'll get over it."

"He probably doesn't want to see me," Manny said upsettingly and fell back, her head hitting the pillows on Emma's bed. She looked over at the clock. " I gotta go…Mama wants me home to help cook dinner, and pretty much early curfew for a while," she said hoping for some pity she knew she wouldn't receive.

"I can understand why," Emma answered and got up to lead her friend to the door, " you might want to steer clear of Craig for a while, he's really upset, I don't know if seeing you would make it better or worse." Manny sighed and nodded her head and walked out the door.

"Call me when you get home," Emma said as she prepared to close the door.

"Hey Em?" Manny turned around.

"Yea?"

"Thanks…you know for sticking by me… I mean I know you don't agree with my choice…"

"but that's the thing Manny, it was your choice to make, not mine."

Manny smiled, "best friends?"

"of course," Emma laughed and waved Manny off.

Manny took the long way home, stopping in front of the Jeremiah home, half wishing and half scared that Craig would come out the front door. Nearly all of her wished that the situation was just a dream, just wanting and waiting for everything to reverse itself and go back to when it was simple. Craig never came out, and Manny just kept on walking home.

It wasn't that Craig didn't want to walk out that front door. He'd been watching from the window as Manny stared with frightened yet wishful eyes at the house. Part of him was ready to burst out that front door, pick her up and hold her and make her feel better about the whole mess, but the other half hated her so much for taking something that was part of him away. In frustration he kicked the wall, leaving a dent. He wanted to hate her so much but he wasn't sure that he could. "Craig" a voice whined loudly. Craig turned to his half sister and frowned as he tugged his shirt, "play a game with me."

Craig frowned, "not now Ang, I'm gunna go lay down."

"but Craig…"

"Angie, just, leave me alone," he finding himself getting uncontrollably angry.

"I just want to play…"

"ANGIE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" he shouted and slammed his bedroom door in her face. He kicked a sneaker across the room and picked up his desk chair and threw it against the wall, masking Angie's crying outside the door. He reached for his guitar and struggled not to break it and tossed it lazily on his bed before he found something he could break and not regret. It was in this stillness that he heard Angie's crying outside his door and rushed to open it. "Ang…Angie I'm sorry," Craig said as a sudden calmness ran over him as he hugged her," lets go cards or something."

Angie sniffled, "okay," she said unaware of the mood swings her older half brother was dealing with, and with that final subdue to give in Craig was led down the stairs hand in hand with a girl who's innocence rivaled what Manny used to have.

-X-

Ashley walked into Mark's room, this time he wasn't quite awake to greet her. He lay sleeping, his body in the post surgery mayhem of tubes and wires. Ashley shuddered, and her heart raced to the point where her body threatened to collapse out of stress. It was a well-known fact that hospitals and Ashley never agreed, in fact the last time she'd ever been in a hospital, (apart from her previous visits to Mark and Ellie) she was a patient, and not a happy one. The smell, the cold feel of the building just turned Ashley off to the idea of being in there the moment she came into view of the front doors. It made her extremely nervous, her heart race, it put her on the verge of having a severe panic attack, yet today, despite the conditions, and her heart racing this meeting was somewhat calm.

Mark's eye's fluttered open, and as the blurriness faded into focus, the blob with brown hair became the girl he cared about. He smiled. He opened his mouth to speak, but out of fatigue, "hey Sweets," came out as a hoarse whisper. Ashley smiled.

Ashley smiled while part of her died inside as she watched her boyfriend lying hooked up to machines. But she relaxed as she remembered that he would be okay, he had a new heart, and everything would be picture perfect, something good had to happen to them right? It was something Ashley tried to rationalize in her head, but somehow the final answer remained unknown. "git-ovah-here," whispered Mark as he waved weakly for Ashley to join him on the bed. Ashley blushed and walked over to the hospital bed and resumed the position she'd been in the day before, her head resting on his shoulder. "wanna feel it Sweets?" he asked and tugged her hand to his chest. She nervously laid her hand to rest on his bare skin, afraid to hurt him, and that was when she felt it, a strong and steady heart beat. "Now don't worry, just because I have a new heart doesn't mean I'm gunna fall for someone else," he said laughing, "cause I told Dr. E to transfer all heart-emotion attachments with me."

Ashley laughed, "you're so…"

"weird?" he asked, "yes I know."

" I was gunna go with perfect."

"Oh…well then…by all means continue to flatter me."

Ashley smiled and gently pecked him on the lips, "I'm glad you're okay now."

Mark smirked sweetly, "me too."

Despite the façade of the Ashley on the outside, the Ashley on the inside wasn't adjusting as well. In fact the Ashley inside didn't know how to adjust. Was she supposed to treat him differently? The same? Was she supposed to continue to worry? What about him? What if he had trouble adjusting? Her mind was racked with questions she wasn't sure who could give the answers to. The one major thing about hospitals that always bothered Ashley was that people went in one way, and came out another. Whether they worked, visited, or were a patient there. You'd go in with all of you, and a part of you always stayed behind. It was stressful, especially for the visitors.

Carson Jansen walked into her son's room, hoping to visit with her son post-surgery, only to find his girlfriend snuggled up on the hospital bed next to him. It wasn't that Ashley was a bad person. Carson just genuinely didn't like anyone girl who stood between her and her son. It was a maternal thing. You carry a child inside you for nine months and by god you have the right to love and cherish the live out of that child. Carson always had letting go issues, she practically sat in on Mark's first day of pre-school. She quietly turned on her heels and walked out to the reception desk on the floor and insisted that Ashley be escorted out of the room. She did so just as François walked in carrying a small box for his son. " I want that girl removed from his room," Carson insisted.

François, "what do you mean?" he asked.

"it's none of your business _Frank_," she said getting short with him.

"If it concerns my son, it most certainly is my business, Ashley's in there with him, isn't she?" he asked slowly figuring out the situation. He looked at his estranged wife angrily. "Are you trying to push him away? Because he's just going to hate you more."

Carson glared, "you act as if you know best."

"I'm not father of the year, but I know what makes him happy, and that girl has made him smile brighter than a child on Christmas."

"and she's not good enough for him."

'Carson, no one is good enough for our son in your eyes." She was silent. She was silent because he was right, and it irritated her. She walked out of the hospital, walked out without even seeing her son. François sighed heavily, this was making the rift in their family wider and they were all slowly drifting in different directions.

-X-

Sean had stayed after school to work on an engine he had salvaged. A bit of a tune up and perhaps enough tweaking it would make a good racing engine. Earlier in the day Mr. Ehl had called him into the auto shop office, just a small room with a computer and a desk and a chair where Mr. Ehl could talk to his students and program grades into the system.

" _Degrassi has been entered into an auto-shop expo in Ottawa. I want you to go Sean." Mr Ehl wheeled out from behind the desk. _

"_Why me?" Sean asked, feeling a bit proud of himself. _

"_you put a lot of heart into your work and you know your way around the hood of a car better than several of the students past and present."_

_Sean smirked, "thanks Mr. Ehl." _

"_I want you to put together a team…you're going to completely rebuild a car." Sean's jaw dropped, he hadn't thought of doing something so serious, he was being put in charge of this entire project. "I'll get you the body, but you'll have to salvage some parts yourself. Pick a good team Sean, make Degrassi proud." _

Sean pulled out a ratchet from his back pocket and was tinkered with a few of the bolts. He was still trying to think of the team he wanted to put together. "Jay's great with intake work…and with dealing with the fuel line," he said aloud to himself. "Alex is great with body work and…"

"I'm just great…" Amy said as she leaned in the door.

Sean looked up, "hey Amy."

Amy walked into the room, "what are you doing?" she asked hopping up on a stool, swinging her legs.

Sean tightened a bolt, "putting together a team to help me rebuild a car for some expo."

"come on Sean, you know I'm not that bad, I'm great with interior work," Amy begged. Sean looked up at her as if she were just using this situation as a way to get back with him. He was only half right. Amy wanted to spend time with him, and she wanted to be away from her mom, if that meant doing extra-curricular activities it was well worth it.

Sean sighed, "I'll think about it," he said as he tossed the ratchet onto the table next to him. He looked at the empty hood of the car Mr. Ehl had gotten him, and through deeply as he stared into the hollow body of the car. He looked up, "think you can salvage me up a carburetor and an alternator?" he asked.

Amy smiled, "need anything else I should shop around for?" she asked flirtatiously.

"I'll let you know later," he answered, "do you think we should go manual or automatic?"

"manual…definitely better with a stick," she said smirking.

Sean rolled his eyes, "you never change." He chuckled, "so how are you doing?" He reached for a rag and wiped the grease off his hands. Amy's face became melancholy and she shrugged.

" It could be better…I haven't seen my mom in a few days…"she said looking down at the ground.

"who's taking care of Josh?"

Amy slid off the stool, "I called my grandmother, she said if I wanted I could move in with her too."

"I would have done it," Sean said.

"She lives about two hours away," Amy answered, " I didn't want to leave, not after I got you back."

"you didn't get me back, Amy…"

"no…I did, I got my shoulder back," Amy explained, " I can't start over somewhere else."

Sean nodded in understanding, "you hungry?" he asked, "I skipped lunch, wanna stop off at the Dot and grab something to eat?"

"Will Ellie mind?" Amy asked, partly hoping she would. It didn't matter what kind of hand she was extending, Amy wouldn't take it, she just didn't like the girl. Sean shrugged and explained that it didn't matter it was just dinner between friends. Amy smiled. Even in this docile state she was still trying to get her claws into Degrassi's favorite Candy Bandit.

"You're still my friend," Sean answered, "she's my girlfriend not my brain."

-X-

Ellie did have plans. She had a meeting with Dr. Crescent, and this time, she was early. She sat in the waiting room, and looked around at the boring cream colored walls with the cheap tacky posters like the one with the cat practically dangling from a three branch saying, "hang in there…" Ellie rolled her eyes and pulled out a pen and began doodling on her journal cover. Nothing important just shapes, and then her name was called. "Ellie?" the receptionist asked, the redhead looked around the room and rolled her eyes, she was the only one here, how many Ellie's did the woman think there was?

Ellie walked into Rhonda's office that changed from the boredom of the waiting room to something of calm soothing tranquility. The walls were splashed with shades of blue and purple, there were various wire crate like shelves and a somewhat modern desk with an open lap top and comfy oversized sofas that Ellie could just sleep on all day, if given the chance. It reminded Ellie of how young Rhonda really was. Most of her patients were young, and it was something that made her patients feel more comfortable, because they felt like she understood as opposed to older psychologists who didn't seem to understand the issues that young people deal with these days. Times change as do the problems people have to deal with. Ellie flopped down on the sofa, "so is this where I tell you about my mother?" Ellie said laughing, until she realized that she would be talking about her mother, who seemed to be the bane of her existence at the moment.

"if that's who you want to talk about," Rhonda said. Ellie smirked and sat up, grabbing one of pillows on the sofa and hugging in. Ellie was nervous, new doctor's made her nervous and wasn't sure what to tell this one. Could she trust her? Maybe, but she wasn't sure. Silence fell and Ellie sat there for 15 minutes and no one said much of anything. It was nerve racking. " You don't trust me yet, do you?" Rhonda asked smiling.

Ellie shook her head, "not really."

Rhonda chuckled, "Marie said you were stubborn."

"what else did she say?"

"not much…" Rhonda answered, "what will make you trust me Ellie?" Ellie didn't answer, then again, she wasn't sure how. So Rhonda did the only thing she could do…she started talking, about herself, "Well why don't I tell you about me…" Ellie shrugged. "I grew up the youngest of three sisters," Rhonda explained, "I watched on sister starve herself, another who'd get upset and dig her nails into her arms until they bled or she'd pull out her hair, or pinch herself. The oldest ended up being very promiscuous, partly being due to having been sexually molested by the neighbor boy down the street." Ellie listened patiently. "my family was a mess, and I seemed to be the most sane, I would listen to them talk, everyone, they all came to me with what ever issue was upsetting them. I realized that when they slowly started to feel better about themselves that I'd done something good."

"so that's why you became a psychologist?" Ellie asked questionably.

"no…I did that for the money," Rhonda said seriously, and upon seeing Ellie's disgusted face she laughed, " it was a joke…"

Ellie stared, "wasn't that funny," she answered.

"Let me try an exercise with you…" Rhonda said pulling out a sheet of paper and handing it to the young girl, "I'm sure you've seen stuff like this before, surveys? They get around on the internet." Rhonda handed her a pen, " why don't you fill it out, have a bit of fun with it."

Ellie took her time looking over the sheet of paper in front of her and slowly began filling it out. Some of the questions made her laugh, others reminded her of why she cut, and the answers reminded her of who she was. Ellie looked over the sheet once more before handing it to Rhonda.

Firsts:

**First Home: **_Vancouver, BC_

**First Friend: **_Christopher Mackafee_

**First Crush: **_first real crush? Marco del Rossi_

**First Kiss: **_Christopher Mackafee (on the cheek)_

**First Concert: **_Daddy took me to see James Taylor when I was real little, I don't remember it…_

**First Boyfriend: **_Marco_

**First Scar: **_my knee, when I fell off my bike the day we took the training wheels off_

**First Proud moment: **_falling off my bike, and getting back up and riding around the block!_

**First Disappointment: **_coming home to mother drinking after she promised not to_

**First Broken Heart:** _Sean Hope Cameron_

Last:

**Last time you smiled: **_when Sean and I got back together…_

**Last time you cried: **_when Orion left L.V… I almost cried the other night when I thought Sean didn't' want me back because I told him about me and Orion…_

**Last touch: **_my notebook….this dumb survey…the pen I'm writing with…_

**Last kiss: **_mother, on the forehead before I left…_

**Last song you heard: **_Rufio: Angel Above Me, I've been listening to it since Sean and I got back together, it's our song. It reminds me of our first real kiss. _

**Last thing you ate: **_PBJ sandwich before I left_

**Last person you hugged: **_Sean_

**Last person to make you laugh: **_Tracker, with some corny joke…about muffins?_

**Last proud moment: **_not cutting when I could have_

**Last disappointment: **_mother drinking…daddy not coming home. _

Current:

**Current Taste: **_bubble gum_

**Current Emotion: **_meh-ish_

**Current Favorite Song: **_Beautiful by the Marvelous 3_

**Current Thought: **_this is a great cure for boredom_

**Current Hate: **_vodka_

**Current Love: _SEAN!_**

**Current Best Friend: **_Marco, Orion, Jerzy, Ashley, and Tracker_

**Current Favorite Band: **_He Is Legend _

**Current Favorite Movie: **_Drop Dead Fred_

**Current Happy Thought: **_Dinner at Sean's_

Rhonda looked over her answers and chuckled a bit at some and looked sadly at the paper at others, she set down the paper, "So…you're mother drinks?" Rhonda asked. Ellie looked down in shame. "Hey, hey, don't do that…why are you hanging your head, you're not the one with the problem."

"because of her I can't do the things I want…I have to take care of her." Ellie sighed, " I though when she promised me she stopped and when she started going to AA that I would get to be Ellie again, but I was wrong."

Rhonda could sense Ellie's anger, "well, how about we move onto something less upsetting."

Ellie frowned, "sure…"

"So who are all the people you talked about?"

"Like who?"

"Well lets start with…" Rhonda looked at the paper again, "Sean, you mention him a lot."

"he's my boyfriend…"

"why don't you tell me about him?"

"I dunno, he's Sean…he's just there for me, makes me happy, makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself." Ellie was glowing as she talked about him. Even when he wasn't around he still brought out the best in her. "We don't really make each other do anything, we just support each other. He never made me stop cutting, but he always supported me when I need to talk about it, about trying not to…about urges…and he'd talk to me when he thought about drinking…"

Rhonda smiled, "he sounds like a great guy and you guys sound like a great pair"

"he is…we are"

"So who's this Tracker guy…and what's this muffin joke?"

Ellie laughed, and for the first time Rhonda saw Ellie smile just as big as she had when she spoke about Sean, "he's Sean's older brother…he's kinda like my old brother too…always there when I need him, last night he was telling Sean and I this joke about these two muffins sitting in an oven and one turns to the other and says '_is it just me or is it getting hot in here?_' and the other muffin is like, '_holy shit! A talking muffin_'" and Ellie burst into tears of laughter and it became infectious.

"That…is an interesting joke…" Rhonda said trying to stop laughing.

"it's so stupid it's hilarious…Sean squirt milk out of his nose…just the aftermath of the joke was humorous."

Rhonda smiled, "and who's Orion?"

Ellie calmed down a bit and smiled, "Orion was a guy I met at Lake View, he's pretty much evidence that chivalry isn't dead."

"How so?"

"he's a very deep and sensitive guy, we would have have been together, but I just cared too much about Sean to pursue it too far…"

"How did he make you cry the day he left?"

Ellie sighed and closed her eyes as she remembered that day…

_Ellie stood as far away from the group of people hugging Orion goodbye as she could. She was putting distance between the two of them, because knew it was just going to cause more problems than fix them. Max slunk up behind her and gently massaged her shoulders, his fingers pushing through the fingerless gloves he wore as they blended in with the black of her long sleeved shirt. "You okay?" he asked, Ellie turned her head, she glared, her eyes obviously a blend of puff and tears, a sign that'd she'd been crying. _

"_I hate him" Ellie said before burying her head in his shoulder, not crying, but not caring to look as Orion walked through the doors, his grandfather leading him out with a loving hand on his shoulder. _

"_You don't hate him," Max said, noticing how she was forcing herself not to watch has Orion walked through the doors. _

"_Right now I do." Ellie turned and began to walk towards her room. Just as she turned out of the lobby Orion came rushing back inside and raced towards the redhead. He grabbed her arm and spun her around, immediately pressing his lips to hers. She melted into him as the whoops and whistles of the their friends surrounded them. Tears stung her eyes as she pushed him away and slapped him across the face before trying to rush off, he grabbed her arm again and pulled her close, holding her tightly as he whispered in her ear, "call me when you get home, let me know you're okay," he said and slipped a thick envelope into her hand before kissing her on the cheek and walking back to the opening doors. Max rushed to her side as she turned towards her room once again, and began to silently wipe the tears from her eyes before they could fall._

"Wow," Rhonda said as Ellie finished telling her the memory, "sounds like a very passionate guy."

"he is…and he's still a great friend to me," she explained, " he's very supportive of me and Sean even after we used to fight about how he didn't think Sean was good enough for me." Ellie smiled as she remembered the days she spent at Lake View and the moments she spent with Sean, all the good memories.

"So yesterday you mentioned your dad was away…"

"He's on a peace keeping mission in Kabul, he has been since grade 10, he came home for the holidays though, that was the last time I saw him…"

"You must miss him a lot."

" I miss him every time he goes away."

Rhonda frowned, "that must be hard on you and your mother…"

"Mom just drinks through the time he's away…Dad hate's leaving, but this last time she decided to get help, but obviously that stopped working for her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's drinking to the point where she's completely helpless," Ellie said, "she rarely leaves the couch, and when she does it's either to throw up or to get more to drink."

"doesn't she have a job?"

"we get money from the forces and Dad's pay to take care of bills and buy food, the normal necessities."

"so what do you mean by helpless," Rhonda asked interested.

"The other day she just…it was like dealing with a child." Ellie frowned as she thought about it, "it's like she can't take care of herself anymore, let alone me."

Rhonda frowned, "that's not very fair," as she made notes on her note pad about possibly calling child services, but changed her mind as she listened to Ellie continue.

"I know it's not fair, but someone has to take care of her." Ellie hung her head, "I almost feel bad for because I'm not home as often as I should be."

"Where are you?"

"At Sean and Tracker's usually doing homework or eating over there, sometimes I stay late, or over night."

"And your mother doesn't care?"

"she doesn't even notice I'm not there," Ellie mentioned, "I'm free to do what ever I want, but I don't…I always come home, I end up cleaning and taking care of her, I think she'd be lost without me sometimes, it's not like she doesn't love me, she does, she's just blinded by alcohol."

Rhonda nodded understandingly, " So when I read your journal I was really interested in what you were actually writing…and it didn't seem very clear to me…"

Ellie thought for a moment and tried to explain, "I was just letting loose, mostly random thoughts and a lot of scribbling."

"Why scribbling?" Rhonda asked intrigued, "because I noticed that."

"for me to let out that release, so that I'm not going to cut, it's like an alternative."

"that actually a great idea Ellie, good for you." Rhonda said pleased.

Ellie smiled, "thanks," she said blushing.

"I'm glad you're really working at this not cutting thing,…it shows you have a lot of strength and will power." Ellie blushed again as Rhonda looked at the clock, "Well it looks like you're good to go," she stood up and led Ellie to the door, "I'll see you at group," Ellie smiled and said goodbye.

-X-

"So have I told you lately how sorry I am for crashing that party for Ellie?" Amy asked, as she stirred her diet coke with a straw.

Sean nodded, "like twelve times since yesterday," he answered. "It's really no big deal Amy, we took care of it, it's all over and done with.

Amy smiled, "Are you sure that's all you're gunna eat?" Amy asked as she stared at Sean's order of fries.

Sean shrugged, "Tracker's making dinner for me and Ellie." He drowned a fry into the puddle of ketchup on his plate. Sean looked over as Amy took a bite of her hamburger, and smiled weakly. She looked different, maybe it was the fact that the usual scowl on her face had been replaced by the occasional smile. He ate the ketchup smothered fry.

"So, you and Ellie are really back together then?" Amy asked. She already knew the answer, but she also knew some things that that could either hinder or nurture his relationship with Ellie and her relationship with Sean. One thing seemed to be that Orion was more than just a friend to Ellie, the other was Sean's new found friendship in an old girlfriend. Amy took a sip of her diet coke and watched as Sean nodded.

"yea, everything's back to normal," he said thinking about it. Part of him felt like Amy was trying to be sincere with being friends and then there was the the voice in the back of his head telling him not to trust her. But that was the problem, no body trusted her, nobody gave Amy a chance. Nobody gave her a chance except for him.

Amy smiled, "that's great," she said throwing on her acting face, "really," she said swallowing. "I'm happy for you." Amy was lying through her teeth, what she truly meant to say was, "_I'd be happy for you if you'd come back to me_."

"So are you just staying at home then?" Sean asked thinking about her home situation.

"yea, I have the whole place to myself," she said sarcastically, knowing that her place was too small to even have a party let alone live there.

"doesn't sound too bad, a vacation from Mom, free to do what ever you want."

"it's not like I don't already do whatever I want Sean."

Sean laughed, "that's true," he took a bite of one of his fries, "but it's still something to look forward to, the apartment all to yourself and all, you could walk around naked if you wanted to."

Amy laughed so hard that her soda she'd been drinking was spit from her mouth, "not something you should be thinking about Sean."

"Hey," he said, "don't look at me like that, I was just offering ideas."

Amy glared, "sure you were Sean, and I'm sure you were imagining me naked."

"not like I need to imagine…" he said smirking.

"Not funny!" Amy said kicking Sean under the table.

Sean rubbed his now sore knee, "hey watch where you're kicking, I have some parts I think both I and Ellie would like to keep in working order down there."

Amy laughed and rolled her eyes, "sorry," she muttered.

Sean smiled, "glad to see you're enjoying yourself."

"I never have a bad time with you Sean," Amy said looking down at her drink and flirting as best she could.

Sean became slightly uncomfortable under her gaze and glanced at the clock on the wall. He shoved one more fry in his mouth and threw a few dollars on the table. "shit, I'm late, I gotta go Amy, I'll see ya tomorrow."

-X-

Ellie sat on the ratty old couch in the Cameron brothers' home flicking the through the channels on the television as Tracker cooked up some rice and vegetarian chili. "Where's your loser brother?" Ellie asked as she finally settled on cartoons.

Tracker laughed in the kitchen, "I don't know, I don't have a tracking device on him Red."

Ellie looked out into the kitchen and smirked, "Track, when are you getting a dish for this TV?"

"When I know you and Sean won't stay up watching porn."

Ellie laughed, "you know that's not what we'd be doing."

"It wouldn't matter any way Ellie, what' the point in having thousands of channels, you'd still complain that there's nothing on."

"that's not true," Ellie tried to argue, despite how wrong she was until a few minutes later he heard her mutter, "there's nothing on."

Tracker laughed as he stirred the chili.

"Lucy…I'm home," called Sean in a sing song voice as he walked in through the door, and fell down on the couch and kissed Ellie.

"Hey," Ellie said pulling away, "you taste like French fries."

Sean smirked, "I got hungry, I couldn't wait."

"Oh come on Sean, my cooking isn't that bad," Tracker called from the kitchen.

"you keep believing that old man," Sean said throwing his arm around Ellie, and pulling the remote from his hands and turned on a car show.

"Hey…I was watching that," Ellie whined, and then pouted.

" sure you were…what was it?" Sean asked.

"I was watching Looney Tunes," Ellie said, reaching for the remote, as Sean kept holding it out of her reach.

"Say…please?" Sean asked, smirking.

" Please," Ellie said still reaching for the remote.

"Say…Sean is the best looking guy at Degrassi."

"Sean is the…HEY! Sean…!" Ellie shrieked as Sean began tickling her as they wrestled for the remote on the couch. Ellie began laughing as Sean straddled her and tickled her under her arms. She squirmed underneath him as Sean held both her hands above her head and tickled her with his other hand. "Uncle!" Ellie cried out, but Sean didn't stop. Ellie kept laughing, "come Sean stop I think I'm gunna piss my …" she was cut off as Sean smashed his lips against her and straightened his legs so that they fell between Ellie's. She tugged her hands loose from Sean's grasp and kissed him back, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him closer. She moaned into his mouth and attempted to wrap a leg around his waist as she laid beneath him when Tracker through a wet rag from the kitchen.

"Hey you two, cool it, dinner's ready," Tracker called from the kitchen. Ellie blushed and bit her lip as Sean lifted himself off her and pulled her too her feet, walking her too the kitchen, "bet you two worked up an appetite." Tracker smirked, and Ellie blushed harder as she and Sean sat down to eat.

"So where were you?" Ellie asked Sean.

"Stayed after school to talk to Ehl about the shop expo and put together a team," Sean answered in between bites, "and then stopped off at the Dot to grab a bite to eat and talk to Amy."

Ellie stayed silent for a moment, "how is she?" she asked concerned.

"Better, Amy called her grandmother, who's taking care of her baby brother after her mom ran out."

"I guess that's better…"Ellie said, still worried that Amy would use the pity to weasel her way in between them. She couldn't help it, anyone in her situation would be just as worried, but then she remembered what had happened at the party and how upset she was. "Do you think she'll be okay?" Ellie asked, concerned, though not only for her and Sean's relationship, but for the blonde.

"She'll be fine, Amy's a tough girl, she'll make it," Sean answered.

Tracker listened in carefully, "you have a bit too much faith in people sometimes, Sean."

Sean chuckled, "there are two people I'll never have faith in," he answered seriously.

"Understandable." Tracker realized he was referring to their parents. They were two people that seemed to rarely care about anything apart from how much alcohol is in the house, and each other. Their children were never a major priority. But Tracker had to admit, as his parents got older and realized that the distance between them and they're children was dredging farther and father apart they were trying to close the gap, without compromising they're everyday drinking cycle they'd become accustomed to. Tracker had spent the past few years trying to help them mend the gap, but it got harder as time moved on. "So what's this expo your shop teacher's got you involved with?" Tracker asked trying to change the subject.

"He's got me in charge of a team, that I have to put together," Sean took a sip from the glass of water on the table, " and we're supposed to rebuild a car, Ehl got us a body."

"No parts?" Tracker asked.

Ellie listened in intently, as she realized this was a challenge that Sean needed to really help him procure his future. "We're given some cash and we're meant to pretty much salvage parts, and only truly buy new if needed," Sean answered. Ellie smiled, he was really into completing this project to perfection. She could tell just by the way his eyes lit up when he discussed the project.

"So what were you working on today?" Tracker asked.

"I picked up a carburetor and was working on it today, I think I can really pull this together with my team."

Tracker nodded. "Who did you choose?" Ellie asked, interested. Majority of her knew Jay and Alex would be included in this team, and possibly Alex.

"Well," Sean said, obviously getting excited to talk about something he was totally engrossed in. "I decided to split it up according to specialty. I mean I'm great with engine work and just dealing with the mechanics of the car." He started blushing as he spoke highly of himself, "Jay's great with dealing with intake and the fuel line and really getting the car to run smoothly, Alex is great with body work, and Amy is great with car interiors."

"Sounds like a great team" Ellie said, happy to know he's working with people that have started to pick up some of his good traits, and people that got along with him and vice versa.

Tracker was still, and had always been wary of the friendship Sean had with the _candy bandits_. He didn't like the way Jay seemed to have a scheming look on his face, nor did he like Alex's attitude on most days. As he slowly thought about it, these people, these so called _bad people_ for Sean, were the friends that have stuck by him the longest, and were most loyal. Everyone had their faults, and he was reminded of that every time he thought about his parents. And for once he was glad that he was somewhat wrong. "Sounds good Sean, let me know when and where the showcasing is, I want to be there."

* * *

**A/N**: Took me a while to really get this one how I liked it so I could start setting the mood, tone, and plot for Reprise, which is, at the moment, just a bunch of thought provoking notes, just rearing to get written down. Encore is almost over and it's kind of making me sad. Reprise will definately be the end of this little Sellie and/or Elan series. It's going to end with an epilogue. 

Thanks for all the reviews and support everyone. Keep reading and keep giving me something constructive to read in my reviews.


	22. ups downs merry go round

**Encore**

Jay leaned against his civic, his arm around Alex as she shoved her hands into her low-cut wide legged jeans. Amy stood beside Sean as he explained what needed to be done for the expo and who was going to do what. "I know where we can get some great parts," Jay said smirking.

Sean frowned, "mind if we do this legit, man?" Jay rolled his eyes, "look Jay, this isn't some stupid school supplies or candy vending machines."

"Chill bro, I wasn't talking about stealing, I was talking about the salvage yard."

"Do you think we have enough to shop around in there?" Sean asked.

" How much did Ehl give you again?" Alex asked.

"Each school gets a fifteen hundred."

"We can rebuild it easy with parts from the yard on that kind of budget," Alex answered, "it's a matter of haggling Sean…" Jay added.

"And what about the body, can we get a good body kit?"

"I think I can be of some service there, just let me worry about it," Jay said answering Sean. Sean looked at his friend warily, wondering if he could trust Jay not to do something stupid and illegal to obtain a body kit. "Trust me Sean, you won't have to bail me out of jail or anything."

Sean laughed and rolled his eyes, "fine man, but if I find out you did something stupid you're off the team."

"Relax Sean, you want me in charge of body right?" Alex asked, "so I'll okay it if it's legit."

"You guys wanna finish this talk during lunch?" Sean asked, "I gotta head to homeroom." Everyone nodded as Sean walked up the steps of DCS and to his locker before homeroom. He spun the locker combo and opened the locker, backing away as crumpled paper and empty soda bottles spilled out. He kicked the litter out of his way and grabbed the books he needed.

"do you think we should just get two racing seats for the car?" Amy asked slinking up behind him.

Sean shrugged, "that sounds fine," as he kicked shut his locker. " I really don't wanna worry about that until after we get the car running."

Amy nodded, and scowled slightly as Ellie slipped up behind Sean, and standing on her tip toes wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. Amy watched as Sean smiled and turned around to greet Ellie with a peck on the lips. Jealous? Definitely. Amy literally beat herself inside for ever letting a catch like Sean slip through her fingers. As much as she wanted to let go, she didn't think she could. Sometimes she felt like all the sleeping around, the attention seeking was just an attempt to get him to help her, so she could have a chance at getting back what she obviously lost. Was it worth it? To watch Sean go through the misery he went through without Ellie. ' I can make him just as happy,' Amy rationalized to herself as she watched the pair turn the corner.

-X-

Manny and Craig. There weren't much of a pair anymore. In fact every time Craig saw her in the halls he wanted to scream at her, and didn't know how much longer he could control it. He felt like the moment Manny had the abortion, a part of him died. He didn't want to do anything anymore. He moped from class to class, slept through majority of them and didn't even have the heart to pick up a guitar or a camera for that matter. Everyone was worried. Angie didn't even have the ability to drag him off to play, let alone get him out of bed when he wasn't required to be anywhere.

As he stood at his locker, staring, he fazed out, not really sure why he was standing or there or if he even needed anything out of his locker. The bell rang and the hallway emptied. He stepped forward and opened his locker, inside the door was littered with pictures of Angela Jeremiah as a baby, and he smiled. He always imagined having a baby like his half sister, bubbly and full of life. He'd even picked out names the moment it sunk in that he could be a dad. Maude, Murphy, Milo, Jetta, Joy, so many names, but he finally settled on one for his first born daughter. He'd settled on Julia, after his late mother. What he hated most about Manny at that one moment was that she'd denied him the chance to bring about his mother's namesake at a moment where he felt he needed her, and her guidance. Thinking about the names, and seeing the pictures of infants had put him on a temporary high as he stared into his locker.

"Mr. Manning, why aren't you in class?" Mr. Raditch asked, standing in the empty hallway.

Craig turned to the principal, "just getting some stuff out of my locker and heading to study hall. Gotta study study study, get some good grades," he said quickly.

Mr. Raditch looked at the flustered student warily but shook the suspicions out of his head as he patted the young man on the back, "great enthusiasm, Craig, happy learning." Craig smiled brightly as he pocketed one of the wallet sized versions of Angie's baby picture and closed his locker before skipping off down the hall to the M.I. room to "study."

As he left the M.I. room he bumped into JT in the hall and immediately found himself in the middle of being scolded by a grade nine. "Why aren't you talking to Manny?" JT asked.

Craig smiled and shook his head, "what are you talking about JT?"

"I mean she's having a tough time with this too, and you're not helping." JT responded, completely confused by Craig's sudden happy attitude. It was almost like he was the complete polar opposite as the way he'd been acting all week. He'd gone from obviously depressed, moping from class to class, eyes tired from the lack of sleep to being happy, perked and just not, okay.

"She's upset?' Craig looked down the hall and saw Manny. Immediately he felt like he needed to cheer her up, "I should buy her roses, but she doesn't like roses, JT do you remember what kind of flowers she likes?"

JT was completely dazed and confused, "um, she likes daffodils"

"I think I'll buy her a dozen, do you think she'd like dinner, I could take her out, do you think that would cheer her up?"

JT shrugged, as Craig got more excited, "I guess…" The whole situation wasn't making any sense to him any more, but he felt as though he'd helped as Craig thanked him and began walking down the hall towards Manny.

-X-

Jay watched as Amy leaned against the wall, her arms crossed and her eyes following Sean and Ellie as they weaved through the crowd of students in the cafeteria. The scowl on her face was so noticeable that Jay couldn't help but laugh as he strolled up beside her as she slowly made her way to their table in the corner. "What do you want?" Amy asked as she threw her bag on the chair and dug in her pockets for change to grab a soda.

"You make me laugh, Amy, you make me laugh?"

"are you going to speak in riddles or are you going to tell me what you're talking about?' as she walked over to the soda machine and began dropping quarters into the machine. "Because you're not getting anywhere with this conversation."

" You still pining over Cameron, that's what I find funny."

"You've got to be kidding me Jay, I'm done with Sean" she said popping the can on her soda and walking back to the table. "Done, over, finite."

Jay laughed, "you're so see-through, Amy." Jay dropped himself into a chair and kicked his feet up on to the table and crossed his legs. "You look at him, but the thing is, no matter how much you slut yourself around and no matter how many bullshit problems you have at home, Sean will only play Hero for two girls in this school, and you're not one of them."

Amy frowned, "fuck you."

"time and place Amy, time and place." Jay chuckled and pulled his feet off the table as Alex came walking over carrying two trays.

"You owe me, I'm not buying you lunch tomorrow…" she said dropping a lunch tray in front of him.

"I appreciate it Lexxi, really," he said, his words dripping with sarcasm as his mouth watered at the thought of food.

"So what are you two talking about?" Alex asked as she sat down.

"Nothing important," Jay said in between bites and casually winked at Amy, who responded with a glare.

Alex shot a confused look at the pair and began to eat as Sean and Ellie sat down at the table. "We partying this weekend?" Sean asked.

"If we are, I won't be there," Alex said and immediately Jay had her full attention.

"but Lexxi" Jay whined.

"I have to work, can't be helped," Alex said, "besides, Amy can keep you company while Sean and Ellie make out." Ellie blushed and Sean snorted with laughter.

"Well at least our make out sessions don't get rated NC-17" Sean argued, as he stopped laughing.

"Well they were when you were with Amy," Jay said smirking.

"Dude," Sean said as Amy blushed and a pained expression washed across Ellie's face, "not cool man."

Jay rolled his eyes, "chill, it's not that big of a deal, I mean you've got Ellie now what does it matter about the past?" Jay tried to justify his remark, and just began digging himself into a deeper hole with his friends.

Sean rolled his eyes and returned to his food while Jay leaned back in his chair, ripping a bite out of the hamburger Alex had picked up for him. As he chewed he caught Amy's gaze and smirked, whilst nodding his head.

-X-

"He's still not talking to you?" JT asked Manny as she sat next in between him and Emma in Kwan's class. Manny shook her head as her eyes watered thinking about the whole situation. JT felt his heart sink as one of his oldest friends sat heartbroken next to him because her boyfriend couldn't even look at her. JT suddenly smiled, "why do seagulls live near the sea?' he asked.

"JT I'm really not in the mood for jokes," Manny answered as she pulled out her notebook as Ms. Kwan walked into classroom.

"Just relax a bit and play along."

Manny sighed, "Fine, why do seagulls live near the sea?"

"Because if they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels!" Manny smiled and shook her head, trying not to chuckle at JT's thoughtful joke. JT looked up and before Ms. Kwan could start class he turned to Manny again, "Knock knock."

"JT, Kwan's about to start…" she looked at JT's pleading face, "who's there?"

"Butcher"

"Butcher who?" Manny asked.

"Butcher arms around me and give me a hug." JT opened his arms and cocked his head to the side, thinking that a hug was just the thing she needed, at least for the time being. Manny closed her eyes to keep from letting her emotions get the best of her. She opened her eyes and smiled as JT pouted his lips, "Pweeze," he said begging. Manny laughed slightly and wrapped JT into a tight hug.

"Thanks," she whispered in his ear, and pulled back as Ms. Kwan began the day's lesson.

After class Manny was the last out and looked around the hallway for JT hoping for some more cheering up, but found him no where. She looked down the hall one last time and caught sight of him, talking to Craig. Manny grabbed Emma's arm and pointed down the hall, "what is he doing?" Manny asked.

"Looks like he's talking to Craig…" Emma answered and immediately noticed why Manny was suddenly upset. "Manny I'm sure it's nothing, let's go to lunch." Emma tried to tug Manny down the hall but her eyes were focused on JT and Craig trying to read lips.

"Em, let go!" Manny said loudly tugging her arm from Emma's grasp. She watched as Craig looked at JT and then down the hall at her, and the color from her face fell. Craig turned back to JT and nodded before walking down the hall, towards her, smiling.

"Manny I'm taking you to dinner tonight, where do you wanna go?" Manny stood in the hall flabbergasted; she didn't know how to respond. Upon meeting with her silence Craig smiled, "good, I'll pick you up at six, are you going to meet me at Emma's again, like our first date?" Manny opened her mouth to respond but said nothing. "Yea, that was a pretty weird date, I promise this one will be better." Craig pulled her into a hug and kissed her gently, "I'll see you tonight." Manny watched, mouth agape as he skipped down the hall hugging random people.

Emma stepped closer to Manny as JT neared them, "what on earth was that?" Emma asked.

Manny turned to JT, "what did you say to him."

"I only mentioned that he should probably talk to you, I swear he was a few marbles short when I was talking to him."

"So I guess you're meeting at my place?" Emma asked.

"I guess, I'd hate to see what'd happen if I turned him down," Manny said walking with her friends to lunch.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, I've never seen him act like that before," Emma said as they walked into the cafeteria.

"What about last year at the grade nine dance, after he was crowned king, I heard he flipped out," JT said waiting for Toby to catch up.

"Well that was right after his father died," Emma added. Manny agreed, stating that in a situation like that it was an understandable reaction.

"Well in this case his unborn child is dead," Toby interrupted.

Manny paled, "gosh, does like, everyone know?"

"No Manny, just your friends," Toby reminded her. Manny sighed and looked apologetically at Toby.

"But that doesn't seem like he was very upset about it, it was like he was the complete opposite of how he's been acting," Emma said, thinking about how he'd been reacting recently, especially while she was over babysitting his half sister.

Toby shrugged, "he's obviously going through a tough time, people will react strangely in situations like that, I mean remember when you were telling us about his father's funeral last year, about how he burst out laughing in the chapel?"

Emma shrugged a response, "I really dunno," and she turned to Manny, "just be on your guard tonight, he seems like he could just explode tonight."

-X-

Ellie swung her feet back and forth during her group therapy session. Listening as everyone took turns talking today about the best they felt that day and the worst. Ellie lifted her head as Kyle began to talk about her day, "I woke up this morning and my mom made me breakfast and I got an A on my quiz from last week." Ellie watched as Kylie smiled as she thought about her morning, "I didn't want to wear the wig my mom bought because it kinda itches." Ellie smiled. "So I wore my pink bandana to go with my shirt," Kylie looked down at her pink shirt with two puppies on it. And her eyes began to water, "and when I got to class this kid came up to me and said: '_you can't wear that in school' _ and snatched my bandana off my head and stuck his tongue out at me." Kylie began to cry, "he started pointing and laughing at me because my hair hasn't' grown back yet, and started calling me _baldy_."

Everyone in the room was dumbfounded; they couldn't understand why or how someone could do that to a little girl. Ellie was furious, and looking around she could tell that she wasn't the only one. "What did you do?" Rhonda asked.

Kylie sniffled and wiped her tears with the back of her hands, "I kicked him in the shins and took my bandana back, and the teacher gave me detention."

"that's terrible" Ellie interrupted, "did he get in trouble?" Kylie shook her head.

Rhonda smiled, "you know violence isn't the answer, but I think in that situation I'd completely condone what you did." Kylie smiled.

"Definitely, the little squirt got what he deserved, he shouldn't pick on girls," Mandy said.

Everyone went around the room giving Kylie praise on the way she acted. And it definitely brightened the little girl's day. "Ellie what about you?" Rhonda said as everyone wrapped up what they were saying to help Kylie. "What was your best and worst part of today?"

Ellie thought for a moment about her day, "it was pretty much just a normal day, I mean I went to school and everyone's pretty much happy to have me back, all my friends anyways." Ellie took a moment to think about what could have been the worst part of my day. "I think my worst part of my day was when a mutual friend of mine and Sean's said something about how hot and heavy Sean used to get with a girl that doesn't really like me."

"That must have been tough," Rhonda said.

"Oh yea, real tough I'm sure," Callie said rolling her eyes.

"How did you handle that?" Rhonda said, throwing Callie a disapproving glance.

"Well I kind of just let it go, I mean it upset me but it's not something I want to dwell on, because moments later he justified his comment by saying, no one should be upset by it because it's in the past and we're living in the present."

"That's a good way to see it."

"I guess, I really didn't expect to hear something like that come out of his mouth, Jay's just an jerk, really doesn't care about anything but himself, even when he does something good it's usually to cover his own ass."

Callie laughed, "nice friends you've got there."

Ellie scowled, "at least I have some."

"What are you trying to say?" Callie argued, "that I don't have any friends, well---"

"GIRLS!" Rhonda stood up and threw her clipboard on the ground. "We don't come here to fight, we come here to heal."

"She started it!" Callie argued.

"Did not," Ellie responded. After a few moments of realizing that they were bickering like a pair of annoying grade two's Ellie and Callie started laughing. Rhonda rolled her eyes as everyone joined in on the laughter.

As the group meeting ended Ellie got her journal back from Rhonda and dropped it into her backpack and headed out the door, outside she found Callie waiting for her. Ellie walked over to the girl with an interested yet confused look on her face. "Waiting for someone."

"Yea, look, I'm sorry about giving you a hard time every week, I'm just naturally cynical," Callie said digging around in her purse, "I've had to bully before being bullied, because people are quick to judge."

"It's alright, people tend to hate what they don't or can't understand," Ellie said as they walked out of the center together. "So, how long have you been…you know…?" Ellie asked as Callie pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her purse.

Callie light up the cigarette, "since I was about nine or ten, I don't really remember, no one really noticed until I was thirteen." Callie exhaled as Ellie turned to her almost half in shock.

"While you were getting caught, I was just starting," Ellie said looking down at the ground. "During my father's first tour overseas that's when I started…the second time he got shipped off it got worse, I guess I wasn't hiding it well enough, I got caught earlier this year when some girl found me in the bathroom."

Callie breathed out hard and tried not to laugh, "smooth, El, real smooth." Callie puffed on her cigarette a moment before offering it to Ellie, who kindly turned it down. "Who cuts at school, honestly?" With that remark Ellie looked at her funny and burst out laughing.

"I guess I was so desperate that I couldn't wait."

"most times you cut are when you're desperate, waiting gives more time to ponder whether it's worth it or not." Callie exhaled, "at least that's my take on it, the longer I wait these days the less I think about doing it, or it can have the opposite effect and I end up wanting to do it more."

Ellie looked over and watched as Callie flicked the butt of the cigarette into the street, "these days I just don't know anything anymore."

"We're teenagers Ellie, we're not supposed to know anything except that boys have hormones out the ass, girls are catty no matter how hard they try to say they aren't, and our parents love us while we hate them."

Ellie smiled. "So where do you go to school?" she asked as they reached the bus stop, "I mean you don't go to DCS, I'd see you in the halls or something."

"I graduated two years ago," Callie answered as she pulled out her bus pass. "I'm out at TU," she answered as the bus pulled up.

Ellie cocked her head "you don't look…"

"Old enough to be out of high school?" Callie said as she got on the bus, "believe it."

Ellie smiled as she followed Callie to the back of the bus. The two talked back and forth about music and movies and Ellie confessed her love of directing and cinematography. Callie confessed her love of photo journalism and the two bonded over aperture settings and what they had in common. "Well this is my stop," Ellie said throwing her bag over her should and saying goodbye, leaving Callie on the back of the bus.

As Ellie walked up the front steps to her home and opened to the door to find broken glass on the floor and blood dripping into the living room. Immediately her heart stopped beating for a few moments before she regained her composure and rushed into the house, "MOM!" Ellie screamed, "Mom! Where are you?" Ellie rushed into the living room and found her mother on the floor writhing in pain as she held on to her bleeding hand.

"Eleanor, where were you, I needed you, you weren't here," her mother cried as Ellie eased her up onto the couch.

"I'm sorry, Mom, here, let me see your hand," Ellie tugged at her mother's arm to take a look at the cut from the shattered glass her mother had been carrying. Ellie sighed as she looked over her mother's arm and found a small cuts all over her arm. "Sit tight, I'll be right back." Ellie got up off her knees and rushed off to the downstairs bathroom to find the first aid kit and returned to patch up her mother. "You've really done a wonder on yourself this time Mom."

"Eleanor I love you, you have your grandmother's hair did you know that?"

"Yes, Mom! Hold still" Ellie said as she tried to wrap a bandage around her mother's wounds.

When she was done, Ellie laid her mother back down on the couch and took the first aid kit back to the bathroom and pulled the aspirin from the cabinet and made a pit stop in the kitchen to grab the phone and a glass of water. She set the glass of water down on the coffee table and rested two of the aspirin next to it, "here mom, take these, I'm sure you'll need them." Ellie out to the foyer and began to clean up her mother's mess.

-X-

Manny sat nervously in Emma's living room. Her beautiful long hair in bouncy curls, her hands resting gently in her lap as she smoothed out material of the black dress she was wearing. She looked up at her best friend and then at Christine as she waddled into the room her ringers grasped tightly the tiny hands of baby Jack as he waddled into the room. Christine looked up, "Well look at you." Christine smiled as she reached down farther and picked up Jack and carried him across the room to put him in his play pen, "where are you heading off to all dressed up?"

Manny looked up and opened her mouth to speak but Emma spoke for her instead, "date with Craig."

"Oh," she responded, wondering if her going out with Craig was such a good idea. She'd learned from both girls that Manny had aborted hers and Craig's unborn child, and looked worriedly at her daughter, and then at a girl who was almost like a daughter, "does your mother know?"

Manny shook her head, "but I didn't think it'd be a good idea to say no to him, you should have seen him Christine, he was so not himself that I was too scared to say anything."

"One moment he's lower than low and the next he's over cloud nine," Emma said butting in.

Christine looked worried as she thought about Craig's attitude changes, "I think I should call Caitlin."

"No Mom, don't please, let him take Manny out tonight, everything will go fine, if he's still like this later this week then you can call."

"I'm real worried about this Emma, he doesn't sound okay, and the fact that your describing him going from highs to lows frequently like this scares me. I don't want anything to happen to Manny while she's out tonight."

"Nothing's going to happen Mom, he loves Manny."

"People sometimes hurt the ones they love Emma…" Christine looked over at Manny who was pleading with her to let her go tonight with just a pair of puppy dog eyes.

"Please Spike, it's no big deal, I promise, if something happens I'll call a cab and come straight back here, please, this is the first time he's even spoken to me in like weeks," Manny begged, hoping that she'd get her to say yes without worrying.

Christine sighed, "fine, but if anything happens you call me or Snake, we'll come get you, no use in wasting money on cab fare."

Manny smiled, "oh thank you thank you thank you" she said hugging the woman and straightening up as she heard the door bell ring and saw Craig standing on the porch dressed nicely and carrying a bouquet of daffodils.

-X-

Jay leaned back against the cold damp wall of the school basement smirking as he watched the girl on her knees bobbing her head up and down between his jeans. He loved his 'Lexxi' he did truly, but it was more like the love he'd hold for any woman that had the power and conviction to control him. He loved her too much to use her as a sex object, sure him and Alex would have sex, but only when they both wanted to, never when he just needed to get a release. Sure he could masturbate but giving yourself a hand job with a bottle of lotion is not the same as having a pair of lips wrapped around…"Yea baby, that's it." He looked down and grabbing her hair gently his nudged her head up and down against him. "Yea, that's right, you like that huh?" Jay grinned as saw a pair of eyes look up at him, and if her mouth wasn't preoccupied he was sure she would have smirked at that comment. Suddenly he grabbed the back of her head and forced himself further down her throat and then relaxed.

The girl pulled away and wiped her mouth seductively and rose from her knees, "all better?"

Jay laughed as he readjusted himself and zipped up his jeans. "Yea, you always know how to make your old friend Jay feel better. He turned to make his way back into the main hallway when she grabbed his hand and pulled him back until she was practically breathing on his lips, "what do you think you're doing?" he asked. She leaned in for a kiss and he pushed her away, "you know I don't roll like that baby," and threw a blue-green bracelet at her before leaving the basement. He'd let another girl play and have her way, but his lips would always be reserved for Alex.

"Jay—" she called out as he reached the door to the basement, "she's gunna find out, she's not stupid."   
"and neither am I" he said stopping and turning around, "what do you want Amy?"

"Sean"

Jay laughed, "I never would have guessed you wanted Sean when I've got myself half way down your throat."

"Do you want Alex to find out?"

"Why are you gunna tell her?"

"I will if you don't help me get Sean back."

"Damnit Amy, are you that much of a lowlife that you'll ruin someone's relationship?" Jay asked in disbelief. He turned to walk away.

"yes I am, and I'll ruin yours in the process if it means that I can get him back."

Jay stopped again and turned around, "you're a bitch, you know that?"

Amy smirked, "I'm good at what I do," she said seductively grabbing his waist band of his pants and pouting as she looked down at her hand. "But you know that already."

Jay sighed, "you do know he's head over heels for the Vampy right?" he said as he pulled her hand from his pants. Amy frowned, "even if I could help you, you wouldn't be able to get your way back into his pants."

"Why not?" she asked, "I always find my way back into yours." She reached out for his belt this time and tried to tug it off when he pushed her away.

"Bother me when I have the time to deal with your petty bullshit." With that final statement Jay at last made his way out of the basement of the school, leaving Amy with an accomplished look on her face, because regardless of what Jay was saying now, he'd be back and she'd be one step closer to having Sean back. She adjusted the new bracelet around her wrist and made her way to class as she fixed her hair.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry about the long wait everyone. I've been massively busy, especially with finishing up midterms and then I had a research paper and a presentation thrown at me in the middle of all of it, not to mention some serious personal issues that arose. My sister's boyfriend and a friend of hers were killed in a car accident last weekend and I'm exactly 1064 miles away and unable to do anything for her, or for anyone else at that matter. Not to mention I've probably been taking it harder than I should be. Gah, whatever. My research paper is done, midterms are over, and my presentation is done. And now I present to you a good almost 5000+ words of Degrassi Fanfiction goodness. Please don't expect another chapter for a while, especially with a schedule like I've been having recently, but rest assured that I'll be working on it as often as I can. 

Enjoy loves.


	23. losing beauty losing grace

Manny nervously held Craig's hand as he swung it back forth roughly. He was practically itching to skip down the sidewalk, dragging Manny with him. "You look pretty Manny." Craig said sweetly, as he led her forcefully to the park. Manny could only respond by plastering a confused look across her face, and attempt to smile as he portrayed a childlike version of himself, not aware of his own strength or that he was acting nothing like his normally cool collected self. Craig stopped her as they got closer to the park, he smiled at her and placed his hands on her shoulders, "stay right here." He turned away and turned back and put up his hands, "close your eyes."

Manny looked at him confusedly, "okay?" she slurred out slowly. Craig smiled brightly as Manny closed her eyes, and went to walk away.

"No peeking!"

Manny felt her stomach flutter as she thought about Craig's radical change in behavior. She tried desperately to peek, but restrained at the thought of upsetting Craig, at the moment something like that just wasn't worth guessing on whether he'd freak out in a good way or flip out like a beast. Emma had explained to Manny, as they sat in her room, while getting ready for her date, that Craig and his father had a lot of issues. That Craig's father would flip out for the smallest, little thing Craig would do. It scared Manny, just the thought of someone hurting Craig sent shivers down her spine. And then she thought of when she told him she was getting the abortion, the fire and anguish in his eyes, the look that he would snap her in two. Manny shuddered, she hoped deep down that Craig's usual cool, collected self would re-emerge soon, she didn't want to be around him if she said the wrong thing, or did something he didn't approve of. She heard him walk up to her and gently tug her to follow. "Can I--"

"No!" he said, "keep them shut."

Manny walked carefully as Craig led her farther into the park, judging by the steps she was making, and where she had started walking at she assumed they were nearing a picnic bench near the playground equipment. She sighed gently as Craig stopped tugging and walked behind her and slowly covered her eyes with his hands, "can I look now?" she asked. Craig smirked happily at the thought of making someone he cared about happy, just made the moment even brighter.

"Okay, now" he said softly and removed his hands as she fluttered her doe eyes open. Manny gasped. "Do you like it?" Craig asked. " I mean I know you were thinking I'd take you out, to like a fancy restaurant or something, but I couldn't get Joey to give me an advance on my paycheck, and…"

Manny took in the scene quietly as Craig rambled excitedly. A delicate table cloth was thrown over the picnic table, elegant candles lit, some take out from the Dot resting on paper china with plastic silverware and clear color tinted plastic cups. "it's…" she looked over at Craig as he continued rambling on, "you did this for me."

Craig turned his attention back to Manny, "well yea," he said almost dumbfounded that she asked. " do you like it?" he asked again, this time not rambling on, and waiting for an answer.

Manny nodded as she took his outstretched hand and was led to the picnic table.

ooO0Ooo

"So what do you want to do first?" Mark asked as Ashley led him out of the hospital. " play some tackle football, skydiving, extreme goat wrestling?" He laughed as Ashley playfully punched his arm. "Hey, hey Sweets, careful there, you're beating on a man who just had a heart transplant."

Ashley rolled her eyes, "well what do you want to do?" she asked.

"Let's get matching tattoos!" he decided excitedly, "on our ass cheeks."

Ashley glared, " don't you just want to go home?" she asked, "I'm sure you're parents would want to see you."

"You'd think that wouldn't you?" he asked watching as his feet shuffled along, "I just don't want to go home right now Ash, it's a mess, I mean," he looked up at her, "you saw them at the hospital, it's like walking into a cage match with them."

"So, then…what are we going to do?" Ashley asked as they stopped at the bus stop and she rested her chin on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Mark shrugged, wanna go back to my place?" she asked.

"Sure, sounds good." Mark said watching as the bus pulled up slowly the stop. Ashley smiled as she pulled out a bus pass and climbed hand clasped with Mark's she climbed onto the bus and led him to the back where they found a comfortable spot by the back window on the tattered seat. Ashley rested her head on his shoulder and he tilted his head to lean against hers and watched as the city-scape whisked by them. The bus stopped two blocks away from the Isaacs-Kerwin residence when Ashley and Mark got off. Unlocking the door and walking inside Ashley turned to her boyfriend.

"So what do you want to do?" she asked as she shut the door behind them.

Mark shrugged, "it doesn't matter," he said snuggling into her neck, making Ashley squirm as she tried to walk into the living room. Ashley pulled away and set her keys on the piano as Mark walked to lull over Ashley's Grandfather's guitar set in the corner of the room. He picked it up and strummed it lightly, cringing as he realized that the strings were terribly out of tune. He slumped down onto the couch and looked up at Ashley who'd slid herself down onto the piano bench. "D?" he asked politely. Ashley smiled and lightly drew her fingers onto the piano keys and played a simple D major chord. Mark gently bit his tongue as he poked from between his lips as he tuned the guitar to open D. Ashley gently tickled a few keys, playing nothing specific, just playing a haunting harmony in the key of D as she hummed an equally haunting melody. Mark looked up from the couch and lazily picked the guitar strings with his fingers, sliding his left hand up and down the neck of the guitar lightly playing notes that complimented Ashley's.

"She lies alone" Ashley sang out softly as closed her eyes and focused on her playing. Mark watched her as he played, his fingers working on the strings. The room had become an intimate situation for the both of them as they began playing music together. "Blood red petals, fall from her hands." Ashley began playing more intensely as her lyrics became more graphic, "like the blood dripping down her arms…draped across her bed, fingering the rose petals while her blood runs dry" Mark continued to play, closing his eyes as well as he finger picked the strings. "Taking in the last bit of…" Ashley continued.

"Beauty…before she finally closes her eyes" they sang together, "no tears left burning down her cheeks, no sun shining as she opens her mouth to speak."

To any on looker, the scene would be one of a amazement, but with a connection at that moment, between two hearts, and two musicians, it was nothing out of the ordinary for them. "So calm," Mark sang as he rapped his guitar with the palm of his hand, "So quiet," Ashley sang as she began to slow the tempo. "so peaceful as she closes the stem in her hand."

"The thorns so sharp," Mark belted out.

"Bleeding her just a bit more than she herself can"

"Strangling the stem"

"The silky red petals turn a sickly brown, no more red---"

"Just a frown" Mark opened his eyes as he sang and Ashley looked over at him, smiling as she worked her fingers across the ivory.

"She fades away"

"Like the flower"

"Losing beauty"

"Losing grace"

"Losing life, as the color drains from her face" they sang together, and Mark strummed his last chord as Ashley finished the improvised song, ending on a strong chord. Ashley smiled, "that was new," Ashley said looking over at Mark.

"That was the poem you wrote last week, wasn't it?' Mark asked.

"Just something…I didn't know you remembered it at all," she said as she slid off the piano bench and joined him on the couch. The sound of keys in the front door signaled the return of someone home and Ashley peered her head towards the opening door and smiled as her mother and step-father walked into the house. "Hey Mom, …Jeff!" she called out.

Kate walking the living room and smiled, "Mark, honey, how are you feeling?' she asked politely.

"Fine Kate, I'd be much better if you told me Jeff was grilling up some of his fine steaks for dinner." He said laughing as she smiled at him.

" I take it you'll be joining us then for dinner?" Kate asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

"If that's not a problem" Mark said pouting.

"You're never a problem, Mark" Jeff answered for her as he followed Kate into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Ashley looked around to find the room empty apart from her and Mark and smiled as she pulled him close and breathed in the scent of his hair, "you're just a charmer aren't you?" she whispered in his ear.

"Mmm you know it," he said hugging her close.

Ashley kissed his cheek gently and pulled away, getting up off the couch, "I'm gunna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back. Mark smiled as she kissed his cheek and pushed himself up.

"And I'll be waiting for you in the other room to steal the remote from me," he said smiling, but the moment she was out of view he sighed heavily. Truth be told he wasn't his usual happy self. Dr. Ellis said he may feel a little depressed post-Op but he didn't think it'd bother him. He felt miserable having someone else's heart, granted he was more than happy to have one that worked. He felt his chest ache slightly as he became upset over his thoughts and reached into his pocket for the pain pills Dr. Ellie had prescribed for him. He thought about the things he was told he could and could not do, and frowned. Granted he was allowed to do certain activities, but more specifically to, "not exert yourself" he mimicked as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed himself a glass of water to chase the small does of Ultram he was given, and then he dug around in his pocket for the immunosuppressant he was given to reduce the risk of his body rejecting his new heart. That thought alone made him feel worse as he walked into the family room and sat down in front of the television. "_What if my body rejects my heart?_" he thought himself as he gently placed his hand over his slightly swollen chest. He reached for the remote and turned on the television just as Ashley entered the room, and he smiled.

ooO0Ooo

Ellie walked into the Cameron brother residence and collapsed on the couch. " I might as well just give you a key, Red." Tracker said as he followed her inside, "you're here just as much as Sean is." Ellie sighed heavily as she pulled off her heavy boots and curled up on one end of the couch and made room for Tracker to sit after he loosened his tie from work. "Speaking of,…"

"He's with Jay, picking up parts for the expo car," Ellie answered upon the questioning of Sean's whereabouts.

"And you're here why?" he asked amused by the amount of time his brother's girlfriend spent at their place with and without him. He laughed himself as she threw a glare his way.

"What I can't hang out with my favorite pseudo older brother?" she asked brightly before the scowl returned to her face. Tracker kicked his feet up onto the coffee and stuck his hand out, asking for the remote.

"Okay, Red, what's wrong?" he asked as he flipped through channels, and upon finding nothing he turned his attention to Ellie.

"My stupid mother…" she said frustrated, " if you can call her that."

"She drinking again?"

"Enough to make her act I'm baby-sitting her" Ellie answered tugging on her braids." she can't do anything without my help." Ellie pulled on her hair enough to make her cringe slightly. "How did you put up with it, I mean with your parents?"

Tracker closed his eyes and thought momentarily about the things he did to deal with his own parents' antics, their drinking, the constant physical and emotional abuse towards each other, it all bottled up inside him as he grew up. "I moved away," he answered simply.

Ellie pulled her legs underneath her, watched him intently as he opened his eyes. "You just…left?" she asked.

Tracker nodded, "I moved to B.C. to live with my grandmother, I needed to get away from it all, and when I came back Sean was at his breaking point, so I moved here and brought him with me…"

Ellie nodded and turned her attention towards the front door as Sean walked in and dropped his book bag on the floor and walked lazily to the couch, where he collapsed down between his brother and girlfriend. He moaned audibly and canoodled up with Ellie, who giggled as Sean's unshaven face brushed against her cheek, and was met with a sloppy kiss. He turned to his brother, "dinner?"

"Ordered pizza before I left work," Tracker answered.

"You staying El?' Sean asked playing with the tear on her thigh in her jeans.

Ellie took the moment to think about her mother, who was lying at home on the couch, drowning herself in a cocktail of vodka and the _Lifetime_ movie of the week. She tried to ask herself the question of "_where do you want to be Ellie_?"

"Yea, I'll say," she said, "and then go home to clean up after a _child_," she grumbled.

"Hm?" Sean mumbled sucking on her earlobe as Tracker got up to answer the door as a knock interrupted.

"Nothing," Ellie answered rolling her eyes and turned towards him, and was met with his lips on hers and his hands cupping her face. She pulled back, "what's with you tonight, you're like a bag of hormones."

"I dunno," he said reaching for her waist to pull her closer, "but only you can fix me" he said smiling as he pressed his lips against hers.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "oh really?" she said laughing as she pulled back.

"Well I guess I can always go ask Amy," he said standing up. Not immediately realizing the damage control he'd have to do to make up for that statement as he smirked. Holding onto her hands he attempted to pull her to her feet and the playful smirk died as Ellie glared and tugged her hands away. He looked down at her to realize that he'd said the wrong thing. "Sorry," he said sitting back down.

"It's okay," she said standing and walking towards the kitchen where Tracker was looking for paper plates, "Track, I'm gunna see you later, I should get dinner or something for my mom." And she walked passed a confused Sean on her way out the front door. Tracker watched from the kitchen as Sean angrily got up and followed Ellie, slamming the door shut behind him.

"El!" he called out chasing after her, and reached out to grab her arm as she hustled faster, "Ellie, stop!" he said as he grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her back. She swung around her plaits whipping around as she turned towards him.

"What Sean?" she asked angrily, trying to tug away, but Sean instinctively grabbed her other wrist to force her to stay.

"I'm sorry," he said, basically repeating what he'd said in his living room.

"And I told you it's okay, now can I go home?" she asked, pulling herself from his grasp.

"It's obviously not okay, you're freaking out about a stupid comment!" He watched as her eyebrow twitched violently as she shouted at him, and continued to twitch as she continued her rant.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Sean you're incredible" She turned around as she continued her walk home, walking backwards down the sidewalk, "I don't care about the stupid comment, I don't care that it was about Amy, I just frankly don't give a damn about it." She watched as Sean stood still, angry, watching her as she walked away from him, "it's important enough for me to care about, can't I just go home and eat dinner with my mother?"

"Fine, go home!" Sean shouted turning away from her.

Ellie groaned loudly and turned to walk home and immediately spun on her heels and chased after him, grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around so he stared her red-faced and angry. "I lied."

"I know" he grumbled, "your eyebrow twitches when you lie."

Ellie sighed, "I don't understand how you could even joke, even after what Jay said the other day," referring to the cafeteria comment.

"I'm sorry," he said for the third time that day. "Geez El,what do you want from me" he said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look, I'm just gunna go home, my mother needs me."

"Don't use that excuse" Sean said.

"And why not, Sean?" Ellie asked, hands placed defiantly on her hips. "Because I'm dying to know why I shouldn't care for my mother."

Sean stared at her wide-eyed, almost angry that she didn't realize how wrong of a situation it was for a child to take care of a mother that is totally and completely capable of living life without a bottle in her hands. "Ellie you can't be serious, she should be taking care of you."

"Well right now she can't, and I'm all she has." Ellie turned to walk home.

"Fine, go to your mom," Sean said reluctantly, knowing fully well that this fight just wasn't worth it. Ellie's shoulders slumped and she turned around again, a solemn look on her face as she tried desperately to show Sean that she wanted to stay. The whole situation of her staying for dinner was changed by one simple remark, she didn't actually want to go home and clean up after her drunken mother, but with rationalization came realization. Despite her need to take care of her mother, the reality of the situation was that Judy Nash needed to take care of herself. And in the few moments she turned around to look Sean in the eye and open her mouth to say that she wanted to stay, he saw it all. He knew the look, the look that showed someone had to be somewhere else, but wanted nothing more than to stay where they were loved.

"What kind of pizza did he order?" Ellie asked, knowing she didn't need to say much, or need much convincing to get her back on the couch in front of the television cuddled up under Sean's arm. Sean smiled and gently intertwined his fingers with hers and they walked back, following the scent of freshly delivered pizza.

ooO0Ooo

Craig kissed Manny gently and smiled before turning and making his way down the street skipping happily as entered the Jeremiah residence to find Joey and Angela on the couch watching what looked like, "Princess Diaries!" Craig shrieked excitedly. He pushed Joey aside on the couch and plopped himself down between them and threw his arms around his half sister and grinned madly. "Angie," he turned to her, "do you wanna make cookies?"

Her eyes widened and she jumped to her feet, bouncing on the cushions of the couch, "with chocolate chips, and sprinkles, and food coloring?" she asked on each bounce, "can we make them purple?"

Joey shook his head, "not tonight," he said simply, as he stood up to calm Angela's bouncing. Immediately crushing both the hopes of Craig and Angela.

"But why?" Angela pouted.

"Because you need to go to bed early tonight, you have dance classes in the morning," her father answered sternly. "I can't have you up late baking cookies and then getting all sugared up."

"It won't take that long to make," Craig rationalized, and with that comment Joey sent him a glare.

" I said no, Craig, not tonight."

"But I wanna bake cookies tonight!" Angela demanded.

"Yea! I wanna bake cookies tonight too!"

"Enough, both of you, this isn't up for discussion."

"Joey, seriously, cookies don't take that long to make, I just want to bake some god damn cookies!" Craig said suddenly digressing from the positive mood he'd been in most of the day to the almost frightening violent mood he was in now. Angela covered her mouth in shock as Craig uttered the words, "god damn" and Joey turned to him again, barking orders for him to go to his room.

"Damn it Joey, you're not my father, you can't tell me what to do!" he shouted as he pushed himself off the couch and violently pushed Joey out of his way as he stomped up the stairs. Joey stumbled back a few steps before catching his balance and watched bewildered as Craig marched himself to his room, and then slammed his door forcefully.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, for the very very very long wait. For some of you that read and know what's going on with me, it's been a very stressful time. To be frank, it's just been pretty crappy, but during the time I was writing little by little, hoping to get this out as soon as possible. I'll try to get working on the next chapter so I can finish this up before starting the final story in the series (which is still in theory, but soon to be written). No worries. I won't abandon this until it's completely and totally finished. Thanks for sticking by, and thanks for waiting. R/R let me know how this chapter turned out. 

Also, the poem/song sung by Ash and Mark, yea, that's mine. I own it, if you use it, I will sue you, because I do need the money.


	24. showertime musings

Angela looked to her father, a look of shock and fear drawn across her young face, "Daddy, do you think Craig's turning into a dinosaur?' she asked innocently. With that remark from his daughter Joey turned to the stairs and thoughts and memories from when he'd helped Craig get away from his abusive father floated through his head. "Daddy?" Angela asked as she tugged on her father's shirt to get his attention. Joey looked down at his daughter.

"I dunno Angie, but I'll find out, why don't you go up and get ready for bed?" he said bending down to kiss the top of her head, "get your PJs on and brush your teeth and I'll be up to tuck you in." Angela smiled and hugged her father tightly around his waist before bounding up the stairs to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Joey walked over to the phone and picked it up and casually called a number he knew by heart, he listened to the ringing tone in the receiver and breathed a sigh of relief as the other end picked up and muttered a tired greeting, "Sydney, it's Joey, I think something's wrong with Craig."

Sydney's voice perked up, "what do you mean?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I mean he's acting out one minute, completely angry and violent and not himself, and the next moment he's on cloud nine, and sometimes he's just too depressed to even play his guitar."

"Have you taken him to see a doctor?" she asked.

"You think it's medical…"

"Well I think if these mood changes are very severe it might be a chemical imbalance," she answered, hoping what she said was helping.

Joey rubbed the back of his neck and paced the room, "so who do I take him to see, do I take him to see a psychiatrist or a regular doctor?"

Sydney pressed her lips tightly together before she answered his question, but her thoughts were interrupted as she heard Angela Jeremiah's voice resounding through the room on the other end asking her daddy to tuck her in. "Listen Joe, I'll give a few friends a call and set you up with an appointment, and give you a call in the morning, go tuck Angie in."

Joey frowned and nodded as he agreed verbally on the phone, "alright, and Syd?"

"Yea?" she asked, half hoping he'd end the conversation with an "_I love you_," like he used to, half wishing he wouldn't because getting into a complicated relationship with a man who would always been in love with the ghost of his dead wife and with the woman that was his first love, was not something she needed, nor wanted to deal with.

"Thank you, a lot, I really appreciate it," he said softly into the phone.

"Anytime Joe," Sydney answered smiling weakly, "anything to help you and the kids."

Joey smiled, "bye," and waited for her to hang up before he climbed the stairs to tuck Angela into bed.

ooO0Ooo

"What's for breakfast?" Craig asked in a physically tired tone, but his demeanor was very awake. He slipped up onto a stool at the kitchen island and ruffled Angela's hair. Angela in response looked up at her brother and frowned as he mussed up her hair and was greeted with a stuck out tongue and she giggled happily knowing that the dinosaur from the night before wasn't residing in her brother.

"Can we have pancakes Daddy?" Angela asked.

"Yea Joey, pancakes, with chocolate chips!" Craig said brightly.

Joey smiled and pulled the pancake mix from the cabinet and began to make breakfast for the two before he was interrupted with a phone call. "Jeremiah residence," Joey said into the cordless phone as he measured out ingredients for the batter.

"Joe, it's Sydney, I got you an appointment for Craig with an old friend Dr. Crescent, she practices psychology and psychiatric medicine over at the Middleburough Medical Center at three this afternoon, do you think you can get him over there?"

Joey nodded, "yea I think I can manage that, thanks, really"

"No problem," Sydney answered, "call me later and let me know how it goes, I have to get back to work."

He said goodbye and hung up the phone and proceeded to pass the pancake mix to Craig who added chocolate chips and began dropping them into a heated and buttered skillet pan. "Who was that?" Craig asked.

"Oh, you just have a doctor's appointment later, that's all."

Craig flipped the pancakes in the pan, "oh, okay," he said shrugging, concluding it to be no big deal.

"Are we going to find out if Craig's a dinosaur?" Angela asked.

Craig looked over at his sister, "what do you mean?" he asked.

"Well you've been all _rawr_" she growled and clawed imitating a dinosaur, "like the dinosaur that hurt you, remember?"

Craig immediately thought of his father and gripping the skillet in his hand tightly to the point where his knuckles turned white as he lifted the skillet and slammed it against the stove top, and the cooking pancakes flew out of the skillet and butter splattered onto Craig's forearm. He released his grip on the skillet that collided with his arm, burning him more than the scalding butter had.

Joey immediately began running water and tried to tug him over to the sink to stick his arm under the cool water, but Craig pulled away, "damnit Joey, look what you made me do," he held his burned arm close to his body trying to coddle it like a child.

"Craig look, people are worried about you, me and Angie are worried about you, we just want to help you," Joey tried to reason.

"No! You're just, you're just…" he shouted before suddenly bursting into tears, "it hurts Joey, it hurts," he stuck out his arm which was making it's way to being second-degree burns and would more than likely blister later on. "God, everything hurts Joey." Joey led the teary eyed teen to the sink and pulled his arm under the flowing water. Angie slid off the stool she was sitting on and walked over to Craig and hugged him tightly, Craig looked down at her and cried harder as she looked up at him and spoke.

"It's okay, Craig," she said softly, "we'll get you dinosaur medicine."

ooO0Ooo

"So you're really coming shopping with me and Marco," Ellie asked as she held the cordless phone between her neck and shoulder, while she folded laundry on her bed.

"Definitely milady, I wouldn't miss it," Orion's voice resounded through he receiver of the phone, so I'll take the bus and meet you guys at Queen Street West?" he asked.

"Yea, we'll be there around noon-ish," she answered as she began putting away the clothes she'd folded.

"Mm, can't wait, Thrift Town here we come," he said laughing, "I gotta go milady, I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Later," Ellie said before hanging up the phone and turning off the phone. She walked down the hall to the bathroom and running her fingers through her hair she shook it up and primped it while looking in the mirror, finding that her vibrant red hair looked a bit dull and lifeless she tugged off her socks while tripping over to the shower and turning it on, letting the water run while she finished undressing before finally climbing into the shower.

As she let the hot water run down her body she began thinking about her plans for later, preferably going to the movies with Sean, Jay, Alex, and Amy later that night. Ellie still was, and would more than likely be wary of Amy spending time with Sean, even is she was around to cling to him like an accessory. Ellie didn't want to be an accessory, she wanted to be his girlfriend and not have to worry. '_Is this what it's supposed to be like in a relationship_' she thought to herself, '_to constantly have to worry about other people feeling the same away about Sean?_' she groaned at the thought of being overzealously jealous. She didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend, but she didn't want to end up like Ashley, Craig, and Manny, a triangle of distrust.

Ellie massaged her shampoo into her scalp. She closed her eyes and through about all the drama, all the fights, and make-ups, and the trust in the relationship she had with Sean and found herself wondering, '_do I really need to worry_.' They'd come so far, '_is it even worth it to be jealous of a bond that no one else would be able to have with Sean_?' she continued to think as the water rinsed her hair clean of the lather. She smiled to herself as as she reached for the conditioner. '_Emma_' she thought. She hadn't thought about Emma and Sean's bond in a long time. If there was any body to be jealous of it was Emma.

Emma Nelson, Sean's first girlfriend, Sean's first heartbreak. '_Emma Nelson_, _the girl that **isn't**_ _with Sean,_' she concluded. Ellie continued to muse about her relationship with Sean as she finished her shower. That despite all the negative things around them, all the anger and the fights, they worked through them. '_I guess that's where we differ from most relationships people our age are involved in_,' she thought as she turned off the water and wrung the water from her hair, "we work through."

Ellie reached for a towel and climbed out of the shower as she wrapped the towel around her body and reached for a second towel and began rubbing her hair dry before wrapping it up in a turban. She walked over to the sink and mirror and wiped her hand across the steamed up mirror until she saw her face. She stared at herself for a moment, wondering, '_am I really worth working it through?_' Ellie tried her best to push the negative thoughts to the back of her head before tugging the turban from her head shaking her now damp hair around her face, combing it through with her fingers. Ellie frowned at her reflection before gathering up her discarded clothes and walking back to her room to change.

ooO0Ooo

Ashley and Mark sat in her room after dinner, casually lounging on her bed watching a movie that played on her television set, the door to her room wide open. Even long before Jimmy her mother initiated a rule about boys in the house, at least while the parents were home and knew about said boy(s), **the door must always be open**. Ashley was leaning back against her headboard and against Mark's shoulder. He had his arms wrapped around behind her and was twirling a small strand of her hair smiling as he watched the movie, but his thoughts were trailing elsewhere, with thoughts of his recent procedure and the possibility of his body rejecting his new heart in the next few months.

Ashley turned to him and noticed his attention didn't seem to be in the movie at all. Ashley turned towards him and gently pressed her lips to his bare neck and rested her chin on his shoulder looking up at him. She had grabbed his attention. "What's wrong, you're not here at all," she asked him.

"Just thinking," he answered.

"About?" she asked, trying to get an answer out of him.

"I dunno Sweets, I mean," he let out a breath he knew he'd be holding, "what if…what if…" he stopped speaking for a moment and Ashley sat up straight and curled her legs up underneath her, "what if my body rejects this heart, what if I'm not meant to make it through all this?"

Ashley's face suddenly turned to a sympathetic yet terrified look, "why the sudden negativity?" she asked, "I mean you've been so happy lately."

"I seem happy, but Ashley, I'm so terrified, I don't want to die."

She reached down and took Mark's hand and held it warmly in her own and kissed it softly, "I won't let you."

"You're stubborn you know that?" he said smiling.

"Very, and I hold a mean grudge," she responded.

Mark laughed softly, "I guess I should never cross you then, should I, sweets?"

Ashley smiled and leaned over and gently pecked him on the lips, she looked up at him, "Wanna get outta here?" she asked seducing him into getting out of the house in hopes of getting his mind off of the recent transplant.

"Where would we go?" he asked, easing himself off the bed.

"Want to go down to the Natura Café?" Ashley asked, "it's open mic night."

"Can we bring your pop's guitar?" he asked smirking.

Ashley smiled and laughed as she nodded, "of course."

"Let's go Sweets," he said taking her hands and leading her off the bed, "while the night is still young."

ooO0Ooo

Judy Nash sat at the kitchen table a glass of water in one hand and a small piece of paper in the other. On the paper was written a number, and a name, Sylvie Wu; her AA sponsor. Ellie watched from the doorframe of the kitchen as her mother stared at the piece of paper. "You gunna call her?" Ellie asked as she held a bottle of aspirin in her hand.

"Hm, what?" Judy asked looking up at her daughter.

"Your sponsor, are you going to call her?" Ellie said slowly, hoping her mother would understand.

"Not right now, I'll call her in a bit, I just want to nurse this hang over." Ellie rolled her eyes and walked over to the kitchen table and set the aspirin down on the table.

"Whatever, look I'm going out tonight,…" Ellie said, and began walking to the front door when her mother's voice stopped her.

"With that _boyfriend_ of yours?" she spat. "Look Ellie, he's not good enough for you…"

Ellie rolled her eyes, "well he certainly cares enough to take care of me when I need it."

"Eleanor, do not take that tone with me."

"Why mother?" Ellie asked angrily, "you know it's the truth, I spend more time taking care of you than I do myself, do you not remember what happened the last time I let myself become self obsessed with you and your problems mother?" Ellie began walking to the table and leaned down against the table top and glared at her mother, "when I started cutting myself to deal with the stress of taking care of you, taking care of myself, just trying to live with you?" Judy looked up at her daughter, "or did you forget where I spent a month and a half of my life?"

" I didn't forget Ellie," Judy said trying to soften her tone, in an attempt to not get angry.

"I was in a mental hospital mother, where you never visited me, did you know Sean came to visit?" Ellie asked, "did you?"

"I'm sorry Ellie"

"hen are you going to mean it?" Ellie asked, "because you've said that so many times, you promised me you'd stop, you told Dad that you would stop, but you caved in," Ellie said as she blotted at her eyes with her hand before that could start a waterfall of mascara down her cheeks. Ellie turned to leave and looked back at her mother, "I'm going now Mom, I'm staying over at Sean's or Ashley's, or somewhere that isn't here tonight. I don't want to have to come home and find you passed out drunk on the couch, or asleep by the toilet."

Ellie walked out of the kitchen and grabbed her bag she'd dumped on the couch before leaving her mother with aspirin for her hang over, grabbed her keys, and walked out the front door. As she walked down the street towards the Cameron residence she stopped and let out a long breath that she'd been holding since she yelled at her mother. Tears were threatening to fall as she walked up to Sean's place and walked through the door.

"Hey Red," Tracker called from the couch where he sat with Kemmie, "Sean's in his room….Hey kid what's wrong you look like…"

"Nothing, I just called my mom out on everything before I left…do you mind if I…"

"Stay here tonight?" Tracker finished for her, "no problem."

"Ellie, come here a sec," Kemmie said kneeling on the couch as Ellie stood behind it. Kemmie reached up and ran her thumbs under Ellie's eyes and wiped away some of the eyeliner and mascara that had started to run. Ellie sniffled and smiled at Kemmie who pulled back and looked her over, "never look like your crying around men, because they'll never leave you alone all night about it." Ellie laughed slightly and thanked Tracker's girlfriend before making her way to Sean's room.

Ellie took a few deep breaths and smiled before she turned the knob and walked into Sean's room just as he was pulling on a clean shirt. He turned to Ellie, "hey," he said and walked over, cupping her face and kissing her gently on the lips. Ellie smiled into the kiss as she smelled his cheap knock-off cologne, knowing that she'd be curled up next to that scent tonight.

"You ready?" she asked, as she reached up to fix his messy, dirty blonde hair, still freshly damp from the shower he'd had before Ellie arrived.

"Yea, Jay called and said he'd be here in a few with Alex, and Amy's meeting us at the mall. On that remark they heard a horn honk from outside and Tracker call from the living room.

"Sounds like Jailbird is here" Tracker shouted.

Sean rolled his eyes and grabbed his house keys and wallet off his dresser before walking with Ellie outside. "Yo, Cameron, move your white ass," Jay called as Alex climbed out of the front passenger seat and moved her seat up to let Ellie and Sean into the back seat of Jay's orange civic. Jay looked back at Ellie and smiled, "well Vampy, you look normal tonight," as he noticed her casual attire of worn jeans and a nice t-shirt. Her eyes were barely lined as heavily in black as they usually were, and her hair was loose and wavy. Sean looked over at his girlfriend as she responded to Jay's _wannabe_ insult towards Ellie, whom he thought looked beautiful.

"Wow Jay you look…almost white today," Ellie answered cockily. Sean couldn't help but laugh as Jay scowled while they pulled out of the driveway.

ooO0Ooo

Amy stood outside the theater as she waited for Jay, Alex, Sean and Ellie to arrive. Alex has managed to rummage up some free tickets from work and they were seeing what was supposed to be the blockbuster hit, _Meu Demon Interno_. She toyed with her pony tail and checked the length of her skirt, knowing fully well that it wasn't too high, and it wasn't too long. She rolled her eyes as she thought about her last meeting with Jay. She then smirked as she realized that she had Jay wrapped around her finger, and could easily do the same for Sean, only it may take a little more persuading on Sean's part. Amy looked around the theater lobby and gave a flirtatious look across the lobby at a guy in the concessions line. " I might as well get something out of this evening," she said to herself aloud as she made her way over to the guy as he winked at her.

"Hey I'm Amy," she said sweetly, "what movie are you here to see?" Amy smiled. The somewhat cute boy responded.

"Name's Carl, here to see Meu Demon Interno" he answered as he paid for his popcorn, and tilted the bucket towards her, offering her a bit. Amy grabbed a few kernels and popped them seductively into her mouth and smiled.

"Me too, I'm just waiting on a few friends, care to join us?" Amy asked.

Carl shrugged, "sure why not."

Amy watched as Jay, Alex, Ellie and Sean came walking into the theater and over towards us, "guys, this is Carl, Carl, these are the guys,…" Carl awkwardly introduced himself to the group and walked with them into the theater, sit ting next to Amy who became more flirtatious as Sean and Ellie became more adorable.

Alex leaned towards Amy and whispered in her ear as the previews started, "this making Sean jealous thing isn't going to work Amy, you're gunna break that poor guy's heart."

Amy turned towards her best friend and scowled, "I'm not trying to make Sean jealous…why would I do that?" Amy whispered fiercely back.

Alex looked over at Amy and just rolled her eyes, "okay," she gave in and looked over at Jay, "popcorn, go get me some…and some Twizzlers ä" she ordered. Jay rolled his eyes as he got up to go to the concession stand. Amy watched Jay walk back up the aisle to the lobby and quietly excused herself to go to the restroom and followed Jay.

"Hey" she said sweetly as she waltzed up behind him and gently raked her nails down his back as she stood behind him. The action caused shivers to run down Jay's spine as he imagined her pinned underneath him doing the same thing to his naked back.

"Come on Amy, I'm out with Alex tonight, I think I'd like to enjoy the evening with my girlfriend, go play games with your toy," he begged.

"Do you think it might ruin your night if I told her about our sometimes _more than friends_ meetings in the school basement?" Amy asked curving her lips into an seductive smirk.

"Amy, not tonight, I told you to bother me—" he stopped talking to her, "large popcorn and some Twizzlers ä" he told the concession cashier, "bother me when I have time to deal with your petty bullshit." He turned to look at her, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"This isn't petty bullshit," she argued.

" Yes it is," he said as he paid the cashier, "you're more than capable of having any other guy, what's so special about Cameron?"

Amy followed Jay as he walked back towards the theater, "you should know, because he's obviously good enough to hang out with you,"

"Yea but I don't want to fuck him, Amy that's a major difference."

Amy glared, "fine, then I guess Alex won't mind having a nice girl-to-girl talk about the stuff you seduced me into doing."

"Damnit Amy," Jay said backing her into a wall outside the theater doors, "what the hell do you want from me?"

Amy smirked as she tugged at his jeans, "Sean."

"Sorry, he's not mine to give up."

Amy huffed, "you could at least do me a favor here and help me out," she argued, "I don't think five-cent bracelets are enough to cover the favors you receive from me."

Jay growled, "we'll talk later."

Amy smirked happily and pulled open the doors and skipped down the aisle to return to her seat followed by a disgruntled Jay moments later, who pushed the popcorn and candy into his girlfriends arms and angrily threw his arm around the backs of the seats, "what's with you?" Alex asked, annoyed with his attitude change.

"Nothing," he said, trying to push Amy and her stupid plans out of his head while he enjoyed the movie with his girlfriend and best friends.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, this was definately unexpected. I didn't think I'd finish this chapter this soon, but somehow I managed to pull it off, I just started writing and didn't stop, and somewhere between when I started this chapter this afternoon and now I ended up with a good near four thousand words and was like, "might as well update with this." You know this means right? Only one more chapter before this story ends. The next chapter should be fairly long, tying up some lose ends and establishing the storylines for the next (and final) story, Reprise. Read, enjoy have fun...MJ 


	25. you took over my bottom drawer

Orion looked up as a pair stumbled out of the stall. Two men, one of whom he recognized quite well. His mop of messy blonde curls looked like a birds nest in disarray as he stumbled out of the restroom, completely ignoring Orion's presence. Orion shook his hands dry, "I wonder if Marco knows Dylan is cheating on him," he said aloud as he reached for a paper towel.

He frowned as he thought about the consequences that could and would come with telling Marco about what he'd seen. When it came to this situation most advice givers would advice him to stay out of it, that it wasn't his concern. He agreed with that common advice but made a promise to himself that if Dylan were to hurt Marco anymore, he would take action. It's just not something that's fair to someone that'd just grown as his friend.

-X-

"Ellie!" shrieked Kylie as the little girl rushed at the redhead and wrapped her arms tightly around her tiny waist. Ellie smiled as she looked down at the preteen who today was sporting a green bandana that matched her green thermal top. "You're early today," Kyle observed as she grabbed Ellie's hand and walked with her to their group therapy session.

Ellie smiled, "I got tired of being late," she laughed. Ellie adjusted the shoulder strap of her book bag. "I like the new bandana," Ellie complimented as Kylie blushed with the statement.

"Thanks, Mom bought it for me," Kyle smiled brightly, "she says she's going to get one in every color until my hair grows back because I don't like wearing the wigs."

Ellie smiled, but inside she was frowning, because at that moment, it seemed like everyone in the world had a mother that was more responsible and caring than her own. Ellie slumped down into a metal folding chair and watched as other patients of Rhonda's entered the room and began filling the seats. Rhonda walked in dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt, carrying a backpack filled with her case notes and her discussion topics for the day.

"Okay, I want everyone to split up with a new partner today for a few exercises and then we'll pull back into the group," Rhonda said as she checked off the attendance.

Callie walked over and sat down next to Ellie; she looked over at Kylie and smiled, and "Mind if I take her off your hands today?" she asked the small girl.

Kylie smiled, "that's fine I'll go keep Lizzie company," and skipped across the room.

"Hey Nash," Callie said pulling out a cigarette and slipping it behind her ear, for later. Ellie stood up and positioned herself so that she was sitting _Indian style_ on the folding metal chair. "How've you been El?" Callie asked inquisitively, it'd been a while since the two had had a good talk. The last actually being a week or so prior, while riding the bus.

"It's going alright" Ellie answered.

"and how's your friend?" Callie asked referring to her friend, the blade.

"It's good, haven't really even thought about _her_ in a while."

Callie smiled and licked her ruby-red lips, "good to hear."

Ellie smiled, "I'm actually thinking of going back to work for the station during the summer, the one from my Co-Op."

Callie smiled and nodded, "sounds like you've got a lot figured out."

"What about you? Aren't you finishing up classes before summer break?"

Callie nodded, "you know the norm, finishing up some of my photo-journalism courses and then picking up a few for the summer, you know, to keep busy and what not." Callie shrugged. Rhonda walked passed and tossed a pack of cards into Callie's lap.

"Twenty-Questions...go" Rhonda said before walking off to another pair.

Ellie and Callie looked at each other and laughed.

OoO0Ooo

Ellie stepped off the bus and shuffled her feet as she walked to her house. Slipping the key in the door and gently touching the door knob she suddenly felt ill. Almost like she knew that she'd be upset by the scene she'd encounter while walking through the door. Ellie opened the door and closed her eyes as she walked into the foyer. "Mom?" Ellie called out. When she received no response two conclusions jumped into her head, **one** her mother wasn't home and **two** her mother was drunker than sailor and passed out in one of the rooms of the house. Ellie dropped her keys on the end table in the foyer and dropped her bag by the stairs as she walked to the kitchen, where she found her mother hunched over the kitchen table, a bottle of tequila clenched tightly in one hand and a shot glass in the other.

She rolled her eyes as she trudged over to the table and lightly shook her mother. "Mom," Ellie said shaking her harder when she got no response. Ellie rolled her mother's head gently to the side and found that she'd thrown up and had been lying next to the small pool of vomit on the kitchen table. "Mom!" Ellie said more frantically. Ellie sat Judy up and gently smacked her face in an attempt to rouse her. There was no response, even though Ellie noticed that she was breathing, barely, but just enough to suffice. Ellie backed away slowly visibly shaking as she stumbled around the kitchen looking for the phone.

Ellie grabbed the cordless phone and quickly dialed 9-1-1. "I think my mom has alcohol poisoning," Ellie said as calmly as she could manage. She listened intently to the EMS operator's instructions and breathed a sigh of relief as the operator told her an ambulance had been disbanded.

-X-

It was a little after midnight when Ellie stumbled up to the Cameron home. Dropping an oversized purse and messenger bag beside her she slumped down on the wooden stairs she dropped her head into her hands rubbing her temples. "Well you've really done it this time, mother." She said aloud. She frowned as she thought about the conversation she had at the hospital when her mother finally woke.

_Judy Nash sat up slowly, moaning in discomfort as she took in her surroundings, "where am I?" she asked as she saw Ellie cuddling her knees as she sat in chair in the corner. Ellie looked up, her red-hair disheveled from the constant stressful tugging she'd done as the doctors worked on her. _

"_You're in the hospital mother, you had alcohol poisoning." _

_Judy frowned at her daughter, "don't give me an attitude Ellie." _

"_Wow, could you be any more…" Ellie groaned, "I don't even know why I'm still here." She dropped her feet to the floor and stood up. "You don't get it, do you Mom, I found you passed out in a pool of your own vomit, you almost drank yourself to death."_

_Judy closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, "well I'm fine now Eleanor, I'm ready to go home." _

"_Well if they even let you go home, I'm not going with you." Ellie said sternly._

"_Oh? And where else would you go?" Judy said getting angry, "to your white trash boyfriend and his brother?" Judy rolled her eyes, "no Eleanor, you're coming home with me." _

_Ellie's hands curled into fists, "it's Ellie, Mom, and yes, I'm going to go stay with Sean until you either clean up your act, or Daddy comes home, I'm sick of worrying about whether or not I'll come home and find you dead." Judy glared at her daughter._

"Ellie?" Tracker said stumbling outside in a pair of wrinkled pajama pants, ruffling his short messy hair as Ellie looked up, her eyes red and swollen from rubbing to keep from crying. "You okay?" he asked. Kemmie came stumbling out the screen door behind Tracker to find Ellie sitting on the wooden steps and helped the tired and stressed girl to her feet.

"Sean's inside on the couch, why don't you go in," she said gently, but was taken by surprise when Ellie turned to the young woman and wrapped her arms around her tightly in a hug, and started pouring tears into her tank top.

Tracker rubbed his face awake as he ushered the girls inside and grabbed Ellie's bag and purse and dropped them just inside the door while watching as Sean stirred awake from his position on the couch, lounged back in a pair of loose boxer shorts, and jumped to his feet at the sight of his upset girlfriend.

"She's in the hospital," Ellie choked out as she tears subsided. Sean hugged her and gently rubbed her back. "The stupid bitch almost drank herself to death." Sean smirked as she referred to her mother as a _stupid bitch_ but continued to console her. He eased her onto the couch and laid down, pulling her head to his bare chest to lay down with him while Tracker and Kemmie watched on.

-X-

"Alex we need to talk," Jay said, watching his reflection in the tinted windows of his Civic. He ripped his hat off his head and crumpled it in his hand. "No," he groaned trying to think about how to talk to Alex about the Amy situation. As much of a pretentious prick as he was, he loved Alex, he respected her, and Amy was annoying him, '_at least if Alex knows…_' he thought to himself, '_she'd kick her ass, and I won't have to worry_.' It made sense in his head. After all, he'd never hit a girl, he decided he'd leave that to Alex. He turned back to his tinted window, "Lexxi…" he paused.

"Yea Jay?" Alex said walking up and pulling him into a kiss.

"Oh hey, Lexxi, babe," he said kissing her a second time.

"Jay…were you just talking to yourself?" she asked tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear and smirking at him while she adjusted the shoulder strap of her book bag.

"Uh, no…"

"Do you feel like skipping today?" she smiled.

Jay looked at her and smirked, "I'm for it babe, if you are." He said happily. He never could turn her down when she smiled. He unlocked the doors to his Civic and walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for Alex to climb in. Crawling into his seat he put the key into the ignition and started his car, pulling out of the DCS parking lot. "So, where are we going?" he asked.

"Somewhere…to talk,"

Jay turned to her nervously, "about?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "I might as well just say it,... I'm late."

"For school? But it's your idea to skip…"

"No Jay not for school," Alex said glaring at him, "my vagina isn't bleeding," she said bluntly. And braced herself as Jay slammed on his brakes before he could run a red light.

"you're…"

"pregnant?" Alex said, "yes, Jay."

"I mean, are you sure, I thought you were on the pill," Jay said anxiously as the light turned green and he sped through the intersection. Alex, noticing his frantic driving asked him to pull over.

"I'm sure Jay, I've taken like three tests and I have a doctor's appointment today."

"but I mean, you're on the pill, did you like skip a day or something?"

Alex stared at him in disbelief, "the pill isn't totally effective Jayson"

Jay looked at her as she parked the car, "is it even mine?"

Alex was silent for a few moments and then began tugging at the handle on the door, trying to open it. She kicked the dashboard and turned to Jay, "unlock it, Jayson." Jay unlocked the doors and she climbed out, slammed the door and kicked the door, leaving a dent.

Jay turned off the ignition and angrily got out of the car and walked around to look at the dent she'd left, his gaze following her as she walked down the street, "are you crazy!" he shouted, "you left a fucking dent!"

Alex spun around, "fuck you Jay."

"Well you know since you're going to be a fucking bitch about this, I've been fucking Amy!" Jay said angrily as he measured the dent with his hands, wondering if he could pull it out. Alex glared at him, but said nothing. She just shook her head and walked down the street towards the Planned Parenthood clinic to get a proper pregnancy test. Jay slumped down next to his car and pounded the back of his head against the dent Alex had left. "I'm fucked," he said to himself.

-X-

Joey and Craig sat in the office of Dr. Rhonda Crescent. Craig looked stressed and tired, his brown hair a mess atop his head, his eyes red from lack of sleep, and his hands raw from the constant nervous rubbing. Joey placed a comforting hand on Craig's shoulder as they waited for Rhonda to enter and give them the results of the mental tests they exercised.

The door opened and Rhonda walked in and sat down at her desk, "well Mr. Jeremiah, Craig…I've gone over the results thoroughly and it looks as though…" she looked at Craig, "you're bipolar."

Craig furrowed his eyes, "so I'm crazy?" Craig shook his head, " well that's just great."

"No Craig, you're not crazy, you just have a chemical imbalance and it's very treatable with some therapy and medication." Rhonda said in a comforting tone.

Craig remained silent for a moment, and Joey spoke up, "so he takes whatever medication is necessary and he's fine."

Rhonda turned to Joey, "no it's not a simple as that, we need to fine the right medication for Craig, and hopefully with some therapy sessions he can learn to adjust to his condition, I'm going to start you off with." Rhonda reached for her prescription pad and wrote him, "a prescription for Lithium, and then we'll see how that works for you."

She handed the prescription sheet to Joey and then reached down to her bottom drawer and pulled out a composition notebook. She turned to Craig, "do you keep a journal, Craig?" she asked.

Craig shrugged, "online at school…" he said dejectedly.

Rhonda smiled, "that's good, but I want you to write in here, write about how the meds make you feel, about anything you want," she said sweetly, and looked at her calendar, "I would like to see you every Thursday for a private session with me, and on Wednesdays for a group session."

Craig groaned, "alright."

Rhonda smiled again, "buck up Craig, I promise you, we'll get you feeling better."

Craig attempted to smile and popped to his feet and followed Joey out the door. As they exited Middleburough Medical Center, Craig drug his feet to the car and curled up in the passenger seat as Joey started the car.

"We'll pick up your prescription and then head home, do you want anything special for dinner?" Joey asked, trying to soften the blow of the news they'd just received.

Craig shook his head, "not hungry."

Joey looked at his step-son and frowned as he pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic. This was not something he expected for his family to deal with. "You sure?" Joey asked, "I mean I can pick up something up on the way back…"

"No…I'm fine," Craig said in a rather melancholy tone, rubbing his hands and picking at his skin to keep from getting upset.

"Alright," Joey agreed, "but if you want anything, just let me know."

Craig attempted to smile, "alright."

-X-

Ellie laid curled up in Sean's arms as they lounged on the couch. He gently played with her long red hair, twirling it between his fingers as he watched her sleep. Kissing her forehead he eased her up into his lap as he sat up and slipped an arm under her leg and one under her arm and rose to his feet, carrying her to his bedroom and letting her curl up in his bed before walking out into the kitchen, scratching at his stomach as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out the carton of orange juice and taking a swig before being slapped on the head from behind.

"You and your brother are both alike," Kemmie complained, "use a glass!"

Tracker walked into the kitchen and swiped the carton from his brother and received glares from his girlfriend as he took a drink. Tracker laughed as he put the carton away and then turned to his brother, "she alright?" he asked.

"Yea, she's sleeping, mind if we skip classes tomorrow?" Sean asked, hoping this would get him a day off of school.

"Sean, the years just ending, go get sleep, suck it up," Tracker said kicking him towards his room.

Sean laughed, "alright, alright," he said rubbing his rear, where Tracker had kicked him and returned to his room and crawled into bed with Ellie, wrapping an arm around her waist and gently rubbing the skin above the waist band of her jeans. Ellie stirred in her sleep and rolled towards him.

"Sean…" she moaned in her sleep as she began to rouse awake.

"Yea Els…" he said softly as he nuzzled his nose into her hair.

" love you," she said softly before falling back asleep, an arm draped across Sean clinging to him.

-X-

Ashley sat at her piano watching as Mark lay asleep on the couch. He'd spent a fair amount of time at the Kerwin-Isaacs home, trying to escape the stress of his parents fighting about him. Kate and Jeff didn't mind his company, in fact they loved seeing Ashley happy and with someone who wouldn't break her heart. She gently ran her fingers over the keys and began to play quietly, humming a tune.

Mark stirred on the couch and opened his eyes to watch Ashley engrossed in tickling the keys of the baby grand piano. He found it so attractive the way she let down her guard with him. She wasn't wearing much make-up just a quick swipe of liner and mascara and lip balm, and her hair was down and in a mess of frizz and color. Her dark hair was littered with gorgeous red highlights and the reflective tone almost making her glow. He smiled as he watched her lips open and began to sing. And suddenly the music stopped as Ashley caught sight of Mark watching her with a smile on his face.

"Hey sleepy head," she said from the piano bench.

Mark smirked and stretched his hands up over his head as he sat up and motioned for her to join him on the couch. Ashley smiled and slipped out from behind the bench and walked over and curled up on the couch next to him. "Mm, hey Sweets," he said as she nuzzled her face into his messy dark hair as he wrapped his arms around her.

Somehow the feeling of Ashley in his arms didn't seem to fill the hole he was experiencing inside himself. It seemed like no matter how much he knew someone loved him after the surgery, he couldn't love himself. As much as he confided in Ashley, he just couldn't rely on her to deal with his depression. '_Can I even call this a depression_?' he thought to himself. He closed his eyes tightly as if in pain, but the only pain he seemed to feel was that of feeling alone, of feeling like he didn't deserve to have the heart beating inside him.

He gently played with her hair. He looked down at her, "what do you have planned for today?" he asked as he twirled a strand around his finger.

"Mmm" she thought aloud and sat up, pulling her legs up onto Mark's lap, "spending time with you?"

Mark smiled, "want to go on a field trip?" he asked.

Ashley smiled, "where are we going?"

"I need drive over to the university for a bit and register for a few classes for fall trimester and maybe stop by that café you like so much?"

"Can I fix my hair?" she asked flattening it self-consciously.

Mark chuckled, "yea, go, fix your hair Sweets, I'm gunna go grab a glass of water."

Ashley smiled and slid off the couch and head up to her room to freshen up while Mark walked into the kitchen, pulling a glass from the cupboard and walking to the sink he turned on the tap and watched as the water began to fill the cup, his eyes focused on the flow to the point where he zoned out completely even as the water overflowed the cup and ran along his fingers as they gripped the glass tightly.

"Mark?" Ashley called out as she walked into the kitchen. He snapped back to reality, quickly shutting off the tap and moving the glass to his other hand and shaking the now wet hand dry. "Got enough water there?" she asked walking over to him as he took a sip.

"obviously not," he said smirking. Ashley smiled and pecked her freshly glossed lips on his cheek and ran a row of fingers down his arm and laced her fingers with his and tugged him towards the front door, and climbing into his small car.

-X-

Sean walked into his room, a towel wrapped around his waist and a small towel draped over his head. He rubbed the towel over his head vigorously and then tossed it into the corner of the room before walking over to his bed and nudging the sleeping redhead, "Ellie," he said softly, "come on, get up." Ellie stirred in the bed and opened her eyes tiredly and smiled as she caught sight of Sean in a towel.

"Hey," she said yawning as she sat up, stretching her arms up over her head. "Is there enough time for me to jump in the shower?" she asked.

Sean chuckled, "I wish you'd said that five minutes ago when I was still in it," he smirked and Ellie glared. "Yes, El, there's enough time."

Ellie walked towards the bathroom as Sean pulled on a pair of boxers underneath the towel. "Do you think…?" she began to ask.

"…that I grab a few of your clothes out of your sleep over drawer?" he finished for her. Ellie smiled, and nodded as she walked over and pecked him on the cheek before rushing off to jump in the shower.

As Ellie stood beneath the rushing water from the shower head Sean slipped into the bathroom and rested clothes on the sink counter top, "Els, clothes are on the counter, and there's thirty minutes til homeroom."

Ellie pulled back a small bit of the shower curtain, "thank you," she said puckering her lips, weaseling a kiss out of Sean.

"don't tempt me like that, I just got dressed," he said as he pulled away from her lips, "hurry up" he said leaning over the sink and reaching for his razor.

"almost done," she called from the shower as rinsed her hair clean.

"You know…I was thinking," Sean began as he lathered his face with shaving cream. Eying the shower curtain in the mirror as Ellie turned off the water and her towel slipped over the curtain rod and she pulled back the shower curtain, "about?" she asked, as she wrung her red hair in the tub before stepping out onto the bath mat.

Sean continued to shave as Ellie dressed with her towel on. "Well I mean, if your mom is really in such a bad place, why are you still there?"

Ellie peeled the towel away as she stood there in a bra and the jeans she'd pulled on under the towel. "She's my mom Sean," Ellie answered as she rubbed her hair with the towel.

"And my parents are my parents, but you don't see me living with them," he answered and rinsed his face clean and reached for a towel as Ellie tossed one at his face.

"Even so…" she said tugging a shirt over her head, "what's the point you're trying to make?"

"move in…" he said turned towards her, "I mean you practically live here anyways…" Ellie looked at him cautiously, "you have the bottom drawer of my dresser as it is already."

"Well who's going to take care of my mom?" Ellie asked.

"I don't know Ellie, maybe she should learn to take care of herself." Ellie glared at him as he mentioned the thought, he cocked his head and pouted concernedly, "at least think about it," he asked of her as he gently ran his hands up and down her arms before leaning in to kiss her gently.

"fine…I'll think about it," she said smiling into the kiss, "as long as you think about what you'll be wearing to the end of the year dance."

Sean groaned, "we're still going to that?" he said glumly. Ellie rolled her eyes and punched him gently in the arm before walking out of the bathroom. She quickly poked her head back in to catch Sean laughing to himself, "if you don't go, you don't get to see me in my dress."

Sean laughed, "I'd rather see you without the dress," he said cockily.

Ellie rolled her eyes and smiled, "let's go, we can grab something for breakfast on the way."

**A/N: I apologize for the EXTREMELY long wait. I've been insanely busy with moving, and graduating, and just things are bit of a hassle and a bit of a mess. Reprise (the sequel) is in the works...but don't expect anything too soon. I'll get on it when I can. For the most part, I'm not that happy with this final chapter. I tried to tie up all the loose ends I wanted to, but for the most part I haven't been all too happy with any of the work I've been doing.**

**Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the final chapter, and Encore in the long run, and I can't wait to get started on Reprise for all those interested in reading it.**

**MJ**  



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